Is is depression?
Discussion
The below is copied from my post in the health forum. Mods please leave in the Lounge, there is very little traffic through the health forum and I'd like opinions/advice from a greater cross section of PH-
I've had very little experience with things like depression, but I'm hoping you'll be able to give me some pointers on the below situation....
The gf and I have been together for about 6 years and had ups and downs as most couples but have on the whole been very close throughout. We had talked at length about the future, engagements and getting married, though in the future as we're both still in our early 20's.
However around Christmas time, she started being quite off with me and it eventually culminated in her going into a very low mental state where she basically cried for a couple of weeks. I should point out, she started being a bit off with me around the middle of December and was then let go from her recently started job in early Jan, after which she went into the aforementioned meltdown.
Since then, we've gone from speaking pretty much everyday and seeing each other a couple of times a week to a short terse conversation perhaps once a week and usually at my instigation. She seems in a bad mood generally and says she doesn't really feel anything for me. I know she has also not really spoken to some of her very close friends in weeks, infact she only seems to be keeping in touch with one group of friends from one of her former jobs.
On a more long running note, she had applied for the second year in a row for a PGCE course place and it looks like she won't be able to go into teaching as she'd hoped to. She's had quite a lot of difficulty in finding work since leaving uni and in late 2010 had a very big bust up with one of her best friends, which I still don't think is resolved. She has also had some health issues over the last couple of years which Docs are having a hard time trying to figure out, so I think this may be getting her down also.
In the space of about 4-6 weeks, she has gone from being a very bubbly, happy and chatty person to being grumpy all the time. I don't understand how she she has gone from telling me she loved me constantly and wanted to get engaged to the current situation!!?!?!?
Sorry for the long rambling post, but I need to get it off my chest as much as anything, I would appreciate any thoughts and advice. I honestly thought, and still do think, that she is the one, but I don't have a clue how to fix this.
I have broached that she may have depression 2-3 times but she had flatly refused to consider this to be the case.
Thanks in advance.
I've had very little experience with things like depression, but I'm hoping you'll be able to give me some pointers on the below situation....
The gf and I have been together for about 6 years and had ups and downs as most couples but have on the whole been very close throughout. We had talked at length about the future, engagements and getting married, though in the future as we're both still in our early 20's.
However around Christmas time, she started being quite off with me and it eventually culminated in her going into a very low mental state where she basically cried for a couple of weeks. I should point out, she started being a bit off with me around the middle of December and was then let go from her recently started job in early Jan, after which she went into the aforementioned meltdown.
Since then, we've gone from speaking pretty much everyday and seeing each other a couple of times a week to a short terse conversation perhaps once a week and usually at my instigation. She seems in a bad mood generally and says she doesn't really feel anything for me. I know she has also not really spoken to some of her very close friends in weeks, infact she only seems to be keeping in touch with one group of friends from one of her former jobs.
On a more long running note, she had applied for the second year in a row for a PGCE course place and it looks like she won't be able to go into teaching as she'd hoped to. She's had quite a lot of difficulty in finding work since leaving uni and in late 2010 had a very big bust up with one of her best friends, which I still don't think is resolved. She has also had some health issues over the last couple of years which Docs are having a hard time trying to figure out, so I think this may be getting her down also.
In the space of about 4-6 weeks, she has gone from being a very bubbly, happy and chatty person to being grumpy all the time. I don't understand how she she has gone from telling me she loved me constantly and wanted to get engaged to the current situation!!?!?!?
Sorry for the long rambling post, but I need to get it off my chest as much as anything, I would appreciate any thoughts and advice. I honestly thought, and still do think, that she is the one, but I don't have a clue how to fix this.
I have broached that she may have depression 2-3 times but she had flatly refused to consider this to be the case.
Thanks in advance.
Sounds like it could be depression brought on by her loss of job. I take she now has additional worries now such as money which will all add to it.
Now, she may just perk up a bit (is she looking for work etc?) in her own time as she accepts the situation or she might not.
The question is how much help and support can you give her? I take it as you have talked about marriage that you will do what you can to help her?
Now, she may just perk up a bit (is she looking for work etc?) in her own time as she accepts the situation or she might not.
The question is how much help and support can you give her? I take it as you have talked about marriage that you will do what you can to help her?
John, absolutely I want honest opinion and somebody else on the scene is something I did consider. However the issue seems bigger then me or us, it has impacted on her friends and family too.
Jas, I think the job loss was obviously a big trigger. She is now working again, but as I mentioned the chance of her being able to work in teaching, which was what she really wanted, is looking very slim.
I am willing to put in as much time and effort as it needs to sort this, we have been together for 6 years, of which I was at uni 200 miles away for 3 years, so this relationship has had a hell of a lot invested in it. As I mentioned, until very recently we had been discussing getting engaged.
However, we don't live together (norm in Indian culture to live at home) and given we are barely speaking, I am finding it difficult to help.
Jas, I think the job loss was obviously a big trigger. She is now working again, but as I mentioned the chance of her being able to work in teaching, which was what she really wanted, is looking very slim.
I am willing to put in as much time and effort as it needs to sort this, we have been together for 6 years, of which I was at uni 200 miles away for 3 years, so this relationship has had a hell of a lot invested in it. As I mentioned, until very recently we had been discussing getting engaged.
However, we don't live together (norm in Indian culture to live at home) and given we are barely speaking, I am finding it difficult to help.
Urban Sports said:
V8mate said:
The teacher training colleges have done the analysis for you, so follow their lead: dump her and move on.
Ouch!!Although doing a PGCE with anything other than a perfect state of mind would not be a good idea anyway!
V8mate said:
Exactly. We don't want nutters teaching our kids. The colleges clearly spotted something which didn't fit the profile. The OP shouldn't be saddling himself with a lifetime of Mental when he's still in his early 20s.
I can't tell whether you're joking or not. I hope you are.To the OP, it sounds very much like something was triggered by the loss of her job. It could well be depression as others have said. If it's possible, you should sit her down and speak to her about the changes that have happened to her. Try and get some of her friends to do the same. The more people who bring it up, the more likely she'll start to realise that something is wrong if it is depression.
The advice about asking if she daydreams a lot is excellent as well. It's a big give away.
V8mate said:
Exactly. We don't want nutters teaching our kids. The colleges clearly spotted something which didn't fit the profile. The OP shouldn't be saddling himself with a lifetime of Mental when he's still in his early 20s.
Wow you sound like a charming individual. Having depression isn't being 'a nutter'. I hope you never have to experience it first hand to find out.
H_Kan said:
In the space of about 4-6 weeks, she has gone from being a very bubbly, happy and chatty person to being grumpy all the time. I don't understand how she she has gone from telling me she loved me constantly and wanted to get engaged to the current situation!!?!?!?
Four to six weeks? Damn, I had that overnight. As has been pointed out, however, there is an explanation, and it's called 'being a woman'.jake15919 said:
1 Seek professional help. Not for her but for you. There are plenty of organisations that offer help, check the phone book or the internet. Talk to them, they will be able to help.
2 On a topic like this don't ask a motoring internet forum for advice.
Absolutely agree, and possibly low self esteem of herself has brought on deep depression, the same that needs attending to asap.2 On a topic like this don't ask a motoring internet forum for advice.
Wings said:
jake15919 said:
1 Seek professional help. Not for her but for you. There are plenty of organisations that offer help, check the phone book or the internet. Talk to them, they will be able to help.
2 On a topic like this don't ask a motoring internet forum for advice.
Absolutely agree, and possibly low self esteem of herself has brought on deep depression, the same that needs attending to asap.2 On a topic like this don't ask a motoring internet forum for advice.
H_Kan said:
Jas, I think the job loss was obviously a big trigger. She is now working again, but as I mentioned the chance of her being able to work in teaching, which was what she really wanted, is looking very slim.
I am willing to put in as much time and effort as it needs to sort this, we have been together for 6 years, of which I was at uni 200 miles away for 3 years, so this relationship has had a hell of a lot invested in it. As I mentioned, until very recently we had been discussing getting engaged.
However, we don't live together (norm in Indian culture to live at home) and given we are barely speaking, I am finding it difficult to help.
Ok, I am willing to put in as much time and effort as it needs to sort this, we have been together for 6 years, of which I was at uni 200 miles away for 3 years, so this relationship has had a hell of a lot invested in it. As I mentioned, until very recently we had been discussing getting engaged.
However, we don't live together (norm in Indian culture to live at home) and given we are barely speaking, I am finding it difficult to help.
So now she has to face up to the fact that her dream job is gone.
Firstly, is there any chance she could get onto the course? i.e. in the next few years? Facing up the fact that your dream job is not possible is not easy (trust me on this, from 4-18 I was going to be a pilot, then my eyesight failed!). BUT, there are always other choices, it's just a matter of findinf them.
Secondly, you say she already has health problems whcih are undiagnosed? Well, that's never going to help anyone feel good. Can she see a specialist?
Thirdly, can you speak to her parents about getting her to a GP to talk about this? (though please do some research into which GP is suitable for this first as some are f***ng useless)
Fourthly, this is not going to be easy, especially if she denies that there is a problem.
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