On this, the holiest of evenings...
Discussion
Is there any more appropriate film to watch than The Life Of Brian?
BABY BRIAN COHEN:
[crying]
WISE MAN #1:
Ahem.
MANDY COHEN:
Ohhh!
[whump]
Who are you?
WISE MAN #1:
We are three wise men.
MANDY:
What?!
WISE MAN #1:
We are three wise men.
MANDY:
Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me.
WISE MAN #3:
We are astrologers.
WISE MAN #1:
We have come from the East.
MANDY:
Is this some kind of joke?
WISE MAN #2:
We wish to praise the infant.
WISE MAN #1:
We must pay homage to him.
MANDY:
Homage? You're all drunk. It's disgusting. Out! The lot, out!
WISE MAN #1:
No--
MANDY:
Bursting in here with tales about oriental fortune tellers. Come on. Out!
WISE MAN #2:
No, no. We must see him.
MANDY:
Go and praise someone else's brat! Go on!
WISE MAN #2:
We--
WISE MAN #1:
We were led by a star.
MANDY:
Or led by a bottle, more like. Go on. Out!
WISE MAN #1:
Well-- well, we must see him. We have brought presents.
MANDY:
Out!
WISE MAN #2:
Gold. Frankincense. Myrrh.
MANDY:
Well, why didn't you say? He's over there. Sorry the place is a bit of a mess. Well, what is myrrh, anyway?
WISE MAN #3:
It is a valuable balm.
MANDY:
A balm? What are you giving him a balm for? It might bite him.
WISE MAN #3:
What?
MANDY:
That's a dangerous animal. Quick! Throw it in the trough.
WISE MAN #1:
No, it isn't.
MANDY:
Yes, it is. It's great, big mmm...
WISE MAN #3:
No, no, no. It is an ointment.
MANDY:
Aww, there is an animal called a balm,... or did I dream it? So, you're astrologers, are you? Well, what is he then?
WISE MAN #2:
Hmm?
MANDY:
What star sign is he?
WISE MAN #2:
Uh, Capricorn.
MANDY:
Uhh, Capricorn, eh? What are they like?
WISE MAN #2:
Ooh, but... he is the son of God, our Messiah.
WISE MAN #1:
King of the Jews.
MANDY:
And that's Capricorn, is it?
WISE MAN #2:
Uh, no, no, no. That's just him.
MANDY:
Ohh, I was going to say, 'Otherwise, there'd be a lot of them.' [sniff]
WISE MAN #1:
By what name are you calling him?
[holy music]
MANDY:
Uh, 'Brian'.
WISE MEN:
We worship you, O Brian, who are Lord over us all. Praise unto you, Brian, and to the Lord, our Father. Amen.
MANDY:
Do you do a lot of this, then?
WISE MAN #2:
What?
MANDY:
This praising.
WISE MAN #2:
No, no. No, no.
MANDY:
Er, well, um, if you're dropping by again, do pop in. Heh. And thanks a lot for the gold and frankincense, er, but don't worry too much about the myrrh next time. All right? Heh. Thank you. Good-bye. Well, weren't they nice? Hmm. Out of their bloody minds, but still.
[WISE MEN leave]
Look at that. Hoo hoo hoo.
[WISE MEN return and grab presents]
Here! Here! Here, that-- that's mine! Hee. Hey, you just gave me that! Oh.
[whump]
[holy music]
BABY BRIAN COHEN:
[crying]
WISE MAN #1:
Ahem.
MANDY COHEN:
Ohhh!
[whump]
Who are you?
WISE MAN #1:
We are three wise men.
MANDY:
What?!
WISE MAN #1:
We are three wise men.
MANDY:
Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me.
WISE MAN #3:
We are astrologers.
WISE MAN #1:
We have come from the East.
MANDY:
Is this some kind of joke?
WISE MAN #2:
We wish to praise the infant.
WISE MAN #1:
We must pay homage to him.
MANDY:
Homage? You're all drunk. It's disgusting. Out! The lot, out!
WISE MAN #1:
No--
MANDY:
Bursting in here with tales about oriental fortune tellers. Come on. Out!
WISE MAN #2:
No, no. We must see him.
MANDY:
Go and praise someone else's brat! Go on!
WISE MAN #2:
We--
WISE MAN #1:
We were led by a star.
MANDY:
Or led by a bottle, more like. Go on. Out!
WISE MAN #1:
Well-- well, we must see him. We have brought presents.
MANDY:
Out!
WISE MAN #2:
Gold. Frankincense. Myrrh.
MANDY:
Well, why didn't you say? He's over there. Sorry the place is a bit of a mess. Well, what is myrrh, anyway?
WISE MAN #3:
It is a valuable balm.
MANDY:
A balm? What are you giving him a balm for? It might bite him.
WISE MAN #3:
What?
MANDY:
That's a dangerous animal. Quick! Throw it in the trough.
WISE MAN #1:
No, it isn't.
MANDY:
Yes, it is. It's great, big mmm...
WISE MAN #3:
No, no, no. It is an ointment.
MANDY:
Aww, there is an animal called a balm,... or did I dream it? So, you're astrologers, are you? Well, what is he then?
WISE MAN #2:
Hmm?
MANDY:
What star sign is he?
WISE MAN #2:
Uh, Capricorn.
MANDY:
Uhh, Capricorn, eh? What are they like?
WISE MAN #2:
Ooh, but... he is the son of God, our Messiah.
WISE MAN #1:
King of the Jews.
MANDY:
And that's Capricorn, is it?
WISE MAN #2:
Uh, no, no, no. That's just him.
MANDY:
Ohh, I was going to say, 'Otherwise, there'd be a lot of them.' [sniff]
WISE MAN #1:
By what name are you calling him?
[holy music]
MANDY:
Uh, 'Brian'.
WISE MEN:
We worship you, O Brian, who are Lord over us all. Praise unto you, Brian, and to the Lord, our Father. Amen.
MANDY:
Do you do a lot of this, then?
WISE MAN #2:
What?
MANDY:
This praising.
WISE MAN #2:
No, no. No, no.
MANDY:
Er, well, um, if you're dropping by again, do pop in. Heh. And thanks a lot for the gold and frankincense, er, but don't worry too much about the myrrh next time. All right? Heh. Thank you. Good-bye. Well, weren't they nice? Hmm. Out of their bloody minds, but still.
[WISE MEN leave]
Look at that. Hoo hoo hoo.
[WISE MEN return and grab presents]
Here! Here! Here, that-- that's mine! Hee. Hey, you just gave me that! Oh.
[whump]
[holy music]
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