House guest etiquette
Discussion
Now the outlaws have gone, the turkey bones are in the bin and the decorations are down this might be the time to talk about the behaviour of house guests and hosts? Some ethical, financial, and some logistical issues around whether you offer to pay for your board (directly or indirectly), and what you don't/do do when there.
For my part as an overnight or weekend guest I take a nice pressie (wine and flowers or something nice for the lady of the house). Mrs B and B insists on a no-sex rule (beatch) to save any embarrassment. When I stay with one friend in particular who isn't at all well off I insist on paying in cash towards our food/drink and heating/hot water and if I stay more than a few days with anyone I like to at least take them out at my expense. I try to ensure that even if we are staying and also visiting other people/events that time is set aide for the hosts. I try not to leave logs in the bathroom, or insist on watching TV and expecially not on watching my favourite TV programmes. I try to be quick in the bathroom and not to make mention of her 'bedtroom' black panties on the radiator (although that can be too much temptation.
We have one friend who stays occasionally who rings/emails to tell Mrs BandB what she wants to eat ('can you do the chocolate torte for puddings and can we have that thing with prawns one night?'). I think that is a bit cheeky given when we go there she never cooks, we eat out and we pay.
What if are staying for your convenience and they are effectively a free hotel(e.g. staying because we are visiting others or attending an event in the area)? I think it is bad form not to set aside a majority of the time to spend with the host, otherwise I will use a Travelodge. Our chocolate torte guest stays with us for business puproses to avoid paying for a local hotel, arrives early evening, eats, drinks, uses the phone to call home then gets an early night as she has young kids at home and wants the rest. We don't see her except for half an hour after dinner but have to get up early to make her breakfast and see her off.
One guest we had immediately took control of the remote control and channel hopped all evening. I miseed the 'fastest' indian while she watched the Princess Bride for the 7th time.
Finally, a friend went to stay with their son's mother nad father in Law somwehere is Scandanavia and at the end of the stay where they had stayed in a guest annex, the hosts presented them with a bill for their food and lodgings, which I understand is more common than you would think in that part of the world?
Any intolerable guest behaviour on yoyr part?
For my part as an overnight or weekend guest I take a nice pressie (wine and flowers or something nice for the lady of the house). Mrs B and B insists on a no-sex rule (beatch) to save any embarrassment. When I stay with one friend in particular who isn't at all well off I insist on paying in cash towards our food/drink and heating/hot water and if I stay more than a few days with anyone I like to at least take them out at my expense. I try to ensure that even if we are staying and also visiting other people/events that time is set aide for the hosts. I try not to leave logs in the bathroom, or insist on watching TV and expecially not on watching my favourite TV programmes. I try to be quick in the bathroom and not to make mention of her 'bedtroom' black panties on the radiator (although that can be too much temptation.
We have one friend who stays occasionally who rings/emails to tell Mrs BandB what she wants to eat ('can you do the chocolate torte for puddings and can we have that thing with prawns one night?'). I think that is a bit cheeky given when we go there she never cooks, we eat out and we pay.
What if are staying for your convenience and they are effectively a free hotel(e.g. staying because we are visiting others or attending an event in the area)? I think it is bad form not to set aside a majority of the time to spend with the host, otherwise I will use a Travelodge. Our chocolate torte guest stays with us for business puproses to avoid paying for a local hotel, arrives early evening, eats, drinks, uses the phone to call home then gets an early night as she has young kids at home and wants the rest. We don't see her except for half an hour after dinner but have to get up early to make her breakfast and see her off.
One guest we had immediately took control of the remote control and channel hopped all evening. I miseed the 'fastest' indian while she watched the Princess Bride for the 7th time.
Finally, a friend went to stay with their son's mother nad father in Law somwehere is Scandanavia and at the end of the stay where they had stayed in a guest annex, the hosts presented them with a bill for their food and lodgings, which I understand is more common than you would think in that part of the world?
Any intolerable guest behaviour on yoyr part?
Edited by Brown and Boris on Sunday 4th January 10:20
Agree with you. My brother stays with us ocassionally and when he does, he can claim back about £25 for a meal so he gets us all an indian. If he couldn't then I wouldn't complain as he is my bro and would do the same for me but as for friends treating you like a hotel then it is a bit out of order.
As you said, if we are staying with friends then we would usually be going to see them and therefore they get the majority of our time and we fit in around them, not the other way round.
As you said, if we are staying with friends then we would usually be going to see them and therefore they get the majority of our time and we fit in around them, not the other way round.
House Rules said:
The remote is mine. No arguments. It's my 50" screen and I will decide what we watch. If you are lucky I will try to make it suitable for everyone present.
You will get up at a decent time. We will breakfast together then we will do the day's activities whatever they are.
There is no need to try and help with cooking, loading the dishwasher etc. I know where everything goes and am efficient at it. But come to the table for a meal when I call and not one moment later. I will warn you ahead of time so you go to the loo.
I will not wait on you. You want a beer you get it from the fridge. You take a cold one out of the fridge you get a hot one from under the stairs and replace the cold one you took out. If I find no cold beer there will be ructions.
Do not bring flowers or other noxious gifts. Bring booze. We'll probably drink it.
Go to bed when you are ready. I know I will.
If you are staying whilst I am at work you will feed yourselves when I am out. You will also cleap up afterwards so I cannot tell you did it other than things in the dishwasher, items used from the fridge, essential items replaced.
Thankfully my in-laws are excellent house guests and do all the above without negotiation. People who do all the above when staying get invited back.You will get up at a decent time. We will breakfast together then we will do the day's activities whatever they are.
There is no need to try and help with cooking, loading the dishwasher etc. I know where everything goes and am efficient at it. But come to the table for a meal when I call and not one moment later. I will warn you ahead of time so you go to the loo.
I will not wait on you. You want a beer you get it from the fridge. You take a cold one out of the fridge you get a hot one from under the stairs and replace the cold one you took out. If I find no cold beer there will be ructions.
Do not bring flowers or other noxious gifts. Bring booze. We'll probably drink it.
Go to bed when you are ready. I know I will.
If you are staying whilst I am at work you will feed yourselves when I am out. You will also cleap up afterwards so I cannot tell you did it other than things in the dishwasher, items used from the fridge, essential items replaced.
I have a cousin who owns are very large international company, he is very wealthy.
My gran who was a retired bakery worker lives in a small council flat not too much money. Went with my auntie to visit said cousin in Australia she saved long and hard to afford the trip. My cousin took them to fancy restaurants, the opera all things my gran wouldn't dream of doing. At the end of the stay he gave her a bill for her share of opera tickets and restaurants bills.
Nice guy!!
My gran who was a retired bakery worker lives in a small council flat not too much money. Went with my auntie to visit said cousin in Australia she saved long and hard to afford the trip. My cousin took them to fancy restaurants, the opera all things my gran wouldn't dream of doing. At the end of the stay he gave her a bill for her share of opera tickets and restaurants bills.
Nice guy!!
I think the word a lot of people seem to forget is 'respect'
If i stay at friends i always go out of my way to actually help them with the food, cleaning up etc etc. I think thats what friendship is all about, not being totally selfish and taking anything one can get!
People who take the piss do not get invited back - simple as that. Wittles the friends list down, but id rather have a small number of great friends than a lot of idiots in it for themselves!
If i stay at friends i always go out of my way to actually help them with the food, cleaning up etc etc. I think thats what friendship is all about, not being totally selfish and taking anything one can get!
People who take the piss do not get invited back - simple as that. Wittles the friends list down, but id rather have a small number of great friends than a lot of idiots in it for themselves!
Brown and Boris said:
Any intolerable guest behaviour on yoyr part?
I kicked off an old college mate off my Christmas list after he stayed for a few days. First his car broke down so I had to ferry him everywhere, then he made me watch a DVD on his laptop I wasn't interested in, and generally took over my life. The final straw was when I showed him how to keep accounts (he was thinking of starting his own business) and he looked at the numbers and said 'that's not very much is it'. Cheeky f
ker.I lent the sister in law a car for a week whilst she was down south from scotland over xmas - did she give a thank-you card, bottle of wine, bunch of flowers for the missus? Did she buggery.
What she did do was moan about how much it cost her to insure herself on it for a week, and post the key through the door when we were out. Not to mention the fact that she generally ate and drank (especially drank) us out of house and home whilst she was staying. Sadly my missus doesn't even notice this, and if i mention it it causes a row!
What she did do was moan about how much it cost her to insure herself on it for a week, and post the key through the door when we were out. Not to mention the fact that she generally ate and drank (especially drank) us out of house and home whilst she was staying. Sadly my missus doesn't even notice this, and if i mention it it causes a row!
I've got a some what crazy aunt who came down & stayed with my mum for Christmas, well I say came down I actually keen was collected and droped back a week later (200 mile trip each way)
She went out for food, drinks etc, stayed in the house and never once paid for anything not even for lunch when droped home, then she gave my mum a £2 t-shirt for Christmas which was a bit if an insult as she us far from poor.
Needless to say she was taken home ASAP
She went out for food, drinks etc, stayed in the house and never once paid for anything not even for lunch when droped home, then she gave my mum a £2 t-shirt for Christmas which was a bit if an insult as she us far from poor.
Needless to say she was taken home ASAP
Don said:
When I stay with family who are less well off I may offer a financial contribution. Say, for a special Christmas roast or similar. I appreciate, but turn down as unnecessary, such offers myself.
We had a range of family stay over christmas and they all offered to bring something which spread the load, but I did bear mind that we didn't have to travel (at 20mpg that soon adds up
).Brown and Boris said:
We have one friend who stays occasionally who rings/emails to tell Mrs BandB what she wants to eat ('can you do the chocolate torte for puddings and can we have that thing with prawns one night?'). I think that is a bit cheeky given when we go there she never cooks, we eat out and we pay.
Our chocolate torte guest stays with us for business puproses to avoid paying for a local hotel, arrives early evening, eats, drinks, uses the phone to call home then gets an early night as she has young kids at home and wants the rest. We don't see her except for half an hour after dinner but have to get up early to make her breakfast and see her off.
That's plain rude IMO, but now it's habit it'll be a bugger to stopOur chocolate torte guest stays with us for business puproses to avoid paying for a local hotel, arrives early evening, eats, drinks, uses the phone to call home then gets an early night as she has young kids at home and wants the rest. We don't see her except for half an hour after dinner but have to get up early to make her breakfast and see her off.
All my friends turn up with booze and offer to help, and when we visit them we reciprocate. It all, IME, works out in the wash. Thankfully even the MiL has worked out that she doesn't know where things live in the kitchen and just stacks them on the side
Although we did have a fiend stay for a while (6 months
) longer than expected between house moves. That was fine, but the used condom under the bed wasn't
We have friends who have come over for dinner a couple of times when we've got a takeaway, and not paid their share, which we think is a bit of a p**s take when they wanted a takeaway, didn't make the bed etcc..... We have other friends who insist on bringing food and/or drinks over, and try and pay for all the takeaway (this usually results in a small row), in fact, the last time we said we'd pay for it all because she came to us, but now she demands to pay for the next meal we have..
Those friends who are not a***les get invited back, those who are don't really.. I don't think I've ever known a guest to come in and start channel hopping etc.. though, that's incredible, though saying that, I do recall a friend who had a friend come over, insert a DVD into the player, and sit down to watch his film (without asking, and within 10 mins of coming in !!!)..
Some people just have no consideration for others. I think in the main we are lucky with our friends, we ask them to treat the place as home so if they want a drink or a snack they just saunter out to the kitchen and sort it out (obviously we still offer snacks and drinks but it's just in case!).
Those friends who are not a***les get invited back, those who are don't really.. I don't think I've ever known a guest to come in and start channel hopping etc.. though, that's incredible, though saying that, I do recall a friend who had a friend come over, insert a DVD into the player, and sit down to watch his film (without asking, and within 10 mins of coming in !!!)..
Some people just have no consideration for others. I think in the main we are lucky with our friends, we ask them to treat the place as home so if they want a drink or a snack they just saunter out to the kitchen and sort it out (obviously we still offer snacks and drinks but it's just in case!).
I must confess I did feel gulity a year or so ago when I was invited to a 50th birthday back in my home town. Time was tight ( I had to travel after work and be back the next morning). I booked into a hotel and didn't tell my Mum who lives near by that I was in town because I didn't think it fair to use her house as a hotel and not really see her. I still get the guilt pangs whenever we see the woman who had the 50th.
There are a few rules of being a house guest which have all been covered already, but if I invite someone to stay, then I expect to pick up the tab for meals at home etc. If we go out, then I'd expect 50/50 at least, but most of friends are sensible enough to do what I'd do, which is pay for the meal out.
We always take a gift, be it just a bottle of wine or flowers. What the gift is, to be honest is irrelevant. I'm happy with just the thought when someone stays with us.
The old phrase "Guest are like fish" is very apt!
I just work on the principle that when I invite someone over, then they should treat my house as theirs. I just expect the same back. I'll even relinquish control of the telly!
We always take a gift, be it just a bottle of wine or flowers. What the gift is, to be honest is irrelevant. I'm happy with just the thought when someone stays with us.
The old phrase "Guest are like fish" is very apt!
I just work on the principle that when I invite someone over, then they should treat my house as theirs. I just expect the same back. I'll even relinquish control of the telly!
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