20 & 19... too young to marry?

[whitevanman88]

We are, aren't we?

The Mrs seems to have various dreams of engagement, marriage and babies.

This scares me. A lot.

I'm 20. She's still a teenager (technically...I think). She is passing it off by saying (and I quote) "I just want some commitment"...now to my mind being together for the amount of time we have and the amount of life ...errrr... 'experiences' we've gone through would show that I am committed.

Is it wrong to want to experience the World & have one last stint at being immature?

[Jasandjules]

Get engaged? Happy medium?

[whitevanman88]

Jasandjules said:

Get engaged? Happy medium?

Trouble is, the nags will be about 'the wedding' after that. We'll have to look in EVERY wedding dress shop we walk past. It's in a controlled sort of weekly cycle at the moment at least. (Dog / Kids / Marriage) respectively.

[rhinochopig]

Anal is commitment. It takes trust on both parts. Her to let you, and you to not film and post it on the internet for your mates to watch.

[Papa Hotel]

I don't think 20 & 19 is necessarily too young but you seem to know already that it's too young for you. Don't do it, it's not right for you yet.

[DickyC]

Together from sixteen, married at nineteen, divorced by early forties. We were too young and had too much changing (growing up) still to do. We did produce two smashing lads, though, who are on the best of terms with both of us - so it's not all bad.

[V8mate]

whitevanman88 said:

We are, aren't we?

The Mrs seems to have various dreams of engagement, marriage and babies.

This scares me. A lot.

I'm 20. She's still a teenager (technically...I think). She is passing it off by saying (and I quote) "I just want some commitment"...now to my mind being together for the amount of time we have and the amount of life ...errrr... 'experiences' we've gone through would show that I am committed.

Is it wrong to want to experience the World & have one last stint at being immature?

Aren't you the chap with the litigious in-laws and the girlfriend who wouldn't stand up to them to defend you? (that was one thread)

And wasn't there another thread where you complained of her immature/unreasonable/something else I can't remember attitude to you about something else?

And now you're even considering marrying the fruitcake?

I thought you'd assured us that you were going to kick her into touch? (to save us from any more face-palming threads about your co-mingled life together)

Here's a novel suggestion: don't get married, get rid of her and live your life. Without her(just in case you missed that bit). And without her family too. (You know she's only going to become more and more like them as she gets older, right?)

[OnTheOverrun]

Yes you are. By a long way.

Even if you add your ages together you are still too young to marry.

[Papa Hotel]

Ooh, I'm not going to trawl old posts, I'll take v8mate's word for it....

DO NOT DO IT.

age doesn't come into it on this one, you and her need to go your separate ways.

[chris1roll]

Mum and Dad got married when Mum was 19 and Dad 21, had me at 21 and 23, followed by my sister and brother. They are Still together now 30 years later.


EDIT: However having read V8 mates reply - its not the right thing for you!

Edited by chris1roll on Friday 2nd October 20:52

[whitevanman88]

V8mate said:

whitevanman88 said:

We are, aren't we?

The Mrs seems to have various dreams of engagement, marriage and babies.

This scares me. A lot.

I'm 20. She's still a teenager (technically...I think). She is passing it off by saying (and I quote) "I just want some commitment"...now to my mind being together for the amount of time we have and the amount of life ...errrr... 'experiences' we've gone through would show that I am committed.

Is it wrong to want to experience the World & have one last stint at being immature?

Aren't you the chap with the litigious in-laws and the girlfriend who wouldn't stand up to them to defend you? (that was one thread)

And wasn't there another thread where you complained of her immature/unreasonable/something else I can't remember attitude to you about something else?

And now you're even considering marrying the fruitcake?

I thought you'd assured us that you were going to kick her into touch? (to save us from any more face-palming threads about your co-mingled life together)

Here's a novel suggestion: don't get married, get rid of her and live your life. Without her(just in case you missed that bit). And without her family too. (You know she's only going to become more and more like them as she gets older, right?)

Fook knows. This is the problem.

<Manuel> I know noooooothing </Manuel>

[jazzybee]

I was engaged at 19 and married at 21, and a Dad at 24. We have our 18th anniversary this year. Saying that, I do think you will do much better financially if you hold off till your mid to later 20's and you are financially stable first before having kids. I did'nt, I was and still am madly in love, we had our financial ups and downs but it all worked out in the end and the kids are fantastic, well adjusted, and intelligent. I am very happy with my lot at the end of it. If you are serious, committed and madly in love, you can make anything work!

[GingerWizard]

No. However you have to really try to understand what it entails. Work really hard at that long term plan in your head, babies houses the lot, be thinking about them, discuss a bit and decide from there. If your in at 20, your going to be married 60+years hopefully.... I got married at 23. 3 years on, its brilliant. Love every bloody moment.

Best of luck.

Gwiz

[whitevanman88]

Argh. This is all stupid! I guess part of my frustration is that when I met her I had a successful business and was rather mature for my age. I was working 100 hour weeks and loving it. I actually feel like she "de-adultized" me...which actually feels great. I work in a call centre on st money, but have a great social life and have great fun and I'd rather be this way at the moment.

I'm currently getting the 'but you have to grow up' spiel, and not only do I not feel like growing up, but I feel it is hypocritical of her to say such things.

I'm confused...

[Tuscanless Ali]

Papa Hotel said:

I don't think 20 & 19 is necessarily too young but you seem to know already that it's too young for you. Don't do it, it's not right for you yet.

Pretty much what I was going to say

[cymtriks]

The right age to get married is the age when you meet the right person.

There is nothing inherently wrong about marrying young, in fact it has several advantages. You get to spend more years with someone special, you can allow a lot more time to plan or put off a family, you can leave juggling a career and family responsibilities until later. If it goes wrong you have more years left in which to start again.

It is only our society that thinks late marriage is a clever idea. Historically and globally virtually no one has.

A good test of long term compatability is to look at your relatives and friends. If you had friends in common when you met and your relatives have similar beliefs, hobbies and jobs then you are probably well on the way.

[TheCarpetCleaner]

My honest thoughts are that, if you have to ask on an open internet forum, and seek the opinions of people that (I assume) don't know you in person - then you should probably think about if this is the right time and the right person or not.

[H_Kan]

I've been with the current gf for coming upto 5yrs and am 22. She is mentioning marriage etc but I've explained that until I'm financially stable, have finished my accounting qualifications and matured a bit more it isn't something I can entertain.

For quite some time there has been an understanding that the relationship will eventually lead onto engagement and marriage. So seem to be at a happyish medium for the moment.

OP, if you feel you aren't ready then you need to be strong and straight about it. It's a big commitment, which I know I'm not ready for and by the sounds of it, neither are you.

[Jasandjules]

whitevanman88 said:

Jasandjules said:

Get engaged? Happy medium?

Trouble is, the nags will be about 'the wedding' after that. We'll have to look in EVERY wedding dress shop we walk past. It's in a controlled sort of weekly cycle at the moment at least. (Dog / Kids / Marriage) respectively.

Well, "The Wedding" can come after "The House" and "The Car" and "The Holiday to the Maldives" can it not? Then, after "The Wedding" can come "The Brats". i.e. make sure you've lived a little first .... Because otherwise IMHO you will, in a few years time, resent the things you didn't do when you were younger, and get divorced.

[whitevanman88]

Well after a heated 'debate' which started off with promise rings and lead to; engagement, marriage, dogs, brats, travelling europe, and my car... the fruitcake has gone.