Things you shouldn't say to a barmaid

[spikeyhead]

last night, halfway throughthe first pint of the day so can't even blame being drunk.

"you look like a hooker."

Not the best line I've ever come up with, but it was "partly" justified as she used to play rugby in the middle of the front row.

[killsta]

But did you pull?

[Drive Blind]

Can I get my holdall?

[Plotloss]

Any chance of some more head?

[Condi]

Tbh anything cheesy, slimy or a cheap chat up line. Ive seen most of it from behind the bar, and 99% of the time its hilarious, especially when the (invariably drunk and usually ugly) punter without a chance in hell of pulling is actually being serious. We give the bar maids at my local some proper st, but they are all friends outside of work and we know them well enough to say what we want. They are also more than able to stand up for themselves and many of us have had beer/soda/lemonade over our heads at one point or another!!

[toasty]

When I was about 19 I told a barmaid she looked like she was about to have an alien burst out of her stomach as was carrying a bit of a tummy.

I got slapped.

[powwerr]

...anytime today fatty?

i got chucked out, was ordering my 1st pint aswell!!

[Laurel Green]

Are you still serving Sunday lunch - on a Bank Holiday Monday.

[otherman]

I used to make a habit of picking up girls behind the bar. Three successes - although one picked me in to be fair, I hardly did nothin'

[Hedders]

powwerr said:

...anytime today fatty?

i got chucked out, was ordering my 1st pint aswell!!

Smooth!

[Emsman]

I got chatting to a barnaid a few years ago, deemed to hit it off, so I asked her back to mine.

Well, she said, I'll be putting the towels on in 20 minutes.


Oh, ok, perhaps next week then

[andyroo]

Things you shouldn't say to a barmaid:

'Could you please face the other way, you're putting me off my pork scratchings'

'Do you sell rohypnol here?'

'Can you fit a pint glass up your fanny?'

etc etc

[308mate]

'Ere love, could you stick a Flake in that please?

[bazking69]

"Two pints and a blowjob please sweet cheeks..."

[Lefty]

""

My local landlady bars people for using this word in her presence.

[reggie82]

308mate said:

'Ere love, could you stick a Flake in that please?

or "If I wanted that much head I would have gone to a brothel!".

[sneijder]

reggie82 said:

308mate said:

'Ere love, could you stick a Flake in that please?

or "If I wanted that much head I would have gone to a brothel!".

Eeeh, the tides out on this one.

[Richie200]

NeMiSiS said:

Did you use to work in the Cockwell Inn ?

That will be Vicky Lykes then...Full address being:
Vicky Lykes
Cockwell Inn
Erbum
Tillet
Herts

[Mr.Jimbo]

Richie200 said:

NeMiSiS said:

Did you use to work in the Cockwell Inn ?

That will be Vicky Lykes then...Full address being:
Vicky Lykes
Cockwell Inn
Erbum
Tillet
Herts

Never heard that before!

[reggie82]

Mr.Jimbo said:

Richie200 said:

NeMiSiS said:

Did you use to work in the Cockwell Inn ?

That will be Vicky Lykes then...Full address being:
Vicky Lykes
Cockwell Inn
Erbum
Tillet
Herts

Never heard that before!

Me either - I'm going to use it next time a company asks for my address!