Preserving Children
Discussion
I cleared my shed yesteday and found a small tin.No makers name on it just 'Recipies'also decorated with recipes, and on opening it found this on the inside of lid;
Recipe for preserving children:
1 Grass grown field
1 Half dozen Children [ or more]
Several dogs [ and puppies if available]
1 Brook
Pebbles
Method:
Into field pour children and dogs, allowing to mix well.
Pour brook over pebbles till slightly frothy.
When children are nicely brown cool in warm bath.
When dry serve with milk and fresh baked gingerbread.
I wonder who made this tins.
Recipe for preserving children:
1 Grass grown field
1 Half dozen Children [ or more]
Several dogs [ and puppies if available]
1 Brook
Pebbles
Method:
Into field pour children and dogs, allowing to mix well.
Pour brook over pebbles till slightly frothy.
When children are nicely brown cool in warm bath.
When dry serve with milk and fresh baked gingerbread.
I wonder who made this tins.
Was it a tin of ginger?
The recipe gets a few hits on google
e.g. http://www.realcakes.co.uk/AgaRPC.htm
or, http://everything2.com/title/Recipe%2520for%2520Pr...
The recipe gets a few hits on google
e.g. http://www.realcakes.co.uk/AgaRPC.htm
or, http://everything2.com/title/Recipe%2520for%2520Pr...
Edited by grumbledoak on Sunday 17th May 18:25
Sorry, not allowed:
'Grass grown field' - it could have tapeworm eggs and dogpoo in it, and the kids will get hayfever.
'Half dozen Children' - OK, no shortage of those.
'Several dogs [and puppies if available]' - sorry, at best toxocara canis, at worst, danger of attack.
'Brook' - no way, it's polluted and could have sharp objects underneath.
'When children are nicely brown...' - Tsk, melanoma.
'When dry serve with milk and fresh baked gingerbread' - no, too much fat, sugar and E-numbers
It'll never work.
'Grass grown field' - it could have tapeworm eggs and dogpoo in it, and the kids will get hayfever.
'Half dozen Children' - OK, no shortage of those.
'Several dogs [and puppies if available]' - sorry, at best toxocara canis, at worst, danger of attack.
'Brook' - no way, it's polluted and could have sharp objects underneath.
'When children are nicely brown...' - Tsk, melanoma.
'When dry serve with milk and fresh baked gingerbread' - no, too much fat, sugar and E-numbers
It'll never work.
Simpo Two said:
Sorry, not allowed:
'Grass grown field' - it could have tapeworm eggs and dogpoo in it, and the kids will get hayfever.
'Half dozen Children' - OK, no shortage of those.
'Several dogs [and puppies if available]' - sorry, at best toxocara canis, at worst, danger of attack.
'Brook' - no way, it's polluted and could have sharp objects underneath.
'When children are nicely brown...' - Tsk, melanoma.
'When dry serve with milk and fresh baked gingerbread' - no, too much fat, sugar and E-numbers
It'll never work.
'Grass grown field' - it could have tapeworm eggs and dogpoo in it, and the kids will get hayfever.
'Half dozen Children' - OK, no shortage of those.
'Several dogs [and puppies if available]' - sorry, at best toxocara canis, at worst, danger of attack.
'Brook' - no way, it's polluted and could have sharp objects underneath.
'When children are nicely brown...' - Tsk, melanoma.
'When dry serve with milk and fresh baked gingerbread' - no, too much fat, sugar and E-numbers
It'll never work.
I dunno...It might just work if you had a full Health and Saftey team in to do a multi point risk assesment on the play environment and a qualified Aricultralist to present a 30 page report on the condition of the soil to ensure it conformed with the local Councils requirements for play and recreation areas. As for the hayfever - let's call it a seasonal alergy instead as that's a generic non-discrinanatory term that does not actually imply hay is the sole culprit, and of course there will always have to be a full healthcare team on hand to dispense advice and medication free at the point of use in several different languages just in case a Young Person who chooses to partipate in the play experience sneezes.
Dogs however are an absolute nono. They are meat eating carnivores and have their genitals on open display. It's well known they are usually owned by A/B social classes who oppress them by training them not to s
t on the lounge carpet or allow them to follow their natural instincts by attempting to shag any visitors. The A/B social group also uses dogs on a daily basis to rip cute little foxes to bits at any opportunity as a lifestyle choice.A detailed report would also be needed on the brook environment. Water assesment would have to be carried out on a weekly basis to ensure purity. Trees would have to be removed to both ensure no Young Person witnessed the trauma of falling leaves and that every young person had equal rights and opportunities to access daylight during the play experience. There must be no twigs or other floating objects available for competitive games such as Pooh Sticks. Any group attempt at building a raft or splashing must be controlled by the latest distraction/reward for bad behaviour technique. The water temperature in the brook must be maintained to within two degrees of ambient air to avoid any risk of "cold water" shock and truma and as the brook is nearly 4cm deep in places and consists of moving water, trip hazard and wet surface signs must be placed along the bank at 10 metere intervals and a full rescue service must placed be on standby at all times.
"Nicely Brown" is a racist, discriminatory term with ethnic implications.
Such insulting and abusive language will not be tolerated. We prefer the term Rainbow Youth or multicultural community. Nicely brown is also known as the distressing and often lethal condition of having a suntan which is frequently linked to child abuse, especially amongst scocio-economic groups who do productive work for a living and and are greedy and selfish enough to use money they earn to take holidays abroard and are therefore soley responsible for both Global Warming and the death of seveal Polar Bears - one of which was sponsored by the local Council.
It is absolutely imperative - and a condition of "outdoors" being made available that any perishable foodstuffs are served by qualified food handlers, and that all the ingredients within the food have passed a multi point assesment regarding food miles, free trade conditions and that no animals or living creatures are either harmed or even placed at slight inconvenience at any stage of foodstuff production. Food ingredients must conform to all known and some imaginary dietry requirments.
Serving milk is completely unacceptable. Nearly 0.07% of children suffer a dairy allergy and milk must never be served - especially in it's naural colour as the pleasure a cool glass of milk brings and and the association of that colour with pleasure is not acceptable in a multicultural society.
Once all these conditions are met and a report placed on "outdoors" with the Outdoors Experience (Young Persons play) Managment Comittee on the local council then Young People may at their own discression and without any...
Oh Bugger it's started raining.
Edited by Jaguar steve on Monday 18th May 08:10
Simpo Two said:
Sorry, not allowed:
'Grass grown field' - it could have tapeworm eggs and dogpoo in it, and the kids will get hayfever.
'Half dozen Children' - OK, no shortage of those.
'Several dogs [and puppies if available]' - sorry, at best toxocara canis, at worst, danger of attack.
'Brook' - no way, it's polluted and could have sharp objects underneath.
'When children are nicely brown...' - Tsk, melanoma.
'When dry serve with milk and fresh baked gingerbread' - no, too much fat, sugar and E-numbers
It'll never work.
Half a dozen children could constitute a gang of youths. Best not let that happen either.'Grass grown field' - it could have tapeworm eggs and dogpoo in it, and the kids will get hayfever.
'Half dozen Children' - OK, no shortage of those.
'Several dogs [and puppies if available]' - sorry, at best toxocara canis, at worst, danger of attack.
'Brook' - no way, it's polluted and could have sharp objects underneath.
'When children are nicely brown...' - Tsk, melanoma.
'When dry serve with milk and fresh baked gingerbread' - no, too much fat, sugar and E-numbers
It'll never work.
Jaguar steve said:
I dunno...It might just work if you had a full Health and Saftey team in to do a multi point risk assesment on the play environment and a qualified Aricultralist to present a 30 page report on the condition of the soil to ensure it conformed with the local Councils requirements for play and recreation areas. As for the hayfever - let's call it a seasonal alergy instead as that's a generic non-discrinanatory term that does not actually imply hay is the sole culprit, and of course there will always have to be a full healthcare team on hand to dispense advice and medication free at the point of use in several different languages just in case a Young Person who chooses to partipate in the play experience sneezes.
Dogs however are an absolute nono. They are meat eating carnivores and have their genitals on open display. It's well known they are usually owned by A/B social classes who oppress them by training them not to s
t on the lounge carpet or allow them to follow their natural instincts by attempting to shag any visitors. The A/B social group also uses dogs on a daily basis to rip cute little foxes to bits at any opportunity as a lifestyle choice.A detailed report would also be needed on the brook environment. Water assesment would have to be carried out on a weekly basis to ensure purity. Trees would have to be removed to both ensure no Young Person witnessed the trauma of falling leaves and that every young person had equal rights and opportunities to access daylight during the play experience. There must be no twigs or other floating objects available for competitive games such as Pooh Sticks. Any group attempt at building a raft or splashing must be controlled by the latest distraction/reward for bad behaviour technique. The water temperature in the brook must be maintained to within two degrees of ambient air to avoid any risk of "cold water" shock and truma and as the brook is nearly 4cm deep in places and consists of moving water, trip hazard and wet surface signs must be placed along the bank at 10 metere intervals and a full rescue service must placed be on standby at all times.
"Nicely Brown" is a racist, discriminatory term with ethnic implications.
Such insulting and abusive language will not be tolerated. We prefer the term Rainbow Youth or multicultural community. Nicely brown is also known as the distressing and often lethal condition of having a suntan which is frequently linked to child abuse, especially amongst scocio-economic groups who do productive work for a living and and are greedy and selfish enough to use money they earn to take holidays abroard and are therefore soley responsible for both Global Warming and the death of seveal Polar Bears - one of which was sponsored by the local Council.
It is absolutely imperative - and a condition of "outdoors" being made available that any perishable foodstuffs are served by qualified food handlers, and that all the ingredients within the food have passed a multi point assesment regarding food miles, free trade conditions and that no animals or living creatures are either harmed or even placed at slight inconvenience at any stage of foodstuff production. Food ingredients must conform to all known and some imaginary dietry requirments.
Serving milk is completely unacceptable. Nearly 0.07% of children suffer a dairy allergy and milk must never be served - especially in it's naural colour as the pleasure a cool glass of milk brings and and the association of that colour with pleasure is not acceptable in a multicultural society.
Once all these conditions are met and a report placed on "outdoors" with the Outdoors Experience (Young Persons play) Managment Comittee on the local council then Young People may at their own discression and without any...
Oh Bugger it's started raining.
Bring them up in fear. It's the only way.
Things we should not give them:- self confidence, money, knowledge of sex, equality with adults, precedence on buses, pavements, or anywhere else.
Do they now have a joyful, smiling happy childhood? They don't. They scowl and sulk their way through, while cycling and skateboarding over old people and spending more money than their Grandads ever earned. They make everybody else's life absolutely miserable for years until they graduate to Ecstacy and Nightclubs and reach the estate of adulthood themselves.
Children swagger. Well they might, they've got a lot to swagger about. They're in charge. They have learned that nobody can do anything about them. Nobody can discipline them. The schools abdicated that responsibility some years ago, leaving chastisement to their parents.....Unfortunately parents had placed it in the hand of schools long before that, so the result is nobody disciplines them at all, and the bitter fact for all adults is that all children know it. As a child you can do as you like, it is the only time in life that you can. They are making the most of it. A child can follow a wheelchair-bound old lady down the street, shouting obscenities at her, and nothing can be done about it? Didn't know that did you? Well it's true.
As a witness to the wheelchair incident, what are you going to do? Smack?..Don't be silly. Do you like prison food.
Hold on to the kid and tell it off? Might as well go straight home and daub your own walls.
Gently rebuke the child yourself, verbally? You will thereby effectually transfer the abuse to yourself (and your family and friends) and can be followed round the streets all morning, with this child and it's cohorts, calling you a paedophile.
What if you just report it to the Police? They love the Police these little gangs of hooligans, they don't run away from them, no reason to. They smile when they come and have a jolly good time, play-fighting among themselves with arm-locks to confuse the officers. Teeny girls squeal at the extra attentions of teeny boys when the police are present. A 'telling-off' from the Police is both futile and dangerous, not to the child, to the Officer! Poor Police, impotent and baited.
Should you, or the Police, go to their homes and tell their parents? Ho Ho. There are a lot of unlikelihoods here. First it is not likely that there are two natural parents, maybe a single mother on her own, too harrassed to do anything. She's got lots of kids, it's not easy and she may take the line of less resistance and let the kids roam. She may be cross with the child, and be upset and cry. But the idea was to make it bad for the child, not the Mother. Maybe the single mother has a new man who must not lay a finger on 'her' kids. There's no wrath like that of a father who can actually give them a belt, and no substitute for the effect that can have. Even if there are two proper parents nowadays, they probably do not believe in physical punishment, it is also odd nowadays that parents do not believe that their particular little rat-bag can be guilty of anything.
These parents will also ascribe the anti-social behaviour of their little devil, to those with whom he associates, his unsuitable friends, who keep getting him into trouble. Great myth this is. It is the little devil himself, or herself, and all the other little devils who are no better than one another. Why these parents believe their child would become a paragon of virtue if his playmates changed is a mystery. Lying used to be the worst crime in the old days, in BTOC. (Before Tyranny Of Children) It isn't now. Kids will deny any wrongdoing. They always do, all the time, and for everything. They lie blithely you see. They lie themselves blue in the face. They have discovered that most often they get away with murder in the absence of proof. Lies are very powerful. No one can ever be sure. So the parents can't be sure he/she's that bad. You, or the Police, or the Archbishop of Canterbury do not carry much weight in your testimonies if their precious says it was not him. The precious is called Tom. He says the Old Lady was tormented mainly by Dick and partly by Harry. The parents will believe anything bad of Dick and Harry, in fact these are two of the children that will lead their Tom into bad ways.
We knew it all along. The little old lady in the wheel chair is at fault. She tried to get past the bikes on the pavement outside the Post Office. She might have tutted when they threw coke cans down. Perhaps she shook her head when they spat on the pavement, or waved a skinny hand and said 'Don't do that.' when they kicked the shrubs down in the Civic Gardens.
I accept that hitting kids is not a good thing. It's just a better thing than the Old Ladies treatment and all of us tip-toeing around letting little anarchists ruin the place. Not all kids need it anyway. They are different. The best do not perform the anti-social acts I have described. There is great pressure from their peers to do so but many, unfortunately at some personal cost, resist it and behave properly. Let's not start knocking that sort of kid about. It's more difficult for a kid to be good than bad thanks to the masses of nasty kids who are cheeky and rude and disrespectful and violent and cowardly because they have found they have such power.
These disrupters weren't bad to start with. They thought they were just kids and had better keep their heads down and keep out of the way of busy grown ups, and be polite, or they'd be in trouble with everybody. Surprise, surprise, they found they weren't in trouble with anyone. They could upset all those tall people, make some cry, make some argue with each other, but the effect on themselves was virtually nil. They learn to smirk at age six.
Kids don't worry about sanctions being applied at home. Taking away the Game Boy, no television, a few less Big Macs. This immediately turns the child more obnoxious at home than it was before. This obnoxious behaviour, which a 'clip of the ear' would soon cure, is so terrible, sanctions are soon relaxed, reparations are even made to restore the 'status quo'. 'Grounding' does not work. It is possible for the average eleven year old to wear down any two adults in an hour of whining and sulking. Those people who took John McCarthy and Terry Waite hostage for years wouldn't have kept them a day if they had been modern kids of twelve.
Now the boot is so thoroughly on the other foot Children can apply counter sanctions. Invoke Esther Rantzen and Childline. Dial-up premium charge calls on the phone. Be 'bored' i.e. start kicking the veneer from the kitchen base unit which is already falling to bits. Be 'difficult' at meal times. (one pea and it can all be thrown away) I'm afraid they have terrible power if they can't be intimidated.
This must all be turned round mustn't it? If these kids were hungry they'd eat anything. If they were always assumed guilty on accusation and given a thrashing, they'd start to avoid the circumstances which led to it. We should assume all children are guilty little swine first, not the adults. It's hard, but turning round this runaway juggernaut is going to be hard, when one extra click on the handbrake would have done the job a few years ago.
I like the recipie though, and common sense obviously did prevail at some point in the past.
Jaguar steve said:
Simpo Two said:
Sorry, not allowed:
'Grass grown field' - it could have tapeworm eggs and dogpoo in it, and the kids will get hayfever.
'Half dozen Children' - OK, no shortage of those.
'Several dogs [and puppies if available]' - sorry, at best toxocara canis, at worst, danger of attack.
'Brook' - no way, it's polluted and could have sharp objects underneath.
'When children are nicely brown...' - Tsk, melanoma.
'When dry serve with milk and fresh baked gingerbread' - no, too much fat, sugar and E-numbers
It'll never work.
'Grass grown field' - it could have tapeworm eggs and dogpoo in it, and the kids will get hayfever.
'Half dozen Children' - OK, no shortage of those.
'Several dogs [and puppies if available]' - sorry, at best toxocara canis, at worst, danger of attack.
'Brook' - no way, it's polluted and could have sharp objects underneath.
'When children are nicely brown...' - Tsk, melanoma.
'When dry serve with milk and fresh baked gingerbread' - no, too much fat, sugar and E-numbers
It'll never work.
I dunno...It might just work if you had a full Health and Saftey team in to do a multi point risk assesment on the play environment and a qualified Agricultralist to present a 30 page report on the condition of the soil to ensure it conformed with the local Councils requirements for play and recreation areas. As for the hayfever - let's call it a seasonal alergy instead as that's a generic non-discrinanatory term that does not actually imply hay is the sole culprit, and of course there will always have to be a full healthcare team on hand to dispense advice and medication free at the point of use in several different languages just in case a Young Person who chooses to partipate in the play experience sneezes.
Dogs however are an absolute nono. They are meat eating carnivores and have their genitals on open display. It's well known they are usually owned by A/B social classes who oppress them by training them not to s
t on the lounge carpet or allow them to follow their natural instincts by attempting to shag any visitors. The A/B social group also uses dogs on a daily basis to rip cute little foxes to bits at any opportunity as a lifestyle choice.A detailed report would also be needed on the brook environment. Water assesment would have to be carried out on a weekly basis to ensure purity. Trees would have to be removed to both ensure no Young Person witnessed the trauma of falling leaves and that every young person had equal rights and opportunities to access daylight during the play experience. There must be no twigs or other floating objects available for competitive games such as Pooh Sticks. Any group attempt at building a raft or splashing must be controlled by the latest distraction/reward for bad behaviour technique. The water temperature in the brook must be maintained to within two degrees of ambient air to avoid any risk of "cold water" shock and truma and as the brook is nearly 4cm deep in places and consists of moving water, trip hazard and wet surface signs must be placed along the bank at 10 metere intervals and a full rescue service must placed be on standby at all times.
"Nicely Brown" is a racist, discriminatory term with ethnic implications.
Such insulting and abusive language will not be tolerated. We prefer the term Rainbow Youth or multicultural community. Nicely brown is also known as the distressing and often lethal condition of having a suntan which is frequently linked to child abuse, especially amongst scocio-economic groups who do productive work for a living and and are greedy and selfish enough to use money they earn to take holidays abroard and are therefore soley responsible for both Global Warming and the death of seveal Polar Bears - one of which was sponsored by the local Council.
It is absolutely imperative - and a condition of "outdoors" being made available that any perishable foodstuffs are served by qualified food handlers, and that all the ingredients within the food have passed a multi point assesment regarding food miles, free trade conditions and that no animals or living creatures are either harmed or even placed at slight inconvenience at any stage of foodstuff production. Food ingredients must conform to all known and some imaginary dietry requirments.
Serving milk is completely unacceptable. Nearly 0.07% of children suffer a dairy allergy and milk must never be served - especially in it's naural colour as the pleasure a cool glass of milk brings and and the association of that colour with pleasure is not acceptable in a multicultural society.
Once all these conditions are met and a report placed on "outdoors" with the Outdoors Experience (Young Persons play) Managment Comittee on the local council then Young People may at their own discression and without any...
Oh Bugger it's started raining.
Edited by Jaguar steve on Monday 18th May 08:10
Simpo Two said:
drivin_me_nuts said:
. god you lot are a bunch of cynical olde crusties !
Aha, but if it's based on fact is it cynical or realistic? The older I get, the more cynical I have to be just to keep up with the loonies of New Labour, PC, Europe and Elfnsafety.
Jaguar steve said:
Simpo Two said:
drivin_me_nuts said:
. god you lot are a bunch of cynical olde crusties !
Aha, but if it's based on fact is it cynical or realistic? The older I get, the more cynical I have to be just to keep up with the loonies of New Labour, PC, Europe and Elfnsafety.My business philosophy is actually something along the lines of "if it wasn't for parents, I wouldn't have a business" ..
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