Why are some men so unbelievably desperate?
Discussion
My new temp. secretary (maternity cover) started work for me yesterday. She's a lovely girl (22), and very attractive (pretty, blonde, slim) - some might say I had 'eye candy' in mind when I recruited... (in truth, she couldn't be further from my type, but she brightens up the place a bit!).
She's fairly quiet/reserved, as most young people are when joining a new company, but seems reasonably confident in herself.
So far, in two days here, she has had to endure a security induction (yawn-tastic), and her free session with the personal trainer in our company gym. On both occasions, she's had fairly brief (15-20min), formal/professional encounters with two blokes - the result, both have tried to add her as a 'friend' on Facebook, and one has invited her to his leaving drinks...
She brought this up with me in a 'jokey' way (saying that she wasn't likely to accept the offer/requests), but I got the impression she was a bit freaked-out by it.
Why do guys do this?
I'm fairly baffled by this. I'm all for being forward with members of the opposite sex, but surely this is a little bit desperate/stalkerish? She didn't give her Facebook details to either of these guys, and didn't invite either 'request', but they have managed to find her from her work details alone.
Ironically, she's got a boyfriend, and probably couldn't be less interested in an overweight security bod, and a barely-literate gym-monkey.
Do you think it's appropriate to have a quiet word in the ear of either guy, as her boss? Adding someone uninvited, based on their work details alone is a little bit out of order, surely...
PS - I have no photos, as I will NOT be adding her on Facebook. I have no intention of any involvement with someone so 'close to home'.
(Mods - can this please stay in here, as the employment factor is only a small part of the question)
She's fairly quiet/reserved, as most young people are when joining a new company, but seems reasonably confident in herself.
So far, in two days here, she has had to endure a security induction (yawn-tastic), and her free session with the personal trainer in our company gym. On both occasions, she's had fairly brief (15-20min), formal/professional encounters with two blokes - the result, both have tried to add her as a 'friend' on Facebook, and one has invited her to his leaving drinks...
She brought this up with me in a 'jokey' way (saying that she wasn't likely to accept the offer/requests), but I got the impression she was a bit freaked-out by it.
Why do guys do this?
I'm fairly baffled by this. I'm all for being forward with members of the opposite sex, but surely this is a little bit desperate/stalkerish? She didn't give her Facebook details to either of these guys, and didn't invite either 'request', but they have managed to find her from her work details alone.
Ironically, she's got a boyfriend, and probably couldn't be less interested in an overweight security bod, and a barely-literate gym-monkey.
Do you think it's appropriate to have a quiet word in the ear of either guy, as her boss? Adding someone uninvited, based on their work details alone is a little bit out of order, surely...
PS - I have no photos, as I will NOT be adding her on Facebook. I have no intention of any involvement with someone so 'close to home'.
(Mods - can this please stay in here, as the employment factor is only a small part of the question)
Happens here at work very regularly.
When any current receptionist gets bored and moves to another administrative position in the office, a new receptionist gets brought in.
Every time, the same blokes start pulling the same moves. Making excuses to go talk to them, get them on their own, inviting them out, telling lies to make themselves seem good and others seem weird to eliminate the competition.
They don't think they're doing anything wrong, so often having a word doesn't work.
As I'm in an established relationship and have my daughter, they know I'm not trying to be Mr. Smooth, and joke with me about the sort of stuff they do. It's often VERY stalkerish/scary. Had no idea people got up to that sort of stuff, understandably scary for them though, having to deal with it.
The only female who hasn't had an issue, was this Australian girl, who flat-out told them when they started "Don't even bother with the bulls
t, I'm not interested." 
When any current receptionist gets bored and moves to another administrative position in the office, a new receptionist gets brought in.
Every time, the same blokes start pulling the same moves. Making excuses to go talk to them, get them on their own, inviting them out, telling lies to make themselves seem good and others seem weird to eliminate the competition.
They don't think they're doing anything wrong, so often having a word doesn't work.
As I'm in an established relationship and have my daughter, they know I'm not trying to be Mr. Smooth, and joke with me about the sort of stuff they do. It's often VERY stalkerish/scary. Had no idea people got up to that sort of stuff, understandably scary for them though, having to deal with it.
The only female who hasn't had an issue, was this Australian girl, who flat-out told them when they started "Don't even bother with the bulls
t, I'm not interested." To be fair, she should be able to fight her own battles. Unless these chaps are your employees, it's not down to you to go and step in. If she asks, that is a different matter. Going in risks embarrassing her and you.
If one of your own were harrassing her, then it's your turf, and you should deal with it.
Of course, I'm the wrong person to be giving advice. I have had numerous indiscretions with women that work here, and it has not always gone well. I learned to behave at work the hard way, so to speak.
If one of your own were harrassing her, then it's your turf, and you should deal with it.
Of course, I'm the wrong person to be giving advice. I have had numerous indiscretions with women that work here, and it has not always gone well. I learned to behave at work the hard way, so to speak.
Harry Flashman said:
To be fair, she should be able to fight her own battles. Unless these chaps are your employees, it's not down to you to go and step in. If she asks, that is a different matter. Going in risks embarrassing her and you.
If one of your own were harrassing her, then it's your turf, and you should deal with it.
^^^ This.If one of your own were harrassing her, then it's your turf, and you should deal with it.
And I didn't expect to be saying that.
So many people with the same (obvious) conclusion...
Definitely not my type, for reference (I'm a brunette man, through and through). And also incredibly loved-up with her boyfriend (I think he's an old-money City-grad, the little sh*tbag!).
Just really wondering why a guy would feel the need to add someone to Facebook uninvited, after briefly meeting her in a work environment... Seems plain odd to me.
Definitely not my type, for reference (I'm a brunette man, through and through). And also incredibly loved-up with her boyfriend (I think he's an old-money City-grad, the little sh*tbag!).
Just really wondering why a guy would feel the need to add someone to Facebook uninvited, after briefly meeting her in a work environment... Seems plain odd to me.
Harry Flashman said:
I have had numerous indiscretions with women that work here, and it has not always gone well. I learned to behave at work the hard way, so to speak.
I have previous with both a Uni placement student, and the former MD's PA (who was gorgeous, and absolutely batsh*t mental - some may remember my postings about our 'exploits' on a conference trip, in the hotel room next-door to the MD...). With this in mind, I am keen to steer clear of this one.
Dave200 said:
Definitely not my type, for reference (I'm a brunette man, through and through). And also incredibly loved-up with her boyfriend (I think he's an old-money City-grad, the little sh*tbag!).
Does she know you are totally loved up with her boyfriend? This might have some bearing on the matter.
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