Dear BMW 3 series driver at Fleet services today.....
Discussion
Dear silver 02-plated BMW 3 series - convertible driver at fleet services today,
Thank you for shouting C*@t and W*@$er at me as I turned into southbound M3 Fleet services this afternoon.
The cause of your angst appeared to be that it was my fault that you had remained in the middle lane - trying to accelerate past my car (a volvo estate) which was in the inside lane and indicating left for the service - when you realised that you were going to overshoot and had to rapidly tuck in 1m behind my rear bumper. It was also my fault that this coincided (long word I know - try a dictionary if you are struggling. D I C T I O N A ... oh, don't worry about it) with the exact moment that I had to apply the brake because the driver some 10m in front of me ( there is an implicit hint there on safe driving technique but judging by your later behaviour this will have passed over your contorted, aggressive, crew cut and really quite ugly tattooed head) had inexplicably (another long word there, sorry. However do try to keep up as this is the type of language humans use as opposed to your brother baboons ) decided to brake hard. To your surprise you therefore suddenly found yourself not 1m behind me but 1mm behind my bumper. For some reason you decided that I clearly needed a good shouting at and no doubt this would have deteriorated into a good kicking.
Indeed as I swung into the Fleet Services car park your attention was still focussed on me - not the car in front of you as you headed for petrol (top tip - the view through the glass to the front of you will reveal a whole world of more relevance to the average driver than the side window) and you clearly articulated some words that would have made a sailor blanche (you wont know what that word means but trust me when I say you are not the kind of person I would introduce to my aged Mum - other baboons of course are an entirely different matter and I suggest you would fit right in).
Anyway I do hope you had a safe journey back to the enclosure at Whipsnade. The average IQ of the baboon population will no doubt have dropped when you got back but morale will have improved no end if your inter-baboon skills are as good as your driving ability.
Thank you for shouting C*@t and W*@$er at me as I turned into southbound M3 Fleet services this afternoon.
The cause of your angst appeared to be that it was my fault that you had remained in the middle lane - trying to accelerate past my car (a volvo estate) which was in the inside lane and indicating left for the service - when you realised that you were going to overshoot and had to rapidly tuck in 1m behind my rear bumper. It was also my fault that this coincided (long word I know - try a dictionary if you are struggling. D I C T I O N A ... oh, don't worry about it) with the exact moment that I had to apply the brake because the driver some 10m in front of me ( there is an implicit hint there on safe driving technique but judging by your later behaviour this will have passed over your contorted, aggressive, crew cut and really quite ugly tattooed head) had inexplicably (another long word there, sorry. However do try to keep up as this is the type of language humans use as opposed to your brother baboons ) decided to brake hard. To your surprise you therefore suddenly found yourself not 1m behind me but 1mm behind my bumper. For some reason you decided that I clearly needed a good shouting at and no doubt this would have deteriorated into a good kicking.
Indeed as I swung into the Fleet Services car park your attention was still focussed on me - not the car in front of you as you headed for petrol (top tip - the view through the glass to the front of you will reveal a whole world of more relevance to the average driver than the side window) and you clearly articulated some words that would have made a sailor blanche (you wont know what that word means but trust me when I say you are not the kind of person I would introduce to my aged Mum - other baboons of course are an entirely different matter and I suggest you would fit right in).
Anyway I do hope you had a safe journey back to the enclosure at Whipsnade. The average IQ of the baboon population will no doubt have dropped when you got back but morale will have improved no end if your inter-baboon skills are as good as your driving ability.
Edited by Hespereus on Friday 13th August 18:58
Edited by Hespereus on Saturday 14th August 13:54
Edited by Hespereus on Saturday 14th August 13:59
Excellent post.
Only the other day it was my fault that when I braked for lights as they changed from amber to red that the car which was 1m behind me had to brake hard because they expected me (and them) to 'jump' the lights at a major junction.
The female driver later undertook me (in traffic) and mouthed some very unladylike words whilst giving me a special wave.
Lovely.
Only the other day it was my fault that when I braked for lights as they changed from amber to red that the car which was 1m behind me had to brake hard because they expected me (and them) to 'jump' the lights at a major junction.
The female driver later undertook me (in traffic) and mouthed some very unladylike words whilst giving me a special wave.
Lovely.
LocoBlade said:
Very amusing, I suggest looking up the words "break" and "brake" in aforementioned dictionary though before utilising the literacy angle rant next time 
Ah ha! Thank you. "For tis the sport to have the enginer Hoist with his owne petar". :Edited by LocoBlade on Saturday 14th August 13:48
Chuckle
... now amended.Edited by Hespereus on Sunday 15th August 18:19
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