Discussion
I was chatting to my mate of 24 years, down the pub I had a few too many and made a remark about the smell of the curry. You know trying to make him feel welcome so I could get to know his wife better.
The little s
t sent me this email rather than opening up at the pub,
what should I write back?
Mate,
I have been mulling over a few things that you were saying over the weekend; been debating on how to explain things to you but as you mentioned that you’re a straight forward chap I think I will just say it how it is. I don’t think I would be writing this email if I thought what you said was in jest.
I find your thinking a little offensive. You made several comments over the weekend which I thought were out of order, to a few I kept quiet and to a few I responded to try and make you see things from the wider point of view. Comments like "no offence but I had so much curry that I started smelling like an Asian"… (I have heard you say the same story using the ‘P’ word before) and "the Chinese race are fk-ugly"; I got the feeling that you place the ‘white’ race above everybody else. Your general approach was to mock and ridicule other races, which got me feeling quite uncomfortable and a little annoyed at times.
I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself and really think about how you would react to what others may allege to be 'a few-home truths' about you, your culture and even your race! there were times I wanted to come back with remarks which would at the least make you think carefully about your brash comments, and at most bring you down a good few pegs, but I was being careful about throwing around views as I consider you a mate and didn't want you to feel how I feel right now. At the same time if you show no respect to me (remember my roots are from pakistan/Indian and I am Asian) then don’t expect me to treat you with any respect either.
The points above are the reasons why I have not arranged for a get-together between yourself and my wife; such behavior in front of my wife would not be tolerated by me.
I hope you appreciate it was important to get this off my chest, as I do value our friendship, and it was important you heard what I felt.
Regards,
The little s
t sent me this email rather than opening up at the pub, what should I write back?
Mate,
I have been mulling over a few things that you were saying over the weekend; been debating on how to explain things to you but as you mentioned that you’re a straight forward chap I think I will just say it how it is. I don’t think I would be writing this email if I thought what you said was in jest.
I find your thinking a little offensive. You made several comments over the weekend which I thought were out of order, to a few I kept quiet and to a few I responded to try and make you see things from the wider point of view. Comments like "no offence but I had so much curry that I started smelling like an Asian"… (I have heard you say the same story using the ‘P’ word before) and "the Chinese race are fk-ugly"; I got the feeling that you place the ‘white’ race above everybody else. Your general approach was to mock and ridicule other races, which got me feeling quite uncomfortable and a little annoyed at times.
I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself and really think about how you would react to what others may allege to be 'a few-home truths' about you, your culture and even your race! there were times I wanted to come back with remarks which would at the least make you think carefully about your brash comments, and at most bring you down a good few pegs, but I was being careful about throwing around views as I consider you a mate and didn't want you to feel how I feel right now. At the same time if you show no respect to me (remember my roots are from pakistan/Indian and I am Asian) then don’t expect me to treat you with any respect either.
The points above are the reasons why I have not arranged for a get-together between yourself and my wife; such behavior in front of my wife would not be tolerated by me.
I hope you appreciate it was important to get this off my chest, as I do value our friendship, and it was important you heard what I felt.
Regards,
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