Best comeback you've ever heard/used ?

[randomman]

Was just having a chat with a mate and I recalled the time I used my best EVER comeback and decided I wanted to share it with you.

Quick background. Me n a few mates are out with girls, one randomer who is chatting to them and starts getting a bit big for his boots and shouting and stuff. He said:

"I'm a blackbelt in judo"

My reply?

"I'm a blackbelt in 'ard motherf*cker now f*ck off!"

Worked as he left. Still makes me smile to this day.

PS. If that person is a PHer and really is a Blackbelt in Judo... Ha!

Oh ha ha, every one spots the spelling mistake

Edited by randomman on Thursday 9th April 16:49

[funkyrobot]

[him_over_there]

You wanted to share that ?

really ? Wanted to share that..

Edited by him_over_there on Thursday 9th April 16:41

[badmanforward]

SIGH!

[sebo]

Something about "you're fat" and the person replying with, "That's because every time I go round and fk your wife, she gives me a biscuit"

..or something

[chunkymonkey71]

How about...

"This is a repost"

[randomman]

chunkymonkey71 said:

How about...

"This is a repost"

Nah, too common.

[funkyrobot]

When I re-read this post I actually thought you were talking about a dashing hair style you once used.

Edited by funkyrobot on Thursday 9th April 16:48

[chunkymonkey71]

randomman said:

chunkymonkey71 said:

How about...

"This is a repost"

Nah, too common.

That or something about spelling...!

[OzzyR1]

Some blinders here:

http://www.b3ta.com/questions/bestcomebacks/

[brum]

randomman said:

Was just having a chat with a mate and I recalled the time I used my best EVER combeback and decided I wanted to share it with you.

Quick background. Me n a few mates are out with girls, one randomer who is chatting to them and starts getting a bit big for his boots and shouting and stuff. He said:

"I'm a blackbelt in judo"

My reply?

"I'm a blackbelt in 'ard motherf*cker now f*ck off!"

Worked as he left. Still makes me smile to this day.

PS. If that person is a PHer and really is a Blackbelt in Judo... Ha!

If i wanted comeback - i'd wipe it off your mums tits.

HTH

[Shake&Bake]

Out on the town one night with one of the lads. We bumped into a mutual friend with he's new GF who we really didn't like. She thought she overheard us talking about her size, which for once we weren't.

Her fateful line?

"Kieran, what's your problem do you think these clothes make me look fat!!!!"

Kierans response?

"No love it's the fat, that makes you look fat!"

Yes there were tears...

I'll never forget it.

[G'kar]

There was this time, yeah, that we were in the car, right, and we came up to some traffic lights.
This stbox hatch comes up next to us a and some chav asks what I'm listening to, yeah?
You'll love this.
I looked at him and said 'This, my man, is the sound of Grandma sitting in the corner with a penis in her hand going "no,no,no".



To be fair, it was an unusual addition to the radio 2 playlist. They don't normally play The Frogs.

Edited by G'kar on Thursday 9th April 16:59

[5pen]

I shared this one in the old P&P, but I think it deserves another airing.

Bloke comes home pi55ed at about 1am to find unamused Mrs...

Her: You're home late
Him: No I'm not
Her: You said you'd be home at 11
Him: That's right, and I've only had 9, so I'm home 2 pints early.


Maybe a "it was funny at the time", but anyway...

A paticularly naff local nightclub DJ introduced himself (using his 'stage' name) to a woman I was with (this was in the 80s)...

Him: Hi, I'm Keith Capri
Her: Sarah Sierra, pleased to meet you...

[Gylen]

Did it actually go like this?

Assailant: "I'm a blackbelt in judo"

Randomman: "I'm a blackbelt in 'ard motherf*cker now f*ck off!"

Assailant: Impossible. The belt system is used to grade ability in Marshal Arts. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but to the best of my knowledge, there is no Marshal Art that is called ''Ard motherfker' so it would be impossible for you to have earned any belt whatsoever in it, let alone a high grade such as black. From that, I'm forced to conclude that you're simply 'talking smack' as certain vernacular would have it, and will continue to go ahead and rob you. I may even rape you now, just to add insult to injury.


Bad times.

[asbo]

brum said:

If i wanted comeback - i'd wipe it off your mums tits.

HTH

[Simpo Two]

Gylen said:

Assailant: "I'm a blackbelt in judo"

Randomman: "I'm a blackbelt in 'ard motherf*cker now f*ck off!"

Assailant: Impossible. The belt system is used to grade ability in Marshal Arts. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but to the best of my knowledge, there is no Marshal Art that is called ''Ard motherfker' so it would be impossible for you to have earned any belt whatsoever in it, let alone a high grade such as black. From that, I'm forced to conclude that you're simply 'talking smack' as certain vernacular would have it, and will continue to go ahead and rob you. I may even rape you now, just to add insult to injury.

'And then the fight started'

[monthefish]

Not really funny, but I heard this recently in response to the usual 'men-bashing' comments about Men being unable to multi-task....

"Women have only learnt to multi-task out of necessity, as they are piss-poor at prioritising...."

[eightseventhree]

This is the best put down ever

[theshrew]

lol i like that one