Help me buy a bike (again)

[Gooby]

Long time lurker, first time poster.
I have not been on a bike since my mum lent me her fold up bike when I was 12. I have now got old and very porky and in an effort to keep up with my kids and my desire to become a "Mamil", please can you help me choose a bike.

I want to be able to keep up with Peaty on the DH course but I also fancy sharing a bowl or special K with Hoy, but the choice of bikes is very confusing. Because weight is important, I want a bike under 3lbs and at least 220mm of full sus travel. I feel this will best support my 22stone arse. Can someone recomend a saddle that wont make my man garden sore? I am a little concerned about wearing lycra but as most of the worlds whaling fleets are out of action it may not be the problem it was, also I will be riding south yorkshire so I may get away with it. I will also be using it to commute to my city job so I want 700c wheels and no punctures EVER!

I have a budget of £2.50, I have found something on gumtree but I am not sure if it is stolen....
I also like the look of this GT/Carrera/Boardman from halfrauds but I am worried that it doesnt have stabilisers or hydraulic disk brakes or ultegraXOTR.

I know this is a car forum and the analagy of purchasing a car I have never driven for a price that would denote scrap metal seems to pass me by, but can you recomend a bike specifically to fulfill my every desire, that I will be totally satisfied with from a couple of links I have found showing out of focus photos of a bike that is clearly different to the bike that is described.

I think I will need some other bits-n-bobs.
Can someone recomend a helmet, even though none of you know the shape and size of my head, I feel the advice of an ametur and complete stranger will be adequate to entrust my safety to.

Also while I ride up the yorkshire dales at a constant rate of 40mph, I will require hydration, can someone point out a hydration pack suitable for carrying at least 6 pints of mild. It must also be able to carrry 10 mars bars, 15 flapjacks and a large pork pie from Melton Mowbury.

To protect my £2.50 investment I will need a suitable lock and some decent pedals. I want some clipless flats and the right footwear for my size 6 feet. as I used to ride mums bike in my ballet shoes, I want something light, comfy and pink.

Thanks in advance

[ehonda]

http://www.leisurelakesbikes.com/product/specializ...

I appreciate that it is many times your budget, but I believe that's normal for these types of threads.

Don't bother with a helmet, just don't crash.
I use an old lady's tartan shopping basket tied to the back of mine to transport beer and tabs.

[The Walrus]

My friend you do not need a bicycle, save yourself some money and buy yourself an extra wide human cannon to get to and from work.

I hope this helps and saves you some wedge if not your man garden possibly ?

[itsnotarace]

You should test ride everything within budget. Except you have probably already made your mind up to go with the colour bike you prefer and you just want some hint of reassurance from the rest of us that you aren't just about to spend a £1000 cycle to work voucher on a steaming turd

[Gooby]

itsnotarace said:

You should test ride everything within budget. Except you have probably already made your mind up to go with the colour bike you prefer and you just want some hint of reassurance from the rest of us that you aren't just about to spend a £1000 cycle to work voucher on a steaming turd

£1000?????
For a bike?!?! My budget is £2.50. While I parked my RS6 at the dump, the smelly bloke with the day glow bib said that was more than enough to get me a competition quality bike from his selection by the old oil cans!

[h4muf]

I hear those orange "5"s are good for first timers...

[Gooby]

h4muf said:

I hear those orange "5"s are good for first timers...

Um... no, I want a bike, I am quite happy with my 'phone provider....

[Mars]

I believe it's a PH tradition to question your proscriptive requirements and give you advice based on something you haven't considered, can't afford, and won't fulfil any of those requirements.

So, dinner for two at the Dorchester? You're paying..!!

[allegro]

It's stretching your budget a little but sports direct have a cracking deal on a hard tail at the mo:
http://www.sportsdirect.com/disney-cars-cars-balan...

[snotrag]

Of course, my advice as usual would be to go to your local independent bike shop and speak to the knowledgeable, friendly staff there. You'll be able to actualyl test ride the different models and find out what size you need and what bikes actually fit your body shape, and they can split your budget correctly on the right bike and the right kit. They will also help you get setup, and give you a free service in a months time. A few weeks later when you pop in, they'll remember you and ask how your getting on, and maybe advise of an upcoming ride you might like to join in on to meet some new riding buddies.


However I know that what your actually going to do is buy a copy of MBUK, read 3 reviews and buy a 2011 bike from a new upcoming foreign manufacturer who has the biggest race team this year. It will have 27 different colours on the frame, tartan grips, blue saddle and glow in the dark cables. It will come from a large internet based retailer. The bike will be 110% of your budget and you will not bother buying any accessories, but they will throw in a branded waterbottle.

The frame will be a 21" as your mate rides a large Carrera, and he's just a bit taller than you so it will be fine.

On the first ride, none of the transmission will work because it hasnt been PDI'd and you put the wheels on with the QR's done up the wrong way.

In 6 months time the bike will be languishing in your shed