Bullying at work, or is it?
Discussion
A friend of mine (which isn't me, regardless of what you lot say!) who lives in Brighton is getting quite a rough time at her current work. She works in an office of 4 people plus herself.
Said friend has been talking to me on messenger about her work as it's getting her really down, so much so that she feels she is going to be driven to depression or being off work sick with stress but doesn't have anyone at her work to speak to as it seems they are against her.
Some of the things she has had to deal with are :
- Everyone in the office talking about her when she isn't in the room and then changing the subject when she walks back in (she know's this as the walls are wafer thin).
- Group together for secret meetings without informing her of the meetings.
- Never pass on the important information needed for her to do her work.
- Made reference to the fact that they were all being paid the same but that her job wasn't as hard as their's, so they all threatened the company that if they didn't get a raise, they would work to their job descriptions which were old and didn't include about half of what they've been doing for 5 years. The job still had to be done so it fell to her. Particularly stuff like answering every single phone call, taking all the queries and writing letters.
- Not informing certain people that she will be working with them over the weekend as they think she shouldn't be entitled to do that work.
- Not being offered drinks, whilst everyone else in the office is.
Thoughts please? I've told her to keep a diary of everything going on. HR isn't really that viable at the moment, due to other issues.
Thanks
p.s. for the standard replies
- Don't know if she takes the OXO tower
- You're not having pictures of her
- She is reasonably fit and i would
- Not a SWT
Said friend has been talking to me on messenger about her work as it's getting her really down, so much so that she feels she is going to be driven to depression or being off work sick with stress but doesn't have anyone at her work to speak to as it seems they are against her.
Some of the things she has had to deal with are :
- Everyone in the office talking about her when she isn't in the room and then changing the subject when she walks back in (she know's this as the walls are wafer thin).
- Group together for secret meetings without informing her of the meetings.
- Never pass on the important information needed for her to do her work.
- Made reference to the fact that they were all being paid the same but that her job wasn't as hard as their's, so they all threatened the company that if they didn't get a raise, they would work to their job descriptions which were old and didn't include about half of what they've been doing for 5 years. The job still had to be done so it fell to her. Particularly stuff like answering every single phone call, taking all the queries and writing letters.
- Not informing certain people that she will be working with them over the weekend as they think she shouldn't be entitled to do that work.
- Not being offered drinks, whilst everyone else in the office is.
Thoughts please? I've told her to keep a diary of everything going on. HR isn't really that viable at the moment, due to other issues.
Thanks
p.s. for the standard replies
- Don't know if she takes the OXO tower
- You're not having pictures of her
- She is reasonably fit and i would
- Not a SWT
Bollah said:
p.s. for the standard replies
- Don't know if she takes the OXO tower
- You're not having pictures of her
- She is reasonably fit and i would
- Not a SWT
You've taken all of the fun out of this topic - Don't know if she takes the OXO tower
- You're not having pictures of her
- She is reasonably fit and i would
- Not a SWT
Seriously though, why is HR not available? The whole point is HR is there to raise these issues!
Can she not go to a manager with her concerns?
illmonkey said:
Bollah said:
p.s. for the standard replies
- Don't know if she takes the OXO tower
- You're not having pictures of her
- She is reasonably fit and i would
- Not a SWT
You've taken all of the fun out of this topic - Don't know if she takes the OXO tower
- You're not having pictures of her
- She is reasonably fit and i would
- Not a SWT
Seriously though, why is HR not available? The whole point is HR is there to raise these issues!
Can she not go to a manager with her concerns?
I asked about HR and her reply was :
Friend said:
It's so complicated. my manager is not in the office. she's somewhere else and is very supportive. she's also best friends with the woman who manages the rest of them and they're both on my side but have said that there's not a lot they can do right now
Bollah said:
Friend said:
It's so complicated. my manager is not in the office. she's somewhere else and is very supportive. she's also best friends with the woman who manages the rest of them and they're both on my side but have said that there's not a lot they can do right now
JJCW said:
Bollah said:
Friend said:
It's so complicated. my manager is not in the office. she's somewhere else and is very supportive. she's also best friends with the woman who manages the rest of them and they're both on my side but have said that there's not a lot they can do right now
How long has she been there?
She has to put a formal complaint in writing listing her grievances and specific examples. They haver to act on this.
Non specific 'whinging' from your friend is not going to get her anywhere. I know she's not doing that, but unless she give specific examples and formalises it, then her manager is not going to take it seriously.
JJCW said:
Bollah said:
Friend said:
It's so complicated. my manager is not in the office. she's somewhere else and is very supportive. she's also best friends with the woman who manages the rest of them and they're both on my side but have said that there's not a lot they can do right now
toohuge said:
JJCW said:
Bollah said:
Friend said:
It's so complicated. my manager is not in the office. she's somewhere else and is very supportive. she's also best friends with the woman who manages the rest of them and they're both on my side but have said that there's not a lot they can do right now
Otherwise it'll just seem as if she's whining.
She needs to grow some balls.
1. Start looking for another job
2. Go into work, do your job to a good standard, go home.
3. See 1 and 2
FFS she sounds like a right moaner. You don't go to work to have friends, you go to work to work. If the people you work with are
s then ignore them.THIS OFFICE IS ALL WOMEN, AM I RIGHT? THOUGHT SO.
Edited by Soovy on Tuesday 15th September 16:22
She needs to start standing up for herself. If she can hear what they are saying about her when she goes out of the office she should come back in and ask why they think such and such, basically put these idiots on the spot!
If no one asks her if she wants a drink, make a point of it, don't sit there and let it go un-noticed.
As for the pay, she doesn't decide what she gets paid, the bosses do, she should tell the to FO and worry about their own affairs, not hers.
I hate people like this, it's as though they have nothing better to do than moan about their daily lives. I hope she gets it sorted out, if not, it's new job time!
If no one asks her if she wants a drink, make a point of it, don't sit there and let it go un-noticed.
As for the pay, she doesn't decide what she gets paid, the bosses do, she should tell the to FO and worry about their own affairs, not hers.
I hate people like this, it's as though they have nothing better to do than moan about their daily lives. I hope she gets it sorted out, if not, it's new job time!
Personally, right or wrong and certainly not legal advice, I would tell the boss that obviously she sorry that they feel unable to help and therefore she is going to try to deal with the problem herself.
I would then wait until all of them are in the room and would switch off the telephones. I'd then stand where they could all see me and say something along the lines of "Right you lot, just what the hell is your problem with me? In the last x weeks the following has happened (and state what you have posted). Now if you lot want to try to ruin the company with your pathetic, childish and wholly inappropriate behaviour I am sure you will all be happy to discuss it with the Boss. On the other hand you can tell me what your problem is and we can try to start again and work together."
When I started uni I was in a flat in halls with 5 other's who were all mates already and spent the first week making me feel about as welcome as a st in the Queen's bed. One conversation like that and the air was cleared and we spent the next nine months having a great laugh.
On the other hand it is always a worry when everyone else doesn't like someone. being disliked by one or two is to be expected, but everyone? Perhaps she needs to look at herself.
I would then wait until all of them are in the room and would switch off the telephones. I'd then stand where they could all see me and say something along the lines of "Right you lot, just what the hell is your problem with me? In the last x weeks the following has happened (and state what you have posted). Now if you lot want to try to ruin the company with your pathetic, childish and wholly inappropriate behaviour I am sure you will all be happy to discuss it with the Boss. On the other hand you can tell me what your problem is and we can try to start again and work together."
When I started uni I was in a flat in halls with 5 other's who were all mates already and spent the first week making me feel about as welcome as a s
t in the Queen's bed. One conversation like that and the air was cleared and we spent the next nine months having a great laugh.On the other hand it is always a worry when everyone else doesn't like someone. being disliked by one or two is to be expected, but everyone? Perhaps she needs to look at herself.
Soovy said:
She needs to grow some balls.
1. Start looking for another job
2. Go into work, do your job to a good standard, go home.
3. See 1 and 2
FFS she sounds like a right moaner. You don't go to work to have friends, you go to work to work. If the people you work with ares then ignore them.
THIS OFFICE IS ALL WOMEN, AM I RIGHT? THOUGHT SO.
Easier said than done when everyone is as hard as you 1. Start looking for another job
2. Go into work, do your job to a good standard, go home.
3. See 1 and 2
FFS she sounds like a right moaner. You don't go to work to have friends, you go to work to work. If the people you work with are
s then ignore them.THIS OFFICE IS ALL WOMEN, AM I RIGHT? THOUGHT SO.
Edited by Soovy on Tuesday 15th September 16:22
Also, it's an office of 3 men and 2 women (including friend), so put's your edit out of the window, but thanks for your wonderful words.As someone else mentioned about confronting these people, this has already been tried, but all that happened was one of the staff members just started yelling at her and all friend wanted to do was give them a right good kicking
Bollah, if her managers wont do anything about it (and they damn well should), she really needs to confront them.
Bullying like that is absolutely pathetic, particularly in the work place.
If she's got the personality to do so, she should have a go at the perpetrators. Make them feel small, stupid and pathetic. No point getting emotional or shouting, but very definitely a bit of a rant should do the trick.
Bullying like that is absolutely pathetic, particularly in the work place.
If she's got the personality to do so, she should have a go at the perpetrators. Make them feel small, stupid and pathetic. No point getting emotional or shouting, but very definitely a bit of a rant should do the trick.
Tyre Smoke said:
JJCW said:
Bollah said:
Friend said:
It's so complicated. my manager is not in the office. she's somewhere else and is very supportive. she's also best friends with the woman who manages the rest of them and they're both on my side but have said that there's not a lot they can do right now
How long has she been there?
She has to put a formal complaint in writing listing her grievances and specific examples. They haver to act on this.
Non specific 'whinging' from your friend is not going to get her anywhere. I know she's not doing that, but unless she give specific examples and formalises it, then her manager is not going to take it seriously.
escargot said:
blindswelledrat said:
Genuinely not trolling but is she a bit of a ?
A high percentage of people I have met in my adult like who claim to be unfairly treated/bullied at work, deserve it.
Understand there are exceptions but it is a fair rule.
This is also true.?A high percentage of people I have met in my adult like who claim to be unfairly treated/bullied at work, deserve it.
Understand there are exceptions but it is a fair rule.
They may just see her as not pulling her weight.
Probably doesn't help that she is friends with the managers.
ETA - change of word, as per the eagle eyed reader.
Edited by elster on Tuesday 15th September 17:14
Bollah said:
As someone else mentioned about confronting these people, this has already been tried, but all that happened was one of the staff members just started yelling at her and all friend wanted to do was give them a right good kicking
Excellent tell her to do it again, but to tape it.That'll work a treat in any bosses office or tribunal so long as she remains calm, polite, well mannered and collected.
Of course the other course of action is to do this and be so annoyingly calm and polite and 'understanding' that the other person loses it totally and snacks her one. At which point she laughs all the way to the Police station. Tribunal pay out, retribution and compo all in one without having to do anything more than apply a little more foundation for a few weeks.
The other 'trick' is also to recognise that this is probably pack mentality working against her here. If the first option didn't work pick them off one by one.
Surely she must have some idea of what their problem really is and if this is something that can be addressed or not?
Gassing Station | Jobs & Employment Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff