Best euphemisms

[zac510]

Thread for the best euphemisms you've ever heard..

Personally I'm a fan of 'Bolivian marching powder' (the phrase, not the substance) and the hilarious mental image it generates

Remember: no mention of high-rise stock cubes as that's a bannable offence!

[Carfiend]

Up the Oxo Tow...... oh

[Jem Thompson]

"We had a terrorist situation: Klark had to extradite the chocolate sausage, nd it took a little longer than expected"

Tony Quinn, racer, on why his co-driver missed the deadline for pit exit at an endurance race.

Edited by Jem Thompson on Friday 14th August 11:02

[Arese]

Two that I've heard on here, but probably wouldn't repeat in normal real world conversation:

"Shaking like a stting dog"

and

"Beat him like a ginger step-child"

[Carfiend]

Her cave was so large it had bats nesting, I swear it was like throwing a sausage up Regents Street.

[spitfire-ian]

Arese said:

Two that I've heard on here, but probably wouldn't repeat in normal real world conversation:

"Shaking like a stting dog"

and

"Beat him like a ginger step-child"

They're not euphemisms!

They're similes.

Edited by spitfire-ian on Friday 14th August 11:03

[10 Pence Short]

I couldn't locate my straight shaft pickaxe so gave up on potholing for the night.

[Neil_H]

Pretty much everything written in the Viz Profanisaurus I got for Christmas.

[Tyre_Tread]

OP, are you sure you mean euphemism?

Metaphor: A figure of speech in which an implied comparison is made between two unlike things that actually have something in common. A metaphor expresses the unfamiliar (the tenor) in terms of the familiar (the vehicle).

Euphemism: Substitution of an inoffensive term for one considered offensively explicit.

ETA: OP, sorry you probably did mean Euphemism but its the others that don't know the difference.

Edited by Tyre_Tread on Friday 14th August 11:07

[DrTre]

"Off to Pauls" courtesy of Viz

[fathomfive]

Retort to someone farting..

"Now I'm no expert on cricket, but I'm fairly sure that's out!"

[sleep envy]

pointing without using your hands

[spitfire-ian]

DrTre said:

"Off to Pauls" courtesy of Viz

[KaraK]

"Dropping the kids off at the pool" is always a good one

[zac510]

Tyre_Tread said:

Euphemism: Substitution of an inoffensive term for one considered offensively explicit.

ETA: OP, sorry you probably did mean Euphemism but its the others that don't know the difference.

The other trouble is that for some PHers the euphemism is actually more offensive than the original term

[Dogwatch]

'Brown trouser moment'?

[evenflow]

KaraK said:

"Dropping the kids off at the pool" is always a good one

As is "sending a turtle to the aquarium"

[A911DOM]

Be with you in a moment, just off to reverse park my breakfast.

[71notout]

Wizard's sleeve
Tramp's pocket (both started off as similes but have become euphemisms by being related to by name only?!)

Chocolate chimney sweep
fudge packer

[Don]

"Tokens for the cockwash" is a Viz favourite: A present for the wife/girlfriend.