Kids these days!
Discussion
When I was a lad I knew that new toys etc were something that I had a christmas or birthday or as a reward (sometimes) for something exceptional.
My son who has not been brought up by me expects a new toy every day, every time he goes out. When I see him once a week he just exclaims "I'm going to get a toy and starts to walk off towards them". Is this typical of 7 year olds today?
My response to him is usually "well, it's not your birthday son so did you bring your money with you"?
Cheeky little fella last time said "no, did you"?
His Mum generally buys him a lot of toys as it keeps him quiet and occupied and there's also the added bonus that I pay for them! (no choice in that I'm afraid)!
My son who has not been brought up by me expects a new toy every day, every time he goes out. When I see him once a week he just exclaims "I'm going to get a toy and starts to walk off towards them". Is this typical of 7 year olds today?
My response to him is usually "well, it's not your birthday son so did you bring your money with you"?
Cheeky little fella last time said "no, did you"?
His Mum generally buys him a lot of toys as it keeps him quiet and occupied and there's also the added bonus that I pay for them! (no choice in that I'm afraid)!
Limited contact equals limited influence. You may be lucky that eventually he gets it but as his mother is obviously doing the opposite you on an uphill struggle.
My daughter is 8 in November and she is getting a phone and I think it's too young, 10 maybe. Her mother just said "it's only a phone".
We men can just accept it or get wound up about it.
My daughter is 8 in November and she is getting a phone and I think it's too young, 10 maybe. Her mother just said "it's only a phone".
We men can just accept it or get wound up about it.
sounds to me like he is pretty darn spoiled - call me cynical but it sounds as if his mum is trying to buy her way to the top of his affections. Now that's not playing fair 
The problem is unless you see him ALOT its going to be difficult to really change his perception of what is "normal" - one thing you could do is start to turn it around on him, when he says "I'm going to get a toy" ask him what he has done to deserve one.
The problem is unless you see him ALOT its going to be difficult to really change his perception of what is "normal" - one thing you could do is start to turn it around on him, when he says "I'm going to get a toy" ask him what he has done to deserve one.
Sounds like his mum is definitely spoiling him.
I only see my eldest (7 years old) at weekends, and a few days over the holidays.
Was out with him, and the girlfriends daughter (8 y/o) around town, decided to give in and let them have a bit of money. the girl was always asking for a little more money, a little more money .... whereas my son just couldn't decide if there was anything he wanted, and eventually said "I'll put it to one side and save it".
I only see my eldest (7 years old) at weekends, and a few days over the holidays.
Was out with him, and the girlfriends daughter (8 y/o) around town, decided to give in and let them have a bit of money. the girl was always asking for a little more money, a little more money .... whereas my son just couldn't decide if there was anything he wanted, and eventually said "I'll put it to one side and save it".
I have a small collection of model cars from when I was a lad so some are nearly 30 years old but he expects to take one home with him everytime he comes over and I did give him a couple of them and I dare say some now have some value. He promised to look after them but I have since seen them rather smashed up laying in the dirt in his Mums garden.
Because she buys him toys so frequently (on almost a daily basis) he does not respect anything.
His attitude when we go out is he must get something, he rarely has anything specific in mind and is often content with anything as long as he doesn't go home empty handed. He ususally starts off with a lrage purchase and then either creates a fuss until he thinks he will get it or he compromises and comes down a bit in price. This is when I meet up with his Mum and take him out for a while. If I say anything to her it will lead to an argument and I don't like to do that in front of my son.
Christmas and Birthdays are another time when I do get frustrated, he'll open a dozen gift wrapped toys and after the last one will say "what else is there".
I feel like I will never be able to make him a nicer more appreciative lad all the time he is spoilt so much by his Mum, she is not being kind to him in the long run.
Because she buys him toys so frequently (on almost a daily basis) he does not respect anything.
His attitude when we go out is he must get something, he rarely has anything specific in mind and is often content with anything as long as he doesn't go home empty handed. He ususally starts off with a lrage purchase and then either creates a fuss until he thinks he will get it or he compromises and comes down a bit in price. This is when I meet up with his Mum and take him out for a while. If I say anything to her it will lead to an argument and I don't like to do that in front of my son.
Christmas and Birthdays are another time when I do get frustrated, he'll open a dozen gift wrapped toys and after the last one will say "what else is there".
I feel like I will never be able to make him a nicer more appreciative lad all the time he is spoilt so much by his Mum, she is not being kind to him in the long run.
amare32 said:
Send him to the Social Services then you won't get any toy requests anymore. Job done 
Kids these days are no different to us when we were young. I was asking for new toys everyday other day
I'm trying to teach him that money is not something we are just given, well ......most of us anyway!Kids these days are no different to us when we were young. I was asking for new toys everyday other day
Soir said:
uphill battle as he will see you as mean if his mother is spoiling him and you are saying no.
maybe a compromise?
my dad used to match whatever I earned...i.e. wash the neighbours car for £5 - he would add £5 etc..
Well, that's the problem too.maybe a compromise?
my dad used to match whatever I earned...i.e. wash the neighbours car for £5 - he would add £5 etc..
He refuses to do anything other than what he wants to do unless he is at school.
His behaviour most of the time does not warrant reward and I don't believe in giving rewards constantly for good behaviour as I feel it actually encourages poor bahaviour when parents can't afford that big expensive toy.
He's not interested in learning anything when not in school, just likes to play with his latest toys bought for him that day.
I guess I should not worry too much and just adopt the attitude that it is her problem and just make my limited time with him fun without feeling I have to spoil him too much all of the time.
His behaviour over toys has often ruined what would have been enjoyable days out, interesting days at the zoo for example, completely ruined by him having tantrums and sulking, walking off, not walking anywhere all because we wouldn't go to the gift shop until we were leaving. Had we gone to the gift shop on the way in we would have had the challenge of "can we go now" after 10 minutes and £40 entrance fee.
Why do most places put all the toys at the start?
I'd have happily bought him one as we left if he'd been well behaved. Poor little fella does get mixed messages though as she buys him things for good or bad bahaviour which sends mixed messages.
SirClarke said:
Just buy him loads more toys then she does. Get him the most expensive things you can afford and post them to him every day in huge shiney boxes with ribbons and bows.
Then you'll be the best parent and she'll have lost the battle!!
Then you'll be the best parent and she'll have lost the battle!!
Hit her where it hurts. Her (your money) pocket.
I usually tell my kids in advance that we are not going to the gift shop afterwards. Nip any thoughts of buying something in the bud.
If you're separated, just because your ex buys them gifts all the time, doesn't mean you have to. Kids aren't stupid - they soon learn.
The upside to being strict about buying crap - is that if you do decide they've been good and let them buy something - it's a nice surprise for them and they actually appreciate it.
If you're separated, just because your ex buys them gifts all the time, doesn't mean you have to. Kids aren't stupid - they soon learn.
The upside to being strict about buying crap - is that if you do decide they've been good and let them buy something - it's a nice surprise for them and they actually appreciate it.
Afraid you're on a losing battle with this one.
Similar issue here, but add school attendance into the mix. Mums on benefits (she's a "carer" for her mother see? Yeah right) and does feck all but watch TV (which has a lot to do with why we split). So half the time she doesn't get up so he doesn't so she just phones him in sick. Year before last his school report showed 79% attendance..! Of course if I challenge her she claims he was ill those days, what you gonna do?
Not even got a copy of his school report for last year (08/09), she claims not to have received it yet so can't send me a copy. Hmmm... I dread to think what it says.
Had the present thing too, plus sometimes a new bike or something after he stays with me for a week, tells him first of course so he can't wait to get the week with Dad over with. Nice.
Simple fact is that mum holds ALL the cards and you have to accept there's nothing you can do but sit and watch your son ruined. Stinks don't it?
Similar issue here, but add school attendance into the mix. Mums on benefits (she's a "carer" for her mother see? Yeah right) and does feck all but watch TV (which has a lot to do with why we split). So half the time she doesn't get up so he doesn't so she just phones him in sick. Year before last his school report showed 79% attendance..! Of course if I challenge her she claims he was ill those days, what you gonna do?
Not even got a copy of his school report for last year (08/09), she claims not to have received it yet so can't send me a copy. Hmmm... I dread to think what it says.
Had the present thing too, plus sometimes a new bike or something after he stays with me for a week, tells him first of course so he can't wait to get the week with Dad over with. Nice.
Simple fact is that mum holds ALL the cards and you have to accept there's nothing you can do but sit and watch your son ruined. Stinks don't it?
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