Does anyone here foster a child?
Discussion
Just looking for examples and experiences.
I am attending a Fostering preparation course this weekend and I am now starting to brick it slightly. Not that this is something I intend on backing out on but I am starting to doubt myself as I am going to be doing this on my own. Not much has gone right for me this past year which has made me question myself as a person, and the last thing I want to do is mess up helping a child.
Have there been highs and lows in your experiences?
I have no children of my own, I have worked damn hard (read: all by myself) to get myself to where I am in life I have just left a career in the oil field to be closer to home for my family and I am starting a new career as a childminder.
However the one thing I have longed for is a child of my own and I am scared that this will cloud my judgement in my decisions in fostering.
So any experiences you have to share either by post or by PM would be great.
Cheers
Avril
I am attending a Fostering preparation course this weekend and I am now starting to brick it slightly. Not that this is something I intend on backing out on but I am starting to doubt myself as I am going to be doing this on my own. Not much has gone right for me this past year which has made me question myself as a person, and the last thing I want to do is mess up helping a child.
Have there been highs and lows in your experiences?
I have no children of my own, I have worked damn hard (read: all by myself) to get myself to where I am in life I have just left a career in the oil field to be closer to home for my family and I am starting a new career as a childminder.
However the one thing I have longed for is a child of my own and I am scared that this will cloud my judgement in my decisions in fostering.
So any experiences you have to share either by post or by PM would be great.
Cheers
Avril
SSC! said:
Just looking for examples and experiences.
I am attending a Fostering preparation course this weekend and I am now starting to brick it slightly. Not that this is something I intend on backing out on but I am starting to doubt myself as I am going to be doing this on my own. Not much has gone right for me this past year which has made me question myself as a person, and the last thing I want to do is mess up helping a child.
Have there been highs and lows in your experiences?
I have no children of my own, I have worked damn hard (read: all by myself) to get myself to where I am in life I have just left a career in the oil field to be closer to home for my family and I am starting a new career as a childminder.
However the one thing I have longed for is a child of my own and I am scared that this will cloud my judgement in my decisions in fostering.
So any experiences you have to share either by post or by PM would be great.
Cheers
Avril
Good on you I am attending a Fostering preparation course this weekend and I am now starting to brick it slightly. Not that this is something I intend on backing out on but I am starting to doubt myself as I am going to be doing this on my own. Not much has gone right for me this past year which has made me question myself as a person, and the last thing I want to do is mess up helping a child.
Have there been highs and lows in your experiences?
I have no children of my own, I have worked damn hard (read: all by myself) to get myself to where I am in life I have just left a career in the oil field to be closer to home for my family and I am starting a new career as a childminder.
However the one thing I have longed for is a child of my own and I am scared that this will cloud my judgement in my decisions in fostering.
So any experiences you have to share either by post or by PM would be great.
Cheers
Avril
Good luck dealing with social services is all I can say !
My experience is all at one step removed as my mother in law fostered children (short term placements) or emergency cover.
My lord there are some heartbreaking stories out there....
It can be amazingly rewarding, but it is tough, especially if you still have to put them in touch with their real parents and keep silent on your views of them.
My experience is all at one step removed as my mother in law fostered children (short term placements) or emergency cover.
My lord there are some heartbreaking stories out there....
It can be amazingly rewarding, but it is tough, especially if you still have to put them in touch with their real parents and keep silent on your views of them.
No experience myself, but a good mate of mine does this. Him and his Wife take in babies only. He says that he could have adopted every single one of them. You WILL get attatched to them, the best thing you can do when you give them back is get another one as soon as possible.
The checks that you have to go through are awesome, you need never pay for a psychiatrist. out of 125 couples that started the process in my area, after the preliminary checks, some deeper digging and the start of the training courses they ended up with 6 couples willing to carry on. 1 couple has already dropped out after their first fostering experience.
I am sorry if this comes across as massively negative, but there will be a fight on your behalf if you want to do this. It will have it's downs (ie taking care of a heroin addicted baby, looking after it from 2 days old up to the age of 6 months when it was adopted. I stopped the withdrawal shaking at 3 months) it's ups (knowing that you have helped a child and given it a happy home for the time that it has been with you) and it's downs (when you have to give the child back)
My mate says that he wouldn't change it for the world.
As you have no children of your own, you may be interested in the higher stress end of the job, which is doing the immedeate foster care ie as soon as kids are taken away (for whatever reason) they will come to you first until they get a more permenant placing. Better money, but you could end up getting kids waiting for court cases (sometimes they are taken away for their families protection).
Lots to think about, there should be a get together group every month for foster carers to share experiences, offer advice and to talk it through with prospective carers. Try and find the group for your area, social services will have the contact number.
It is hard, but very rewarding. Good luck.
The checks that you have to go through are awesome, you need never pay for a psychiatrist. out of 125 couples that started the process in my area, after the preliminary checks, some deeper digging and the start of the training courses they ended up with 6 couples willing to carry on. 1 couple has already dropped out after their first fostering experience.
I am sorry if this comes across as massively negative, but there will be a fight on your behalf if you want to do this. It will have it's downs (ie taking care of a heroin addicted baby, looking after it from 2 days old up to the age of 6 months when it was adopted. I stopped the withdrawal shaking at 3 months) it's ups (knowing that you have helped a child and given it a happy home for the time that it has been with you) and it's downs (when you have to give the child back)
My mate says that he wouldn't change it for the world.
As you have no children of your own, you may be interested in the higher stress end of the job, which is doing the immedeate foster care ie as soon as kids are taken away (for whatever reason) they will come to you first until they get a more permenant placing. Better money, but you could end up getting kids waiting for court cases (sometimes they are taken away for their families protection).
Lots to think about, there should be a get together group every month for foster carers to share experiences, offer advice and to talk it through with prospective carers. Try and find the group for your area, social services will have the contact number.
It is hard, but very rewarding. Good luck.
Thanks folks.
I worry about handing back the child especially if I know what environment the child will be going back to. There are currently 8 methadone babies that will be born in the Highlands alone. I know I would not get the chance of a baby that has to go through withdrawals as I am on my own but it is heartbreaking that there are children being born this way. My fostering officer has asked if I would consider adoption also, but I have been told to take it one step at a time. Fostering first, then perhaps consider adoption at a later date.
Cheers
Avril
I worry about handing back the child especially if I know what environment the child will be going back to. There are currently 8 methadone babies that will be born in the Highlands alone. I know I would not get the chance of a baby that has to go through withdrawals as I am on my own but it is heartbreaking that there are children being born this way. My fostering officer has asked if I would consider adoption also, but I have been told to take it one step at a time. Fostering first, then perhaps consider adoption at a later date.
Cheers
Avril
I really wanted to do emergancy foster care. Where you take in a child for reasons like a fire at family home, sudden illness of the only parent, immeadiate danger etc.So fairly short term , however my husband dosnt want to as he worries it would be too emotionally difficult for him .
I applaud you though for doing it. There are so many kids out there that need the support of a loveing home even if it is for a short while
I applaud you though for doing it. There are so many kids out there that need the support of a loveing home even if it is for a short while
I was fostered and adopted, my brother also although we were not blood relatives.
I can honestly say without people like my parents, and you, the world would be a much worse place.
Best thing that could have ever happened to me. My foster and adoptive parents (same ones!) I consider my 'real' parents.
Best gift you could ever give anyone.
I can honestly say without people like my parents, and you, the world would be a much worse place.
Best thing that could have ever happened to me. My foster and adoptive parents (same ones!) I consider my 'real' parents.
Best gift you could ever give anyone.
Just wanted to add, what a wonderful thing to do. I know some lovely people who had 2 children of their own, and fostered another 3 too! They were one big happy family with no one making a distinction between blood relative/sibling at all. The foster kids all had difficulties to deal with, but two of the three managed to go on to lead good and happy lives.
Thanks again folks.
I am very fortunate that I can provide a safe home for a child, but still my main concern is going it alone and the emotional fears I have. I "think" I am a strong enough person at times but having just gone through a break up and the way I feel right now I sometimes wonder.
My fostering officer has called me today to say how big the group is
On PROPERLY looking at the three day agenda it will be a very indepth course. We will get the chance to talk to other carers and their families also.
But thank you all for telling me your experiences. I will still be going for it and will do my best not to fail.
Avril
I am very fortunate that I can provide a safe home for a child, but still my main concern is going it alone and the emotional fears I have. I "think" I am a strong enough person at times but having just gone through a break up and the way I feel right now I sometimes wonder.
My fostering officer has called me today to say how big the group is
On PROPERLY looking at the three day agenda it will be a very indepth course. We will get the chance to talk to other carers and their families also. But thank you all for telling me your experiences. I will still be going for it and will do my best not to fail.
Avril
If the idea sounds appealing to you, then your body is telling you that you are capable of doing the job. If you are putting yourself under so much pressure about your personality it shows that you really do care.
My honest advice would be to attend the course and let nature take it's course. The chances are that one of the organisers will recognise a certain quality in you and recommend a position for you.
Good on you though.
My honest advice would be to attend the course and let nature take it's course. The chances are that one of the organisers will recognise a certain quality in you and recommend a position for you.
Good on you though.
G_T said:
Well done OP.
amir_j said:
You could always start fostering cats or dogs and build up (being serious as myself and OH are looking into fostering cats from local shelter).
You're not right son.
I started picturing myself as old wifie cat woman reading that post.
Appreciate the sentiment amir_j but I believe fostering children and animals are worlds apart.
You need to be prepared to have a hard time with the 'selection' process that evaluates you as suitable or not. It can be very variable and intrusive, sometimes stupidly so. It seems to depend on who is doing the assesing.
If it goes well, the same team will do it, and act sensibly and reasonably and things will work out. On the other hand, you get an inexperienced team with a high staff turnover, which tends to be frustrating and painful and often ends in tears all round.
You'll probably get a feeling for it fairly early on in the process.
If it goes well, the same team will do it, and act sensibly and reasonably and things will work out. On the other hand, you get an inexperienced team with a high staff turnover, which tends to be frustrating and painful and often ends in tears all round.
You'll probably get a feeling for it fairly early on in the process.
I think this is why this preparation course is so important. My fostering officer spent over 2 hours going though a lot of information and I believe we just "touched the basics".
jbudgie, did you foster first before going through the Adoption process? If you don't wish to post your answer that's ok. I have been slightly "prompted" to get set up for fostering first. I think everyone is scared that I will go off kids, which I know is not the case. But a few weeks back a thought about going for both at the same time. I would imagine the adoption process is a LOT harder to go though.
I have tried not to let the thoughts of not being accepted enter my head so far. I know I will however be gutted it this is the case however my case officer was very pleased with me.
jbudgie, did you foster first before going through the Adoption process? If you don't wish to post your answer that's ok. I have been slightly "prompted" to get set up for fostering first. I think everyone is scared that I will go off kids,
which I know is not the case. But a few weeks back a thought about going for both at the same time. I would imagine the adoption process is a LOT harder to go though.I have tried not to let the thoughts of not being accepted enter my head so far. I know I will however be gutted it this is the case however my case officer was very pleased with me.
jbudgie said:
SSC, Adopted one child and then later on fostered another.
Cheers jbudgie.Well wow!! What a day. I have gone through a whole load of emotions today during the course (and this was supposed to be the easy day), some good feelings some bad and now just feeling exhausted and actually want to get to bed to rest my brain
. Thankfully I am not the only one "going it alone".
And yes. Heartbreaking stories out there. Was given a folder with info on children requiring placing. The decisions you have to go through as I wanted to help them all.
Thank you all for your words of support. My parents and one of my friends were the only people to wish me luck this weekend, although I don't need peoples acceptance it's nice to know a part of them were thinking about me.
Thank you all again.
Avril x
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