Working away from home for long periods.

[raf_gti]

1. Mods please don't move to the jobs forum!##

I've been made aware of a job opportunity which would involve working overseas for a minimum of two years, at least doubling my current salary and vastly improving my present skillset.

However, it would involve being out of the UK for at least 9 months of the year and obviously away from my partner. Due to her owning her own business over here there is no chance of her moving with me, she is also very 'dependant' on me to provide moral & emoitional support when things are going tough for her.

To those of you who have done similar in the past would you say that the short term financial gain is worth the heartache that the separation could cause?

Obviously everyone has a different reaction to separation but I'd quite like a general view!

[Munter]

Working away for 5 days a week for about 6 months. When I quit the OH said she was about a week away from walking out.

Now every relationship is different. But personally I'd suggest the OH would need to be very independent to still be your OH by the time you get back.

[Gargamel]

Don't worry about leaving her behind.

Why take a sandwich to an all you can eat buffet

[WorAl]

Some people it works, some it doesn't, suck it and see.

It wouldn't for me and my OH so hence I'm not in Kazakhstan now, but my uncle works there and has 2 kids and does it no problem, has worked away since he was about 25 (now 60's).














Here's the catch - he has diverced his wife once and married her twice.

[tuffer]

I am away most weeks, sometimes for several weeks at a time. It sucks. Even worse is when I am at home and the other half has even a late night in town, I cannot stand being alone in the house.
Upside, the money = nice holidays, cars, house etc etc etc

[Dakkon]

I work away every week and im home at the weekends it has cost me two relationships, you need to think about this very carefully.

[Huff]

Working away from home is hard work twice over - it puts all sorts of strain on you and on relationships (with your friends, too, don't forget); not least because to be together, you have to travel - in your own time. Inevitably you end-up only together when tired and for not long-enough and that tends to suck the joy out of life IME. Be very wary.

[308mate]

There is an even worse outcome.

Many couples get used to it to the point where they cant then be back together again. Husband moves back to get his life back, missus cant stand him 24/7 anymore, r'ship goes tits up within months. Seen it lots of times.

ETA: Put it this way, how much will that money be worth to you if she leaves or something bad happens and youre not there? If the answer is "It will still be worth it.", save yourself the grief, sack her off and go overseas. If the answer is "My extra money will mean nothing if she leaves me/has difficulties", dont go.

Thats what I reckon.

Edited by 308mate on Tuesday 26th January 13:40

Edited by 308mate on Tuesday 26th January 14:17

[StevieBee]

IME, it all depends on four factors:

1. Your age
2. Length of relationship
3. Strength of relationship
4. Level of income you are likely to earn coupled with your need for it

There's no off-the-shelf solution but I have to say that I've seen the strongest of relationships suffer due to separation over far shorter periods of time.

What's being offered is likely to be unattractive to many so you can call the shots - ask for a get out opportunity after a set period of time - insist they pay for your OH to visit every 6 weeks, etc..

[blindswelledrat]

raf_gti said:

##I've been made aware of a job opportunity which would involve working overseas for a minimum of two years, at least doubling my current salary and vastly improving my present skillset.

However, it would involve being out of the UK for at least 9 months of the year and obviously away from my partner.

You lucky, lucky bd.
Didnt read the rest. Assume this is just a gloat.
With a bit of luck she might even leave you while you are away.

[HereBeMonsters]

I've done it, but with frequent trips back home to keep the home fires burning, as they say. It can be done if you're both up for it. What does she think?

[phumy]

Ive worked in Vietnam and Thailand for the last 7.5 years, going home probably every 3-4 months for two or three weeks at a time, it pays the bills

[dazzztay]

i worked away now for over 3 years......

The wife used to be very dependant on me for support and stuff - it was hard to take the job and move. Im in a different country to my wife and kid. We talk every night and i go home as often as i can. The wife really grew stronger as a person and things have worked out for the best.

It works just fine if you put in the extra effort and communicate well!

Lots of people live like this, i know many expats in similar situations. Its not easy or 'normal' but its possible!

[Lord Pikey]

I cant comment on being away from a partner side of things but the rest i might be able to help.

On a personal development / experiance / see the world view its fantastic. I moved to Germany 18 months ago and i have loved every minute of it. But it is made easy be being only 2 hours on a AC away from the uk with very cheap flights. Also my work mates out here are british and a good bunch.

With uk friends being able to maintain the relationships is a strain, but if they are good mates like in my case it hasnt changed a thing. We are still the same when we meet up.

Of course, it helps being popular if you live on location at the worlds biggest beer festival

[raf_gti]

Lots of very good replies there so apologies if I don't quote you all

If I were to go for this job it would genuinely set us both up for life so that is a major factor to consider.

However, having been in the RAF for the past 8 years or so I've seen countless people go through a divorce, perhaps the away time isn't the sole factor but it is certainly a major contributor to the relationship ending.

Life changing opportunites don't come along all that often, my OH is currently grabbing her one and whilst the going is tough it will pay off in a few years time, whether or not for me to grab mine at the same time is a good idea is a different matter all together.

Would I even consider it if the money was the same as I'm on now but my skillset would improve? No chance.

But alas money makes the world go round and it is a very big pull.

[vz-r_dave]

I work in Frankfurt and my GF lives in Berlin. We see one another on the weekends and it works very well. Much better then expected. However almost everyone I know here is fking everything else that moves and ruining their relationships. As said above it works for some and others it doesnt. I am here for the money, Berlin doesnt have much going in my skillset at the moment. If it where the case I'd be there in a flash.

[raf_gti]

Paddy_N_Murphy said:

OK -

What does the Wife say about it ?

Havn't spoken to her yet

This thread has come about after a very informal chat with a mate so nowhere near making any decision.

[hornetrider]

Are you considering Saudi with BAe Systems?

/stabinthedark

[GSP]

I'm considering joining the army should a current job venture fall through. I face a similar predicament.

My girlfriend of 10 years says she would be fine, she is very career minded and quite independant though.

Still I wonder though... If she was needy and needed frequent support there would not be a chance.

[raf_gti]

GSP said:

I'm considering joining the army should a current job venture fall through. I face a similar predicament.

My girlfriend of 10 years says she would be fine, she is very career minded and quite independant though.

Still I wonder though... If she was needy and needed frequent support there would not be a chance.

IMO it is is easier to accept being sent away with the military. If I go in to work tomorrow and they say 'ps off to afghanistan for 6 months' then I have no real say in the matter, unfortunatley it is a neceserry evil every few years.

Making a conscious descision to up sticks by yourself is a very different proposition!