Well what a night...
Discussion
Went over to a friends place tonight, plan was some beer and a curry.
Her Mum, I think, has lost the plot. Allow me to give a bit of background info;
She is a mental health nurse. She was encouraged to take a uni course with the 'promise' of a job at a higher grade upon completion. She completed it and there was no higher job. Not only this, but the job she was on previously was no longer available and all she could do was drop down even further. She went from being on £24k a year to £6 an hour and her take home pay the last few months has been about £850. Her mortgage is £600.
When you factor in council tax, bills, car insurance etc (general living costs) she can no longer afford to pay it all.
She spoke to her mortgage company who agreed to her paying £230 instead of £600 per month. I don't know the ins and outs any further than this, although I can only assume this will cost her a fortune in the long run.
It appears to me that she is sinking further and further into a depressed state. She woke up this morning and her make up had frozen it was that cold in her house. She can't afford to heat the place, so she tells us.
Now the story thickens a little in that she has been telling my friend that she is going to be moving in with 'chris' to save on bills etc. Chris is an abusive ex partner.
As far as I am concerned this can't happen. We went out today and bought a load of dog food for her dog, we put £100 on her electricity key thing and £100 on her gas card. We spent £100 in Iceland on £1 meals and other stuff including bleach etc. Anything she could possibly need. I really wanted to help her out, I get a decent wage and perhaps selfishly felt that by helping her I could boost my own ego I guess, but we did it. She can heat her house, feed herself and the dog and maybe the burden is lifted somewhat.
I suggested that there MUST be some help she can get from the council. She's paid her taxes all her life, struggled to make ends meet at times and has genuinely through no fault of her own fallen upon hard times. I have never experienced this, I come from a good background, always been given what I wanted as a kid, given every chance possible and made something of my life in a way that many people would not have been able to. I am grateful for this and it is for this reason I feel like I want to help her out, but I can't afford to support a friends mother (she's not attractive, pictures are worthless and I wouldn't 'hit it').
Theres only so much we can do between ourselves. My friend (her daughter) is a student so she can't do much.
What benefits would she be entitled to? If we can get her to snap out of this 'too proud' mentality then who does she make an appointment with? Who does she speak to? What can she expect?
Shes treated today as a loan and has vowed to pay us back when she can, I'm not bothered either way but my prerogative is helping her to help herself...
So please help me to help her to help herself...
All advice welcome.
Her Mum, I think, has lost the plot. Allow me to give a bit of background info;
She is a mental health nurse. She was encouraged to take a uni course with the 'promise' of a job at a higher grade upon completion. She completed it and there was no higher job. Not only this, but the job she was on previously was no longer available and all she could do was drop down even further. She went from being on £24k a year to £6 an hour and her take home pay the last few months has been about £850. Her mortgage is £600.
When you factor in council tax, bills, car insurance etc (general living costs) she can no longer afford to pay it all.
She spoke to her mortgage company who agreed to her paying £230 instead of £600 per month. I don't know the ins and outs any further than this, although I can only assume this will cost her a fortune in the long run.
It appears to me that she is sinking further and further into a depressed state. She woke up this morning and her make up had frozen it was that cold in her house. She can't afford to heat the place, so she tells us.
Now the story thickens a little in that she has been telling my friend that she is going to be moving in with 'chris' to save on bills etc. Chris is an abusive ex partner.
As far as I am concerned this can't happen. We went out today and bought a load of dog food for her dog, we put £100 on her electricity key thing and £100 on her gas card. We spent £100 in Iceland on £1 meals and other stuff including bleach etc. Anything she could possibly need. I really wanted to help her out, I get a decent wage and perhaps selfishly felt that by helping her I could boost my own ego I guess, but we did it. She can heat her house, feed herself and the dog and maybe the burden is lifted somewhat.
I suggested that there MUST be some help she can get from the council. She's paid her taxes all her life, struggled to make ends meet at times and has genuinely through no fault of her own fallen upon hard times. I have never experienced this, I come from a good background, always been given what I wanted as a kid, given every chance possible and made something of my life in a way that many people would not have been able to. I am grateful for this and it is for this reason I feel like I want to help her out, but I can't afford to support a friends mother (she's not attractive, pictures are worthless and I wouldn't 'hit it').
Theres only so much we can do between ourselves. My friend (her daughter) is a student so she can't do much.
What benefits would she be entitled to? If we can get her to snap out of this 'too proud' mentality then who does she make an appointment with? Who does she speak to? What can she expect?
Shes treated today as a loan and has vowed to pay us back when she can, I'm not bothered either way but my prerogative is helping her to help herself...
So please help me to help her to help herself...
All advice welcome.
drivin_me_nuts said:
If the house it big enough, how about a lodger/friend? That can help pay the bills for a while.
It's a good idea and one I suggested. She has no friends from what I can gather other than this abusive ex which she seems to be getting sucked back towards. The dog has only just recovered after he moved out, he was into all sorts of drugs, used to be violent towards the dog and her Mum.It MUST be worth her putting an advert in the paper for a lodger!
Can't offer any advice unfortunately re benefit entitlement.
All I can say is good work. When things start to get on top of you it's hard to see the wood from the trees and this in turn makes it hard to get out of a pickle. Sometimes it's easier to just say f
k it and watch the whole lot collapse around you.
Personal experience has taught me that you can cope with st elements in your life if other aspects are good. ie if you're in a good relationship, work/financial problems you can deal with and vice versa.
Because of you at least she has food, warmth and electric.
Her mortgage company is being reasonable.
This along with good supportive friends should enable her to sort herself out.
Best of luck!
All I can say is good work. When things start to get on top of you it's hard to see the wood from the trees and this in turn makes it hard to get out of a pickle. Sometimes it's easier to just say f
k it and watch the whole lot collapse around you.Personal experience has taught me that you can cope with s
t elements in your life if other aspects are good. ie if you're in a good relationship, work/financial problems you can deal with and vice versa.Because of you at least she has food, warmth and electric.
Her mortgage company is being reasonable.
This along with good supportive friends should enable her to sort herself out.
Best of luck!
AB said:
It MUST be worth her putting an advert in the paper for a lodger!
www.spareroom.co.ukShe should be able to get around £350 pcm for a room depending on area.
This is tax free by the way under the governments rent a room scheme
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/Ta...
B17NNS said:
AB said:
It MUST be worth her putting an advert in the paper for a lodger!
www.spareroom.co.ukShe should be able to get around £350 pcm for a room depending on area.
This is tax free by the way under the governments rent a room scheme
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/Ta...
I'm on gardening leave next 4 weeks until I am allowed to start new job so I have told her it is my aim to help as much as I can (none financially) in order for her to know what she is entitled to and have promised I will go with her to the appointments etc. I physically can't do any more than this.
Simply put, my priority is seeing my friend doesnt screw up her final year at uni by worrying about her Mum.
http://www.entitledto.co.uk Will list any benefits she can get, should help her out a bit.
AB said:
drivin_me_nuts said:
If the house it big enough, how about a lodger/friend? That can help pay the bills for a while.
It's a good idea and one I suggested. She has no friends from what I can gather other than this abusive ex which she seems to be getting sucked back towards. The dog has only just recovered after he moved out, he was into all sorts of drugs, used to be violent towards the dog and her Mum.It MUST be worth her putting an advert in the paper for a lodger!
is there also the possibility that she is using her predicament as a 'reason' to get back together? Abusing relationships are complex matters and a hard habit to break
AB said:
friends mother (she's not attractive, pictures are worthless and I wouldn't 'hit it').
How about her daughter then? Surely Pistonheads has a sugar daddy waiting in the wings for just such a situation, who can fit his "demands" around her study and help out with the electricity and food?I'm kidding of course. Very decent of you to help her out.
Dealing with debts is a big one. It sounds like the mortgage is already in hand, but things like car payments, loans and credit cards could be knocking a huge hole in 850 month. There's some way of dealing with this I think it's IVA or IFA. Basically if you speak to the lenders early they would rather take a minimal payment than have a default.
The system will spend fortunes helping people up from the depths, but when you've had a normal life and things go wrong there's no net.
If you enter the benefit system from the bottom and play it well, it seems you can make a career of it.
Try and get some help as you fall, your life collapsing around you and you haven't got a chance.
You're a good friend, hope she gets through it ok.
John.
If you enter the benefit system from the bottom and play it well, it seems you can make a career of it.
Try and get some help as you fall, your life collapsing around you and you haven't got a chance.
You're a good friend, hope she gets through it ok.
John.
Timsta said:
http://www.entitledto.co.uk Will list any benefits she can get, should help her out a bit.
About £5 a week in council tax reductions according to that.AB said:
Timsta said:
http://www.entitledto.co.uk Will list any benefits she can get, should help her out a bit.
About £5 a week in council tax reductions according to that.t, that's not good. 
Timsta said:
AB said:
Timsta said:
http://www.entitledto.co.uk Will list any benefits she can get, should help her out a bit.
About £5 a week in council tax reductions according to that.t, that's not good. Perhaps she needs to try and find work elsewhere? Presumably she's a qualified nurse? She could consider getting work in another area of the NHS. The fact she was a nurse leaves her open to a number of adminstrative jobs in the NHS as well. She might have to take a career sidestep but for the time being it will let her keep paying off the mortgage.
http://www.jobs.nhs.uk/cgi-bin/advsearch?quick_sea...
There's also other lines of work in areas like "clinical trials monitoring" that are open to nurses and pay well. Although in the current climate it's difficult to get a training position but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try of course.
Just a thought.
Some good but disappointing advice. I will go round later on with the camera and take some pictures, get it up on a few of the spare room/gumtree sites. It's in a decent location, good for transport into city centre. She had it on the market for ages but the two issues with this are the market and the fact she sees it as all she has. It's probably worth £130k. I did look into buying it to rent out, but I can't at the moment.
To me this makes perfect sense but she smokes and quite often drinks too much, all part of the downward spiral and she would need to pull herself together pretty sharpish if someone were to move in with her.
I'm not willing to give any more financially but I will offer her time and effort.
To me this makes perfect sense but she smokes and quite often drinks too much, all part of the downward spiral and she would need to pull herself together pretty sharpish if someone were to move in with her.
I'm not willing to give any more financially but I will offer her time and effort.
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