BMW and Audi Drivers.
Discussion
What to do when you encounter a BMW or Audi on the public highway.
When you see one, don't panic. You will have to employ some evasive driving shortly, so you must have your wits handy. Excuse yourself from conversation with your passengers in order to concentrate until the danger has passed. Have some informative laminates made up, though ideally passengers should have attended the ‘Encountering BMW and Audi Drivers on the Public Highway’ briefing, before setting off.
See, it all starts in their showrooms where soon-to-be BMW and Audi drivers aren’t informed there will be other, inferior, possibly non-German cars on their roads! They are conditioned using PowerPoint and propaganda films, depicting ultimate driving nirvana as fainting bystanders flop by the roadside, minds blown by the speed and the style. So you can see, being released into our actual driving world must come as something of a shock. Be patient with them.
On the road, remember never show them any anger. They’ve been groomed to recognise lesser-car drivers anger, as Jealousy. To the BMW and Audi driver, this is the Top Trump of arguments. Unfathomable to them that we aren’t dazzled by their fortune, any counter argument is automatically trumped by the fundamental fact we are lesser-car owners, and therefore jealous.
If approaching one that is for example, following a lorry in the slow lane, lift off and prepare for braking. This is a trap. They wait until your braking space is just under one car-length before the veer will take place. The faster you are going the more certain the outcome, so don’t encourage them. They feed off the element of surprise, and will lunge if you’re ready or not – so its always best that you are. Lift off. When you do slow down, remember they’ll think its because you’re amazed, not because you think they are dangerous.
If you are approaching one in the fast lane, when all other lanes are empty, you might be there a while. To a BMW or Audi driver the lanes get reassigned from ‘slow’ and ‘fast’ lanes, to ‘lesser car’ and ‘me’ lanes. So moving over would be like breaking the structure of their whole world. To them, they’ve captured you and you’re being held under their terms, their speed, locked, in a stalemate. They're clever. If you do choose to eventually undertake, you’ll witness the ubiquitous and telling smirk. Try to get a friend to capture on camera, to include on the profiling section of your informative Laminate.
Do your bit to help make our roads safer, and hug a BMW or Audi driver today.
-Working Towards Harmony-
When you see one, don't panic. You will have to employ some evasive driving shortly, so you must have your wits handy. Excuse yourself from conversation with your passengers in order to concentrate until the danger has passed. Have some informative laminates made up, though ideally passengers should have attended the ‘Encountering BMW and Audi Drivers on the Public Highway’ briefing, before setting off.
See, it all starts in their showrooms where soon-to-be BMW and Audi drivers aren’t informed there will be other, inferior, possibly non-German cars on their roads! They are conditioned using PowerPoint and propaganda films, depicting ultimate driving nirvana as fainting bystanders flop by the roadside, minds blown by the speed and the style. So you can see, being released into our actual driving world must come as something of a shock. Be patient with them.
On the road, remember never show them any anger. They’ve been groomed to recognise lesser-car drivers anger, as Jealousy. To the BMW and Audi driver, this is the Top Trump of arguments. Unfathomable to them that we aren’t dazzled by their fortune, any counter argument is automatically trumped by the fundamental fact we are lesser-car owners, and therefore jealous.
If approaching one that is for example, following a lorry in the slow lane, lift off and prepare for braking. This is a trap. They wait until your braking space is just under one car-length before the veer will take place. The faster you are going the more certain the outcome, so don’t encourage them. They feed off the element of surprise, and will lunge if you’re ready or not – so its always best that you are. Lift off. When you do slow down, remember they’ll think its because you’re amazed, not because you think they are dangerous.
If you are approaching one in the fast lane, when all other lanes are empty, you might be there a while. To a BMW or Audi driver the lanes get reassigned from ‘slow’ and ‘fast’ lanes, to ‘lesser car’ and ‘me’ lanes. So moving over would be like breaking the structure of their whole world. To them, they’ve captured you and you’re being held under their terms, their speed, locked, in a stalemate. They're clever. If you do choose to eventually undertake, you’ll witness the ubiquitous and telling smirk. Try to get a friend to capture on camera, to include on the profiling section of your informative Laminate.
Do your bit to help make our roads safer, and hug a BMW or Audi driver today.
-Working Towards Harmony-
t.
Yep, almost spot on.
It only hits home with you guys when you try to follow me in the twisties and i see you understeer dangerously onto the other side of the road as you try to match my speed. Then keeping an extra long distance between my bumper and your "i believe it looks better with my fog lights on" car, very embarrassed with your tail between your legs.
It only hits home with you guys when you try to follow me in the twisties and i see you understeer dangerously onto the other side of the road as you try to match my speed. Then keeping an extra long distance between my bumper and your "i believe it looks better with my fog lights on" car, very embarrassed with your tail between your legs.
The outside was always the BMW lane 
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