Discussion
I know this is probably a pretty sensitive subject with a few people, so I'll try choose my words wisely.
The company I work for, amongst other things, runs an online memorial service. This obviously requires moderation work. This morning 2 listings have been created for babies, in fact premature still births
one at ten weeks, another earlier still.
The people who created these posts have added pictures of their departed, which has left me thinking, why would you do this?! It's not a pretty thing to look at, in fact, its left me feeling rather ill. I hope its something I never have to deal with personally after seeing the pictures.
Is it too far posting things like that? I genuinely feel for their loss, but why the pictures?!
The company I work for, amongst other things, runs an online memorial service. This obviously requires moderation work. This morning 2 listings have been created for babies, in fact premature still births
one at ten weeks, another earlier still.The people who created these posts have added pictures of their departed, which has left me thinking, why would you do this?! It's not a pretty thing to look at, in fact, its left me feeling rather ill. I hope its something I never have to deal with personally after seeing the pictures.
Is it too far posting things like that? I genuinely feel for their loss, but why the pictures?!
You do strange things to get through the grieving process. It's a strange one and not something I'd want to see myself, but I can kind of understand where they're coming from - it's a way of proving the baby was real/existed/alive.
I doubt it's the sort of picture anyone would put on their mantlepiece, but for occasional comfort it could be useful. Whether it should be posted on a public forum (memorial site or not) is another matter...
I doubt it's the sort of picture anyone would put on their mantlepiece, but for occasional comfort it could be useful. Whether it should be posted on a public forum (memorial site or not) is another matter...
My Hungarian inlaws have a book of their family history. There are plenty of old photos of parents standing by a bed containing their recently departed children. Very morbid but it seemed to be the done thing at the time.
One of the very old family trees shows a couple producing a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who did survive. They were nothing if not persistent.
One of the very old family trees shows a couple producing a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who did survive. They were nothing if not persistent.
toasty said:
My Hungarian inlaws have a book of their family history. There are plenty of old photos of parents standing by a bed containing their recently departed children. Very morbid but it seemed to be the done thing at the time.
One of the very old family trees shows a couple producing a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who did survive. They were nothing if not persistent.
And luckily not superstitious!! Sad stuff!One of the very old family trees shows a couple producing a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who died, followed by a boy called Gyorgy (George) who did survive. They were nothing if not persistent.
When my Dad died, my Aunt (his sister) unbeknownst to me had taken some photos of him in his coffin - I found these a few weeks later and I forever regret having seen them as they bore no resemblence of what he looked like as all the life had been sucked out of him.
For me, it'd be a no-no...
For me, it'd be a no-no...
garyhun said:
Neil_H said:
Really bloody strange.
If your loved one was horribly dismembered in a car crash you wouldn't post a pictures of the body parts.
No - but may people have open caskets!! Showing a dead body and a mutilated body are 2 very different things!If your loved one was horribly dismembered in a car crash you wouldn't post a pictures of the body parts.
Neil_H said:
garyhun said:
Neil_H said:
Really bloody strange.
If your loved one was horribly dismembered in a car crash you wouldn't post a pictures of the body parts.
No - but may people have open caskets!! Showing a dead body and a mutilated body are 2 very different things!If your loved one was horribly dismembered in a car crash you wouldn't post a pictures of the body parts.
10 Pence Short said:
I can't see the comfort in having pictures of what possibly looks like a skinned rabbit to remember my loved ones by.
I don't think it really matters what it looks like, it's the proof that they were there.Think about it. You're pregnant, getting prepared and excited for a baby to arrive. Then it arrives early and is dead. You now have nothing. No baby, no memories of it. That photo is all you have to prove the baby was ever born.
Edited by groomi on Wednesday 17th December 15:30
The Riddler said:
I know this is probably a pretty sensitive subject with a few people, so I'll try choose my words wisely.
The company I work for, amongst other things, runs an online memorial service. This obviously requires moderation work. This morning 2 listings have been created for babies, in fact premature still births one at ten weeks, another earlier still.
The people who created these posts have added pictures of their departed, which has left me thinking, why would you do this?! It's not a pretty thing to look at, in fact, its left me feeling rather ill. I hope its something I never have to deal with personally after seeing the pictures.
Is it too far posting things like that? I genuinely feel for their loss, but why the pictures?!
You see a foetus they see their child, their hopes, their dreams. The loss of a child is immense, the loss of a premature baby brings a host of issues besides, oftern including the mother's own issues surrounding her body letting her down; why couldn't I keep my baby? why wasn't I strong enough? why did I reject my baby and many many more issues besides.The company I work for, amongst other things, runs an online memorial service. This obviously requires moderation work. This morning 2 listings have been created for babies, in fact premature still births
one at ten weeks, another earlier still.The people who created these posts have added pictures of their departed, which has left me thinking, why would you do this?! It's not a pretty thing to look at, in fact, its left me feeling rather ill. I hope its something I never have to deal with personally after seeing the pictures.
Is it too far posting things like that? I genuinely feel for their loss, but why the pictures?!
So to answer your question, it's not too much at all. Grief needs to be dealt with in what ever way it manifests itself. If you don't do this you cannot move on and it can store up a host of long term issues.
When I worked in paediatrics, there were quite a few stillbirths. Normal looking babies.
Parents would cuddle them for hours after death. They would even give the baby to us then come back a day later or more to show family or just have a cry and a cuddle
About 24 hours after death the skull would start to sink, and we used to put little woolly caps on their head to hide the fact that the skull had 'sucked in' on top.
The babies were understandably stored in the morgue, we used to store them cuddled up rather than flat as if mum and dad came back the child would be cuddly rather than straight and stiff.
We also used to warm than up, so mum and dad never got to cuddle a cold baby.
We did all this rather than tell them to bugger off because of the deep benefit some parents seemed to get from the contact after death. I even had one woolly hat slip off once showing a babies head that looked like a hollowed out melon. Mum didn't bat an eyelid, she just kissed what was left of the head and put the cap back on.
I guess if you've ever experienced that level of grief, it must be quite close to a level of insanity when looked on from someone who hasn't. I doubt she could be more upset than she already was.
Parents would cuddle them for hours after death. They would even give the baby to us then come back a day later or more to show family or just have a cry and a cuddle
About 24 hours after death the skull would start to sink, and we used to put little woolly caps on their head to hide the fact that the skull had 'sucked in' on top.
The babies were understandably stored in the morgue, we used to store them cuddled up rather than flat as if mum and dad came back the child would be cuddly rather than straight and stiff.
We also used to warm than up, so mum and dad never got to cuddle a cold baby.
We did all this rather than tell them to bugger off because of the deep benefit some parents seemed to get from the contact after death. I even had one woolly hat slip off once showing a babies head that looked like a hollowed out melon. Mum didn't bat an eyelid, she just kissed what was left of the head and put the cap back on.
I guess if you've ever experienced that level of grief, it must be quite close to a level of insanity when looked on from someone who hasn't. I doubt she could be more upset than she already was.
Some people need the pictures for reason unknown to the onlooker, i was nominated to take pictures of my O/H's brothers baby when he was still born, i then had to touch them up in photoshop which obviously meant zooming in very close. It upset me beyond belief but the faces of both parents and other family members was worth it as it obviously meant alot for them to have pictures as a memory. It's a personal thing and i wouldn't say it was too far.
Neil_H said:
garyhun said:
Neil_H said:
Really bloody strange.
If your loved one was horribly dismembered in a car crash you wouldn't post a pictures of the body parts.
No - but may people have open caskets!! Showing a dead body and a mutilated body are 2 very different things!If your loved one was horribly dismembered in a car crash you wouldn't post a pictures of the body parts.
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