How to explain to someone that... IM TIRED!!
Discussion
I'm always knackered due to the fact I get no sleep (not in a good way)...
I have a very intensive job that knackers me mentally and my OH is looking for work at the moment.
But she still has the nocturnal sleeping pattern and its driving me insane... quite literally, I haven't felt normal for at least a week now...
During the week I want to sleep at 10-11pm at the latest due to the fact I'm up at 7am and I'm not one that can simply shut down and sleep, it takes me ages... She on the other hand is still living the student life (just finished a masters) and will quite happily read until 1-2am and then sleep, often waking me in the process, thus I get 4-5 hours of sleep a night, were as she can have as much as she wants and sometimes just stays in bed till 10-11am.
She has nothing on during the day except find a job, so nothing mentally challenging, then expects me to entertain her when I get in at 7-8pm, but I'm just shattered.... She cant understand that changing my sleep pattern and how I sleep (heating on and no window open for breeze at all) is making my quality of sleep crap she is fed up of me saying I'm knackered... Its getting to such a stage that im in my own little world if she wants to do anything...
I'm trying to persuade her that she should get any job she can (temping full time) but she wants part time temping so she can have time to search for a job, fill out forms and go to interviews.... she has managed no CVs (apparently they have to be tailored per job and not just the generic one) and not contacted any temp agencies about work... I'm convinced that if she does this the sleep patterns will go back to normal and I will actually get some decent sleep, as im fed up of being told its all in my head and its my head saying im knackered... or I should do more exercise... Except I'm waiting for her to get off her ass and get some running shoes so we can go running, she mentions it every day that we should go running and I have to remind her that we can if she goes and gets shoes...
I have tried to talk to her about it and then she shrugs it off as its my problem and I need to sort it out and its not the stuffiness of the flat, no fresh breeze and late sleeping times that is making me knackered all week so much so that I'm not wanting to do anything on the weekends, much to the frustration of the OH....
I guess I will keep on trying and it will change once she gets a job, but it falls on deaf ears that the tiredness is due to the sudden change in my sleeping pattern and that I need to get lots of sleep now due to the intense work that I do and if I don't that im just plain useless during the evens as I want to wind down and not go out and do a load of stuff... but hey at least I get to vent it here and have you guys rip into me for not manning up and putting her in her place.
Other than that issue, I thinking living with the OH is great.... now if I can sort the sleep as well...
Anyone else got some similar issues and how did you solve them?
Sleeping in separate rooms is not a possibility.
Enjoy ripping the piss guys, yours, a very tired Dupont
if some of this doesnt read to well, Im on my 4 cup of coffee and its still not kicked in yet
I have a very intensive job that knackers me mentally and my OH is looking for work at the moment.
But she still has the nocturnal sleeping pattern and its driving me insane... quite literally, I haven't felt normal for at least a week now...
During the week I want to sleep at 10-11pm at the latest due to the fact I'm up at 7am and I'm not one that can simply shut down and sleep, it takes me ages... She on the other hand is still living the student life (just finished a masters) and will quite happily read until 1-2am and then sleep, often waking me in the process, thus I get 4-5 hours of sleep a night, were as she can have as much as she wants and sometimes just stays in bed till 10-11am.
She has nothing on during the day except find a job, so nothing mentally challenging, then expects me to entertain her when I get in at 7-8pm, but I'm just shattered.... She cant understand that changing my sleep pattern and how I sleep (heating on and no window open for breeze at all) is making my quality of sleep crap she is fed up of me saying I'm knackered... Its getting to such a stage that im in my own little world if she wants to do anything...
I'm trying to persuade her that she should get any job she can (temping full time) but she wants part time temping so she can have time to search for a job, fill out forms and go to interviews.... she has managed no CVs (apparently they have to be tailored per job and not just the generic one) and not contacted any temp agencies about work... I'm convinced that if she does this the sleep patterns will go back to normal and I will actually get some decent sleep, as im fed up of being told its all in my head and its my head saying im knackered... or I should do more exercise... Except I'm waiting for her to get off her ass and get some running shoes so we can go running, she mentions it every day that we should go running and I have to remind her that we can if she goes and gets shoes...
I have tried to talk to her about it and then she shrugs it off as its my problem and I need to sort it out and its not the stuffiness of the flat, no fresh breeze and late sleeping times that is making me knackered all week so much so that I'm not wanting to do anything on the weekends, much to the frustration of the OH....
I guess I will keep on trying and it will change once she gets a job, but it falls on deaf ears that the tiredness is due to the sudden change in my sleeping pattern and that I need to get lots of sleep now due to the intense work that I do and if I don't that im just plain useless during the evens as I want to wind down and not go out and do a load of stuff... but hey at least I get to vent it here and have you guys rip into me for not manning up and putting her in her place.
Other than that issue, I thinking living with the OH is great.... now if I can sort the sleep as well...
Anyone else got some similar issues and how did you solve them?
Sleeping in separate rooms is not a possibility.
Enjoy ripping the piss guys, yours, a very tired Dupont
if some of this doesnt read to well, Im on my 4 cup of coffee and its still not kicked in yet
mybrainhurts said:
Dupont666 said:
She has nothing on during the day
Put a stop to that...she'll catch her deathhttp://www.pistonheads.co.uk/gassing/topic.asp?h=0...
Go out for a walk with her. Tell her exactly what you have written here (but not that you have posted it).
Make it about "the two of you", not you. Put it in terms of how you think it is affecting your relationship together and that you care for her deeply, etc, but you both need to adapt a bit in this... and you are looking for her help?
Other than that, she sounds a bit selfish and high maintenance!
Make it about "the two of you", not you. Put it in terms of how you think it is affecting your relationship together and that you care for her deeply, etc, but you both need to adapt a bit in this... and you are looking for her help?
Other than that, she sounds a bit selfish and high maintenance!
Dupont666 said:
I
During the week I want to sleep at 10-11pm at the latest due to the fact I'm up at 7am and I'm not one that can simply shut down and sleep, it takes me ages... She on the other hand is still living the student life (just finished a masters) and will quite happily read until 1-2am and then sleep, often waking me in the process, thus I get 4-5 hours of sleep a night, were as she can have as much as she wants and sometimes just stays in bed till 10-11am.
She has nothing on during the day except find a job, so nothing mentally challenging, then expects me to entertain her when I get in at 7-8pm, but I'm just shattered.... She cant understand that changing my sleep pattern and how I sleep (heating on and no window open for breeze at all) is making my quality of sleep crap she is fed up of me saying I'm knackered... Its getting to such a stage that im in my own little world if she wants to do anything...
Don't do anything, because it is patently obvious that she wears the trousers in this relationship and you are merely there to provide funds for her student, hippy, tree-hugging, sponging way of life.During the week I want to sleep at 10-11pm at the latest due to the fact I'm up at 7am and I'm not one that can simply shut down and sleep, it takes me ages... She on the other hand is still living the student life (just finished a masters) and will quite happily read until 1-2am and then sleep, often waking me in the process, thus I get 4-5 hours of sleep a night, were as she can have as much as she wants and sometimes just stays in bed till 10-11am.
She has nothing on during the day except find a job, so nothing mentally challenging, then expects me to entertain her when I get in at 7-8pm, but I'm just shattered.... She cant understand that changing my sleep pattern and how I sleep (heating on and no window open for breeze at all) is making my quality of sleep crap she is fed up of me saying I'm knackered... Its getting to such a stage that im in my own little world if she wants to do anything...
It sounds like she is being a bit selfish to me. I don't see why she wont compramise a little with the heat or getting to bed. It's not like you need masses of empathy to figure out not getting your 8 hours on a regular basis leaves you tiered.
I'd be tempted to teach her a bit of empathy. Make enough fuss and banging in the morning to wake her. Get her a tea or something as she is up, you know nice and caring. Hopefully the interaction and the caffine will ensure she won't to back to sleep and she should understand sleep depravation within the week.
I'd be tempted to teach her a bit of empathy. Make enough fuss and banging in the morning to wake her. Get her a tea or something as she is up, you know nice and caring. Hopefully the interaction and the caffine will ensure she won't to back to sleep and she should understand sleep depravation within the week.
Buzz word said:
It sounds like she is being a bit selfish to me. I don't see why she wont compramise a little with the heat or getting to bed. It's not like you need masses of empathy to figure out not getting your 8 hours on a regular basis leaves you tiered.
I'd be tempted to teach her a bit of empathy. Make enough fuss and banging in the morning to wake her. Get her a tea or something as she is up, you know nice and caring. Hopefully the interaction and the caffine will ensure she won't to back to sleep and she should understand sleep depravation within the week.
What is it with you wimpish people?? She is just being totally selfish and self centred! There's no 'misunderstanding' going on here. I'd be tempted to teach her a bit of empathy. Make enough fuss and banging in the morning to wake her. Get her a tea or something as she is up, you know nice and caring. Hopefully the interaction and the caffine will ensure she won't to back to sleep and she should understand sleep depravation within the week.
Don't get her a cup of tea, get her a bucket of cold water and tip it over her when you leave for work, do it every morning and show her what it is like being miserable and tired!
I used to feel tired all the time (not uncommon these days to be up at 6 or 7am, and not come home until gone 10pm)
Ever since going out on the bike (non-engine variety
) at weekends in the forest, and going for long walks when I have time, my energy has bounded back.
Alternatively, go see your doctor. May be low testosterone levels which is very common these days but grossly unreported.
Ever since going out on the bike (non-engine variety
) at weekends in the forest, and going for long walks when I have time, my energy has bounded back.Alternatively, go see your doctor. May be low testosterone levels which is very common these days but grossly unreported.
TheCarpetCleaner said:
I used to feel tired all the time (not uncommon these days to be up at 6 or 7am, and not come home until gone 10pm)
Ever since going out on the bike (non-engine variety ) at weekends in the forest, and going for long walks when I have time, my energy has bounded back.
Alternatively, go see your doctor. May be low testosterone levels which is very common these days but grossly unreported.
He's tired because 4-5 hours sleep isn't enough on a sustained basis for 95% of the population. Naff all to do with testosterone levels. Ever since going out on the bike (non-engine variety
) at weekends in the forest, and going for long walks when I have time, my energy has bounded back.Alternatively, go see your doctor. May be low testosterone levels which is very common these days but grossly unreported.
All the doctor will do is ask about alcohol/drugs/diet/stress/sleep pattern.
The root cause in this case is medical - it's "inconsiderateselfishpartneritis"
Edited by plg101 on Monday 26th October 12:05
King Herald said:
What is it with you wimpish people?? She is just being totally selfish and self centred! There's no 'misunderstanding' going on here.
Don't get her a cup of tea, get her a bucket of cold water and tip it over her when you leave for work, do it every morning and show her what it is like being miserable and tired!
+1Don't get her a cup of tea, get her a bucket of cold water and tip it over her when you leave for work, do it every morning and show her what it is like being miserable and tired!
1. Talk to her reasonably.
2. Take the 'direct action' approach, as above, and then some.
3. Dump her. Find someone that's not so unpleasant.
Mrs Trackside said:
Dupont666 said:
stuff about being tired
All I can say is that if I did that to my other half, I'd be sleeping on the sofa.She sounds like a selfish cow quite frankly, and you're a mug letting her get away with it.
tty flu/cold for 2 weeks so was completely drained and I wasnt sleeping much at all due to it.Then it continued for the past week and let it get on top of me due to getting home late and thought it was just the body recovering really slow due to not taking time off... That was proven wrong by not getting any sleep until 1am last night....
I have talked to her, but she thinks its my not so active lifestyle... though that has now changed too and all alcohol is being cut out to get a nice long detox (except of DD this week of course)....
Coffee has now kicked in... yay!!
Dupont666 said:
Then it continued for the past week and let it get on top of me due to getting home late and thought it was just the body recovering really slow due to not taking time off... That was proven wrong by not getting any sleep until 1am last night....
I have talked to her, but she thinks its my not so active lifestyle... though that has now changed too and all alcohol is being cut out to get a nice long detox (except of DD this week of course)....
Coffee has now kicked in... yay!!
Fine - if she thinks it is your inactive lifestyle, she can get up when you get up. Or earlier. And then she can go job hunting for 8 hours. Until then, she can give you some respect and some shut eye. You are out of sync with each other, you HAVE to get up, SHE is choosing not to; there has to be compromise. Until she gets a job, she should be compromising, being more supportive and understanding. I have talked to her, but she thinks its my not so active lifestyle... though that has now changed too and all alcohol is being cut out to get a nice long detox (except of DD this week of course)....
Coffee has now kicked in... yay!!
I'm a fairly balanced kind of chap, apparently on the understanding/listening according to my wife, but what you have described would make me mad...
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