Want to break up with my OH

[Southernbum]

Hi all

I'd like some advice.
I have been wanting to break up with my girlfriend for a while now but could never find the right moment. Today I woke up thinking fk it, I need to act now or I will be forever not quite happy and too sensitive for my own good and in detriment to my own happiness.

So the situation is as follows.
I have been co-habiting with my girlfriend for a few years now and we have been going out together for 7 years.
Although I normally pay the rent and bills and she chips in once in a while, the tennants agreement is in both of our names.
She is a great person and everything, but she does not excite me physically or mentally anymore and I am finidng that I actually like it when she is away on business trips or stays late at work.
The problem is, we seem to be becoming less and less alike and have very different priorities.

• As she is a bit older than me, she feels under pressure to get married and have kids. I on the other hand actually dislike children and the pressure to get married, coming from her and my family is making want to get married a lot less.
• I am a lot more social than she is, to a point where she is no longer capable of doing simple things like phoning sky or our telephone provider if there is an option of making me do it. When we are out at an event together she insists that we stick together at all times and makes a big issue even when I leave her for five minutes to have a smoke with the mates outside
• She has become really paranoid as of late and any late night due to work is a reason to question me in a very suspcious tone and manner and try to catch me out. In fact everything I do lately that does not include her becomes a reason to have a go at me or try to send me on a guilt trip.
• As mentioned above, she is a bit older than I am, so she is set in her mentaity and any attemt to shape her personality is futile. I can win a single pointless argument now and then, but I cannot prevent it from re-occuring.
• She is not that exciting in bed, doesn't take initiative, but at the same time constantly fails to pick up on my not so subtle hints on what I like.

On the plus side:

• She is out of this world beautiful
• I have little doubt she is faithful to me
• Cooks really well

Anyway. I am pretty certain I have made up my mind, but I want to do it with the least drama possible. I am afraid to be branded the guy who has wasted her prime years and 7 years of her life, but I guess by putting it off I am making things even worse and risk becoming the guy who has wasted 8 or 9 years of her life.

Has anyone got any experience they are willing to share with me with regard to breaking up when living together under the same roof for some time?

I guess the most amicable way to do it, would to tell her i am breaking up with her and that she is welcome to stay as long as it takes for her to find a new place, but I am afraid it would make things a lot harder and leave her with the chance of talking me into trying to work things out. I could find a place to live, but it would be illogical since she can't afford our current apartment all by herself anyway.
How do I make a clean cut with minimum pain inflicted and not have to co-habit for a prolonged period of time?

Cheers

G.B.


P.S. Mods, please move this post to the lounge, since this alias is not allowed to create new threads there for another 14 days.

[Johnny Rocco]

I want to break up with your OH too and would appreciate any advice.

[Ry_B]

Good luck mate it will be very hard.

(Ps what's her number? And if not her number what about pics? )

Joking aside...hope it goes well

[jamesson]

Ouch. Not a good situation to be in (as you know, obviously).

I've never broken up with someone with whom I've also been living but I do know that if you've made up your mind that it's not working for you, then the only option - no matter how cruel it seems - it to end it. It's not fair on either of you to continue something where one of you doesn't have your heart in it.

If she wants marriage and children, then by sticking with her you are potentially denying her the chance of meeting someone else who wants the same things as her. The fact that she is beautiful, cooks OK and is faithful to you, isn't enough. But you know that too.

Living arrangements are tricky though and I'm honestly not sure what would be best there. She won't want to stay with you under the same roof any longer (I imagine) and may well move out sharpish. Does she have relatives or friends nearby with whom she could stay? And if she insists on staying, do you? It may become unbearable - no matter how good your intentions of living together amicably for the time being - and you might find you want to get out ASAP.

I broke up with someone who was very much in love with me, and it devastated her, but it was the right thing to do. The sooner you do it, the better it is for all concerned.

Very best of luck to you.

[Fittster]

Have you considered buying an MX-5?

[Crusoe]

sounds like you still get on, just the sex isn't that great anymore? - lot to throw away just for that, why not work on that side with her - if she knew it was becoming such a big issue that you were thinking of leaving there would be the motivation to do something. Some couples counceling, things you could do to make her more confident so she is more trusting and less clingy etc.

Edited by Crusoe on Friday 31st July 18:07

[Fabric 2.2]

Fittster said:

Have you considered buying an MX-5?

Edited by Fabric 2.2 on Friday 31st July 18:09

[bridgland]

When you get home, make her a nice cup of tea, sit her in front of the computer, get your coat and car keys ready and open up this thread for her to read.

[GingerWizard]

Fittster said:

Have you considered buying an MX-5?

and are you paying too much for car insurance......


why did you post this in pistonheads being so new....

Edited by GingerWizard on Friday 31st July 18:11

[Beyond Rational]

Could you get her remapped?

[GingerWizard]

Beyond Rational said:

Could you get her remapped?

thats marvelous!

[Speed_Demon]

Fittster said:

Have you considered buying an MX-5?

Oh go on, have another

[BluePurpleRed]

My housemate was in the same situation. I would find somewhere to live that you think will help you get back on your feet. See if any friends you trust with this information want to move in somewhere with you, or have a room going spare soon. I wouldnt advocate moving out as on your own is expensive and you will feel st and then be quite likely to want to go back to her. If you start to live life as you want to in a new place you will most likely have a clearer head about it. You will have to pay double rent / bills for 2 months or so I would guess.

I would also from what I have seen on here move your more precious items, stty cushions anyone? , out of the house if you think she might go mental.

Or .. have a piss in the kettle, post pics / naughty pics here and then get it on with her mate that you have always had a cheeky thing for and that will sort it out sharpish.

[davido140]

You could try to put those points across to her as nicely as possible.

Shame to dump her if she's as fit as you say...

I've never managed a 7 year relationship, always goes poo shaped in one direction or the other, dont envy you having to lay that on her. Would be soooo much easier if you caught her cheating!

[Marquis_Rex]

Southernbum said:

• She has become really paranoid as of late and any late night due to work is a reason to question me in a very suspcious tone and manner and try to catch me out. In fact everything I do lately that does not include her becomes a reason to have a go at me or try to send me on a guilt trip.

• She is not that exciting in bed, doesn't take initiative, but at the same time constantly fails to pick up on my not so subtle hints on what I like.

These ring sooo familiar. Makes me count my blessings.
Jonna/ex/stalker if you're reading

[deadmau5]

I can't believe you signed up to this website, which is 99% jokers to ask for relationship advice.

[JonRB]

GingerWizard said:

why did you post this in pistonheads being so new....

Are you really that dense? He even referred to the fact he was using an alias

[jamesson]

GingerWizard said:

why did you post this in pistonheads being so new....

It's an alias account, as the OP says at the bottom of the post.

Edited by jamesson on Friday 31st July 18:24

[*Al*]

Print out your original post and show it to her...........job done!

[Davie_GLA]

A whole page and not one mention of tits and garry.

Anyway, are you the real deadmau5? Some of your stuff is OK.

i have a plan, get some pics of her, get them on here, show her, job done. You may well have sore balls for a few hours, but hey at least she might know what you like by then.

HTH.