Life down the pooper..
Discussion
Sorry for this (I hope this is the right forum?).. I have been on PH's long enough to know these sorts of threads have a 'suck it up you wimp' type reaction, but post i will.
The short version.
My marriage broke down yesterday.
It's been a difficult year, I had major surgery on my back 15 weeks ago, we were damaged by next door flooding back in Feb '08.. and we are still dealing with the legal wranglings to get it sorted. Almost there now thank ****!
My wife works in central London & has developed working friendships that involve her staying after work and hitting the bars. This invaribly means she comes home drunk at stupid o clock and i have to get up and get her.
This would be fine to some, but to me a 37 yo woman, married with 2 kids needs to think a little more about what she is doing.
Quite often she stays over with a 'friend' who i don't know & have never met.
This has gone on for well over a year. When she does this it always goes the same way. She will text to say she is having a quick drink then will be home.. she never comes home. I call her on her mobile, and text, she always never answers! In the early days this used to stress me silly.. who's she with? Where is she? Thoughts of.. she is on her own in London.. coming home at 1am on her own.. drunk. Anything could happen. I would have dark thoughts, she could be mugged.. or worse, raped. Stupid, irrational.. maybe but the thoughts entered my head all the same.
Where am i now? Oops, this was meant to be short. Sorry.
Anyway, i had a hospital appt in London yesterday, and on the way back she texted me saying we needed to talk, but she ended it with a kiss (X).
Stupid stupid me thought we may have a chance, she wants to try.. Nope, she re-affirmed to me whilst sitting in Macdonalds "it's over" she wanted to discuss the next steps! I got up & left, upset, and didn't want to discuss my private life with a teenymum & 8 kids sitting inches from me. Besides you can't hear yourself think in there.
So, here i am. A potential 37 yo divorcee.. on the scrap heap. Having to strike out on my own again after 10 years with my wife.
Looks scary out there.
Think i need a blast in the TVR today, to clear my head. At least put a temporary smile on my face.
Thanks for reading/listening. Not usually my style posting up emotional rantings but.. well, it's not everyday your marriage ends.. is it?
The short version.
My marriage broke down yesterday.
It's been a difficult year, I had major surgery on my back 15 weeks ago, we were damaged by next door flooding back in Feb '08.. and we are still dealing with the legal wranglings to get it sorted. Almost there now thank ****!
My wife works in central London & has developed working friendships that involve her staying after work and hitting the bars. This invaribly means she comes home drunk at stupid o clock and i have to get up and get her.
This would be fine to some, but to me a 37 yo woman, married with 2 kids needs to think a little more about what she is doing.
Quite often she stays over with a 'friend' who i don't know & have never met.
This has gone on for well over a year. When she does this it always goes the same way. She will text to say she is having a quick drink then will be home.. she never comes home. I call her on her mobile, and text, she always never answers! In the early days this used to stress me silly.. who's she with? Where is she? Thoughts of.. she is on her own in London.. coming home at 1am on her own.. drunk. Anything could happen. I would have dark thoughts, she could be mugged.. or worse, raped. Stupid, irrational.. maybe but the thoughts entered my head all the same.
Where am i now? Oops, this was meant to be short. Sorry.
Anyway, i had a hospital appt in London yesterday, and on the way back she texted me saying we needed to talk, but she ended it with a kiss (X).
Stupid stupid me thought we may have a chance, she wants to try.. Nope, she re-affirmed to me whilst sitting in Macdonalds "it's over" she wanted to discuss the next steps! I got up & left, upset, and didn't want to discuss my private life with a teenymum & 8 kids sitting inches from me. Besides you can't hear yourself think in there.
So, here i am. A potential 37 yo divorcee.. on the scrap heap. Having to strike out on my own again after 10 years with my wife.
Looks scary out there.
Think i need a blast in the TVR today, to clear my head. At least put a temporary smile on my face.
Thanks for reading/listening. Not usually my style posting up emotional rantings but.. well, it's not everyday your marriage ends.. is it?
Edited by Waynester on Saturday 18th April 07:40
blindswelledrat said:
Sounds awful, sympathies.
To be honest she sounds like a bit of a t
t anyway. You are better off out of there.
Is there someone else?
It certainly sounds that way
I have asked her this question..many times. She swears that nothing like that is happening. Now i have every reason to doubt her, i certainly don't trust her. She cheated on my twice..i think just before we got married, well.. i only found texts and an email so maybe it never went any further?To be honest she sounds like a bit of a t
t anyway. You are better off out of there.Is there someone else?
It certainly sounds that way
Anyway, i can tell when she is lying & in this case i do believe she is being honest.
Doesn't make me feel any better.
Thanks for your comments.
Sorry to hear that, sounds rough.
I am afraid your (soon to be ex) wife sounds rather self centred and I'd say from you wrote there she's having an affair.
I do hope it all works out well for you (and best of luck with the back recovery as well).
There are a few threads on here already which you may want to look at in an attempt to protect yourself financially..
I am afraid your (soon to be ex) wife sounds rather self centred and I'd say from you wrote there she's having an affair.
I do hope it all works out well for you (and best of luck with the back recovery as well).
There are a few threads on here already which you may want to look at in an attempt to protect yourself financially..
I don't normally reply to these threads as I believe it is something that is private and between the two individuals concerned and not something for a cyberspace messageboard. Usually the poster makes up a new login name as well which just screams 'Attention we'.
In your case, I admire you being open up front and not hiding.
For what it's worth, you have my sympathy. She is definitely seeing someone else or perhaps several. It hurts like hell at the moment I'm sure but time does heal and when you are at rock bottom the only way is up. Be prepared to lose a stone in weight, not eat much and sleep less. It will get better though.
Keep your dignity, you have done nothing wrong. Try to be polite and don't lose your temper whatever comes out in the wash in the next few weeks. It will annoy her more if you appear to be unruffled.
Lastly, keep the TVR at all costs, it will be your safety valve.
Good luck.
e'. In your case, I admire you being open up front and not hiding.
For what it's worth, you have my sympathy. She is definitely seeing someone else or perhaps several. It hurts like hell at the moment I'm sure but time does heal and when you are at rock bottom the only way is up. Be prepared to lose a stone in weight, not eat much and sleep less. It will get better though.
Keep your dignity, you have done nothing wrong. Try to be polite and don't lose your temper whatever comes out in the wash in the next few weeks. It will annoy her more if you appear to be unruffled.
Lastly, keep the TVR at all costs, it will be your safety valve.
Good luck.
Been there and it is horrible. My thoughts are with you.
You need to focus on a few things for your own sake, and that of the kids.
First, if it is really over, get a good lawyer FAST. PM me if you want details of the one I used
Secondly look around at any free assets / cash. Get these put somewhere safe ASAP. What may appear amicable soon turns nasty when cash gets involved.
Lastly and most importantly, you need to have a think about the children. This will be the hardest part as your wife may use them as a bargaining chip.
Sorry to be so harsh, but once bitten and all that.
Iain
You need to focus on a few things for your own sake, and that of the kids.
First, if it is really over, get a good lawyer FAST. PM me if you want details of the one I used
Secondly look around at any free assets / cash. Get these put somewhere safe ASAP. What may appear amicable soon turns nasty when cash gets involved.
Lastly and most importantly, you need to have a think about the children. This will be the hardest part as your wife may use them as a bargaining chip.
Sorry to be so harsh, but once bitten and all that.
Iain
Tyre Smoke said:
I don't normally reply to these threads as I believe it is something that is private and between the two individuals concerned and not something for a cyberspace messageboard. Usually the poster makes up a new login name as well which just screams 'Attention we'.
In your case, I admire you being open up front and not hiding.
For what it's worth, you have my sympathy. She is definitely seeing someone else or perhaps several. It hurts like hell at the moment I'm sure but time does heal and when you are at rock bottom the only way is up. Be prepared to lose a stone in weight, not eat much and sleep less. It will get better though.
Keep your dignity, you have done nothing wrong. Try to be polite and don't lose your temper whatever comes out in the wash in the next few weeks. It will annoy her more if you appear to be unruffled.
Lastly, keep the TVR at all costs, it will be your safety valve.
Good luck.
How do you know he has done nothing wrong?e'. In your case, I admire you being open up front and not hiding.
For what it's worth, you have my sympathy. She is definitely seeing someone else or perhaps several. It hurts like hell at the moment I'm sure but time does heal and when you are at rock bottom the only way is up. Be prepared to lose a stone in weight, not eat much and sleep less. It will get better though.
Keep your dignity, you have done nothing wrong. Try to be polite and don't lose your temper whatever comes out in the wash in the next few weeks. It will annoy her more if you appear to be unruffled.
Lastly, keep the TVR at all costs, it will be your safety valve.
Good luck.
Tyre Smoke said:
I don't normally reply to these threads as I believe it is something that is private and between the two individuals concerned and not something for a cyberspace messageboard. Usually the poster makes up a new login name as well which just screams 'Attention we'.
In your case, I admire you being open up front and not hiding.
For what it's worth, you have my sympathy. She is definitely seeing someone else or perhaps several. It hurts like hell at the moment I'm sure but time does heal and when you are at rock bottom the only way is up. Be prepared to lose a stone in weight, not eat much and sleep less. It will get better though.
Keep your dignity, you have done nothing wrong. Try to be polite and don't lose your temper whatever comes out in the wash in the next few weeks. It will annoy her more if you appear to be unruffled.
Lastly, keep the TVR at all costs, it will be your safety valve.
Good luck.
I agree, i don't normally have much to say to similar posts, except the usual sympathies.e'. In your case, I admire you being open up front and not hiding.
For what it's worth, you have my sympathy. She is definitely seeing someone else or perhaps several. It hurts like hell at the moment I'm sure but time does heal and when you are at rock bottom the only way is up. Be prepared to lose a stone in weight, not eat much and sleep less. It will get better though.
Keep your dignity, you have done nothing wrong. Try to be polite and don't lose your temper whatever comes out in the wash in the next few weeks. It will annoy her more if you appear to be unruffled.
Lastly, keep the TVR at all costs, it will be your safety valve.
Good luck.
Now it's me... a massive thread giving every detail is unnecessary. Certainly not looking for attention.
It's all from my heart.. honestly, the pain is like losing somone you hold dear. I hate it.
Thanks for your comments, all of you. These threads may seem irritating or look at me.. how sad is my life, but in this/my case your comments really are helping.
Thanks again all.
Sorry to hear about it.
At a similar age my marriage collapsed. I though life had gone down the pooper & that things were a total disaster. It felt like it for quite a while too.
Since then however I've realised it gives you a chance to redefine what you really want from life & go get it without the constraints a long relationship brings. I went & did the things I wanted to do, had far more fun & found somebody that was more in line with what I wanted from life.
It's not easy at 1st, but it's actually a great age to be set free.
At a similar age my marriage collapsed. I though life had gone down the pooper & that things were a total disaster. It felt like it for quite a while too.
Since then however I've realised it gives you a chance to redefine what you really want from life & go get it without the constraints a long relationship brings. I went & did the things I wanted to do, had far more fun & found somebody that was more in line with what I wanted from life.
It's not easy at 1st, but it's actually a great age to be set free.
rich1231 said:
Tyre Smoke said:
I don't normally reply to these threads as I believe it is something that is private and between the two individuals concerned and not something for a cyberspace messageboard. Usually the poster makes up a new login name as well which just screams 'Attention we'.
In your case, I admire you being open up front and not hiding.
For what it's worth, you have my sympathy. She is definitely seeing someone else or perhaps several. It hurts like hell at the moment I'm sure but time does heal and when you are at rock bottom the only way is up. Be prepared to lose a stone in weight, not eat much and sleep less. It will get better though.
Keep your dignity, you have done nothing wrong. Try to be polite and don't lose your temper whatever comes out in the wash in the next few weeks. It will annoy her more if you appear to be unruffled.
Lastly, keep the TVR at all costs, it will be your safety valve.
Good luck.
How do you know he has done nothing wrong?e'. In your case, I admire you being open up front and not hiding.
For what it's worth, you have my sympathy. She is definitely seeing someone else or perhaps several. It hurts like hell at the moment I'm sure but time does heal and when you are at rock bottom the only way is up. Be prepared to lose a stone in weight, not eat much and sleep less. It will get better though.
Keep your dignity, you have done nothing wrong. Try to be polite and don't lose your temper whatever comes out in the wash in the next few weeks. It will annoy her more if you appear to be unruffled.
Lastly, keep the TVR at all costs, it will be your safety valve.
Good luck.
Always 2 sides to every story. In my case i have been a miserable sod to live with, but.. having to deal with extreme pain night & day for the last 7 years does that. Having just had an L5/S1 fusion & an L4/5 ADR (Artificial Disc Replacement)has added to the...difficulties of daily life.
Other than that - nothing. It's only now i am able to get out and about..driving.
Which is what i am about to do right now! TVR that is, my only smile.
My marriage went pretty much the same way as well, him stopping away 'on business' and his phone always being turned off unable to get hold of him. Turned out my years of suspicion were correct and he had indeed been screwing around and had even got himself a flat in Essex and had a totally new separate life down there.
So, nearly 3 years ago and after 16yrs and half my life wasted with this person, I too, at the age of 33 was also cast aside and left on the scrapheap of life.
Life does get better though, you slowly pick up the pieces, buy a TVR or two and try and repair the damage and devastation that this person inflicted on you.
So, nearly 3 years ago and after 16yrs and half my life wasted with this person, I too, at the age of 33 was also cast aside and left on the scrapheap of life.
Life does get better though, you slowly pick up the pieces, buy a TVR or two and try and repair the damage and devastation that this person inflicted on you.
She shows you no respect and has possibly cheated before. Get rid and never have anything to do with a woman who behaves like her again.
Get your stuff sorted. Anything personal needs to be well out of her way. Anything of lasting value that is yours ditto.
Remortgage the house. Do this without her knowing or talk her into doing it to "give her some money to be getting on with". Give her some and stash the rest somewhere or better still spend it on something you can easily change back into money but that she won't know about.
You might want to get a paternity test done too.
Try to get custody. She sounds like an appalling mother.
If ther's anything you've always wanted to do but haven't found the money or freedom to it now is the chance.
Get your stuff sorted. Anything personal needs to be well out of her way. Anything of lasting value that is yours ditto.
Remortgage the house. Do this without her knowing or talk her into doing it to "give her some money to be getting on with". Give her some and stash the rest somewhere or better still spend it on something you can easily change back into money but that she won't know about.
You might want to get a paternity test done too.
Try to get custody. She sounds like an appalling mother.
If ther's anything you've always wanted to do but haven't found the money or freedom to it now is the chance.
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