Ex heroin addict. Is he now a good man?

[Beckham]

A female friend of mine has just been contacted by an ex partner, who has just been released from prison after 4 years, for supplying class A drugs. He also seved another 3 year stretch prior to that. He was an addict, but swears that he is now "clean".
She has met him a couple of times and admits that she still fancies him.
As a good friend of hers, should I be worried for her?.
She is a lovely 26 year old woman with a lovely little 5 year old child and a steady job. She smokes, but does not take drugs.
What are the chances of this guy actually being cured and leading a straight, drug free life now?
I would be devastated if he turned her into a junkie.
All advice greatly appreciated.

[anonymous-user]

I was told by an 'ex-user' that as with alcoholics, you never become an ex-addict, simply a recovering addict, you can never guarantee not to use again, only try to move away from whatever it was that influenced you to start using in the first place (family incident, social circle etc etc).

ETA will he use again, who knows, but it's doubtful he'd 'turn her' - grown ups can make their own decisions what to do and what not to do.

Edited by anonymous-user on Tuesday 12th May 16:36

[Justayellowbadge]

On my close knowledge of the person in question, no idea.

Nor, I suspect, will anyone else.

But you'll get lots of opinion anyway.

[sleep envy]

Beckham said:

I would be devastated if he turned her into a junkie.
All advice greatly appreciated.

would you have the same concerns if he was a recovering alcoholic?

[911motorsport]

That is avery difficult one! Whilst I'd love to think someone can shake off a heroin addiction and return to 'normal', heroin is a VERY addictive drug. I have seen the effects it can have on people first hand. I would advise her to sit back a little and see how he behaves for a few months under his own discipline.

Edited by 911motorsport on Tuesday 12th May 16:41

[ben d]

A lot of it will depend on his circle of friends when he gets out. If he continues to associate with the people he dealt to / used with, then he has no chance. My brother is a heroin addict, so I have first hand experience of this happening. He's never managed to get clean despite wanting to for years, largely because he keeps going back to the same people again and again and again.

That said, lots of the people who try and help him are ex-users and wouldn't go back, the difference there being that they've made a positive difference to their circumstances and tried to move away from anything that linked them to their previous life.

Unfortunately, there's no hard and fast rule here - if the guy is sincere and ready to start a new life, then there's nothing stopping him being a good man.

[XJSJohn]

yellowbentines said:

I was told by an 'ex-user' that as with alcoholics, you never become an ex-addict, simply a recovering addict, you can never guarantee not to use again, only try to move away from whatever it was that influenced you to start using in the first place (family incident, social circle etc etc).

100% BUT .... you have to give a genuine "ex" *insert device* user credit .... if they have genuinely gone that far then, should your situation be such, you should accept them.


but be aware.


ex ...... and smoker.

[Baby Huey]

I know a girl who was heroin addicted for around 10 years and in a real mess with it too.

She moved away from where she grew up and came down to London, and has been living cleanly for the last 5 years. I very much doubt she would go back to it but you never know.

[ben d]

And from memory (not my own, obviously), you can get opiate blockers inserted into your body if you're serious and worried about going back.

Although I do remember an acedote about Shaun Ryder cutting his out....

[XJSJohn]

Baby Huey said:

I very much doubt she would go back to it but you never know.

100% ... benefit of doubt, support, help, etc etc ...

also be aware, but never with predujice.

[anonymous-user]

XJSJohn said:

100% BUT .... you have to give a genuine "ex" *insert device* user credit .... if they have genuinely gone that far then, should your situation be such, you should accept them.

I agree, having known someone who was an addict (and a professional person,not a scumbag from the slum-end of town with nothing better to do with their life) I know it can be turned around - they met someone who helped them get clean and stay clean, moved away from where their dealers lived, got a new job etc.

So, OP, your friend having a relationship with this person may actually be a good thing and HELP them to stay clean.

[Beckham]

I met this guy today, quite by chance.
He seems a fairly decent guy (on first impressions anyway), but he admitted to me that since he was released from jail, he is in a bail hostel, and looking for someone to offer him board and lodgings.
My female friend has admitted that he has asked her, if he can lodge there.
Although she is reluctant to, I can tell that she is thinking about it.
This guy has got no address, no family and no money.
He even asked me if I had any romantic links with her, as he is clearly attracted to her.

[ridds]

4 years for supply....

No house, no money....

Looking for somewhere to lay his head....

What were the other 3 years for?


My 2p: Been inside once, and didn't learn. You never fully "recover" in my eyes.

5 year old kid and steady job.... Keep this bloke WELL away.

[dodgyviper]

This is a joke right - he's served 7 years in jail and he's how old? First time can be put down to stupidity/youth/wrong crowd etc - but a second stretch. FFS

..and you're asking if a good friend should spend time with him.

All he knows is drugs - not just as a user but a pusher too, and we all know what nice guys they are.

He's scum - tell her to run a mile.

[monthefish]

Beckham said:

A female friend of mine has just been contacted by an ex partner, who has just been released from prison after 4 years, for supplying class A drugs. He also seved another 3 year stretch prior to that. He was an addict, but swears that he is now "clean".
She has met him a couple of times and admits that she still fancies him.
As a good friend of hers, should I be worried for her?

You obviously already are to have posted this, and rightly so in my humble opinion, however...

Justayellowbadge said:

On my close knowledge of the person in question, no idea.

Nor, I suspect, will anyone else.

But you'll get lots of opinion anyway.

...this is a fair point. He may well be clean and may well deserve a second chance.

I think the situation warrants your concern. Whether the individuals involved do, only you can really decide..

Beckham said:

She has met him a couple of times and admits that she still fancies him.

Beckham said:

as he is clearly attracted to her.

Who are we, the PH massive, to stand in the way of true love??

Do you know why they split up in the first place?
Is he the father of the 5 year old?

[Beckham]

monthefish said:

Who are we, the PH massive, to stand in the way of true love??

Do you know why they split up in the first place?
Is he the father of the 5 year old?

She finished with him originally, because she discovered that he was a drug dealer.
No, the child is not his.

[Pigeon]

I have known a few smackheads and I wouldn't trust any of them further than I could throw an HGV. Deceitful manipulative bds who take anyone for anything they can get.

One presumes he is in the same age group as the "female friend" from the way the scene is presented? So mid 20s? Has just done 4 years... and has done 3 years before that. Not good. Sounds like too many people I have known.

This bit is especially worrying: "She has met him a couple of times and admits that she still fancies him."

That means: He will see her as an ideal target for the manipulative headfking practices that these types get up to, and will fk her life up big style for years to come.

It also means: she will indeed be such a target, and will blind herself to his failings, will let him get away with far, far too much, and you won't be able to tell her... you'll have to watch her getting fked up by this piece of scum.

Sure I haven't met this particular guy but I've met several with similar stories and it just carries on like that, continually in trouble with the law and anyone who gets at all close to them gets fked up.

You need to make sure she has nothing to do with him and I am worried that you may find this difficult because of the existing emotional involvement you mention, which may well lead to her discounting any negative response or even going the other way. Problem. But it needs to be done.

[Pow!]

One of my mates who i met only through some of my mates told me that he used to be on all the hardcore stuff for ages but has been clean for the last year. Something sprang to my mind that i doubt i could trust this person :/

[HUW JONES]

Pigeon said:

I have known a few smackheads and I wouldn't trust any of them further than I could throw an HGV. Deceitful manipulative bds who take anyone for anything they can get.

One presumes he is in the same age group as the "female friend" from the way the scene is presented? So mid 20s? Has just done 4 years... and has done 3 years before that. Not good. Sounds like too many people I have known.

This bit is especially worrying: "She has met him a couple of times and admits that she still fancies him."

That means: He will see her as an ideal target for the manipulative headfking practices that these types get up to, and will fk her life up big style for years to come.

It also means: she will indeed be such a target, and will blind herself to his failings, will let him get away with far, far too much, and you won't be able to tell her... you'll have to watch her getting fked up by this piece of scum.

Sure I haven't met this particular guy but I've met several with similar stories and it just carries on like that, continually in trouble with the law and anyone who gets at all close to them gets fked up.

You need to make sure she has nothing to do with him and I am worried that you may find this difficult because of the existing emotional involvement you mention, which may well lead to her discounting any negative response or even going the other way. Problem. But it needs to be done.

Good advice in my experience.

[mel]

I employed an ex addict when he'd been clean for about a year and was really just starting to get himself back on the straight and narrow, he worked for me for 3 further years and went from strength to strength before leaving because I couldn't offer him the oppourtunities to better himself further. I still occassionally see him to talk to and the truth is that he is simply an "addict" sure he has kicked the class A's, doesn't drink, smoke, and eats healthly but he's only done it by finding another addiction. In his case he now runs, and I mean runs as in marathons and cross country runs, every night. Luckilly he's met a lovely girl through his running club and she goes with him, he's now mortgaged, getting married and holding down a good job and I'd say cleaning living than 95% of other people I know. But the biggest plus point is he's honest and always has been. So who knows?