Do you get on with your parents?
Discussion
Strange question, maybe. But one that I ask simply due to the fact that I personally don't see eye to eye with my Dad.
I'll not go in to details on a public forum but suffice to say he was a bad husband to my Mum when I was very little and they subsequently divorced. They got back together when I was about 9 and since then (I'm 28) I have struggled to have a normal relationship with him.
We live very close to my parents and when I was on the phone to my Mum the other night (she had called me) my dad said out loud so I could hear "I'm fine thanks, son!" meaning I hadn't asked, being very sarcastic. I ended up speaking to him about it and apparently for all of these years he's been harbouring a guilt complex about his affair when I was young. We talked about it and agreed that we'd make more of an effort in future to have some sort of relationship.
Cut to tonight when he is on his way out for a pint and my mum asked him to bring a Christmas card round to me from her friend. The fecker has crept up my drive, pushed it through my letter box and scuttled off to the pub for five pints of the black stuff without a hello, or a five minute visit, or a beer, or a chat or anything tantamount to what could be considered as a relationship.
He is a regimented old fool with no real idea of how to treat my Mum or me, with a strong affinity with the local Working Men's Club and Guinness.
Tonight is further proof that I don't need him in my life other than at 'special' occasions like birthdays and Christmas day when we are thrust together by the rest of the family.
Before anyone says it's a two-way street, believe me I have tried with the man, I really have. It would appear he's beyond help!!
PH thoughts....
I'll not go in to details on a public forum but suffice to say he was a bad husband to my Mum when I was very little and they subsequently divorced. They got back together when I was about 9 and since then (I'm 28) I have struggled to have a normal relationship with him.
We live very close to my parents and when I was on the phone to my Mum the other night (she had called me) my dad said out loud so I could hear "I'm fine thanks, son!" meaning I hadn't asked, being very sarcastic. I ended up speaking to him about it and apparently for all of these years he's been harbouring a guilt complex about his affair when I was young. We talked about it and agreed that we'd make more of an effort in future to have some sort of relationship.
Cut to tonight when he is on his way out for a pint and my mum asked him to bring a Christmas card round to me from her friend. The fecker has crept up my drive, pushed it through my letter box and scuttled off to the pub for five pints of the black stuff without a hello, or a five minute visit, or a beer, or a chat or anything tantamount to what could be considered as a relationship.
He is a regimented old fool with no real idea of how to treat my Mum or me, with a strong affinity with the local Working Men's Club and Guinness.
Tonight is further proof that I don't need him in my life other than at 'special' occasions like birthdays and Christmas day when we are thrust together by the rest of the family.
Before anyone says it's a two-way street, believe me I have tried with the man, I really have. It would appear he's beyond help!!
PH thoughts....
.
.i had a similar situation to the OP, but my parents never got back together and tbh i'm glad they didn't.
i get on with them both, the difference is i love my mum to bits but wouldn't really care if i never saw my dad again. i wouldn't say i hold a grudge, but the way i look at it is if you walk out on your kid when they are 4 or 5, don't expect that child to grow up and want to spend any time with you.
i get on with them both, the difference is i love my mum to bits but wouldn't really care if i never saw my dad again. i wouldn't say i hold a grudge, but the way i look at it is if you walk out on your kid when they are 4 or 5, don't expect that child to grow up and want to spend any time with you.
Yep, I love my old folks and my dad is one of my best friends. I grew up with a lot of discipline and respect in the home, but we always knew my dad loved us and would do anything for us. Looking back my parents always had time for us kids and they must have given up a lot to do so. Something I'm trying hard to replicate although I clearly don't have the same level of patients as they must have had with me!
TVR Moneypit said:
I'm the black sheep, the embarasment to the family, so no, I dont get on with my parents too well. 
Don't worry I'm the same - My father died and I phoned my step mother every day for 10 months. Then she said along with the step sister that I had an affair and made the whole family hate me! Obviously I didn't have 4 police and neighbour hood watch live next and opposite me and they have all laughed. My sister is being spiteful and my brother said I gave my son cancer! Nice family hey!Edited by TVR Moneypit on Sunday 14th December 19:14
No, but they, really only my mother but it's not worth the hassle for my father to stand up to her, act like they're the children.
I was always told I was pure evil because I fought with my brother, left the house once or twice (literally) at night during my teens, etc. When I was living at home I was away for a weekend, came back and they'd locked the place up, taken the spare key that was hidden outside and pissed off abroad. I moved out and set myself up, didn't speak with them for maybe 6 months. Ever since then it's been easy to feel somewhat distant so I find I could really take them or leave them, and the leave option would be significantly easier.
I was always told I was pure evil because I fought with my brother, left the house once or twice (literally) at night during my teens, etc. When I was living at home I was away for a weekend, came back and they'd locked the place up, taken the spare key that was hidden outside and pissed off abroad. I moved out and set myself up, didn't speak with them for maybe 6 months. Ever since then it's been easy to feel somewhat distant so I find I could really take them or leave them, and the leave option would be significantly easier.
Sorry mum xxxkma said:
i had a similar situation to the OP, but my parents never got back together and tbh i'm glad they didn't.
i get on with them both, the difference is i love my mum to bits but wouldn't really care if i never saw my dad again. i wouldn't say i hold a grudge, but the way i look at it is if you walk out on your kid when they are 4 or 5, don't expect that child to grow up and want to spend any time with you.
My Mum is great too. The worst thing she ever did was get back with him. All the neglect that was there prior to their divorce has crept back in. He's down at the pub every night, she is in cooking his dinner. They rarely go out or do anything together that doesn't involve him having a pint in his hand, they are not nice to each other and don't have many friends. In a way, he keeps me away from my Mum which is a shame. A real shame.i get on with them both, the difference is i love my mum to bits but wouldn't really care if i never saw my dad again. i wouldn't say i hold a grudge, but the way i look at it is if you walk out on your kid when they are 4 or 5, don't expect that child to grow up and want to spend any time with you.
I could have a great relationship with him. I actually want to. But given his propensity to run his life around the opening hours of a $hit hole club and to converse at a level he has become accustomed to whilst in there, it is best we leave it.
Oh well, my girlfriend's Dad is okay. Maybe he'll get more than he bargains for in a son-in-law!
TVR Moneypit said:
Oh, and a few more things to add.....
My dad always wanted a XJS convertable when he was younger, where as I actually owned a minter, (V12). For my dads 60th birthday they went away for a long weekend, so I offered to lend him the XJS to go away in. Offer bluntly refused.
Dad, do you want to go clay pidgeon shooting? Dad = No!
Dad, do you want to go off-roading in my Land Rover. Dad = Not with you I dont!
Dad, do you want to go on a trackday in the TVR for your birthday, (when it was working). Dad = No!
Dad gets his trouser taken down in a dodgy property deal in Spain, (after I had told him that it was a fishy deal). I offer to lend him a significant amount of cash, to be repaid 'whenever'. Offer thrown back in my face.
You can choose your friends, but you cant choose your family. And thats the same family who didnt let me know about my Grnadmother funeral, then b
hed about me not turning up, (I doted my Grandmother). Now that really hurt.
You can choose your friends but not your family! (or some crap like that!)My dad always wanted a XJS convertable when he was younger, where as I actually owned a minter, (V12). For my dads 60th birthday they went away for a long weekend, so I offered to lend him the XJS to go away in. Offer bluntly refused.
Dad, do you want to go clay pidgeon shooting? Dad = No!
Dad, do you want to go off-roading in my Land Rover. Dad = Not with you I dont!
Dad, do you want to go on a trackday in the TVR for your birthday, (when it was working). Dad = No!
Dad gets his trouser taken down in a dodgy property deal in Spain, (after I had told him that it was a fishy deal). I offer to lend him a significant amount of cash, to be repaid 'whenever'. Offer thrown back in my face.
You can choose your friends, but you cant choose your family. And thats the same family who didnt let me know about my Grnadmother funeral, then b
hed about me not turning up, (I doted my Grandmother). Now that really hurt.My family : All ACE!
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