Discussion
2010 to me has been the worst year. Im 20 and so far;
I know i'll be told to man up but so far; i split up with the one person i ever really cared about, really loved her, and was cheated on.... 3 times, then after splitting up with her she slept with someone who bullied me at school... fantastic! Also i have no job atm.
Due to all this i didn't get into uni, meaning im stuck at college doing a dubject i really (a) hate and (b) can't understand.
As well as this 2 lads i spoke to, they werent mates as such, have died one from cancer and one from a freak accident, he fell in a canal while at uni, and drowned.I've lost best friends over what happened with the ex. So ive pretty much had a s
t year but all this happened in the first quarter. but now we are in October and i feel no better about my self.
So we are where we are now and i find my self sittingup until 2/3 AM every morning
Not being able to sleep and dowining cans most nights.
I only feel happy when im out with the lads having a laugh at the pub at the match ( that might not make sense to some) or when im out in the car with the music up having a good hoon. I know i need to get out this but every time i think " f uck it lets get out of this and sort my self out" I think " is it really worth the effort".
I know i'll be told to man up but so far; i split up with the one person i ever really cared about, really loved her, and was cheated on.... 3 times, then after splitting up with her she slept with someone who bullied me at school... fantastic! Also i have no job atm.
Due to all this i didn't get into uni, meaning im stuck at college doing a dubject i really (a) hate and (b) can't understand.
As well as this 2 lads i spoke to, they werent mates as such, have died one from cancer and one from a freak accident, he fell in a canal while at uni, and drowned.I've lost best friends over what happened with the ex. So ive pretty much had a s
t year but all this happened in the first quarter. but now we are in October and i feel no better about my self.So we are where we are now and i find my self sittingup until 2/3 AM every morning
Not being able to sleep and dowining cans most nights.
I only feel happy when im out with the lads having a laugh at the pub at the match ( that might not make sense to some) or when im out in the car with the music up having a good hoon. I know i need to get out this but every time i think " f uck it lets get out of this and sort my self out" I think " is it really worth the effort".
I've been there, minus the people dying, but plus some horrendous family situations going on. Felt at a complete loss at 18, I felt like there was nothing to do, the opposite sex was nasty and horrible, and I was getting nowhere in life.
Write down a list of all the things you want to achieve in life (can be do do with anything, education,family,relationships,material possessions,things you want to do before you die etc).
Now choose some of the ones that you can make a reality in the next year, say.
Now make a plan of how you're going to achieve those ones. Doing this will make you feel like you're doing something about changing your life. God, you're only 20, you can do whatever you like if you put your mind to it. I firmly believe that anybody can achieve whatever you want to achieve.
Also make a list of the things that make you happy (minus the beer I'm afraid) and the things that make you feel down. Ditch the ones that make you feel down and do more of the ones that make you feel good.
Chin up!
ps. please don't start drinking habitually...the hospital's full of people who started off doing that.
Write down a list of all the things you want to achieve in life (can be do do with anything, education,family,relationships,material possessions,things you want to do before you die etc).
Now choose some of the ones that you can make a reality in the next year, say.
Now make a plan of how you're going to achieve those ones. Doing this will make you feel like you're doing something about changing your life. God, you're only 20, you can do whatever you like if you put your mind to it. I firmly believe that anybody can achieve whatever you want to achieve.
Also make a list of the things that make you happy (minus the beer I'm afraid) and the things that make you feel down. Ditch the ones that make you feel down and do more of the ones that make you feel good.
Chin up!
ps. please don't start drinking habitually...the hospital's full of people who started off doing that.
The first thing to remember is that things do get better, but you have to make some effort to get there.
Secondly you really need to lay off the drinking as that is a depressant and will not be helping (mentally or physically).
Thirdly, get yourself signed up to a gym or start an exercise programme. This can really help.
Whilst all this is going on, go along to your GP for a chat. They may be able to help, and in conjuction with the things above, you should notice a difference in the way you feel about things.
Hope all works out for you
Secondly you really need to lay off the drinking as that is a depressant and will not be helping (mentally or physically).
Thirdly, get yourself signed up to a gym or start an exercise programme. This can really help.
Whilst all this is going on, go along to your GP for a chat. They may be able to help, and in conjuction with the things above, you should notice a difference in the way you feel about things.
Hope all works out for you
GP? Sod that. If you're thinking of ending it all, then seek a GP. Otherwise, as per the thread last week on this, do more exercise, drink more water, eat healthily, get fresh air, do activities you enjoy, avoid alcohol... That's all code wording for "man up", of course.
Is it really worth it? Well, you're going to see more deaths, lose more loved ones, get a great job, lose it, pay more and more taxes, suffer illness and, to top it all, die. The answer to your question is over to you, really.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo
And before you ask, about 10 years ago, I nearly took actions that meant I wouldn't be here today but since then I've met some amazing people and done amazing things so I'm glad I didn't.
Edit: looks like there was another one yesterday.
Is it really worth it? Well, you're going to see more deaths, lose more loved ones, get a great job, lose it, pay more and more taxes, suffer illness and, to top it all, die. The answer to your question is over to you, really.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo
And before you ask, about 10 years ago, I nearly took actions that meant I wouldn't be here today but since then I've met some amazing people and done amazing things so I'm glad I didn't.
Edit: looks like there was another one yesterday.
Edited by ShadownINja on Thursday 28th October 11:15
ShadownINja said:
GP? Sod that.
<snip>
And before you ask, about 10 years ago, I nearly took actions that meant I wouldn't be here today but since then I've met some amazing people and done amazing things so I'm glad I didn't.
A GP *can* help. Mine was excellent and put me onto a lady who talked through my issues (some years ago) and gave some thoroughly good advice, from a different perspective. I still use some of that advice today and look on the sessions with her as a 'watershed' moment in my life.<snip>
And before you ask, about 10 years ago, I nearly took actions that meant I wouldn't be here today but since then I've met some amazing people and done amazing things so I'm glad I didn't.
Happy to hear about the second bit. My life has improved significantly since the darker days - in all aspects - but mainly due to me being much better equipped to deal with the crap which gets thrown at everybody... not just the OP.
Maxf said:
ShadownINja said:
GP? Sod that.
<snip>
And before you ask, about 10 years ago, I nearly took actions that meant I wouldn't be here today but since then I've met some amazing people and done amazing things so I'm glad I didn't.
A GP *can* help. Mine was excellent and put me onto a lady who talked through my issues (some years ago) and gave some thoroughly good advice, from a different perspective. I still use some of that advice today and look on the sessions with her as a 'watershed' moment in my life.<snip>
And before you ask, about 10 years ago, I nearly took actions that meant I wouldn't be here today but since then I've met some amazing people and done amazing things so I'm glad I didn't.
Happy to hear about the second bit. My life has improved significantly since the darker days - in all aspects - but mainly due to me being much better equipped to deal with the crap which gets thrown at everybody... not just the OP.
k up or you'll end up being given "little blue pills". 
Exercise is a good one. Taking up a hobby, learning something, helping people; all do much good in achieving a sense of well-being.
If you're on a course at college you don't want to do, do something else? If you struggle understanding it, ask for more input for your learning. You may even get to like it. And lay off the alcohol!
If you're on a course at college you don't want to do, do something else? If you struggle understanding it, ask for more input for your learning. You may even get to like it. And lay off the alcohol!
turbolucy said:
I've been there, minus the people dying, but plus some horrendous family situations going on. Felt at a complete loss at 18, I felt like there was nothing to do, the opposite sex was nasty and horrible, and I was getting nowhere in life.
Write down a list of all the things you want to achieve in life (can be do do with anything, education,family,relationships,material possessions,things you want to do before you die etc).
Now choose some of the ones that you can make a reality in the next year, say.
Now make a plan of how you're going to achieve those ones. Doing this will make you feel like you're doing something about changing your life. God, you're only 20, you can do whatever you like if you put your mind to it. I firmly believe that anybody can achieve whatever you want to achieve.
Also make a list of the things that make you happy (minus the beer I'm afraid) and the things that make you feel down. Ditch the ones that make you feel down and do more of the ones that make you feel good.
Chin up!
ps. please don't start drinking habitually...the hospital's full of people who started off doing that.
Great advice. The sWrite down a list of all the things you want to achieve in life (can be do do with anything, education,family,relationships,material possessions,things you want to do before you die etc).
Now choose some of the ones that you can make a reality in the next year, say.
Now make a plan of how you're going to achieve those ones. Doing this will make you feel like you're doing something about changing your life. God, you're only 20, you can do whatever you like if you put your mind to it. I firmly believe that anybody can achieve whatever you want to achieve.
Also make a list of the things that make you happy (minus the beer I'm afraid) and the things that make you feel down. Ditch the ones that make you feel down and do more of the ones that make you feel good.
Chin up!
ps. please don't start drinking habitually...the hospital's full of people who started off doing that.
t hit the fan for me at 18 - lots of family crap etc. I pulled myself out of that one. I am now middle aged and despite the year from hell (serious illness for me, having an ill premature baby, loads of hospital visits and stays fighting for my child's care, loosing another pregnancy, finding I now have more health issues) I am still going. I should have got PND. But I keep finding something to focus on and keep going. Not easy . Exercise helps.
can I make a suggestion.
I had a pretty tough time as a kid as well as a young guy well into my 20's - trying to come to terms with people, situations and myself.
I came up with a simple solution . . .
I wrote down 11 things that I loved to do or the 11 things that made me happy and then everyday was like a competition to do as many on my list as possible.
The best days I have ever had are a "10" and the worst porbably a 1 or 2 - but eaither way - my list is what kept me motivated.
To this day (a good few years later LOL) I still do this - my list has changed over the years - but its on my desk and I see it every day!
A couple of things on my list - listening to trashy 80's pop - choclate - sci-fi movies - sport/cycling - driving in my car - time on my own etc etc.
Yours will be different - but give it a try - it really focusses the mind and costs NO MONEY - even if you score 1 every day - you will be on the road to appreciating your self and your life a bit more.
Khushy
I had a pretty tough time as a kid as well as a young guy well into my 20's - trying to come to terms with people, situations and myself.
I came up with a simple solution . . .
I wrote down 11 things that I loved to do or the 11 things that made me happy and then everyday was like a competition to do as many on my list as possible.
The best days I have ever had are a "10" and the worst porbably a 1 or 2 - but eaither way - my list is what kept me motivated.
To this day (a good few years later LOL) I still do this - my list has changed over the years - but its on my desk and I see it every day!
A couple of things on my list - listening to trashy 80's pop - choclate - sci-fi movies - sport/cycling - driving in my car - time on my own etc etc.
Yours will be different - but give it a try - it really focusses the mind and costs NO MONEY - even if you score 1 every day - you will be on the road to appreciating your self and your life a bit more.
Khushy
Edited by khushy on Monday 6th December 15:15
khushy said:
can I make a suggestion.
I had a pretty tough time as a kid as well as a young guy well into my 20's - trying to come to terms with people, situations and myself.
I came up with a simple solution . . .
I wrote down 11 things that I loved to do or the 11 things that made me happy and then everyday was like a competition to do as many on my list as possible.
The best days I have ever had are a "10" and the worst porbably a 1 or 2 - but eaither way - my list is what kept me motivated.
To this day (a good few years later LOL) I still do this - my list has changed over the years - but its on my desk and I see it every day!
A couple of things on my list - listening to trashy 80's pop - choclate - sci-fi movies - sport/cycling - driving in my car - time on my own etc etc.
Yours will be different - but give it a try - it really focusses the mind and costs NO MONEY - even if you score 1 every day - you will be on the road to appreciating your self and your life a bit more.
Khushy
I quite like this idea, sounds like a good plan.I had a pretty tough time as a kid as well as a young guy well into my 20's - trying to come to terms with people, situations and myself.
I came up with a simple solution . . .
I wrote down 11 things that I loved to do or the 11 things that made me happy and then everyday was like a competition to do as many on my list as possible.
The best days I have ever had are a "10" and the worst porbably a 1 or 2 - but eaither way - my list is what kept me motivated.
To this day (a good few years later LOL) I still do this - my list has changed over the years - but its on my desk and I see it every day!
A couple of things on my list - listening to trashy 80's pop - choclate - sci-fi movies - sport/cycling - driving in my car - time on my own etc etc.
Yours will be different - but give it a try - it really focusses the mind and costs NO MONEY - even if you score 1 every day - you will be on the road to appreciating your self and your life a bit more.
Khushy
Edited by khushy on Monday 6th December 15:15
Seeing the GP is no bad idea either, if you are feeling that low, they have plenty of contacts, so even if one solution comes to nothing, there are always plenty of others.
Mike, you're not alone. Not by a long stretch.
Up until 3 months ago, I saw myself as a mentally strong, self confident (to the point of arrogance) and 'comfortable' with my life.
All that changed when, not completely but enough, out of the blue my partner of 7 years decided she didn't want to be with me anymore and wasn't prepared to try anything to resolve the situation.
It was/has been as if this has activated all the bad things I repressed from my thoughts over the past near 30 years. Believe me when I say my stlist of stuff about me that I have problems with is about as long as you're ever going to get.
If you're struggling to find motivation to go forward (and, dare I say it, you're emotionally exhausted from the constant rollercoaster you find yourself on), then do all the things talked about above. Don't drink so much that it becomes an overbearing depressant, do exercise, do find interests that involve groups of people you don't know yet and do go to your GP and see if they'll refer you to a counseller.
As for your ex- those demons are only going to start going away once you accept you were never going to be right together. The mind plays tricks telling you how perfect it all was, when the reality is, it more than likely wasn't. I ended up sat with the ex at the bar last week, and we talked for about an hour or so. Well, she talked. About her. All the time. It reminded me how boring I really found her and how self centred she was. I ended up watching the TV and remembering to nod at the right moments. No matter how comfortable I was with the situation living with her, she was never going to stop boring me! Is that the basis for a great relationship? Of course not.
Long term relationships can take a long time to get over, don't beat yourself up over still being upset by it.
Up until 3 months ago, I saw myself as a mentally strong, self confident (to the point of arrogance) and 'comfortable' with my life.
All that changed when, not completely but enough, out of the blue my partner of 7 years decided she didn't want to be with me anymore and wasn't prepared to try anything to resolve the situation.
It was/has been as if this has activated all the bad things I repressed from my thoughts over the past near 30 years. Believe me when I say my s
tlist of stuff about me that I have problems with is about as long as you're ever going to get.If you're struggling to find motivation to go forward (and, dare I say it, you're emotionally exhausted from the constant rollercoaster you find yourself on), then do all the things talked about above. Don't drink so much that it becomes an overbearing depressant, do exercise, do find interests that involve groups of people you don't know yet and do go to your GP and see if they'll refer you to a counseller.
As for your ex- those demons are only going to start going away once you accept you were never going to be right together. The mind plays tricks telling you how perfect it all was, when the reality is, it more than likely wasn't. I ended up sat with the ex at the bar last week, and we talked for about an hour or so. Well, she talked. About her. All the time. It reminded me how boring I really found her and how self centred she was. I ended up watching the TV and remembering to nod at the right moments. No matter how comfortable I was with the situation living with her, she was never going to stop boring me! Is that the basis for a great relationship? Of course not.
Long term relationships can take a long time to get over, don't beat yourself up over still being upset by it.
Edited by 10 Pence Short on Tuesday 7th December 15:18
10 Pence Short said:
As for your ex- those demons are only going to start going away once you accept you were never going to be right together. The mind plays tricks telling you how perfect it all was, when the reality is, it more than likely wasn't. I ended up sat with the ex at the bar last week, and we talked for about an hour or so. Well, she talked. About her. All the time. It reminded me how boring I really found her and how self centred she was. I ended up watching the TV and remembering to nod at the right moments. No matter how comfortable I was with the situation living with her, she was never going to stop boring me!
Long term relationships can take a long time to get over, don't beat yourself up over still being upset by it.
Also, I've found in the past, trying to work out whether you are missing the person, or the habbit of being with them can help you work out your feelings.Long term relationships can take a long time to get over, don't beat yourself up over still being upset by it.
Maxf said:
10 Pence Short said:
As for your ex- those demons are only going to start going away once you accept you were never going to be right together. The mind plays tricks telling you how perfect it all was, when the reality is, it more than likely wasn't. I ended up sat with the ex at the bar last week, and we talked for about an hour or so. Well, she talked. About her. All the time. It reminded me how boring I really found her and how self centred she was. I ended up watching the TV and remembering to nod at the right moments. No matter how comfortable I was with the situation living with her, she was never going to stop boring me!
Long term relationships can take a long time to get over, don't beat yourself up over still being upset by it.
Also, I've found in the past, trying to work out whether you are missing the person, or the habbit of being with them can help you work out your feelings.Long term relationships can take a long time to get over, don't beat yourself up over still being upset by it.
Strange creatures, people.
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