Your Computer Is Broken Scam

[planetdave]

bad line from India 'is that Mr planetdave?'
planetdave 'maybe'
bad line 'hello, I'm Kevin from xyz scammers and we've heard your computer is running slowly'



What now?

I have tried screaming 'BIG HAIRY bks' which was quite cathartic.
I've tried banging the handset on a table.
'La la la la la la'
'you are a scammer and I hate you you thieving scumbag'
'your mother sucks cocks in hell'

What's the best recourse coz I'd like a killer line that might put them off scamming to get a job in a proper call centre (coz some of them are quite talented)

And what exactly are they after?
I've heard rumours that they want
a)remote access
b)you to buy bogus software
c)you to buy bogus software to get your credit card details
What is it?



Your killer lines, explanation and experiences worth repeating please

[pugwash4x4]

Tell them that the person threy wanted to speak to was really looking forward to their call, but you would need to go and find them, and could they wait a couple of minutes.

Then put the phone in front of a telly or radio. Wait to see how long they are on the phone before they disconnect the call- my record is 32 minutes.

Or if you have more than one line in an office (and you are very lucky), you may get2 cold callers/scammers at the same time. in which case you connect them to each other- that's always good fun.

[Allanv]

Tell them you are sat infront of a AS400 see what reaction you get.

[ewenm]

Not worth my time to think of ways of winding up cold-callers. I just say I'm not interested and hang up.

[NDA]

"can I bath you now?"

"yes it is, I like it"

"it also smells of trumpet"

"ooh, look, a monkey"

"Is it because the frigid drive thermo-coupling unit is out of whack with the D drive?"


You could say virtually anything.

[Laurel Green]

[Gretchen]

I can't post a link at the moment, but google Tom Mabe, or see YouTube 'A Telemarketers Nightmare'.

[planetdave]

Not sure the 'you killed your gay lover' ruse is going to work.



In the office Marsha puts on her sad voice and says 'they're dead and we're leaving for the funeral in 15 minutes' even though they can obviously hear the raucous laughter.

[Nimbus]

planetdave said:

And what exactly are they after?
I've heard rumours that they want
a)remote access
b)you to buy bogus software
c)you to buy bogus software to get your credit card details
What is it?



Your killer lines, explanation and experiences worth repeating please

Credit card details... eventually they will tell you your licence for windows, or office etc has expired, and you need to pay for new one..

scam scam scam...

[planetdave]

No - not that one

this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkdoogjic4I

[Dift]

My wife had this last week... I think they both ended up confused.

The wife eventually told them Microsoft windows couldn't be working slowly as it's mac running OSX.

They hung up.

[ZesPak]

Gretchen said:

I can't post a link at the moment, but google Tom Mabe, or see YouTube 'A Telemarketers Nightmare'.

Is that the conversation with the "homocide detective"?

[Gretchen]

ZesPak said:

Gretchen said:

I can't post a link at the moment, but google Tom Mabe, or see YouTube 'A Telemarketers Nightmare'.

Is that the conversation with the "homocide detective"?

Yes.

It's mildly amusing.

[planetdave]

Will someone post a link to it!?

[Gretchen]

planetdave said:

Will someone post a link to it!?

Yes. You really do need to hear it.

[Gretchen]

Try This

After you've thanked me for my troubles

ETA - I've no idea if this works.

Edited by Gretchen on Tuesday 7th September 12:30

[planetdave]

Thank you.




Mine's better though

[Odie]

Tell them that you dont have a computer and that they have infact called the 1800's (use appropriate words etc)

Tell them you are running windows 8 beta and as its beta it has no licence (well it would be under a beta licence, if it even existed)

Tell them that you want their credit card details.

Tell them that you already have double glazing, thanks..

Pretend to be an old woman and start to tell him about your bladder problems...

[Flog123]

My dad fell for this scam.
Asked him for his credit details to take a 'nominal fee' for speeding up his computer.
They then talked him through deleting his history and temp. Internet files.

Relieved him of £180.

Edited by Flog123 on Tuesday 7th September 12:55

[planetdave]

Odie said:

Pretend to be an old woman and start to tell him about your bladder problems...

Why do I need to pretend to be an old woman?




Rhod Gilbert. Mother. Taliban.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3x5rVLGODj0