Impractical solutions to everyday problems
Impractical solutions to everyday problems
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ShadownINja

Original Poster:

78,841 posts

299 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
Suggest your worst/daftest/most impractical solution that would actually work.

Problem 1) I can't get the lid off the jam jar.

Problem 2) My desk rocks slightly; one of the legs is warped so appears shorter/out of line.

lawrence567

7,507 posts

207 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
ShadownINja said:
Suggest your worst/daftest/most impractical solution that would actually work.

Problem 1) I can't get the lid off the jam jar.

Problem 2) My desk rocks slightly; one of the legs is warped so appears shorter/out of line.
Problem 1) Go to the gym you weakling

Problem 2) Stop being a pikey & buy a new desk

dougc

8,240 posts

282 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
ShadownINja said:
Suggest your worst/daftest/most impractical solution that would actually work.

Problem 1) I can't get the lid off the jam jar.

Problem 2) My desk rocks slightly; one of the legs is warped so appears shorter/out of line.
1) Throw it on kitchen floor - hard. Presto, jam jar is open.
2) Saw one of the chair legs down so that you are at the same angle.

Dogwatch

6,336 posts

239 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
1) Break glass*, remove jam

2) As above - new desk

  • ETA Beaten to it
Edited by Dogwatch on Monday 20th April 13:59

shirt

24,520 posts

218 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
ShadownINja said:
Suggest your worst/daftest/most impractical solution that would actually work.

Problem 1) I can't get the lid off the jam jar.

Problem 2) My desk rocks slightly; one of the legs is warped so appears shorter/out of line.
1] ask the prettiest/most fanciable woman in the office to open it for you.

2] bend all other legs the same. if your boss / occ. health spots you doing this, you might get a few days at home 'having a rest'

cheshire_cat

260 posts

202 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
1)

Fix jar base to exactly the point that the earth rotates around (north pole?). Attach the lid to a fixed object in geo-stationary orbit above the north pole with a solid rod.

Bingo, given 24 hours or so the lid should have rotated enough to be removed.

elster

17,517 posts

227 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
1- Laser cutter

2- Overhead crane.



sleep envy

62,260 posts

266 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
1) buy new jar

2) take over someone else's desk

Kozy

3,169 posts

235 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
ShadownINja said:
Problem 1) I can't get the lid off the jam jar.
Glue/weld the lid to the flywheel of a supercharged LSx V8.
Glue/weld the bottom of the jar to something suitably solid, like a headstone.

Start engine, rev until the lid is free. You may need to retrieve some small traces of jam from adjacent objects.

grumbledoak

32,218 posts

250 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
1) Buy an identical jar and get the checkout girl to open it for you.
2) Saw all four legs off the table.

hth

Kozy

3,169 posts

235 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
ShadownINja said:
Problem 2) My desk rocks slightly; one of the legs is warped so appears shorter/out of line.
Drop a piano on it from a crane.

If a crane is unavailable, "homemade explosives*" might do the trick.

  • I am probably being monitored by Mi5 now for mentioning that...

Justayellowbadge

37,057 posts

259 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
Take jar, and insert in anus.

Take leg off table, beat someone with it untill it straightens.

When your 400 lb cellmate first attempts to bugger you, he will have to remove the impediment, at which point he will exclaim 'Oooh, jam' , and rip the lid off with his huge bear like paws.

Job done.

What happens next may make the outcome seem less than worthwhile, however.

FrankDrebbin

202 posts

200 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
1 - use the thermite reaction to remove the top of the jar

2 - reprofile your floor to ame the desk level again.


Harry Flashman

20,768 posts

259 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
Justayellowbadge said:
Take jar, and insert in anus.

Take leg off table, beat someone with it untill it straightens.

When your 400 lb cellmate first attempts to bugger you, he will have to remove the impediment, at which point he will exclaim 'Oooh, jam' , and rip the lid off with his huge bear like paws.

Job done.

What happens next may make the outcome seem less than worthwhile, however.
We have a winner.

For all the wrong reasons.

Mr Will

13,719 posts

223 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
1. Bend desk leg more until at the the correct height for the jam jar to fit underneath.
2. Place useless un-openable jar under desk leg to cure wobble.
3. Buy more jam.

shirt

24,520 posts

218 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
superglue catherine wheel to top of jar and bottom of jar to the table. light blue tocuh paper and retire.




ShadownINja

Original Poster:

78,841 posts

299 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
Brilliant. PH never fails to come up with the goods.

ShadownINja

Original Poster:

78,841 posts

299 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
Problem 3) My lawn needs mowing and my lawn mower has broken.

him_over_there

970 posts

223 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
ShadownINja said:
Problem 3) My lawn needs mowing and my lawn mower has broken.
Goats. Lots of goats.

Edited by him_over_there on Monday 20th April 14:18

Justayellowbadge

37,057 posts

259 months

Monday 20th April 2009
quotequote all
ShadownINja said:
Problem 3) My lawn needs mowing and my lawn mower has broken.
You now have access to the jam.

Spread thinly and evenly over lawn and insects will nibble it to the desired length.