Asking wedding guests for money....

[Legend83]

A tricky subject...

I am not expecting presents or money from anybody who attends our wedding but as is traditional, we are letting them know on the invite that we have a small JL gift list if they really wish to.

But we would prefer cold cash towards our honeymoon.

I hate those tacky 'honeymoney' poems. But I can't think of the right wording that is either not too blunt (give us your money) ot too desperate (if you really want to please, pretty please).

Anyone else done this and what wording did you use?

[monthefish]

"Give us yer money or yer not coming to our wedding" or something like that - I forget the actual wording used.

Went down a treat - most people were very positive as

(1) they didn't have to waste their time shopping....
(2) ...for a gift we're probably rarely going to use.

ETA - there was a good discussion on this a good while back - I'll try and dig up the thread if I get a chance...

Edited by monthefish on Monday 13th April 10:02

[missdiane]

People will expect to be asked, so wouldn't worry, as long as you give them an alternative.

We said something along the lines of small gift list at JL alternatively we are going on honeymoon to Sri Lanka, so if you would like to donate USD towards some excursions...
We filled our gift list and received 800 usd by the end of the wedding

[samdale]

monthefish said:

"Give us yer money or yer not coming to our wedding" or something like that - I forget the actual wording used.

Went down a treat - most people were very positive as

(1) they didn't have to waste their time shopping....
(2) ...for a gift we're probably rarely going to use.

yeah id second the light hearted, cheeky appproach though i guess it depends on how, erm, ?posh? your guests are

on the "rarely" front mummy and daddy just celebrated 25 years recently, i took their saucepans with me to university a couple of years ago...


o and congratulations btw

[jkennyd]

I think those "lists" from this shop or that are shocking. Yes I know it makes sense so you dont get doubles but I think it is just so presumptuous. As for asking for cash well thats even worse. Take what you get and like it and appreciate that not everyone is loaded and you are putting them on a spot.

Its early and I'm grumpy

[parapaul]

I'll be following this thread - I'm getting married next year but as we already live together and have a house we don't need another dinner service, or any more saucepans etc.

Is it acceptable to ask for gift cards/vouchers instead?

[Glassman]

What do you plan on doing with the money?

We came up with the idea of asking for BA travel vouchers...

Went down really well and you can also see how much some of your so called firneds* rate you.

ETA: *friends. Please refer to my "Am I losing my marbles?" thread.

Edited by Glassman on Monday 13th April 10:23

[monthefish]

samdale said:

on the "rarely" front mummy and daddy just celebrated 25 years recently, i took their saucepans with me to university a couple of years ago...

Bingo!!

We did intend to go for the 'wedding gift list' and spent an hour or two flicking through House of Fraser/Debenhams catalogues. In that time, we found about 5 or so items we genuinely wanted, the next 5 items we selected were things we 'kind of' liked, but after that we started choosing things because they were OK. With another 60+ gifts still to select (we had over 100 guests at the day time) it was at that point we realised that it wouldn't be fair to be expecting people to buy us things that we actually had no desire to own, just to fit in with 'convention' - would have been a complete waste of their money.

In the end, it was a (not so) cheesy short verse, stating that we had all of the material things we wanted and needed, and any donations towards our honeymoon will be most welcome. (it wasn't as blunt as what I stated above!!)

Edited by monthefish on Monday 13th April 10:37

[Chrisgr31]

People are either in the "I'll give money" or they aren't!

Knew someone who married last year in a 4 star country hotel, kept telling us how much it was costing and he wanted money for honeymoon etc. My response was "Well in that case marry somewhere cheaper!"

Weddings do seem to have gone over the top these days, and cost an absolute fortune. The grander the venue the more it costs guests to stay so the less they have to spend on wedding presents!

For our wedding we went to a 3 Star hotel an whilst I might be biased the food was better than it is at many 4 star hotels, and more of it! Admitedly a simpler menu but many guests seem to prefer that!

[agent006]

jkennyd said:

appreciate that not everyone is loaded and you are putting them on a spot.

Yes, putting them on the spot with months of notice.

[jkennyd]

agent006 said:

jkennyd said:

appreciate that not everyone is loaded and you are putting them on a spot.

Yes, putting them on the spot with months of notice.

Sooooo......Are you saying that anyone who is struggling should put maybe what little money they have aside so they can give it as a present months down the line rather than maybe use it on something they might really need.

[IforB]

There's nothing wrong with asking for contributions to the honeymoon or vouchers, or even just cash.

Some people still don't get it though and prepare yourself for some guests to get you something they like. We got some truly hideous bits of "art" and other stuff, which cost a bomb and was a total waste of money as they are now stuck at the back of a cupboard and will never see the light again.

We had a guest list to try and minimise the tat that people give you, asking for money does the same thing.

[Tyre_Tread]

Chrisgr31 said:

Weddings do seem to have gone over the top these days, and cost an absolute fortune. The grander the venue the more it costs guests to stay so the less they have to spend on wedding presents!

Weddimgs are cheap but the celebrations and peripheral niceties cost a lot.

Just remember that the probability of the marriage lasting is inversely prportional to the cost of the wedding.

[gbbird]

We had this very same dilemma and basically went for a very simple statement, as follows -

'The Bride and Groom do not have a gift list. However, for those guests who would have liked to purchase a gift, contributions towards home improvements would be gratefully received.'

HTH

g

[Glassman]

gbbird said:

We had this very same dilemma and basically went for a very simple statement, as follows -

'The Bride and Groom do not have a gift list. However, for those guests who would have liked to purchase a gift, contributions towards home improvements would be gratefully received.'

HTH

g

And you got, "Here's a tenner. Now gow and wash your filthy curtains."??

[monthefish]

Found it....
(earlier thread on same subject)

Our 'verse' was probably cheesier than I had recalled, however, as I said our honeymoon was all but paid for, and no-one felt they were wasting their money. Everyone's a winner

[Murdoc]

Some friends just got married, I had to do the dreaded best man speech :/. They had a page on a website where you select what you want them to do on the honeymoon with the money you give them, it worked really well. I will ask my OH the name of the website when I get a chance. Saves the cheesy poem crap, you just put the URL on the invitation.

[theaxe]

I've seen people use this site before basically you upload parts of your honeymoon (hotel, flights, upgrades, booze etc) along with an amount of money. People can then 'buy' you that item but the cash just ends up in a paypal account.

[cj_eds]

Have you booked your honeymoon yet, because places like Trailfinders do gift list services where people can donate to the honeymoon.

[LBird]

I'm getting married later this year and we will be asking our guests NOT to buy gifts and we absolutely don't want them to give us money either - it's our choice to marry, go on honeymoon, improve our house etc. and we would both feel very uncomfortable asking other people to contribute. What we want is for our friends and family to come and celebrate with us because we like them and their presence will enhance our pleasure in our wedding day. Sounds properly pious doesn't it? but anything else would make us feel very uncomfortable.

That said, I am very happy to buy wedding gifts for others but for some reason, I don't like the thought of giving cash / vouchers. Not sure why.