A story from an HMRC bloke...
A story from an HMRC bloke...
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AB

Original Poster:

20,451 posts

224 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
I just remembered after reading another thread a story I was told by a customs officer.

His team had a tip off that there was to be some importation of contraband coming in through a certain port. They had a description but no names.

Mr. Shifty fitted the description and appeared to be doing his best to keep out of the way and stay very quiet as he came through, very suspicious. When he was spoken to he was acting very strange and also apparently looked like he was having issues walking in a similar fashion to someone who had contraband up their 'arris.

Anyhow, fitting the description, all the other clues, the rubber gloves are on and they are in a room.

Stripped, they begin a cavity search. HAHA! A string, they pull it, they've caught him.

Man screams with pain and comes mentions he has just had his Hemorrhoids stitched....


ShadownINja

80,030 posts

311 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
  • winces*
Don't know if that's made up, though. They normally quarterise the wound.

V8S

8,582 posts

266 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
AB said:
I just remembered after reading another thread a story I was told by a customs officer.

His team had a tip off that there was to be some importation of contraband coming in through a certain port. They had a description but no names.

Mr. Shifty fitted the description and appeared to be doing his best to keep out of the way and stay very quiet as he came through, very suspicious. When he was spoken to he was acting very strange and also apparently looked like he was having issues walking in a similar fashion to someone who had contraband up their 'arris.

Anyhow, fitting the description, all the other clues, the rubber gloves are on and they are in a room.

Stripped, they begin a cavity search. HAHA! A string, they pull it, they've caught him.

Man screams with pain and comes mentions he has just had his Hemorrhoids stitched....
Why did the man not mention this when he was told to bend over? I smell something unsavoury...

AB

Original Poster:

20,451 posts

224 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
So many ifs and buts - I don't know if it's true or not!

ETA: Yes it was intended.

Edited by AB on Wednesday 9th September 17:10

GTIR

24,741 posts

295 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
I did a google search for "Mr Shifty" and got this


May be some truth in the story as he looks very angry about getting his arse yanked.
On the upside he will play a tune while filling you full of lead, if your a customs officer.

Edited by GTIR on Wednesday 9th September 17:29

evenflow

8,875 posts

311 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
Rod! We missed you!

Mr Dave

3,233 posts

224 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
GTIR said:
I did a google search for "Mr Shifty" and got this


May be some truth in the story as he looks very angry about getting his arse yanked.
On the upside he will play a tune while filling you full of lead, if your a customs officer.

Edited by GTIR on Wednesday 9th September 17:29
Is that Russel Brand in 10 years time?

ShadownINja

80,030 posts

311 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
Mr Dave said:
GTIR said:
I did a google search for "Mr Shifty" and got this


May be some truth in the story as he looks very angry about getting his arse yanked.
On the upside he will play a tune while filling you full of lead, if your a customs officer.

Edited by GTIR on Wednesday 9th September 17:29
Is that Russel Brand in 10 years time?
rofl

I have a feeling that picture is used in his online dating profile.

evenflow

8,875 posts

311 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
I 100% guarantee he owns a t-shirt with a wolf howling at the moon.


ShadownINja

80,030 posts

311 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
rofl Shame he didn't wear it in the picture.

thisislife

344 posts

212 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
His balls are incredibly close to the end of that pistol and his finger is on the trigger!...SAFETY FIRST MR SHIFTY,

hornetrider

63,161 posts

234 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
ShadownINja said:
*winces*

Don't know if that's made up, though. They normally quarterise the wound.
What, they split it into four separate wounds...?

GTIR

24,741 posts

295 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
Do you think mybrainhurts will use this pic instead of that man in short shorts?

Famous Graham

26,553 posts

254 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
GTIR said:
Do you think mybrainhurts will use this pic instead of that man in short shorts?
HypnoToad.

mbh is the one who shoehorns a "Brown's a " into every thread.

GTIR

24,741 posts

295 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
Famous Graham said:
GTIR said:
Do you think mybrainhurts will use this pic instead of that man in short shorts?
HypnoToad.

mbh is the one who shoehorns a "Brown's a " into every thread.
Ahh yes, maybe they are brothers?

mybrainhurts and HypnoToad I mean.

ShadownINja

80,030 posts

311 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
hornetrider said:
ShadownINja said:
*winces*

Don't know if that's made up, though. They normally quarterise the wound.
What, they split it into four separate wounds...?
hehe

Oops. I knew it was wrong. Did a brief check on google and it accepted that so let it go. silly

AB

Original Poster:

20,451 posts

224 months

Wednesday 9th September 2009
quotequote all
Uh, that picture is worse that the imagine in my head when I heard the story!