Can your ex change your kids surname??

[BigRichi]

Looking for a bit of advice so I'll give you a quick outline.

Me and the ex have a kid who has just turned 5. Our son has always kept my surname.

The ex is now married to somebody else and they have a baby together now as well.

My son now tells me that he has a new surname, namely the ex's married name so i confront the ex and she tells me that he feels left out cos his name is different to theirs.

Now i obviously want him to have my name but realise he is young and doesnt understand what the difference is so I'm willing to let him call himself the new name until he's old enough to understand but can the ex legally change his surname??

[Rotary Madness]

So you're going to start an argument with your ex over the last name of your son?!

Theres really more to life isnt there? She's already given you a decent reason imo, and its making your son more happy, and lets him fit in better, so whats the problem really?

[clonmult]

She can't do that - at least legally.

Went through that with the ex-wife and her two kids - we would have needed the absent parents authorisation in order to do so. sure, the kids can "unofficially" have their names changed, but for details on items such as passports, its just not possible.

[Ozone]

I wouldn't want my son to change his surname to someone elses.

The OP's lad obviously feels he won't be part of the family but his mother should reassure him.

[BigRichi]

Rotary Madness said:

So you're going to start an argument with your ex over the last name of your son?!

Theres really more to life isnt there? She's already given you a decent reason imo, and its making your son more happy, and lets him fit in better, so whats the problem really?

Oh get yer knickers out a twist.

Nobody said we're arguing over it, and I said in the post I am happy for him to use the name if he's happier.

He's my only son and might be the only kid I ever have. I am a very proud father and would like him to keep my name in the long run so I just wanted to know the legalities

[BigRichi]

clonmult said:

She can't do that - at least legally.

Went through that with the ex-wife and her two kids - we would have needed the absent parents authorisation in order to do so. sure, the kids can "unofficially" have their names changed, but for details on items such as passports, its just not possible.

Thank you

[BigRichi]

Ozone said:

I wouldn't want my son to change his surname to someone elses.

The OP's lad obviously feels he won't be part of the family but his mother should reassure him.

thank you

[XXVIII]

... just passing, thought I'd stick my tuppence worth on this pile of small value coinage ...


WE LIVE IN THE UK - the land of the hyphenated surname(s)!!


I can never understand why people think having a hyphen in your name means anything other than some element of 'compromise' took place in previous generations ...



Why not ask your ex and your son if they'd be OK with


Hisfirstnames Yoursurname - Otherbloke'ssurname


then he can be part of that 'club' and also part of yours and at the same time quite unique as well.




I should be a diplomat for a living really but I pick my nose and scratch my ass too much for that line of 'work'

[AndyBe]

Had that with my ex. I persuaded her to wait until our daughter was 16 and could decide herself if she wanted to change her name.

[Marcellus]

I'm going through it at teh moment.. my eldest changed her name the day she was 16 without telling me... the youngest (14) hasn't asked and on everyhting official (school reports, passport, banks) has my surname but on unofficial stuff (facebook, bebo etc etc) uses her mothers name.

Aparently there's nothing you can do about it!

Edited by Marcellus on Saturday 29th August 13:43

[bimsb6]

Marcellus said:

I'm going through it at teh moment.. my eldest changed her name the day she was 16 without telling me... the youngest (14) hasn't asked and on everyhting official (school reports, passport, banks) has my surname but on unofficial stuff (facebook, bebo etc etc) uses her mothers name.

Aparently there's nothing you can do about it!

Edited by Marcellus on Saturday 29th August 13:43

unofficially you can call yourself whatever you like .

[bored-of-coding]

Rotary Madness said:

So you're going to start an argument with your ex over the last name of your son?!

Theres really more to life isnt there? She's already given you a decent reason imo, and its making your son more happy, and lets him fit in better, so whats the problem really?

I would have been devastated if my daughter had her surname changed. It was one of my biggest worries in a very difficult time. I take it you've not got a child?

[voyds9]

Wonder if they would be so insistent if it negated financial responsibilities.

[Rotary Madness]

bored-of-coding said:

Rotary Madness said:

So you're going to start an argument with your ex over the last name of your son?!

Theres really more to life isnt there? She's already given you a decent reason imo, and its making your son more happy, and lets him fit in better, so whats the problem really?

I would have been devastated if my daughter had her surname changed. It was one of my biggest worries in a very difficult time. I take it you've not got a child?

No ive not got children, and probably wont have until im certain i can look after them properly. Thats not a dig at divorced people, you can be the best partner/parent in the world, but it cant stop your spouse running off etc.

I assume as a parent making your children happy is the highest priorety, second only to their safety/wellbeing. If that means changing their last name, so be it. I really dont understand this whole mentality of "my children must have my name to carry on the legacy etc", its just a fecking name, theyre still your kids nomatter what they call themselves. Unless you have upset them in some way, theyll still love you .

[becksW]

Rotary Madness said:

bored-of-coding said:

Rotary Madness said:

So you're going to start an argument with your ex over the last name of your son?!

Theres really more to life isnt there? She's already given you a decent reason imo, and its making your son more happy, and lets him fit in better, so whats the problem really?

I would have been devastated if my daughter had her surname changed. It was one of my biggest worries in a very difficult time. I take it you've not got a child?

No ive not got children, and probably wont have until im certain i can look after them properly. Thats not a dig at divorced people, you can be the best partner/parent in the world, but it cant stop your spouse running off etc.

I assume as a parent making your children happy is the highest priorety, second only to their safety/wellbeing. If that means changing their last name, so be it. I really dont understand this whole mentality of "my children must have my name to carry on the legacy etc", its just a fecking name, theyre still your kids nomatter what they call themselves. Unless you have upset them in some way, theyll still love you .

If you introduce your kids or go to your kids school and you have a different sur name, people will assume you are the step parent, not the actual parent. Not sure many people would want that. I am so very lucky to have parents that have been happily married for 36yrs and counting, I have never even thought of this as being an issue before!

[NDA]

Rotary Madness said:

I really dont understand this whole mentality of "my children must have my name to carry on the legacy etc", its just a fecking name, theyre still your kids nomatter what they call themselves. Unless you have upset them in some way, theyll still love you .

If you have a single child and, for some reason, you're no longer in daily contact, you might then understand.

'Just a fecking name' could be one of the few threads linking you to your child.

I feel for the OP. Sounds a nightmare.

[RB Will]

My brother had this problem. He has 2 kids and then gets divorced. His ex is now remarried and wanted my brothers kids to take the new guys name.
He was not pleased about this so they have ended up with kidsfirstnames Newguyssurnam- Mybrothers surname.

I dont know if this can legally be done without both parents agreeing though.

[eliot]

voyds9 said:

Wonder if they would be so insistent if it negated financial responsibilities.

Indeed.

[Conian]

bimsb6 said:

Marcellus said:

I'm going through it at teh moment.. my eldest changed her name the day she was 16 without telling me... the youngest (14) hasn't asked and on everyhting official (school reports, passport, banks) has my surname but on unofficial stuff (facebook, bebo etc etc) uses her mothers name.

Aparently there's nothing you can do about it!

Edited by Marcellus on Saturday 29th August 13:43

unofficially you can call yourself whatever you like .

cheers

The Moose

[elster]

My ex has 3 boys, two have her name and one has her ex husbands name.

It is assumed at school he is from another father and gets bullied.

I can't really understand it to be honest. If when grown up they want to change back they will. Quite a few will do.