why are parents so afraid of upsetting their children?

[Ari]

In the supermarket yesterday, 5 year old kid generally making a fuss and being a nuisance. What does Mum say? She points at a chap who works there and says to kiddie "you must behave or that man there will tell you off"!!

I have a friend who's a nurse, says the same thing happens to her. She'll be in A&E, kids running wild, best parents can come up with is "behave little Tyrone or the nurse will tell you off".

I've even seen a friend of mine and his wife tell their five year old (when we were out at a fireworks display that they'd pushed him the 3/4 mile from their house in a buggy he could barely fit in) as he ran around careering into people "stop that Timothy or a policeman will come and tell you off".

Seriously, what is it with parents desperate not to "fall out" with their kids? Why do they want kids, yet don't then want to parent them?

[Flintstone]

Because they don't want to deal with the fallout (read, temper tantrum) and most never follow through on their punishment so the little brats know they don't have to do as they're told. By threatening them with someone else who the kid doesn't know they're copping out and hoping the little bds will comply.

Edited by Flintstone on Tuesday 10th August 20:50

[road_rager]

Don't worry, I'll give my kids hell if they misbehave in public, I cut them a bit of slack at home (but not much). Mrs is the same, hence we often get strangers say how well ours kids are behaving, these things are important not just for us but for them in later life too!

Edited by road_rager on Tuesday 10th August 20:57

[schmalex]

I'm quite happy to read the riot act to my son. He knows bloody well that if I get to the count of 3, he'll be spending 30 minutes writing lines. It's only happened twice, but that's enough for him to know that I have no problems with following through on the repercussion threat. To be fair, he is very rarely naughty.

[Gusanita]

From my limited experience, a child is only difficult if they are not receiving enough attention. This does not mean at that specific moment in time but throughout the day.

So if a child has had lots of 'positive' attention throughout the day they are more willing to behave when their parents are busy.

Using other people as threats is just that a threat and if the threat is never followed through the child will learn this and it will stop being effective.

[eldar]

road_rager said:

Don't worry, I'll give my kids hell if they misbehave in public, I cut them a bit of slack at home (but not much). Mrs is the same, hence we often get strangers say how well ours kids are behaving, these things are important not just for us but for them in later life too!

Edited by road_rager on Tuesday 10th August 20:57

You bd, you are repressing them. They won't turn into promising footballers if you keep on doing that

[Jasandjules]

schmalex said:

I'm quite happy to read the riot act to my son. He knows bloody well that if I get to the count of 3, he'll be spending 30 minutes writing lines. It's only happened twice, but that's enough for him to know that I have no problems with following through on the repercussion threat. To be fair, he is very rarely naughty.

This is why you will succeed and most will fail AND why he is rarely naughty. They will keep threatening but never actually take any action. I don't know if it is too much effort for them or what.

I don't have kids and may well be wrong, but to my mind it is the same as with dogs, they must know the rules and boundaries and be consistently rewarded for good behaviour and not for bad behaviour.

[Dixie68]

schmalex said:

I'm quite happy to read the riot act to my son. He knows bloody well that if I get to the count of 3, he'll be spending 30 minutes writing lines. It's only happened twice, but that's enough for him to know that I have no problems with following through on the repercussion threat. To be fair, he is very rarely naughty.

He's probably rarely naughty because he knows there are consequences - a lesson you know but unfortunately many parents seem incapable of understanding.

[Gargamel]

so did your mum never say to you, wait till your father gets in ?

same thing in some way. And in my house at least it was an empty threat.

[speedchick]

Gargamel said:

so did your mum never say to you, wait till your father gets in ?

same thing in some way. And in my house at least it was an empty threat.

Nope, she alwasy dealt with it there and then, and she had a mean slap, she was one of those slap on each syllable types, and could put them where they didn't exist.

[Jasandjules]

Gargamel said:

so did your mum never say to you, wait till your father gets in ?

same thing in some way. And in my house at least it was an empty threat.

Not really the same. Your father vs a complete stranger.

[Gargamel]

Its kind of the same, abrogation of responsibilty to an authority figure.

Clearly these parents prefer to let the school sort out there kids behaviour and they extend this to other authority figures. However, I bet if the nurse or the shopworker did actually tell off their kid they would give them an absolute gobful and probably request that they be sacked .....

Same reasons coppers can't administer a G.C.R.T.E any more

[Jasandjules]

Gargamel said:

Its kind of the same, abrogation of responsibilty to an authority figure.

And on what basis do you suggest that a complete stranger, such as a nurse, is an authority figure? My father can come home and discipline me, my mum can't very well bring home some random person from the street to discipline me.

[Ari]

Gargamel said:

Its kind of the same, abrogation of responsibilty to an authority figure.

Clearly these parents prefer to let the school sort out there kids behaviour and they extend this to other authority figures.

I'ts interesting you say that. You've just reminded me about my friend and his wife with the fireworks kid. When he was due to start school (and was, by then, a real handful) my friend was heard to say "we're hoping that school will sort him out".

Yeah, because it's their job to instill some behavioural control into your child isn't it mate!!

[Famous Graham]

Jasandjules said:

Gargamel said:

Its kind of the same, abrogation of responsibilty to an authority figure.

And on what basis do you suggest that a complete stranger, such as a nurse, is an authority figure? My father can come home and discipline me, my mum can't very well bring home some random person from the street to discipline me.

The kid doesn't know that, though, that's the point.

[parakitaMol.]

Don't even get me started.

Too late, I am.

I know someone who panders and pussyfoots around their children under the deluded rationale that 'they don't want to upset them'. Over the most absurd things that you could ever imagine. Children are SUPPOSED to experience upset and learn how to overcome little hurdles, rejections and disappointment.

One, a ten year old had come home 'upset' that a teacher had told her that the tooth fairy was not real. So both parents went to the school to complain. For fkS sake.

So these deluded parents thought they ware 'protecting' this child, what they actually did was demonstrate that whatever nasty real life people say. Mummy and Daddy will pat the brow, sort it out and ultimately contradict and undermine any respect for a teacher.

Idiots. fking idiots.

[Silverbullet767]

parakitaMol. said:

teacher had told her that the tooth fairy was not real.

WHAT?!



Next you'll be saying that santa's not coming this year too...

[captainzep]

There's a balance though isn't there?

Parents who won't deal with their kids' poor behaviour are irritating.

Parents who roar at their little kids in the supermarket make me feel sad. -Often at 9:00pm when they're tired and should be in bed.

I'll raise my voice to my squids but if they were ever to get used to a 'proper shout', it wouldn't have the power to stop them immediately from doing something which is dangerous.

[ShadownINja]

schmalex said:

I'm quite happy to read the riot act to my son. He knows bloody well that if I get to the count of 3, he'll be spending 30 minutes writing lines. It's only happened twice, but that's enough for him to know that I have no problems with following through on the repercussion threat. To be fair, he is very rarely naughty.

Not singling you out but just curious. So if he's naughty, he'll spend 30 minutes writing lines. What if he refuses to write the lines and just goes off to play with his toys or whatever he wants to do? Smack? Slipper? Belt? Cane?

[turbolucy]

It's not so much that they don't want to tell their children off themselves and upset them, but more that they feel they don't have the authority to do so, that they have told their child off so many times that they no longer have control. So they say that the checkout man/nurse/father etc will tell them off instead - that is scarier to the child and they are more likely to 'behave'.