Adoption and missing relatives question.

[anonymous-user]

Hi everyone,

My MIL was adopted and recently both her parents died. This has prompted her to want to find her original biological parents.

After some research I have found that her biological mum died about four years ago. It appears my MIL was put up for adoption when her biological mother was 17 and then her biological mother, a year later married and had 4 other children. It remains unclear whether my MIL and these new 'sisters' share the same father or if they know she had a baby that was put up for adoption.

My MIL is now unsure how to proceed, although it looks like she wants my wife to contact these remaining blood relatives.

Does anyone have any experience of this kind of thing? Have any of you had 'relatives' suddenly appear later in life?

Edited by el stovey on Friday 19th June 10:44

[Justayellowbadge]

Blib is your man. Drop him a PM.

[Blib]

Justayellowbadge said:

Blib is your man. Drop him a PM.

You're some freaky, mind reading, weirdo, future telling, nut case, lunatic, Rasputin type figure aren't you?

I've just logged back to this thread after PMing El Stovey!

KEEP BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Blib]

el Stovey. I've got problems with my e-mail. If you decide to PM me, please flag up here that you've done so,so that I can look out for it.

[anonymous-user]

Thanks Blib for the great info, do you have a thread running on here already? We're still awaiting the actual documents from our research, so it's a bit to go before we're ready to proceed.

Does anyone have any experience of being contacted by 'lost' relatives? How did it all go?

[Blib]

I don't have a thread on here. I do have one going on 'another place'.



If your MIL needs any advice, I'm here.She can call me on the number I provided.

Edited by Blib on Friday 19th June 12:58

[Mr Trophy]

el stovey said:

Thanks Blib for the great info, do you have a thread running on here already? We're still awaiting the actual documents from our research, so it's a bit to go before we're ready to proceed.

Does anyone have any experience of being contacted by 'lost' relatives? How did it all go?

Last time I saw my real Dad was when I was 6 years old. I then met my Dad in the street 13 years after seening him.. It was so horrible.

[Los Palmas 7]

el stovey said:

Does anyone have any experience of being contacted by 'lost' relatives? How did it all go?

I met my birth mother about ten years ago. Did it through an adoption charity called NORCAP. For various reasons, it didn't turn out very well, but I am still in off and on contact with my "real" sister.

If NORCAP are still going, they can make the first contact for you.

[Mark Benson]

el stovey said:

Does anyone have any experience of this kind of thing? Have any of you had 'relatives' suddenly appear later in life?

Yes. Detailed in the thread over "there" that I assume you've now been directed to.

Any questions (I was the 'contacted', not the 'contactee' then please feel free to email through my profile....

[Blib]

Los Palmas 7 said:

el stovey said:

Does anyone have any experience of being contacted by 'lost' relatives? How did it all go?

I met my birth mother about ten years ago. Did it through an adoption charity called NORCAP. For various reasons, it didn't turn out very well, but I am still in off and on contact with my "real" sister.

If NORCAP are still going, they can make the first contact for you.

NORCAP are still going strong. I didn't get very far with their researcher. They are part time enthusiasts and, although they have helped many, many people and my dealings with them were excellent, it did seem to me to be exactly what is was, a group of enthusiasts helping eachother out.

I'm not referring to their 'after contact' care. Just their search and investigational work.

I used a professional adoption researcher who has been a Godsend to me and, indeed, to my birth mother. She did all of the research and found out in a couple of months what NORCAP failed to find in a year. She made initial contact with my birthmother and guided her and me in a caring and considerate way throughout.

She charged a flat fee, so no faffing about to build up hours. And, now that her job is done, she still calls me once a month to check up that all is well and to offer support and advice as needed.

In my experience, contacting birth families is fraught with pitfalls and perils. I am pleased how my search is panning out at the moment. I'm really glad that I didn't just go crashing into the the situation.

IMO, first impressions are vital if a reconciliation is to have any chance of being a positive one.

Just popping up out of the blue unannounced can cause horrendous problems to the other party and, indeed, to the searcher too.

A calm and considerate approach is what I suggest to anyone considering starting out on this type of journey.

[Los Palmas 7]

Blib said:

Los Palmas 7 said:

el stovey said:

Does anyone have any experience of being contacted by 'lost' relatives? How did it all go?

I met my birth mother about ten years ago. Did it through an adoption charity called NORCAP. For various reasons, it didn't turn out very well, but I am still in off and on contact with my "real" sister.

If NORCAP are still going, they can make the first contact for you.

NORCAP are still going strong. I didn't get very far with their researcher. They are part time enthusiasts and, although they have helped many, many people and my dealings with them were excellent, it did seem to me to be exactly what is was, a group of enthusiasts helping eachother out.

I'm not referring to their 'after contact' care. Just their search and investigational work.

I used a professional adoption researcher who has been a Godsend to me and, indeed, to my birth mother. She did all of the research and found out in a couple of months what NORCAP failed to find in a year. She made initial contact with my birthmother and guided her and me in a caring and considerate way throughout.

She charged a flat fee, so no faffing about to build up hours. And, now that her job is done, she still calls me once a month to check up that all is well and to offer support and advice as needed.

In my experience, contacting birth families is fraught with pitfalls and perils. I am pleased how my search is panning out at the moment. I'm really glad that I didn't just go crashing into the the situation.

IMO, first impressions are vital if a reconciliation is to have any chance of being a positive one.

Just popping up out of the blue unannounced can cause horrendous problems to the other party and, indeed, to the searcher too.

A calm and considerate approach is what I suggest to anyone considering starting out on this type of journey.

Quite.

NORCAP were brilliant though. They had microfiches of all the B/D/M going back until 18-something-or-other and we had to search through these to build up a "case" to prove that the person we thought was my Mother was my Mother. Once they were satisfied, they sent a letter along the lines of "Someone you lost touch with in 1967 would like to get in touch again" - deliberately vague in order not to cause problems if they had a new life without mentioning they had "lost" a child.

My Mum rang them within minutes of receiving the letter.

[Blib]

Los Palmas 7 said:

Blib said:

Los Palmas 7 said:

el stovey said:

Does anyone have any experience of being contacted by 'lost' relatives? How did it all go?

I met my birth mother about ten years ago. Did it through an adoption charity called NORCAP. For various reasons, it didn't turn out very well, but I am still in off and on contact with my "real" sister.

If NORCAP are still going, they can make the first contact for you.

NORCAP are still going strong. I didn't get very far with their researcher. They are part time enthusiasts and, although they have helped many, many people and my dealings with them were excellent, it did seem to me to be exactly what is was, a group of enthusiasts helping eachother out.

I'm not referring to their 'after contact' care. Just their search and investigational work.

I used a professional adoption researcher who has been a Godsend to me and, indeed, to my birth mother. She did all of the research and found out in a couple of months what NORCAP failed to find in a year. She made initial contact with my birthmother and guided her and me in a caring and considerate way throughout.

She charged a flat fee, so no faffing about to build up hours. And, now that her job is done, she still calls me once a month to check up that all is well and to offer support and advice as needed.

In my experience, contacting birth families is fraught with pitfalls and perils. I am pleased how my search is panning out at the moment. I'm really glad that I didn't just go crashing into the the situation.

IMO, first impressions are vital if a reconciliation is to have any chance of being a positive one.

Just popping up out of the blue unannounced can cause horrendous problems to the other party and, indeed, to the searcher too.

A calm and considerate approach is what I suggest to anyone considering starting out on this type of journey.

Quite.

NORCAP were brilliant though. They had microfiches of all the B/D/M going back until 18-something-or-other and we had to search through these to build up a "case" to prove that the person we thought was my Mother was my Mother. Once they were satisfied, they sent a letter along the lines of "Someone you lost touch with in 1967 would like to get in touch again" - deliberately vague in order not to cause problems if they had a new life without mentioning they had "lost" a child.

My Mum rang them within minutes of receiving the letter.

That was my experience too. The first time that I heard my mother's voice was as an answerphone message telling the researcher - in a soft Dublin brogue - that she was replying to her letter of introduction. (Although in my case, the letter went to one of my half sisters).