Family feud - who's in the right?
Discussion
Hello all,
Brief outline. Last year, I got married. In the run up to the wedding, we had all sorts of grief from my wife's family and it continued afterwards. Part of that was the aftermath of my speech. Let me explain.
We had three bridesmaids: A, B and H.
A is my wife's sister (and was Chief Bridesmaid), B and H are friends of us both.
During the wedding preparations, A was unhelpful all round. Sulky, argumentative and generally obstructive. We put it down to her being older (31) and still very much on the shelf. B lives a fair distance away and doesn't have a car so we didn't expect her to be overly involved in the preparations. B was always happy to go along with whatever.
H was fantastic. She got married the previous year and was really useful when it came to recommending good suppliers, what to have, what to avoid etc. and was generally very enthusiastic about the whole thing. H is a good friend and really excelled herself with positivity and support.
Anyway, during my speech, I thanked all the bridesmaids (as you do) but I wanted to thank H especially so I did just that. I said that she'd done a great job and all her help was really appreciated.
As it turns out, A got the hump I thanked H. So much so that she stormed off in tears, locked herself in the toilet (and there were only two at the venue), refused to come out, and threatened to go home. The only reason she didn't leave was that her date (a guy she'd been seeing for a couple of weeks) was coming to the evening reception.
I thought this was childish petty behaviour but I didn't say anything on the night because I wanted to enjoy myself and not have an argument with anyone.
When we got back from our honeymoon, we had a letter waiting for us from my father-in-law saying that I had behaved disgracefully at the wedding, that I had taken a "pot shot" at A, and that he demanded an apology from me.
Now, I genuinely did not see that my thanking H would have had such an effect on A. It wasn't my intention to hurt her, so I wrote her an email and apologised. However, I did also say that I thought she was overreacting and that her subsequent behaviour wasn't fair to her sister.
I never heard from her again, and this was last August.
Yesterday, it all erupted again and in a phone call from my father-in-law he reiterated that he thought I was "totally out of order thanking H" in my speech as it "belittled" A.
Now, is it just me, or is A a drama queen? Or am I in the wrong for making an enormous mistake (without realising it)?
This being PistonHeads, humourous replies are just as welcome as genuine thoughts and advice.
Brief outline. Last year, I got married. In the run up to the wedding, we had all sorts of grief from my wife's family and it continued afterwards. Part of that was the aftermath of my speech. Let me explain.
We had three bridesmaids: A, B and H.
A is my wife's sister (and was Chief Bridesmaid), B and H are friends of us both.
During the wedding preparations, A was unhelpful all round. Sulky, argumentative and generally obstructive. We put it down to her being older (31) and still very much on the shelf. B lives a fair distance away and doesn't have a car so we didn't expect her to be overly involved in the preparations. B was always happy to go along with whatever.
H was fantastic. She got married the previous year and was really useful when it came to recommending good suppliers, what to have, what to avoid etc. and was generally very enthusiastic about the whole thing. H is a good friend and really excelled herself with positivity and support.
Anyway, during my speech, I thanked all the bridesmaids (as you do) but I wanted to thank H especially so I did just that. I said that she'd done a great job and all her help was really appreciated.
As it turns out, A got the hump I thanked H. So much so that she stormed off in tears, locked herself in the toilet (and there were only two at the venue), refused to come out, and threatened to go home. The only reason she didn't leave was that her date (a guy she'd been seeing for a couple of weeks) was coming to the evening reception.
I thought this was childish petty behaviour but I didn't say anything on the night because I wanted to enjoy myself and not have an argument with anyone.
When we got back from our honeymoon, we had a letter waiting for us from my father-in-law saying that I had behaved disgracefully at the wedding, that I had taken a "pot shot" at A, and that he demanded an apology from me.
Now, I genuinely did not see that my thanking H would have had such an effect on A. It wasn't my intention to hurt her, so I wrote her an email and apologised. However, I did also say that I thought she was overreacting and that her subsequent behaviour wasn't fair to her sister.
I never heard from her again, and this was last August.
Yesterday, it all erupted again and in a phone call from my father-in-law he reiterated that he thought I was "totally out of order thanking H" in my speech as it "belittled" A.
Now, is it just me, or is A a drama queen? Or am I in the wrong for making an enormous mistake (without realising it)?
This being PistonHeads, humourous replies are just as welcome as genuine thoughts and advice.
Dibble said:
Which one, A, B or H, was the "plump" bridesmaid?
Because you know you're not legally married unless you have at least one fat bridesmaid at your wedding? Never mind what the registrar/priest/rabbi may have said.
Must be A as she's still on the shelf at 31...Because you know you're not legally married unless you have at least one fat bridesmaid at your wedding? Never mind what the registrar/priest/rabbi may have said.
So 'plump' is bad is it Dibs?
Assuming you're telling the whole story, I can't see how you could possibly be in the wrong. I'm assuming you said something along the lines of 'I'd like to thank A B and H for all their help and I'd like to extend an extra special thank you to H for all her help with such and such, blah-de-blah'?
Can't your wife get involved to smooth the way? Can't she have a word with her Dad in private and be the mediator? It certainly seems to have blown out of all proportion.
At the end of the day, you've apologised and eaten humble pie. Not sure what else they want? Maybe a phone call / visit to the In-Laws and try to explain face-to-face? Surely they're not THAT unreasonable?
Can't your wife get involved to smooth the way? Can't she have a word with her Dad in private and be the mediator? It certainly seems to have blown out of all proportion.
At the end of the day, you've apologised and eaten humble pie. Not sure what else they want? Maybe a phone call / visit to the In-Laws and try to explain face-to-face? Surely they're not THAT unreasonable?
Edited by ian_uk1975 on Wednesday 17th June 22:28
ian_uk1975 said:
Assuming you're telling the story, I can't see how you could possibly be in the wrong. I'm assuming you said something along the lines of 'I'd like to thanks A B and H for all their help and I'd like to extend an extra special thank you to H for all her help with such and such, blah-de-blah'?
Can't your wife get involved to smooth the way? Can't she have a word with her Dad in private and be the mediator? It certainly seems to have blown out of all proportion.
At the end of the day, you've apologised and eaten humble pie. Not sure what else they want? Maybe a phone call / visit to the In-Laws and try to explain face-to-face? Surely they're not THAT unreasonable?
The first paragraph is spot on. That's exactly how it went.Can't your wife get involved to smooth the way? Can't she have a word with her Dad in private and be the mediator? It certainly seems to have blown out of all proportion.
At the end of the day, you've apologised and eaten humble pie. Not sure what else they want? Maybe a phone call / visit to the In-Laws and try to explain face-to-face? Surely they're not THAT unreasonable?
My wife is definitely involved and has backed me to the hilt. I couldn't ask for more support from her in this matter.
I have tried my hardest to explain and have offered to go round and talk about it, but yes, they are THAT unreasonable. I've never met anyone like them in my life.
From what you describe, I see you have done absolutely nothing wrong. The woman is being childish, and the father-in-law should keep his trap shut.
This is about your wife and you, and as long as you are united on this, f
k the attitude of the childish cow and the in-law.
They'll get over it in time - just don't rise to it.
HTH
This is about your wife and you, and as long as you are united on this, f
k the attitude of the childish cow and the in-law.They'll get over it in time - just don't rise to it.
HTH
Edited by triggersbroom on Wednesday 17th June 22:30
jamesson said:
philthy said:
Do what her father should have done a long time ago, and tell her to STFU !
Stupid spoilt brattish behaviour.
If only someone had done that years and years ago. I fear it's too late for her. She is the golden daughter and can do no wrong.Stupid spoilt brattish behaviour.
Life's too short to waste with idiots like these. Tell them what you think, and then you can relax about being invited for any family get togethers, as you won't be invited.
It will be difficult if the wife isn't onside though?
triggersbroom said:
From what you describe, I see nothing wrong. The woman is being childish, and the father-in-law should keep his trap shut.
This is about your wife and you, and as long as you are united on this, fk the attitude of the childish cow and the in-law.
They'll get over it in time - just don't rise to it.
HTH
Thank you mate.This is about your wife and you, and as long as you are united on this, f
k the attitude of the childish cow and the in-law.They'll get over it in time - just don't rise to it.
HTH
philthy said:
jamesson said:
philthy said:
Do what her father should have done a long time ago, and tell her to STFU !
Stupid spoilt brattish behaviour.
If only someone had done that years and years ago. I fear it's too late for her. She is the golden daughter and can do no wrong.Stupid spoilt brattish behaviour.
Life's too short to waste with idiots like these. Tell them what you think, and then you can relax about being invited for any family get togethers, as you won't be invited.
It will be difficult if the wife isn't onside though?
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