Best cowardly way to dump someone you love?

[wildoliver]

Right chaps I've had enough.

I am in a relationship with a great girl, she is tolerant, easy going, self supporting, not a gold digger, very car friendly, doesn't want kids or marriage and probably the nicest person in the world.

BUT.

She is about as far from my type as humanly possible, I usually go for the shallow option of the self obsessed, pretty, skinny, psychotic ahole type of women. Sadly she is far from those and is also well to be frank a bit chubby around the middle, I've spent the past year trying to help her lose weight, offering to take her to the gym etc. And she just doesn't want to change, that's fine I don't want her to become something she doesn't want to be, but I also don't want to be with someone who just doesn't turn me on (she is also not exactly adventurous in bed).

So I need the best cowards way of dumping her as frankly I care for her far too much to face the aftermath of saying sorry it isn't working.

I'm thinking of faking my own death, I suspect I could get away with it, but how do you go about faking the funeral? Failing that I was thinking of a Reggie Perrin in to the sea or a job offer in a far away country?

yes this is all slightly tongue in cheek

[PhantomHumper]

Email her a link to this thread. Job done.

[Chris_w666]

Start a thread on an internet forum then link to it on facebook via all her mates.

HTH

[TonyHetherington]

Will everyone in a relationship please step forward.


Not so fast, love.



(stolen from someone funnier than me when I asked the same question )

[Penny-lope]

Just tell her your a knob....job done

[Tycho]

Update your Facebook profile to "single and looking" then send her an invite.

[G'kar]

http://www.pistonheads.co.uk/gassing/profile.asp?m...

[Einion Yrth]

Your character has plumbed new, hitherto unknown, shallows.

[Vixpy1]

Have you thought of killing her? Nice and quick and then you can go back to the pub?

[wildoliver]

Mr Flash and I do share some similar traits worryingly!

[DJC]

TonyHetherington said:

Will everyone in a relationship please step forward.


Not so fast, love.



(stolen from someone funnier than me when I asked the same question )

We have a winner!

[anonymous-user]

Says in the title you love her! which quite clearly you dont! If you dont want to be with her and you do have some feelings for her, just tell her!

[Lefty Guns]

ffs, be a man and just stop calling...

[Penny-lope]

MonkeyMatt said:

Says in the title you love her! which quite clearly you dont! If you dont want to be with her and you do have some feelings for her, just tell her!

Don't be silly...that would be the mature thing to do

[randomman]

Text!

[Davey111]

Start ignoring and put minimal effort into stuff. If you can start arguments and then claim it wasn't you who started this will help. Wait untill she then dumps you. At point start to protest a little (though not enough to change her mind). Walk away the good guy with no guilt!

[Sciroccology]

Cease all communication immediately. Don't send or reply to texts, don't make or answer phone calls.

This is in the best male tradition of "ignoring it and hoping it goes away". Works every time.

[wildoliver]

Davey111 said:

Start ignoring and put minimal effort into stuff. If you can start arguments and then claim it wasn't you who started this will help. Wait untill she then dumps you. At point start to protest a little (though not enough to change her mind). Walk away the good guy with no guilt!

Hmmm a damned good answer!

And you can love someone but not fancy them, for gods sake I love my mother but I don't fancy her!

[Matt_N]

Have a 5 knuckle shuffle over some big busty videos whilst wearing headphones?

[patmahe]

If you care as much as you claim you do, you wouldn't be on here joking about it. Don't mess her about, do the decent thing and end it, face to face and as kindly as possible, because to me you sound incredibly shallow and she deserves better.