How best to insult my ex-wife?

[TVC]

As far as I'm concerned, my ex-wife became a non-person on the day we were divorced. Unfortunately she hasn't grasped this concept and seems to think I want to hear from her at Christmas.

If it happens again this year then it'll be time to communicate my displeasure. I'm thinking pithy but condescending with it. Due to the subject matter, I can't get past "fk off you skanky bh, you make my flesh crawl" which isn't quite the tone I'm looking for.

Suggestions for suitable wording, please. (Anything involving back doors, nukes or an MX-5 is right out.)

[ali_kat]

Just return the card, torn to shreds.

She'll get the message.

[10 Pence Short]

Worst "I celebrate Christmas" post, ever.

[RemaL]

as above just ignor it, sorry her

[blindswelledrat]

ali_kat said:

Just return the card, torn to shreds.

She'll get the message.

Thats what a woman would do and the bloke would take it down the pub and laugh about her insanity

[FWDRacer]

ali_kat said:

Just return the card, torn to shreds.

She'll get the message.

Proper Nut case

[G'kar]

Sorry, who's this?

Denise?....Denise?...Don't think I know a Denise.

My what?

Oh, right. That Denise. Gosh, you know, you'd completely slipped my mind.

[s3fella]

How bout "I never wanted to hear from you when we were married, FFS!"

[largerandrock]

Kill her in the face!.

[Austin.J]

Kick her in the bks?

[HappyGoLucky]

Ignore her attempts at communication... That should do it.

[Andy Zarse]

You could simply exclaim, upon seeing her for the first time in ages, particularly if she's looking a bit "older".

"Your face! My God! What's happened to your face?".

Women are touchy about such things.

[Funk]

Send her back a cheery card with you conkers-deep in your latest lass/some bit of hot fluff with a message saying, "I've moved on and up. Do the same."

[BigLepton]

Any emotional response at all looks like you care.

Simply bin and ignore completely.

[Mike400]

Simple - call her up, tell her you don't live there anymore and no, you cant have the new address, would you give your address to a stranger?

[bobfrance]

You do realise it's February don't you?

[dodgyviper]

Wow you're a slow burner - christmas card arrives pre 25th December and you go on a rant middle of february.

What triggered this explosive projectile volley of angst?



Edit: damn you Bobfrance - beaten to it

Edited by dodgyviper on Wednesday 18th February 16:11

[lawrence567]

Drive her to a remote location in an MX-5....
Smash her back doors in one last time... nuke the car with her inside from a safe distance.

HTH

[collateral]

Andy Zarse said:

You could simply exclaim, upon seeing her for the first time in ages, particularly if she's looking a bit "older".

"Your face! My God! What's happened to your face?".

Women are touchy about such things.

"Have you put on weight since last time I saw you?"

[Poledriver]

Get a younger and prettier model!
Nothing pisses the ex off more than that.

Helps even more if she's an exhibitionist nymphomaniac