Charlie Brooker on "Community Payback"
Discussion
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/dec/0...
I've been feeling he's lost direction of late, but here he is back true to form.
Just give it a read - awesome!
e.g. And how are we, the snickering public, supposed to refer to these recidivist saps when we spot them emptying the poop bins anyway? Do we call them "paybackers" or "CPs", or what? If you're going to label them, at least come up with something populist. Something we can use. How about "SCUM SLAVE"? Or "CHAIN GANG BETTY"? That last one would definitely catch on. I might start shouting it at them in the street tomorrow. So put that on the back of the jacket. And, bearing your stated aim of "visibility" in mind, don't just stop at bold capital letters: the typeface should physically light up, like a Vegas casino hoarding. Actually, the whole jacket should light up. And it shouldn't be a jacket. It should a fluorescent green leotard with a transparent panel located over the testicles, so you can see them squashed up against the window like depressed balding commuters and, above it, a small flashing sign with the words "HA HA LOOK AT MY HILARIOUS BALLS" accompanied by an arrow pointing at them, picked out in multicoloured LEDs visible from half a mile away. Blind pedestrians who wouldn't otherwise get to enjoy the spectacle should be catered for too, thanks to a looped iPod soundtrack consisting of assorted celebrities describing precisely how ridiculous the miscreant's balls look, backed with comedy tuba music blasting from a heavy iron tannoy mounted on the offender's head.
I've been feeling he's lost direction of late, but here he is back true to form.
Just give it a read - awesome!
e.g. And how are we, the snickering public, supposed to refer to these recidivist saps when we spot them emptying the poop bins anyway? Do we call them "paybackers" or "CPs", or what? If you're going to label them, at least come up with something populist. Something we can use. How about "SCUM SLAVE"? Or "CHAIN GANG BETTY"? That last one would definitely catch on. I might start shouting it at them in the street tomorrow. So put that on the back of the jacket. And, bearing your stated aim of "visibility" in mind, don't just stop at bold capital letters: the typeface should physically light up, like a Vegas casino hoarding. Actually, the whole jacket should light up. And it shouldn't be a jacket. It should a fluorescent green leotard with a transparent panel located over the testicles, so you can see them squashed up against the window like depressed balding commuters and, above it, a small flashing sign with the words "HA HA LOOK AT MY HILARIOUS BALLS" accompanied by an arrow pointing at them, picked out in multicoloured LEDs visible from half a mile away. Blind pedestrians who wouldn't otherwise get to enjoy the spectacle should be catered for too, thanks to a looped iPod soundtrack consisting of assorted celebrities describing precisely how ridiculous the miscreant's balls look, backed with comedy tuba music blasting from a heavy iron tannoy mounted on the offender's head.
Smiler. said:
Anyway, according to some bloke from the Probation Officers Assoc on R4 earlier, it will increase the incidents of drive-by's.
Yea i found that amusing too."...but but but people will attack them, and it'll be more dangerous for them..."
GOOD!!!! Perhaps they shouldn't commit crimes? Now there's a thought!
Nice baby pink jumpsuits would be ideal.
"I'm part of a "community"" written on the back.
Got to say the NY system seems to work pretty well here. Bright orange jumpsuits and demeaning work.
The least we would get is cleaner streets, and if they did get gunned down we have free cleaners onsite to tidy the place up.
"I'm part of a "community"" written on the back.
Got to say the NY system seems to work pretty well here. Bright orange jumpsuits and demeaning work.
The least we would get is cleaner streets, and if they did get gunned down we have free cleaners onsite to tidy the place up.
I hope they employ some common sense with these jackets.
In our area people on community service often work in charity shops. I'm not sure what the reaction would be from pensioners if they thought they were going to be confronted with hi-vis equipped criminals. They might choose to stay away, instead.
I'd be much more inclined for the Probation Service to be given funding to staff itself properly, rather than silly gimmicks with daft brand names.
In our area people on community service often work in charity shops. I'm not sure what the reaction would be from pensioners if they thought they were going to be confronted with hi-vis equipped criminals. They might choose to stay away, instead.
I'd be much more inclined for the Probation Service to be given funding to staff itself properly, rather than silly gimmicks with daft brand names.
Brooker's once again on *top* form in this morning's diatribe:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/mar/0...
Thing is, they could get away with this bulls
t while times were good, while people were comfortable enough to ignore what was happening; when people were focusing on plasma TVs and iPods and celebrity gossip instead of what the politicians were doing - not because they're stupid, but because they know a closed shop when they see one. But now it looks as if those times are at an end, and more and more of us are pulling the dreampipes from the back of our skulls, undergoing a negative epiphany; blinking into the cold light of day.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/mar/0...
Thing is, they could get away with this bulls
t while times were good, while people were comfortable enough to ignore what was happening; when people were focusing on plasma TVs and iPods and celebrity gossip instead of what the politicians were doing - not because they're stupid, but because they know a closed shop when they see one. But now it looks as if those times are at an end, and more and more of us are pulling the dreampipes from the back of our skulls, undergoing a negative epiphany; blinking into the cold light of day.
dxg said:
Brooker's once again on *top* form in this morning's diatribe:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/mar/0...
Thing is, they could get away with this bullst while times were good, while people were comfortable enough to ignore what was happening; when people were focusing on plasma TVs and iPods and celebrity gossip instead of what the politicians were doing - not because they're stupid, but because they know a closed shop when they see one. But now it looks as if those times are at an end, and more and more of us are pulling the dreampipes from the back of our skulls, undergoing a negative epiphany; blinking into the cold light of day.
Are you Charlie Brooker's agent?http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/mar/0...
Thing is, they could get away with this bulls
t while times were good, while people were comfortable enough to ignore what was happening; when people were focusing on plasma TVs and iPods and celebrity gossip instead of what the politicians were doing - not because they're stupid, but because they know a closed shop when they see one. But now it looks as if those times are at an end, and more and more of us are pulling the dreampipes from the back of our skulls, undergoing a negative epiphany; blinking into the cold light of day.Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff