Relationship/moral advice
Discussion
This is a bit of a coincidence, timing wise, but here goes:
About 10 years ago I had this girlfirend, who studied in the UK for a little while.
Then she went back home and the relationship stopped, or stopped being exclusive so to speak (i.e. we both started seeing other people). But for the next 4 years she would come over for a week or two to stay with her host family on yearly basis and we would hook up again, f
k buddy style. It always happened when I was in between girls, so was never a moral issue for me (apart from once where she appeared, literally the next day after I found out my then current GF cheated on me and I finsihed it).
So she was basically like Nadia from American Pie, only she looked like Mila Jovovich's young sister.
Then I met my current girlfriend and "Nadia" stopped visitng UK (coincidentally), but we often kept in touch via facebook, email, phone etc. My current girl has always been unreasonably jealous of Nadia, but has never met her. I really value "Nadia's" friendship and see her like a trusted childhood friend, whom one had fun with before the adult life set it and I tried to explain that to my OH, but she is not understanding it at all.
Anyway, fast forward to last week. Nadia sent me an email saying she is coming over for a week in August to stay with her friends near London and would love to meet up. The trouble is, so would I, but my mrs is out of the country for two weeks that completely overlap "Nadia's" week. We haven't seen each other for years and I would genuinely love to meet up and catch up, but I don't know if I can.
If I tell my mrs, she will go all insecure, mental and her two weeks away will be ruined, as well as our relationship for the next few weeks after she comes back, with no way of her knowing for sure if anything had happened between Nadia and I.
If I don't tell her and go see Nadia, then nobody gets hurt, unless that is my mrs somehow finds out and then I will have no chance of a snowball's in hell of convincing her that nothing happened, since I deemed it fit to not tell her about the meeting in the first place.
the obvious answer would be: don't do it, but then that won't be fair on the old and dear friend either.
My mrs is not a mentalist at all, but she is insecure about this one girl because unlike other Xs that she is aware of, this is the only one i keep in touch with.
Sorry for the long post.
About 10 years ago I had this girlfirend, who studied in the UK for a little while.
Then she went back home and the relationship stopped, or stopped being exclusive so to speak (i.e. we both started seeing other people). But for the next 4 years she would come over for a week or two to stay with her host family on yearly basis and we would hook up again, f
k buddy style. It always happened when I was in between girls, so was never a moral issue for me (apart from once where she appeared, literally the next day after I found out my then current GF cheated on me and I finsihed it). So she was basically like Nadia from American Pie, only she looked like Mila Jovovich's young sister.
Then I met my current girlfriend and "Nadia" stopped visitng UK (coincidentally), but we often kept in touch via facebook, email, phone etc. My current girl has always been unreasonably jealous of Nadia, but has never met her. I really value "Nadia's" friendship and see her like a trusted childhood friend, whom one had fun with before the adult life set it and I tried to explain that to my OH, but she is not understanding it at all.
Anyway, fast forward to last week. Nadia sent me an email saying she is coming over for a week in August to stay with her friends near London and would love to meet up. The trouble is, so would I, but my mrs is out of the country for two weeks that completely overlap "Nadia's" week. We haven't seen each other for years and I would genuinely love to meet up and catch up, but I don't know if I can.
If I tell my mrs, she will go all insecure, mental and her two weeks away will be ruined, as well as our relationship for the next few weeks after she comes back, with no way of her knowing for sure if anything had happened between Nadia and I.
If I don't tell her and go see Nadia, then nobody gets hurt, unless that is my mrs somehow finds out and then I will have no chance of a snowball's in hell of convincing her that nothing happened, since I deemed it fit to not tell her about the meeting in the first place.
the obvious answer would be: don't do it, but then that won't be fair on the old and dear friend either.
My mrs is not a mentalist at all, but she is insecure about this one girl because unlike other Xs that she is aware of, this is the only one i keep in touch with.
Sorry for the long post.
Go and see your old friend. It is only fair.
If you feel you should not tell your missus - don't. But don't hide it, either.
Only you will know if you nail the old friend senseless - so it's your honour, guilt, pride that will be affected if you do. My advice is don't. But if you do? Don't feel the need to unburden yourself with your missus.
Your punishment will be bearing the guilt alone.
But so far it is simply meetinga good old friend - and that's only polite and you shouldn't feel guilty about doing it.
If you feel you should not tell your missus - don't. But don't hide it, either.
Only you will know if you nail the old friend senseless - so it's your honour, guilt, pride that will be affected if you do. My advice is don't. But if you do? Don't feel the need to unburden yourself with your missus.
Your punishment will be bearing the guilt alone.But so far it is simply meetinga good old friend - and that's only polite and you shouldn't feel guilty about doing it.
isee said:
My mrs is not a mentalist at all, but she is insecure about this one girl because unlike other Xs that she is aware of, this is the only one i keep in touch with.
And the one that you jump in the sack with every time she comes back to the UK. I think she's got good reason to be insecure, to be honest.I think you've got to think about what's most precious to you - your friendship with "Nadia", or your relationship with your girlfriend?
Reload said:
And the one that you jump in the sack with every time she comes back to the UK. I think she's got good reason to be insecure, to be honest.
I think you've got to think about what's most precious to you - your friendship with "Nadia", or your relationship with your girlfriend?
This is the problem. Your GF has every right to be concerned as historically you haven't kept it in your pants when you and Nadia have met up.I think you've got to think about what's most precious to you - your friendship with "Nadia", or your relationship with your girlfriend?
If you absolutely have to see her then take a mate along and meet somewhere public for coffee etc.
isee said:
UncleRic said:
Flip the situation.
Would you be happy letting your current missus go off to see a male friend if they had the exact same history that you share with Nadia?
I already have. Would you be happy letting your current missus go off to see a male friend if they had the exact same history that you share with Nadia?
edit: and not theoretically either
Edited by isee on Friday 30th July 08:58
t house door by this bloke ?since, lets be honest, that's what you are going to do to Nadia...
her)
I have to say for once I don't think the current girlfriend is being unreasonably jealous/ cautious. You and this 'Nadia' have a history and it has never officially ended.
My hubby has ex's that he stays in touch with but they were over and done with years before, so no problem but as much as I hate to say it I think I'd be feel insecure if I knew he was meeting up with someone he still found sexually attractive enough to shag even though supposed to be just mates.
My hubby has ex's that he stays in touch with but they were over and done with years before, so no problem but as much as I hate to say it I think I'd be feel insecure if I knew he was meeting up with someone he still found sexually attractive enough to shag even though supposed to be just mates.
Edited by becksW on Friday 30th July 09:09
isee said:
the obvious answer would be: don't do it, but then that won't be fair on the old and dear friend either.
No, she's a f**k buddy. That is not quite the same thing as a friend, nor even an ex per se.I can understand what your OH is thinking and I can see her point. I think you have a very simple choice to make here, which woman do you want. Because if it is your current OH then you can't see Nadia IMHO.
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