Help with a Eulogy for a friend
Discussion
Morning all,
Over the weekend one of my friends from our circle of close friends passed away.
There was a group of us who've been friends since we were about 12/13 from school, so we've all lost a best friend.
His parents have asked us to write a piece for his funeral & to also read it out.
We've decided on who we think should read it (it's basically come down to who we think can hold it together through it as i'm getting upset just reading the messages written on his facebook wall from other friends).
He was the same age as me (23).
We all know what we want to write but don't really know how to put it down in words, as it needs to be a piece written from a group point of view instead of a collection of single pieces if that makes sense?
Any links / examples etc would be much appreciated.
Many Thanks
Over the weekend one of my friends from our circle of close friends passed away.
There was a group of us who've been friends since we were about 12/13 from school, so we've all lost a best friend.
His parents have asked us to write a piece for his funeral & to also read it out.
We've decided on who we think should read it (it's basically come down to who we think can hold it together through it as i'm getting upset just reading the messages written on his facebook wall from other friends).
He was the same age as me (23).
We all know what we want to write but don't really know how to put it down in words, as it needs to be a piece written from a group point of view instead of a collection of single pieces if that makes sense?
Any links / examples etc would be much appreciated.
Many Thanks
My sympathies. Did this for my father recently, it's not easy.
I'd write down (or memorise) everything you want to include down as notes or bullet points. Then go into a quiet room with a stiff drink and start trying to read it out (in your head will do). I find that things start to fall into a natural order as you flesh it out - just a process of running through it, changing a bit, running through it again...and again. Don't try to do it all at once, come back to it for an hour every night and over a week or so it should crystalise. That's how it works for me, anyway.
The parents might be able to help you, if not perhaps the person taking the service might be able to give some advice, if you get in touch.
I'd write down (or memorise) everything you want to include down as notes or bullet points. Then go into a quiet room with a stiff drink and start trying to read it out (in your head will do). I find that things start to fall into a natural order as you flesh it out - just a process of running through it, changing a bit, running through it again...and again. Don't try to do it all at once, come back to it for an hour every night and over a week or so it should crystalise. That's how it works for me, anyway.
The parents might be able to help you, if not perhaps the person taking the service might be able to give some advice, if you get in touch.
The Black Flash said:
stuff
I think this is what you have to do, and as tamore suggests, think of it in the same way as a best man's speech. You need to create something unique that reflects both him and you. There are several approaches:- Describe him in words
- Events that shaped him, you and the group
- A creative theme (e.g Kipling's poem "If", a favourite song, words based on the letters of his name)
Good Luck, and treat the writing as part of the grieving, a catharsis.
Cheers for the pointers guys.
We're having a get together on Thursday evening to try & get something written.
I think i'm going to be pretty useless at actually reading it, i can't speak to his parents without crying like a baby.
His parents were adament one of his friends read it though, we have no problems with writing it.
Might just have to get someone who was friends with him but not as "attached" as we all were would be best.
We're having a get together on Thursday evening to try & get something written.
I think i'm going to be pretty useless at actually reading it, i can't speak to his parents without crying like a baby.
His parents were adament one of his friends read it though, we have no problems with writing it.
Might just have to get someone who was friends with him but not as "attached" as we all were would be best.
lawrence567 said:
His parents were adament one of his friends read it though, we have no problems with writing it.
Might just have to get someone who was friends with him but not as "attached" as we all were would be best.
This is not a dig Lawrence, but the family have asked you (as a group) to do it. Its an honour, (even one you'd rather not have) One of your mate's close circle needs to be the one who stands up and does the eulogy, hard as that may be. Might just have to get someone who was friends with him but not as "attached" as we all were would be best.
Dear lawrence567,
I did this for my maternal grandfather. Of course as this was family for family (if you follow) it may not be wholly comparable but, as the vicar put it, humour is not inappropriate.
Certainly the main part is what a jolly good chap/pess (and why) the person was and what he/she meant to you personally. I can't recall where but I put in a couple of mildly amusing anecdotes in there too,
regards,
Jet
I did this for my maternal grandfather. Of course as this was family for family (if you follow) it may not be wholly comparable but, as the vicar put it, humour is not inappropriate.
Certainly the main part is what a jolly good chap/pess (and why) the person was and what he/she meant to you personally. I can't recall where but I put in a couple of mildly amusing anecdotes in there too,
regards,
Jet
My thoughts are with you Lawrence.
You have been granted a great honour but such a difficult task and I don't envy you in the moment that you need to stand up and speak.
Some advice given to me which I shall pass on for what it's worth is that, as in any other speechmaking, it is important to get attention and 'set off' in a way that's easy to manage.
"It is so hard for me to think that I will never see xxxx again. (pause) It seems only yesterday that we were together at......"
Keeps formalities to a minimum and lets you launch into your friend's qualities, share some experiences and what they meant to your group.
Just an idea, hope it helps.
You have been granted a great honour but such a difficult task and I don't envy you in the moment that you need to stand up and speak.
Some advice given to me which I shall pass on for what it's worth is that, as in any other speechmaking, it is important to get attention and 'set off' in a way that's easy to manage.
"It is so hard for me to think that I will never see xxxx again. (pause) It seems only yesterday that we were together at......"
Keeps formalities to a minimum and lets you launch into your friend's qualities, share some experiences and what they meant to your group.
Just an idea, hope it helps.
scotal said:
lawrence567 said:
His parents were adament one of his friends read it though, we have no problems with writing it.
Might just have to get someone who was friends with him but not as "attached" as we all were would be best.
This is not a dig Lawrence, but the family have asked you (as a group) to do it. Its an honour, (even one you'd rather not have) One of your mate's close circle needs to be the one who stands up and does the eulogy, hard as that may be. Might just have to get someone who was friends with him but not as "attached" as we all were would be best.
The way I have dealt with it in the past is to consider that it is the last opportunity you will ever have to do something for your mate.
The thought of later regretting not having done it I find is more than enough to drive you through.
And if you do fold up in a heap whilst doing it won't be viewed as weakness but merely a demonstration of the devastation caused by the loss of the individual, so nothing you can do is bad.
The thought of later regretting not having done it I find is more than enough to drive you through.
And if you do fold up in a heap whilst doing it won't be viewed as weakness but merely a demonstration of the devastation caused by the loss of the individual, so nothing you can do is bad.
Don't be afraid to add something into it that will inject some humour even if it's just to break some tears up with a smile. I did this for my father and commented that as a family we'd had some debate about what the old fella should be dressed in, he'd never been a suit man or even a shirt and tie kind of bloke and throughout my childhood had seemed to spend most of his time dressed in a boiler suit, my mother had actually considered that maybe he should have been in a boiler suit as it was what he was most at home wearing, I agreed in principle but the minor flaw is that now days most boiler suits are flame proof. It certainly lifted the mood in the crematorium, most of all because it was actually totally true, and we had had the exact conversation.
I'd really like to read it, but i could'nt even speak to his parents yesterday to say hello without welling up.
Theres a group of about 5 or 6 of us getting together on thrusday to put something together.
I've no doubt we'll get something special put together, it's just who can hold out reading it without turning into a teary un-pronounsable mess!
Theres a group of about 5 or 6 of us getting together on thrusday to put something together.
I've no doubt we'll get something special put together, it's just who can hold out reading it without turning into a teary un-pronounsable mess!
lawrence567 said:
I'd really like to read it, but i could'nt even speak to his parents yesterday to say hello without welling up.
Theres a group of about 5 or 6 of us getting together on thrusday to put something together.
I've no doubt we'll get something special put together, it's just who can hold out reading it without turning into a teary un-pronounsable mess!
It's still early days yet. Whilst the loss will still be felt for a long time, when the day comes to honour your friend you will have had a bit longer to come to terms with it.Theres a group of about 5 or 6 of us getting together on thrusday to put something together.
I've no doubt we'll get something special put together, it's just who can hold out reading it without turning into a teary un-pronounsable mess!
Sorry for your loss.
As a rough outline from hearing a few eulogies in the past I'd go with something like:
- How you all met him (school).
- Tell two or three stories that you remember about him, including at least one that will make people chuckle.
- Mention that the number of messages posted on his Facebook account/number of people at the funeral shows how many lives he's touched.
- End with the fact that it's touching so many people showed up to say their farewells to him and that all of you are going to miss him deeply.
I've heard my Dad go with that kind of outline at my uncle and my grandfather's funerals and they've gone down well, people will be sad but they'll want to remember the fun times as well which is where a story that will make people chuckle/smile comes in.
There's no shame in breaking down while reading it, my cousin burst in to tears in the middle of reading a poem she'd written for my uncle, no one's going to point at you and go "stop sobbing and get on with it you wuss", it's a funeral, everyone there is going to be in tears or close to it.
- How you all met him (school).
- Tell two or three stories that you remember about him, including at least one that will make people chuckle.
- Mention that the number of messages posted on his Facebook account/number of people at the funeral shows how many lives he's touched.
- End with the fact that it's touching so many people showed up to say their farewells to him and that all of you are going to miss him deeply.
I've heard my Dad go with that kind of outline at my uncle and my grandfather's funerals and they've gone down well, people will be sad but they'll want to remember the fun times as well which is where a story that will make people chuckle/smile comes in.
There's no shame in breaking down while reading it, my cousin burst in to tears in the middle of reading a poem she'd written for my uncle, no one's going to point at you and go "stop sobbing and get on with it you wuss", it's a funeral, everyone there is going to be in tears or close to it.
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