Having racist friends
Discussion
I have a friend who I met when we employed him. He had some health problems and left but I have continued contact and we have the occassional meal at each others homes etc. I had been quite glad when he had left because there were already some jobs I couldn't give him because of his residual racist atitudes towards Asian people.
Last time he came here after a glass or three of wine he started to rant on about the Jews in what I would say were pretty racist terms; that they were rying to take over and were responsible for many of the worlds wars, including the Iraq/Afghan ones. I politely gave him a few facts and laughed off his rants.
Yesterday we went for lunch with him at my local Chinerse where I get on really well with the manager. He strated doing the 'this chicken is rubbery' thing but nobody heard him and I moved the conversation on. then he started on about how it seemed that it was mainly Asian and Balck MP's fiddling their expenses. Again I gave a few examples of where that wasn't the case and moved the conversation on. Turns out while I was up at the buffet his language was less than polite using the Ni**er word etc.
So, ditch him and his nice wife as friends?
Last time he came here after a glass or three of wine he started to rant on about the Jews in what I would say were pretty racist terms; that they were rying to take over and were responsible for many of the worlds wars, including the Iraq/Afghan ones. I politely gave him a few facts and laughed off his rants.
Yesterday we went for lunch with him at my local Chinerse where I get on really well with the manager. He strated doing the 'this chicken is rubbery' thing but nobody heard him and I moved the conversation on. then he started on about how it seemed that it was mainly Asian and Balck MP's fiddling their expenses. Again I gave a few examples of where that wasn't the case and moved the conversation on. Turns out while I was up at the buffet his language was less than polite using the Ni**er word etc.
So, ditch him and his nice wife as friends?
His values are different to yours. That's all.
If those differences are too great for your own sensibilities, don't include him in your circle of friends. If they're not, get over it/look past it.
Not sure why you need input from internet randoms on this; I always had you down as a PHer with sufficient grey matter to come to your own moral judgements.
If those differences are too great for your own sensibilities, don't include him in your circle of friends. If they're not, get over it/look past it.
Not sure why you need input from internet randoms on this; I always had you down as a PHer with sufficient grey matter to come to your own moral judgements.
Why not have a word?
Some people use casual racism as mere ribaldry because it's forbidden, frowned upon and tutted at by the Righteous.
If, however, he genuinely can't interact with people of different races on a civilised basis, then it's a problem.
I guess you have to work out whether his friendship is worth enough to you for you to tolerate his imperfections.
How old is the guy? In the provinces, my experience shows that anyone over about 50 has a very different view of racism to the London elites.
Some people use casual racism as mere ribaldry because it's forbidden, frowned upon and tutted at by the Righteous.
If, however, he genuinely can't interact with people of different races on a civilised basis, then it's a problem.
I guess you have to work out whether his friendship is worth enough to you for you to tolerate his imperfections.
How old is the guy? In the provinces, my experience shows that anyone over about 50 has a very different view of racism to the London elites.
CarZee said:
Up to my nuts in a possessive feminist b
h mostly, mate... back in the land of the living now, though. 
I was persuaded to re-enter the fray by a PHer I bumped into at the weekend.
Curse his dark heart.
Bleedin' 'ell - I make that almost exactly four years you've been in up to your nuts. h mostly, mate... back in the land of the living now, though. I was persuaded to re-enter the fray by a PHer I bumped into at the weekend.
Curse his dark heart.
Welcome back to the nuthouse. Edited by jeremyc on Monday 3rd August 11:42
To me either someone is a friend or is not. No one is perfect and inevitably there are aspects of the character I might not like but will accept because I want them as a friend.
If the racism bothers you so much and he doesn't want to change - why should he - then it's better that you let the friendship fade away.
And as CarZee (what a name
)has said, the definition of what a person defines as racism can depend on diferences in experience, age etc. I know that some on PH have called me racist in the past but I believe that is mainly because I have been brought up in quite a diferent environment from them.
Ed for pooey spelling!
If the racism bothers you so much and he doesn't want to change - why should he - then it's better that you let the friendship fade away.
And as CarZee (what a name
)has said, the definition of what a person defines as racism can depend on diferences in experience, age etc. I know that some on PH have called me racist in the past but I believe that is mainly because I have been brought up in quite a diferent environment from them.Ed for pooey spelling!
Edited by cornishgirl on Monday 3rd August 11:48
jeremyc said:
CarZee said:
Up to my nuts in a possessive feminist bh mostly, mate... back in the land of the living now, though.
I was persuaded to re-enter the fray by a PHer I bumped into at the weekend.
Curse his dark heart.
Bleedin' 'ell - I make that almost exactly four years you've been in up to your nuts. h mostly, mate... back in the land of the living now, though. I was persuaded to re-enter the fray by a PHer I bumped into at the weekend.
Curse his dark heart.
Welcome back to the nuthouse. cornishgirl said:
To me either someone is a friend or is not. No one is perfect and inevitably there are aspects of the character I might not like but will accept because I want them as a friend.
If the racism bothers you so much and he doesn't want to change - why should he - then it's better that you let the friendship fade away.
And as CarZee (what a name )has said, the definition of what a person defines as racism can depend on diferences in experience, age etc. I know that some on PH have called me racist in the past but I believe that is mainly because they I in quite a diferent environment from them.
He does make me uncomfortable and on edge in his company because our views are very different, which is good but other than this aspect he is a nice bloke, and his wife I think has learned not to have a go at him about it althousgh she also is clearly embarrassed by it.If the racism bothers you so much and he doesn't want to change - why should he - then it's better that you let the friendship fade away.
And as CarZee (what a name
)has said, the definition of what a person defines as racism can depend on diferences in experience, age etc. I know that some on PH have called me racist in the past but I believe that is mainly because they I in quite a diferent environment from them.My attitude has been to put the facts to him when he starts but when he does it in public or goes on about things where I don't yet have the facts (which as many racist do, he sometimes makes up or embroiders) I don't want to embarrass him but if I don't make it clear I don't agree other will think I condone it.
Might be easier not to do anything in public with him. He must know he does it because he was pretty careful when he worked with us but now lets rip but I note he left the worst of his language until I wasn't there.
I am not being all PC, I just find it offensive even if it isn't directed at me. Perhaps I do need to have a word.
half my office are casual racists. my approach is to firmly oppose their views very loudly and publicly when they 'flare off'. won't change their views one bit, but at least they have stopped when i am around.
my sister is racist and its one of my greatest pleasures to berate her for it.
my sister is racist and its one of my greatest pleasures to berate her for it.
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