Relationship break-up. How the hell do I get through it?
Discussion
On 3 March my OH decided she'd had enough. I posted on here about it. I was sort of okay about it because we were planning to stay friends and I hoped that we could sort it out. We were living in her house and she told me I could stay until I had a place sorted out. I was looking around at swanky apartments to rent, but on Monday 23 March I found out she'd started seeing someone only about a week after she told me it was over. This hit me so hard I moved straight out of hers and into my parents' place and I now feel so destroyed that I'm incapable of living on my own as I don't want to be stuck in some place on my own with nothing but thoughts of what she might be up to with someone else. A lot of my stuff is still at my OH's place and I'm making plans to get it out. Most will have to be stored as there's isn't much room at my parents' place.
How do you cope at a time like this? I am so comprehensively destroyed emotionally that I simply can't do anything. I can't concentrate enough on anything to be able to distract myself. It seems the only options are suicide or Class A drugs, neither of which are paths I want to go down as I know things will be better one day, but how do I get to that day?
How do you cope at a time like this? I am so comprehensively destroyed emotionally that I simply can't do anything. I can't concentrate enough on anything to be able to distract myself. It seems the only options are suicide or Class A drugs, neither of which are paths I want to go down as I know things will be better one day, but how do I get to that day?
Merc fan said:
Sorry to hear that. Talk to someone. Seriously. Get some professional help. Professionals will be able to tell you how to get through it and help you do it too.
WHAT? f
k me with a big cucumber if that aint some middle class bullst right there. Pay someone to tell you to get over it? My god, the forum is overrun with pussiescqueen said:
There must be something in the water at the moment, a lot of females right now seem to think the grass is greener...
She's 40 in July and for some reason thinks that this will spell some type of world-ending apocalypse before which she has to achieve all the things one has to have achieved by 40... whatever that is. She doesn't even look anywhere near 40, everyone thinks she's about 32.The most important thing is to minimise financial damage etc. Most people tend to get over the emotions in their own time. And I know what you're going through. Been through a similar thing. It's hard. I had thought about suicide (but not in a cry-for-help fashion - I didn't tell anyone; planned a TVR-style fireball exit... well, you gotta do it in style). For a start, you can start doing all the st she hated you doing, cos you're now a free man.
k me with a big cucumber if that aint some middle class bullst right there. Pay someone to tell you to get over it? My god, the forum is overrun with pussiesAs a therapist, I tend to agree with Stig (but without the in yer face approach of it 
)... really unnecessary for a break-up unless the person was suffering previous emotional/psychological issues.
t she hated you doing, cos you're now a free man.stigmundfreud said:
Merc fan said:
Sorry to hear that. Talk to someone. Seriously. Get some professional help. Professionals will be able to tell you how to get through it and help you do it too.
WHAT? fk me with a big cucumber if that aint some middle class bullst right there. Pay someone to tell you to get over it? My god, the forum is overrun with pussies )... really unnecessary for a break-up unless the person was suffering previous emotional/psychological issues.Edited by ShadownINja on Saturday 28th March 18:06
The way to cope is face it head on, let it hurt bad initially, be realistic about what has no doubt been going on, and sorry to say this, but she did not start seeing someone a week after she broke up with you, she's been seeing him a while.
Accept that, hate her if you like, she deserves it, take solice in the fact she will dump new guy as soon as someone better comes along, and then you will be able to get over it and get on with your life.
Use your firends and family to get through it, deal with the finances ruthlessly, dont bend over and let her shaft you, if there is any finances to be sorted, she did this, not you.
Three months from now you will be back on your feet and she will become less of a memory. I am not saying forget the good times, but focussing now on the crappy times you may have had with her, will help your recolection of it all in the future and help you get over it.
Dont take it out on people, only her, dont start drinking and dont take any drugs. Avoid anti depressants at all costs, although your doc will no doubt prescribe them.
Good luck
Accept that, hate her if you like, she deserves it, take solice in the fact she will dump new guy as soon as someone better comes along, and then you will be able to get over it and get on with your life.
Use your firends and family to get through it, deal with the finances ruthlessly, dont bend over and let her shaft you, if there is any finances to be sorted, she did this, not you.
Three months from now you will be back on your feet and she will become less of a memory. I am not saying forget the good times, but focussing now on the crappy times you may have had with her, will help your recolection of it all in the future and help you get over it.
Dont take it out on people, only her, dont start drinking and dont take any drugs. Avoid anti depressants at all costs, although your doc will no doubt prescribe them.
Good luck
What's that saying..'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'
Here's the hard part..She was seeing him before you split up, that was the reason she split up with you..
The truth hurts, but they are cold bhes it's what they do.
Now, get up off the floor, wipe your mouth, start walking.
You are better off without her and you will meet someone better sooner or later.
Time heals all so get yourself busy, summers coming and all that.
Here's the hard part..She was seeing him before you split up, that was the reason she split up with you..
The truth hurts, but they are cold b
hes it's what they do.Now, get up off the floor, wipe your mouth, start walking.
You are better off without her and you will meet someone better sooner or later.
Time heals all so get yourself busy, summers coming and all that.
R60EST said:
go and see your Doctor , he/she will probably prescribe anti depressants and possibly some counselling. Might seem a bit of an uncaring response but professional help will probably be better than the usual blend of PH sympathy and piss taking
I'm worried that if I start on anti-depressants that I'll come to rely on them. Also, I don't want to take drugs to get through something that's actually just normal.Ozone said:
... and from your profile get producing music - look how well Phil Collins did when he split up from his Missus....... (sorry, couldn't resist)
Chin up.
Yeah, that is a good point. I could do very well out of this experience artistically. Sadly the spare room at my OH's place was my recording studio and quite how I can reconstruct it at my parents' place I don't know, there just isn't the room. Renting a place that's big enough is going to screw my house-deposit-saving plans too.Chin up.
stigmundfreud said:
Merc fan said:
Sorry to hear that. Talk to someone. Seriously. Get some professional help. Professionals will be able to tell you how to get through it and help you do it too.
WHAT? fk me with a big cucumber if that aint some middle class bullst right there. Pay someone to tell you to get over it? My god, the forum is overrun with pussiesBy the way, I doubt a cucumber would touch the sides.
MitchT said:
Ozone said:
... and from your profile get producing music - look how well Phil Collins did when he split up from his Missus....... (sorry, couldn't resist)
Chin up.
Yeah, that is a good point. I could do very well out of this experience artistically. Sadly the spare room at my OH's place was my recording studio and quite how I can reconstruct it at my parents' place I don't know, there just isn't the room. Renting a place that's big enough is going to screw my house-deposit-saving plans too.Chin up.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff