Petty Thievery

[Lefty Guns]

There has been a spate of thefts in my office over the last few months, all of which have happened at night. The obvious culprits are cleaners or security guards I guess.

There's no CCTV and it's a big office, about 1000 people.

I've had an ipod charger nicked, the guy who sits next to me had a memory stick taken from a locked drawer (!)

Somebody else had a digital radio go missing. People are obviously now starting to lock anything valuable away or take it it home with them.

In the last week I've had 2 pens (cheap ones), a can of irn-bru and a packet of chewing gum taken.

This really boils my piss, why steal something as mundane as that?!


So I need a plan.


My first thought is to leave a Mars bar on my desk. One that I've injected (through the wrapper) with some kind of vicious laxative and see which security guard doesn't make it in to work for his next night shift...

Any more suggestions?

[carmadgaz]

Mouse traps hidden in the drawers

[justayellowbadge]

Unless an absolute requirement for day to day duties, I'd leave your torch at home.

[mickk]

He stole your Irn-Bru! Why would anyone do that?

[ShadownINja]

I like the plan. Alternatively, remote, tiny CCTV cams recording movement in the office overnight.

[Don]

Memory stick loaded with vicious malware and a "call-home" routine?

[Ahhh Moneypenny]

someone at my work made some chocolate muffins and put whole chilli's hidden in the middle, one was gone the next day so someone suffered a burning rectum on the cakes exit!

[A1GOY]

Lace the Mars bar with LSD and wait for the Security Guard asking about flying cats to greet you.

[Gargamel]

Cheap mobile set up with the tracking service on it ?

Superglue a pound coin to your desk

set up a webcam

put as much glitter as you can find inside an old cheque book near the edge of the desk

Set a snap trap (cap bang flippy spring trap) under something

[Lefty Guns]

A1GOY said:

Lace the Mars bar with LSD and wait for the Security Guard asking about flying cats to greet you.

[Gargamel]

Put a post it note on your screen with something on it like

steve, don't forget to put your lap top in the drawer

Then in the drawer put another note saying -

Smile your on CCTV you thieving b'stard

[Lefty Guns]

justayellowbadge said:

Unless an absolute requirement for day to day duties, I'd leave your torch at home.

:scratchin:

Nope, i still don't get it.

[Stu R]

put a pin hole in the bottom of the replacement irn bru tin. Take out a healthy measure with a syringe, replace with optrex. Also inject a chocolate bar with it.

Or if you're feeling a bit 'james bond' get yourself a spy camera setup, they're cheap and easily concealed.

How about a couple of drawing pins sellotaped to the underside of the drawer handles.

Have you considered a rudimentary string pulley/tripwire system connected to a loaded 12 bore shotgun?
Or if you don't fancy the charges you'd get for that, get a couple of blank cartridges and pick yourself up an alarm gun. Yeah... that'll go down well.

Edited by Stu R on Tuesday 16th June 13:12

[DrTre]

Mars bar, underneath which is a Claymore anti personnel mine.

Or a Mars bar rigged up to an elaborate pulley system which opens a trapdoor in the floor, dumping the perp in a parallel universe where they have to service Lisa Riley for eternity.

Edited by DrTre on Tuesday 16th June 13:12

[JamesM]

Cover an iPod or something with poison arrow frog poison. Soon as the tea leaf touches it they're doomed.

[Neil_H]

Put a delicious-looking carrot cake cake on your desk with a fragmentation mine underneath it.



No, wait...that's a stupid idea. Make it a Victoria Sponge.

[Stu R]

How about a jade goody screensaver? That'll be more effective than a 50 yard restraining order for keeping them away.

[Lefty Guns]

Stu R said:

put a pin hole in the bottom of the replacement irn bru tin. Take out a healthy measure with a syringe, replace with optrex. Also inject a chocolate bar with it.

Optrex? The eye solution stuff? Is it a laxative?

[DrTre]

How about fashioning a jumbo jobbie into the shape of a Mars bar and leaving that carefully wrapped up.

[paulmurr]

Dip the chewing gum in some horse laxative. This should unearth the culprit in an embarrasing and smelly way.