The daft stuff some people do/say
Discussion
I remember way back when I was a kid & we had our very first 'olive green' telephone dialer.
In preparation & before my mother made her first call I could hear her practicing her 'telephone' voice & after spending an hour in the bathroom she eventually came down to sit at the bottom of the stairs, plastered in make up & dressed to the nines in her Sunday best.
I remember asking if I could dial the number while at the same time positioning a pencil I was holding, near the round dial......I got a slapped hand & was told in no uncertain terms that "It won't work unless you use a finger"
After much caughing/grunting with hand to mouth, my Mother went on to dial the number & at the top of her voice shouted: "ARE YOU THERE MARCY?" followed immediately, very slowly & equally as loud by: C A N - Y O U - H E A R - M E?" & just as I thought I'd heard it all she ended the sentence off with: "O V E R ?"
I looked at my Father who took a step towards her, then thought better of it as he turned & walked away while at the same time shaking his head. He missed the entire conversation, punctuated by "OVER" at the end of every sentence.
However the best was yet to come, for after saying her goodbye's, my Mother proceeded to drop the handpeice onto the receiver, then pick it back up several times, each time listening in case her friend was still there......Finally dropping it one last time & placing her ear near to the earpiece as if listening for any sign of life.
I guess I should have been impressed that she got the mouth/earpeice the right way around
In preparation & before my mother made her first call I could hear her practicing her 'telephone' voice & after spending an hour in the bathroom she eventually came down to sit at the bottom of the stairs, plastered in make up & dressed to the nines in her Sunday best.
I remember asking if I could dial the number while at the same time positioning a pencil I was holding, near the round dial......I got a slapped hand & was told in no uncertain terms that "It won't work unless you use a finger"
After much caughing/grunting with hand to mouth, my Mother went on to dial the number & at the top of her voice shouted: "ARE YOU THERE MARCY?" followed immediately, very slowly & equally as loud by: C A N - Y O U - H E A R - M E?" & just as I thought I'd heard it all she ended the sentence off with: "O V E R ?"
I looked at my Father who took a step towards her, then thought better of it as he turned & walked away while at the same time shaking his head. He missed the entire conversation, punctuated by "OVER" at the end of every sentence.
However the best was yet to come, for after saying her goodbye's, my Mother proceeded to drop the handpeice onto the receiver, then pick it back up several times, each time listening in case her friend was still there......Finally dropping it one last time & placing her ear near to the earpiece as if listening for any sign of life.
I guess I should have been impressed that she got the mouth/earpeice the right way around
My mother loves thoselittle crossword type puzzles you get in cheap womens magazines, at one stage when i thought i was albert einstein (about 15)i would read over her answers checking for mistakes. i came to one and the answer was NNN, i thought that was wierd and proceeded to check the question
which was emergency signal, 1,1,1.
She had mistakenly thought it was nine nine nine and not as some people would believe S.O.S
which was emergency signal, 1,1,1.
She had mistakenly thought it was nine nine nine and not as some people would believe S.O.S
Just a few weeks ago:
In our office, we have many computers, but two main pcs next to each other, but not linked at all, for security reasons. I came in one evening to take over the watch, and my predecessor asked for help with a problem on the computers. 'OK', says I 'what's the problem?'
After he'd told me, I just stared at him for a while, trying to work out the punchline. Then I realised he wasn't joking and explained it to him gently and sympathetically with my usual sensitivity:
"Harry, you utter retard, they're two separate computers. You can't ctrl c on on some text on one computer, then ctrl v to paste it into a document on the other computer!"
Mind you, this wasn't very long after I stopped for a coffee at the motorway services, bought coffee, opened a sugar sachet, poured sugar in bin and threw empty sachet in my coffee.
In our office, we have many computers, but two main pcs next to each other, but not linked at all, for security reasons. I came in one evening to take over the watch, and my predecessor asked for help with a problem on the computers. 'OK', says I 'what's the problem?'
After he'd told me, I just stared at him for a while, trying to work out the punchline. Then I realised he wasn't joking and explained it to him gently and sympathetically with my usual sensitivity:
"Harry, you utter retard, they're two separate computers. You can't ctrl c on on some text on one computer, then ctrl v to paste it into a document on the other computer!"
Mind you, this wasn't very long after I stopped for a coffee at the motorway services, bought coffee, opened a sugar sachet, poured sugar in bin and threw empty sachet in my coffee.
Soir said:
my ex honestly thought the sun and the moon were the same thing......unbelievable
I was chatting to my missus a few months back and somehow, we started talking about the sun and stars. I remember asking her what the difference between our sun and the stars was, too which she replied, 'Nothing, stars are just really, really small versions of the sun'. I've never laughed so much in my life because she said it with so much confidence. She honestly believed stars were just small suns, not really far away.
rhinochopig said:
Soir said:
my ex honestly thought the sun and the moon were the same thing......unbelievable
Oh man, I hope she could suck a golf ball through 2 meters of hose-pipe. How did she explain the difference between day sun and night sun?M3CHA-MONK3Y said:
Soir said:
my ex honestly thought the sun and the moon were the same thing......unbelievable
I was chatting to my missus a few months back and somehow, we started talking about the sun and stars. I remember asking her what the difference between our sun and the stars was, too which she replied, 'Nothing, stars are just really, really small versions of the sun'. I've never laughed so much in my life because she said it with so much confidence. She honestly believed stars were just small suns, not really far away.
theaxe said:
rhinochopig said:
Soir said:
my ex honestly thought the sun and the moon were the same thing......unbelievable
Oh man, I hope she could suck a golf ball through 2 meters of hose-pipe. How did she explain the difference between day sun and night sun?also, on hol in barbados, first day quite busy around the pool, I'm swimming, she gets in and screams that she can no longer swim, that she used to be able to, but has now forgot (I nearly swallow half the water for laughing - thankfully no longer together though!)
Edited by Soir on Thursday 9th July 15:38
My girlfriends mother used to have a go at her for 'cooking things too hot'.
My girlfriend would go to make tea, then when she'd go to check on it she'd find the oven had been turned down. She'd turn it back up, and sure enough, someone would turn it back down. This would cause huge arguments, with her mothers being "you cook things too hot". When the oven (electric fan oven) broke down once or twice, it was of course my girlfriends fault for "cooking things too hot, you've burnt the oven out".
This mystical temperature that was 'too hot' and caused the oven to 'burn out'?
200c!
My girlfriend would go to make tea, then when she'd go to check on it she'd find the oven had been turned down. She'd turn it back up, and sure enough, someone would turn it back down. This would cause huge arguments, with her mothers being "you cook things too hot". When the oven (electric fan oven) broke down once or twice, it was of course my girlfriends fault for "cooking things too hot, you've burnt the oven out".
This mystical temperature that was 'too hot' and caused the oven to 'burn out'?
200c!
pits said:
My mate once shouted at the narrator on Road Wars and informed us all that
"Heroin isnt a hard drug! its a f
king liquid!"
I contained myself for about 30 seconds
I've just tried to have a laugh with O/H about this and she explained to me that, well, oh deary deary me, that "it is a hard drug, but you have to melt it down on a spoon" <sigh>"Heroin isnt a hard drug! its a f
king liquid!" I contained myself for about 30 seconds
ETA this was only 5 minutes ago, not in the past
Edited by WorAl on Thursday 9th July 15:41
WorAl said:
pits said:
My mate once shouted at the narrator on Road Wars and informed us all that
"Heroin isnt a hard drug! its a fking liquid!"
I contained myself for about 30 seconds
I've just tried to have a laugh with O/H about this and she explained to me that, well, oh deary deary me, that "it is a hard drug, but you have to melt it down on a spoon" <sigh>"Heroin isnt a hard drug! its a f
king liquid!" I contained myself for about 30 seconds
ETA this was only 5 minutes ago, not in the past
Edited by WorAl on Thursday 9th July 15:41
He is also the same person who denies smoking out of his window, yet all the white pvc around his window is yellow, and then came up with the first excuse of
- Nicotine evaporates in the smoke and when I smoke out the garden it evaporates and sticks to my window.....Explain why the rest of the facias are white
- Ok well its when I smoke in my bedroom and the nicotine evaporates and sticks to the window when the smoke comes out the window
k!" Although I mentioned this in another thread, one of my mates was insitent that spark plugs were made redundant years ago, and all cars now work on injectors
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