Sanity check - Best mans speech
Discussion
Hi all
Tomorrow im giving my first best mans speech for my best friend. I've been working on the speech for a couple of weeks now and think ive got it to a decent stage, if anyone has any suggestions for any changes, feel free to reply.
Background, its the grooms brother birthday the same day as wedding, there will be a cake arriving and we will all sing happy birthday just before my speech.
Best Man’s Speech
I’d just like to start by wishing Marku a happy birthday and thanking him for inviting me to his birthday party.
We all know why we are here, to celebrate the wedding of Vicky and Kimmo.
Some people unfortunately couldn’t make it today but have passed on these messages
Message 1
"Vicky & Kimmo, So sorry we can't make it but I'll be thinking of you Love Kate, Tim, Isabella and Matthew"
Message 2
Hi Vicky
I just wanted to wish you a beautiful day on Monday, I'll be thinking of you and wishing that I was there. I know that you will look beautiful and I hope that you and Kimmo enjoy every second of the day.
All my love
Rita
Final Message
I actually have one more message which was sent over the Internet. Some of you will not know this person so here is a bit of background.
When I was researching into this speech I asked a few friends how they approached their best mans speeches, and the biggest tip I received was don’t mention the ex girlfriends. Luckily for me Kimmo hasn’t really had many, but what he does have is a love of the Internet, one particular website, how can I say this its a personal/educational site which he visits daily. So much so the actual owner/webmaster of the site has sent through a message and has these few words to say on your big day.
http://uploading.com/files/UASYBVLA/Record002.mp3....
Right then after those kind words onto the speech, which Kimmo is no doubt dreading? I would like to start by saying what a wonderful day this is today - and one I thought, knowing Kimmo so well would never happen!!
How he has managed to persuade such a wonderful person that I know Vicky is to marry him is beyond me!
I would like to firstly thank the bridesmaids who look absolutely beautiful and for the excellent job they have done in helping Vicky to make this day such a success. Indeed they are only eclipsed by Vicky herself, who, I’m sure you’ll all agree, looks absolutely stunning, Kimmo on the other hand just looks stunned!
I would also like to thank you all for coming here today to make Vicky’s and Kimmo wedding such a memorable and special occasion. And I must say Primark did a wonderful job in kitting you all out for today.
I think you are all probably aware just how much effort Vicky has put into this day and until a couple of weeks ago I thought it was without Kimmo’s help, that was until I called him the other night to ask him whether he was up for a few pints at the pub and his response was "sorry mate i’m up to my neck making table decorations and if I don’t get them done Vicky will swing for me!!" I think it became clear to me from that night just who will be wearing the trousers in this relationship.
Along with all the hard work Vicky has been doing to prepare for this lovely day Kimmo has been focusing on predicting the weather. For weeks now Kimmo has been predicting a white wedding. Picture the scene everyone if you can when this morning Vicky woke up with not only the anticipation of her big day but to see if her husband to be prediction came through. Up she got out of bed and ran over to the window and pulled the curtains back, turned to Kimmo protesting, “where was the 6 inches you promised me last night!”
Now, I have known Kimmo for about 20 years now. I know all his little habits and how annoying he can become after a few pints, just a little warning to you all there for later! But Kimmo has always been there and supported me, something that I am sure he will do for his beautiful new wife, Vicky.
Steph and I actually have a favour to ask both of your today, you have both been there for us as a couple and supported Steph tremendously through her recent pregnancy and you couldn’t wait to come and see baby Isobel.
I would like to take this opportunity to ask both of you if you would be god parents to Isobel.
Thought I would ask now because after delivering the remainder of this speech I don’t know how long I will have left before Kimmo murders me.
Im sure you all know by now how Vicky and Kimmo met. I worked with Vicky in a previous job and I got into Cilla Black mode and set them up on a blind date. A group of us went to the cinema and they met for the first time. I have to say it was clearly love at first sight. The following day I got a message from Vicky saying What a wonderful and handsome man Kimmo is and would like to defiantly meet again soon. I then got a message from Kimmo saying what a fantastic ass vicky has and do you think I’m in there!!
Kimmo as we all know is such a romantic.
I was actually really nervous for the both of them as they started their relationship and as it progressed hoping that it would work and I could finally give the best mans speech Kimmo has always dreaded. As some of you know Kimmo was my best man a few years ago, and Kimmo did a great job delivering his best man’s speech for me with no embarrassing drunk stories or swearing. As I actually set these two up, it was only fair that Kimmo in return asked me to be his best man and because Kimmo has already done his bit means I can now get away with murder. He has told me though if I do a good job for him now he will let me be best man again so I have to keep it clean.
So then onto Kimmo
There are two things spring to mind when you hear about Kimmo and funnily enough they both start with the letter N.
1. His Name &
2. His Nose
For those of you who were thinking something else entirely different that actually begins with the letter K
Both of these feature heavily within this speech so by the end of today you will know exactly the state of play on these two items.
NAME
Like a good best man I started to prepare this speech and didn’t really know where to begin. So I thought I would start with Kimmo’s name. We all know its
unusual and when I start talking about Kimmo to a stranger I often find myself explaining the origin of his name so for this speech I thought for the first time I would investigate what it actually means.
As you know Kimmo is a finnish name as is his brother name Marku and his sisters name Marika. So I started out looking into the eldest childs name working my way to kimmo
Marika
Which comes from the biblical name of Mary, I’m sure you will agree a strong name with a lot of history behind it
It was obvious that Helena and Charles carried on with the tradition of strong names when Markuu arrived.
Markuu
which is the Finnish name derived from Mark, and the Latin name Marcus, derived from Mars, the Roman god of war.
Two strong names so far, but unfortunately it looks like that Charles and Helena ran out of steam at this point when Kimmo came along because after much research I found that his name has no meaning, in fact it was derived from some text from a 14th centaury gay poet and literally has no definition, nothing.
So we now look to his brides name, the beautiful Vicky, funnily enough this names is derived from the word victory.
So then some may say that today is a victory over nothing but i'm sure you will all agree they make a lovely couple.
TOAST
So then onto the second N, his nose, the famous Blackburn beak!
It has to be said kimmos nose has been through a lot!
We were out one night in Cheltenham whilst Kimmo was at uni and we ended up in a spot of bother. After Kimmo had consumed 10 pints of Stella and was feeling like he was ten men, he took offence at a guys comment and being three sheets to the wind invited the guy to step outside failing to notice that the guy was clearly drinking with another 5 friends who I had seen and was desperately trying to diffuse the situation but to no avail. To cut a long story short Kimmo was on the floor after one punch with his head between my ankles hiding away. Both Kimmo and I did not come out well and his poor nose took the brunt
In the Lake district Kimmo, his dad and Markuu went for a relaxing break which of course involved consuming a vast amount of alcohol. Unfortunately they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, which was in the camper van right outside a rough nightclub at closing time. Once again as all three of them rushed out of the camper van as the drunk club goers were shaking the camper van Kimmo’s poor nose got yet another beating.
I wont go on about the many other stories and to this day I cant say how many times Kimmo’s nose has had to be reset. Thankfully Kimmo has recovered well and the compensation he has had for these unfortunate incidents could cover the cost of this wedding twice over!
So I think its important in this speech I mention the positive attributes of Kimmo. No one can say he is not a grafter. He started from birth grafting hard being a slave to Marika and Markuu for thirty years. They clearly love their little brother a lot and even more when he made them umpteen cups of tea, did the housework and drove them around when needed (Vicky you are definitely onto a winner with Kimmo!)
Another area which he puts his heart and soul into is his work. As you know Kimmo works in the car industry and on the whole does a great job of selling cars. There are some times however when its clear he sometimes lacks tact. I decided to visit him one day
Job - car sales man story - swearing away in front of customers
So finally onto Vicky and Kimmo’s relationship which has blossomed over the last 4 years. I am slightly concerned however about recent developments. Kimmo and Vicky have been contemplating purchasing a bed for a while now and after a lot of research Vicky finally purchased the bed they wanted. Vicky then quickly put their current bed on ebay and it was sold within a week. What Vicky failed to mention to Kimmo is that the new bed would not be arriving until February! Vicky what lengths will you go to not to have to sleep with Kimmo!
Right im not going to go on for much longer you will be pleased to know but I think I must mention the hard work Kimmo has put in to ensure he looks his best for the day. As with all weddings im sure many of you have been trying like Kimmo to lose a pound or two to fit into your wedding outfit and look your best for the big day. I will admit I myself have been doing the odd bit of dieting, and I’ve been on the slimfast diet. I mentioned my results (still a long way to go mind) to Kimmo who decided he would do his own diet, The Huns Yellow Pages diet, your probably thinking what do these have in common? Well actually quite a lot, a shake in the morning one for lunch and a balanced meal in the evening.
wind down toast
Now it is time to do the toasts
Firstly I would like to toast the parents of the bride and groom, vickys parents, John and Mary and Kimmo’s parents Charles and Helena who have done a fabulous job of bringing Kimmo and Vicky up and helped organise this special day
And the final toast Ladies and Gentlemen, please all join me in a toast. To the most import people her today, to the bar staff.
No
To the happy couple, long may their love last! Cheers!
Tomorrow im giving my first best mans speech for my best friend. I've been working on the speech for a couple of weeks now and think ive got it to a decent stage, if anyone has any suggestions for any changes, feel free to reply.
Background, its the grooms brother birthday the same day as wedding, there will be a cake arriving and we will all sing happy birthday just before my speech.
Best Man’s Speech
I’d just like to start by wishing Marku a happy birthday and thanking him for inviting me to his birthday party.
We all know why we are here, to celebrate the wedding of Vicky and Kimmo.
Some people unfortunately couldn’t make it today but have passed on these messages
Message 1
"Vicky & Kimmo, So sorry we can't make it but I'll be thinking of you Love Kate, Tim, Isabella and Matthew"
Message 2
Hi Vicky
I just wanted to wish you a beautiful day on Monday, I'll be thinking of you and wishing that I was there. I know that you will look beautiful and I hope that you and Kimmo enjoy every second of the day.
All my love
Rita
Final Message
I actually have one more message which was sent over the Internet. Some of you will not know this person so here is a bit of background.
When I was researching into this speech I asked a few friends how they approached their best mans speeches, and the biggest tip I received was don’t mention the ex girlfriends. Luckily for me Kimmo hasn’t really had many, but what he does have is a love of the Internet, one particular website, how can I say this its a personal/educational site which he visits daily. So much so the actual owner/webmaster of the site has sent through a message and has these few words to say on your big day.
http://uploading.com/files/UASYBVLA/Record002.mp3....
Right then after those kind words onto the speech, which Kimmo is no doubt dreading? I would like to start by saying what a wonderful day this is today - and one I thought, knowing Kimmo so well would never happen!!
How he has managed to persuade such a wonderful person that I know Vicky is to marry him is beyond me!
I would like to firstly thank the bridesmaids who look absolutely beautiful and for the excellent job they have done in helping Vicky to make this day such a success. Indeed they are only eclipsed by Vicky herself, who, I’m sure you’ll all agree, looks absolutely stunning, Kimmo on the other hand just looks stunned!
I would also like to thank you all for coming here today to make Vicky’s and Kimmo wedding such a memorable and special occasion. And I must say Primark did a wonderful job in kitting you all out for today.
I think you are all probably aware just how much effort Vicky has put into this day and until a couple of weeks ago I thought it was without Kimmo’s help, that was until I called him the other night to ask him whether he was up for a few pints at the pub and his response was "sorry mate i’m up to my neck making table decorations and if I don’t get them done Vicky will swing for me!!" I think it became clear to me from that night just who will be wearing the trousers in this relationship.
Along with all the hard work Vicky has been doing to prepare for this lovely day Kimmo has been focusing on predicting the weather. For weeks now Kimmo has been predicting a white wedding. Picture the scene everyone if you can when this morning Vicky woke up with not only the anticipation of her big day but to see if her husband to be prediction came through. Up she got out of bed and ran over to the window and pulled the curtains back, turned to Kimmo protesting, “where was the 6 inches you promised me last night!”
Now, I have known Kimmo for about 20 years now. I know all his little habits and how annoying he can become after a few pints, just a little warning to you all there for later! But Kimmo has always been there and supported me, something that I am sure he will do for his beautiful new wife, Vicky.
Steph and I actually have a favour to ask both of your today, you have both been there for us as a couple and supported Steph tremendously through her recent pregnancy and you couldn’t wait to come and see baby Isobel.
I would like to take this opportunity to ask both of you if you would be god parents to Isobel.
Thought I would ask now because after delivering the remainder of this speech I don’t know how long I will have left before Kimmo murders me.
Im sure you all know by now how Vicky and Kimmo met. I worked with Vicky in a previous job and I got into Cilla Black mode and set them up on a blind date. A group of us went to the cinema and they met for the first time. I have to say it was clearly love at first sight. The following day I got a message from Vicky saying What a wonderful and handsome man Kimmo is and would like to defiantly meet again soon. I then got a message from Kimmo saying what a fantastic ass vicky has and do you think I’m in there!!
Kimmo as we all know is such a romantic.
I was actually really nervous for the both of them as they started their relationship and as it progressed hoping that it would work and I could finally give the best mans speech Kimmo has always dreaded. As some of you know Kimmo was my best man a few years ago, and Kimmo did a great job delivering his best man’s speech for me with no embarrassing drunk stories or swearing. As I actually set these two up, it was only fair that Kimmo in return asked me to be his best man and because Kimmo has already done his bit means I can now get away with murder. He has told me though if I do a good job for him now he will let me be best man again so I have to keep it clean.
So then onto Kimmo
There are two things spring to mind when you hear about Kimmo and funnily enough they both start with the letter N.
1. His Name &
2. His Nose
For those of you who were thinking something else entirely different that actually begins with the letter K
Both of these feature heavily within this speech so by the end of today you will know exactly the state of play on these two items.
NAME
Like a good best man I started to prepare this speech and didn’t really know where to begin. So I thought I would start with Kimmo’s name. We all know its
unusual and when I start talking about Kimmo to a stranger I often find myself explaining the origin of his name so for this speech I thought for the first time I would investigate what it actually means.
As you know Kimmo is a finnish name as is his brother name Marku and his sisters name Marika. So I started out looking into the eldest childs name working my way to kimmo
Marika
Which comes from the biblical name of Mary, I’m sure you will agree a strong name with a lot of history behind it
It was obvious that Helena and Charles carried on with the tradition of strong names when Markuu arrived.
Markuu
which is the Finnish name derived from Mark, and the Latin name Marcus, derived from Mars, the Roman god of war.
Two strong names so far, but unfortunately it looks like that Charles and Helena ran out of steam at this point when Kimmo came along because after much research I found that his name has no meaning, in fact it was derived from some text from a 14th centaury gay poet and literally has no definition, nothing.
So we now look to his brides name, the beautiful Vicky, funnily enough this names is derived from the word victory.
So then some may say that today is a victory over nothing but i'm sure you will all agree they make a lovely couple.
TOAST
So then onto the second N, his nose, the famous Blackburn beak!
It has to be said kimmos nose has been through a lot!
We were out one night in Cheltenham whilst Kimmo was at uni and we ended up in a spot of bother. After Kimmo had consumed 10 pints of Stella and was feeling like he was ten men, he took offence at a guys comment and being three sheets to the wind invited the guy to step outside failing to notice that the guy was clearly drinking with another 5 friends who I had seen and was desperately trying to diffuse the situation but to no avail. To cut a long story short Kimmo was on the floor after one punch with his head between my ankles hiding away. Both Kimmo and I did not come out well and his poor nose took the brunt
In the Lake district Kimmo, his dad and Markuu went for a relaxing break which of course involved consuming a vast amount of alcohol. Unfortunately they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, which was in the camper van right outside a rough nightclub at closing time. Once again as all three of them rushed out of the camper van as the drunk club goers were shaking the camper van Kimmo’s poor nose got yet another beating.
I wont go on about the many other stories and to this day I cant say how many times Kimmo’s nose has had to be reset. Thankfully Kimmo has recovered well and the compensation he has had for these unfortunate incidents could cover the cost of this wedding twice over!
So I think its important in this speech I mention the positive attributes of Kimmo. No one can say he is not a grafter. He started from birth grafting hard being a slave to Marika and Markuu for thirty years. They clearly love their little brother a lot and even more when he made them umpteen cups of tea, did the housework and drove them around when needed (Vicky you are definitely onto a winner with Kimmo!)
Another area which he puts his heart and soul into is his work. As you know Kimmo works in the car industry and on the whole does a great job of selling cars. There are some times however when its clear he sometimes lacks tact. I decided to visit him one day
Job - car sales man story - swearing away in front of customers
So finally onto Vicky and Kimmo’s relationship which has blossomed over the last 4 years. I am slightly concerned however about recent developments. Kimmo and Vicky have been contemplating purchasing a bed for a while now and after a lot of research Vicky finally purchased the bed they wanted. Vicky then quickly put their current bed on ebay and it was sold within a week. What Vicky failed to mention to Kimmo is that the new bed would not be arriving until February! Vicky what lengths will you go to not to have to sleep with Kimmo!
Right im not going to go on for much longer you will be pleased to know but I think I must mention the hard work Kimmo has put in to ensure he looks his best for the day. As with all weddings im sure many of you have been trying like Kimmo to lose a pound or two to fit into your wedding outfit and look your best for the big day. I will admit I myself have been doing the odd bit of dieting, and I’ve been on the slimfast diet. I mentioned my results (still a long way to go mind) to Kimmo who decided he would do his own diet, The Huns Yellow Pages diet, your probably thinking what do these have in common? Well actually quite a lot, a shake in the morning one for lunch and a balanced meal in the evening.
wind down toast
Now it is time to do the toasts
Firstly I would like to toast the parents of the bride and groom, vickys parents, John and Mary and Kimmo’s parents Charles and Helena who have done a fabulous job of bringing Kimmo and Vicky up and helped organise this special day
And the final toast Ladies and Gentlemen, please all join me in a toast. To the most import people her today, to the bar staff.
No
To the happy couple, long may their love last! Cheers!
Thanks SJG for the comments, I was torn between a slightly smutty speech and keeping totally inoffensive, but to be honest if i did keep it clean it would go completly against my personality, people are expecting a slightly rudish speech.
Half of the internet porn joke is for the wives looking at their husbands and having to explain themselves.
Half of the internet porn joke is for the wives looking at their husbands and having to explain themselves.
Not a problem at all, glad to help.
Ive read a few on here before, if you do a search for opening lines there are a few good ones,
like:
[insert grooms name] is not only my best friend but also a caring and sensative lover.
When i test drove that on a few of my friends, it bombed out, but i really like it.
Ive read a few on here before, if you do a search for opening lines there are a few good ones,
like:
[insert grooms name] is not only my best friend but also a caring and sensative lover.
When i test drove that on a few of my friends, it bombed out, but i really like it.
Thats way too organised or me... I've been best man twice now, and just about made them up on the spot 
just work out a story on the groom, thats both funny and you can twist in to something that relates to both of them, add some interesting bits about the day then chuck in all the bits your supposed to like thanking various peeps, and end with a toast to the bride and groom.. then sit down quickly before you fall down...
worked for me...
just work out a story on the groom, thats both funny and you can twist in to something that relates to both of them, add some interesting bits about the day then chuck in all the bits your supposed to like thanking various peeps, and end with a toast to the bride and groom.. then sit down quickly before you fall down...
worked for me...
The content is mainly good but too long and too smutty for a wedding. Cut the smut, porn and Primark stuff out and you'll be just about there.
I know you want to do your best, but it's not your starring moment, it's their wedding. Personally my preference is the best man standing up, saying how wonderful the bride and the bridesmaids look, wishing the happy couple well, toasting the bridesmaids and sitting down. The worst thing is seeing a BM standing up with sheets of notes and then having to watch him fumble his way through a speech once the nerves have taken over. If you're not used to public speaking, keep it shorter and sweeter.
Good luck!
I know you want to do your best, but it's not your starring moment, it's their wedding. Personally my preference is the best man standing up, saying how wonderful the bride and the bridesmaids look, wishing the happy couple well, toasting the bridesmaids and sitting down. The worst thing is seeing a BM standing up with sheets of notes and then having to watch him fumble his way through a speech once the nerves have taken over. If you're not used to public speaking, keep it shorter and sweeter.
Good luck!
Piglet said:
The content is mainly good but too long and too smutty for a wedding. Cut the smut, porn and Primark stuff out and you'll be just about there.
I know you want to do your best, but it's not your starring moment, it's their wedding. Personally my preference is the best man standing up, saying how wonderful the bride and the bridesmaids look, wishing the happy couple well, toasting the bridesmaids and sitting down. The worst thing is seeing a BM standing up with sheets of notes and then having to watch him fumble his way through a speech once the nerves have taken over. If you're not used to public speaking, keep it shorter and sweeter.
Good luck!
Yes, I would agree with this, I know you say people will expect you to say something rude/smutty but I personally would keep it clean and short. Even the reference to asking them to be godparents - lovely sentiment and I'm sure they will appreciate it but I don't know how suitable for a best man's speech. I know you want to do your best, but it's not your starring moment, it's their wedding. Personally my preference is the best man standing up, saying how wonderful the bride and the bridesmaids look, wishing the happy couple well, toasting the bridesmaids and sitting down. The worst thing is seeing a BM standing up with sheets of notes and then having to watch him fumble his way through a speech once the nerves have taken over. If you're not used to public speaking, keep it shorter and sweeter.
Good luck!
Honestly, the more concise you keep it the better. Good luck!
S3_Graham said:
im doing my mates next year and everytime i think about it tend to get rather worried!! mind if i nab a few ideas from yours?? there really should be a dictionary of these!!
there is HEREresponsible for the proliferation classics such as:
"this is not the first time today i've stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand"
"I've done my research into the day that (Groom) was born - and all I found is that ever since that date has been referred to as "Monkey Tuesday" amongst the midwives of the local hospital"
"I went against that advice and decided to relate it to a mini skirt: short enough to keep you all interested but long enough to cover the essentials"
and of course:
"...and the bride herself looks so stunning and as for (Groom)……………He’s just stunned…………"
keep the cribbing to a minimum and its a useful resource....
Hi
Speech went very well, mother of the bride had a very good laugh, as most of the stories are made up they dont casue too much offense. It eas very funny for me afterwards when a load of different guys came up to me anbout teh website message who got it but yet answered the wife, I have no idea what he's talking about.
Speech went very well, mother of the bride had a very good laugh, as most of the stories are made up they dont casue too much offense. It eas very funny for me afterwards when a load of different guys came up to me anbout teh website message who got it but yet answered the wife, I have no idea what he's talking about.
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