Boarding School, yes or no? Would you recommend it.
Discussion
I had two wildly different experiences of boarding school. At 13 I started boarding at the school I had been at since I was 7 for 3 years it just magnified how shy I was even though the boys in my house tried to get me to go out with them and if you don't find that you fit in boarding school is a very lonely place especially if you don't have the right staff. But it got me grades that my dad still thinks are wrong as technically I'm smarter than he is when I'm know where near.
So at 16 after my GCSE's having fallen out with my house master one day he shouted at me why don't I just go to school in Switzerland as I was very much into my ski racing at the time as it was the only place I felt I fit in. I took him up on it and asked my parents if I could find one. I went and viewed a few and sat in classes. I walked out of one of the classes and immediately called my father and begged him to let me go there. That is the most important thing you could do let your children walk around and sit in classes they will very quickly know if they feel comfortable. If they don't immediately feel comfortable don't send them.
It was the best thing I ever did. I entered a shy person afraid to express my opinion and exited a confident young man ready to take on the world my father says it was the best money he ever spent he wasn't sure I had what it took to take over his company until I went to Switzerland. The only problem was I got to Uni and found it boring I had climbed Mont Blanc with my house master in my final year and escaped to Geneva on Friday nights, the student union just seemed a bit tame.
As has been said if you fit in you will make friends for life and will always have strong feelings about your house. I still see all my friends from all over the world every year they all came to meet my son when he was born no matter how far away. I even see my house master every year.
It wasn't all amazing though if you were arrogant you could have a very tough time. But it was sort of necessary in that you had children coming to the school who were royalty or billionaires and thought they were god some times they needed a slap from a 6th former to remind them they are just a kid at school like everyone else. I have to say my Swiss school was very special in that the staff despised arrogance and thinking you were special so taught you humility and that you should strive to help others if you can. I'm 26 and several of my friends run charities for there families already.
So all round boarding school seems to be very extreme it's all about the child and the place.
To the person earlier saying it was a bit grotesque to spend so much money on schools put it this way if you could start your child at least 20 metres up the 100 metre track putting them in a better position to succeed whilst doing things most never get a chance to do wouldn't you want that for your child? I know I do.
So at 16 after my GCSE's having fallen out with my house master one day he shouted at me why don't I just go to school in Switzerland as I was very much into my ski racing at the time as it was the only place I felt I fit in. I took him up on it and asked my parents if I could find one. I went and viewed a few and sat in classes. I walked out of one of the classes and immediately called my father and begged him to let me go there. That is the most important thing you could do let your children walk around and sit in classes they will very quickly know if they feel comfortable. If they don't immediately feel comfortable don't send them.
It was the best thing I ever did. I entered a shy person afraid to express my opinion and exited a confident young man ready to take on the world my father says it was the best money he ever spent he wasn't sure I had what it took to take over his company until I went to Switzerland. The only problem was I got to Uni and found it boring I had climbed Mont Blanc with my house master in my final year and escaped to Geneva on Friday nights, the student union just seemed a bit tame.
As has been said if you fit in you will make friends for life and will always have strong feelings about your house. I still see all my friends from all over the world every year they all came to meet my son when he was born no matter how far away. I even see my house master every year.
It wasn't all amazing though if you were arrogant you could have a very tough time. But it was sort of necessary in that you had children coming to the school who were royalty or billionaires and thought they were god some times they needed a slap from a 6th former to remind them they are just a kid at school like everyone else. I have to say my Swiss school was very special in that the staff despised arrogance and thinking you were special so taught you humility and that you should strive to help others if you can. I'm 26 and several of my friends run charities for there families already.
So all round boarding school seems to be very extreme it's all about the child and the place.
To the person earlier saying it was a bit grotesque to spend so much money on schools put it this way if you could start your child at least 20 metres up the 100 metre track putting them in a better position to succeed whilst doing things most never get a chance to do wouldn't you want that for your child? I know I do.
I'm getting the impression that these places are for cash rich parents who want to stick their kids in the "make them successful" machine so they come out the other end as their vision of a polished article.
I think you 100% need to speak to the child involved as each child is totally different - if they are quite out going, adventurous and hard working then they'll likely thrive in such a place. If you are quiet, shy and struggle academically but parents have the means to send you then the child could go either way. The post above hits the nail on the head - like clothing, the school and child have to fit like a glove for it to work.
Parents may treat such places as "success factories" - you never hear about the ones that don't make it, hate it and so on. They may also be overcompensating for their childhood experience by thinking to themselves that had they gone to boarding school they'd be in a better place today - but life is not as simple as that. Basically - don't try and mold your child into a carbon copy of yourself had you gone back in time and told yourself what you should do to be a successful 40 year old. Life doesn't work that way.
You have to ask yourself - are you doing this for your child or because of you. You only get one childhood and it massively affects who you are later on in life. Parents see these places as setting them up for good high paid jobs, future contacts, the right school name on the CV and so on but when you are 12 years old you pretty much want to do what all 12 year olds want to do - be a child. You don't think like your parents about career paths, future interviews and so on.
A happy person is better than a "successful" miserable one I guess. Do what makes your child happy.
I think you 100% need to speak to the child involved as each child is totally different - if they are quite out going, adventurous and hard working then they'll likely thrive in such a place. If you are quiet, shy and struggle academically but parents have the means to send you then the child could go either way. The post above hits the nail on the head - like clothing, the school and child have to fit like a glove for it to work.
Parents may treat such places as "success factories" - you never hear about the ones that don't make it, hate it and so on. They may also be overcompensating for their childhood experience by thinking to themselves that had they gone to boarding school they'd be in a better place today - but life is not as simple as that. Basically - don't try and mold your child into a carbon copy of yourself had you gone back in time and told yourself what you should do to be a successful 40 year old. Life doesn't work that way.
You have to ask yourself - are you doing this for your child or because of you. You only get one childhood and it massively affects who you are later on in life. Parents see these places as setting them up for good high paid jobs, future contacts, the right school name on the CV and so on but when you are 12 years old you pretty much want to do what all 12 year olds want to do - be a child. You don't think like your parents about career paths, future interviews and so on.
A happy person is better than a "successful" miserable one I guess. Do what makes your child happy.
Edited by Anubis on Thursday 21st December 11:45
Another ex boarder here
I went at 13 to a boarding school (education was state funded, boarding paid for). I started secondary school at Vale of Catmose in Oakham but my parents bought a pub in Norfolk so had to move. After a horrible year at the local state secondary my Dad showed me an advert for a boarding school and asked what I thought.
Now, my parents were running a pub so worked 18 hours a day, 364.5 days a year. Any friends I had made lived miles away so it was pretty boring most of the time so I said lets go and have a look.
I loved it and managed to get a place (interview). I think starting at 13 had good and bad points. I was old enough not to feel like I was being sent away (I'd been a big part of the decision) but obviously the kids at school had known each other for a couple of years already.
However, I made great friends, had a good education and had the best opportunities (the extra curricular stuff was fantastic as many have mentioned - cadets, shooting, flying, trips, sailing, you name it). We had a blast!
I went home for exeat every 3 weeks which was fine for me. Is it for every child and every parent? No
I went at 13 to a boarding school (education was state funded, boarding paid for). I started secondary school at Vale of Catmose in Oakham but my parents bought a pub in Norfolk so had to move. After a horrible year at the local state secondary my Dad showed me an advert for a boarding school and asked what I thought.
Now, my parents were running a pub so worked 18 hours a day, 364.5 days a year. Any friends I had made lived miles away so it was pretty boring most of the time so I said lets go and have a look.
I loved it and managed to get a place (interview). I think starting at 13 had good and bad points. I was old enough not to feel like I was being sent away (I'd been a big part of the decision) but obviously the kids at school had known each other for a couple of years already.
However, I made great friends, had a good education and had the best opportunities (the extra curricular stuff was fantastic as many have mentioned - cadets, shooting, flying, trips, sailing, you name it). We had a blast!
I went home for exeat every 3 weeks which was fine for me. Is it for every child and every parent? No
LivingTheDream said:
Another ex boarder here
I went at 13 to a boarding school (education was state funded, boarding paid for). I started secondary school at Vale of Catmose in Oakham but my parents bought a pub in Norfolk so had to move. After a horrible year at the local state secondary my Dad showed me an advert for a boarding school and asked what I thought.
Now, my parents were running a pub so worked 18 hours a day, 364.5 days a year. Any friends I had made lived miles away so it was pretty boring most of the time so I said lets go and have a look.
I loved it and managed to get a place (interview). I think starting at 13 had good and bad points. I was old enough not to feel like I was being sent away (I'd been a big part of the decision) but obviously the kids at school had known each other for a couple of years already.
However, I made great friends, had a good education and had the best opportunities (the extra curricular stuff was fantastic as many have mentioned - cadets, shooting, flying, trips, sailing, you name it). We had a blast!
I went home for exeat every 3 weeks which was fine for me. Is it for every child and every parent? No
Was it Greshams?I went at 13 to a boarding school (education was state funded, boarding paid for). I started secondary school at Vale of Catmose in Oakham but my parents bought a pub in Norfolk so had to move. After a horrible year at the local state secondary my Dad showed me an advert for a boarding school and asked what I thought.
Now, my parents were running a pub so worked 18 hours a day, 364.5 days a year. Any friends I had made lived miles away so it was pretty boring most of the time so I said lets go and have a look.
I loved it and managed to get a place (interview). I think starting at 13 had good and bad points. I was old enough not to feel like I was being sent away (I'd been a big part of the decision) but obviously the kids at school had known each other for a couple of years already.
However, I made great friends, had a good education and had the best opportunities (the extra curricular stuff was fantastic as many have mentioned - cadets, shooting, flying, trips, sailing, you name it). We had a blast!
I went home for exeat every 3 weeks which was fine for me. Is it for every child and every parent? No
If I could afford it I'd save the money and buy them their first house or pay their student debt if you can afford both then its really just down to you and your kids choosing what you prefer. I'd be gutted of my kids wanted to leave home at 13, i left home at 16 and looking back that was way too young for me and my parents.
My opinion is that only people with certain family histories and family expectations will thrive in that environment. Normal people who have done well financially and their kids are almost certainly not best suited to those sorts of schools, but that's just my ignorant opinion.
My opinion is that only people with certain family histories and family expectations will thrive in that environment. Normal people who have done well financially and their kids are almost certainly not best suited to those sorts of schools, but that's just my ignorant opinion.
I have two sons who are day pupils at a co-ed public school. If the logistics of sending your son as a day pupil work for you I would consider it. We live close by the school (Oundle) and my boys tell me they feel like they get the best of both worlds (boarding school experience with a home/family life to come back to each evening).
Definitely do your homework on finding the right school and don't be wowed on name and reputation alone. My wife works in the private education sector and gets a good look at a wide variety of schools and how they operate which is a real eye opener.
Definitely do your homework on finding the right school and don't be wowed on name and reputation alone. My wife works in the private education sector and gets a good look at a wide variety of schools and how they operate which is a real eye opener.
Depends on the kid.
I went off to prep school at eight and didn't really enjoy it at all. My younger brother went at seven and couldn't have enjoyed it more. These schools have changed an awful lot since the 70's/80's and probably even 90's though. They're like giant holiday camps now!
I disagree with the comments about the kids who attend these schools not being in the real world. No more so than the kids in any good state school who's affluent, middle class parents could afford to buy a nice house in the catchment area.
I had a good time at my (co-ed) public school, my five closest friends to this day were made in those five years. We drank, smoked and tried to shag for half a decade! I can report that we're all married, have twelve children between us, and no more issues than the average parent with all that entails!
If you can afford it, and your kids are keen, crack on.
I went off to prep school at eight and didn't really enjoy it at all. My younger brother went at seven and couldn't have enjoyed it more. These schools have changed an awful lot since the 70's/80's and probably even 90's though. They're like giant holiday camps now!
I disagree with the comments about the kids who attend these schools not being in the real world. No more so than the kids in any good state school who's affluent, middle class parents could afford to buy a nice house in the catchment area.
I had a good time at my (co-ed) public school, my five closest friends to this day were made in those five years. We drank, smoked and tried to shag for half a decade! I can report that we're all married, have twelve children between us, and no more issues than the average parent with all that entails!
If you can afford it, and your kids are keen, crack on.
FredClogs said:
My opinion is that only people with certain family histories and family expectations will thrive in that environment. Normal people who have done well financially and their kids are almost certainly not best suited to those sorts of schools, but that's just my ignorant opinion.
I'm not so sure that's an ignorant opinion. I went to two public schools, the first I boarded at was a very old school with lots of double barreled surnames, I came from an ordinary family done well. The second was a local public school with a good reputation, boys only 'til 16 and known for being 'hard'. It had far more 'builders' sons in it than the first one, and as a result I fitted in better. popeyewhite said:
Blib said:
We receive a disproportionate amount of ex-boarders at our psychiatric hospital. Certainly enough to be noticed.
Abandonment issues leading to attachment problems, co-dependency and addiction, mostly.
Background factors? Might have little to do with boarding itself.Abandonment issues leading to attachment problems, co-dependency and addiction, mostly.
Australian research, over 5000 individuals involved:
"Boarding students were significantly higher on adaptive motivation, academic buoyancy, growth goal setting, sense of meaning and purpose, life satisfaction, parent–child relationships, and extracurricular activity; (not surprisingly) they were also significantly lower in school absenteeism. Thus, our findings suggested there was general parity between boarding and day students. Further, where differences emerged, effects tended to favour boarders."
However remember socio-economic and cultural context is obviously very different in Oz.
I was at a second tier public school in SE London which was principally day boys but had about 300 boarders (out of the 1400 at the school). When I was there free local authority places were available, so about 80 - 85% of the pupils were local authority free places. This was a marvellous leveller for us all and we all understood that not everyone had privilege or pots of money (there were however, some from hyper wealthy backgrounds). I boarded for the last 5 of my 8 years there and loved every minute of it. I wasn't a great fan of my rather toxic step-mother so was happy to be away. Freedom was high and one learned to mix in with everyone, from whatever social strata they emanated. We now wouldn't allow our kids as much freedom as we had back then at boarding school but I suspect there are still as many japes and skiving going on. The rules will have just changed and there is not such a 'laissez faire' attitude to being in loco parentis (sorry to mix languages there - some alumni from a top tier school will be along shortly to remind me of my lack of edumacation!).
If your child wants to escape a toxic home atmosphere or has an high level of self reliance then boarding school can be perfect. If they are clingy or you are taking them away from a powerful parental bond then it wont be. No school is the same and no boarding house is the same. It's not an easy decision but as a former boarder, I can confirm that I loved it. My school became my home and my family and the bonds are still there with many school friends some 39 years later. I am off to see my brother in law tonight. My old A-Level class mucker too!
If your child wants to escape a toxic home atmosphere or has an high level of self reliance then boarding school can be perfect. If they are clingy or you are taking them away from a powerful parental bond then it wont be. No school is the same and no boarding house is the same. It's not an easy decision but as a former boarder, I can confirm that I loved it. My school became my home and my family and the bonds are still there with many school friends some 39 years later. I am off to see my brother in law tonight. My old A-Level class mucker too!
Johnniem said:
I was at a second tier public school in SE London which was principally day boys but had about 300 boarders (out of the 1400 at the school). When I was there free local authority places were available, so about 80 - 85% of the pupils were local authority free places. This was a marvellous leveller for us all and we all understood that not everyone had privilege or pots of money (there were however, some from hyper wealthy backgrounds). I boarded for the last 5 of my 8 years there and loved every minute of it. I wasn't a great fan of my rather toxic step-mother so was happy to be away. Freedom was high and one learned to mix in with everyone, from whatever social strata they emanated. We now wouldn't allow our kids as much freedom as we had back then at boarding school but I suspect there are still as many japes and skiving going on. The rules will have just changed and there is not such a 'laissez faire' attitude to being in loco parentis (sorry to mix languages there - some alumni from a top tier school will be along shortly to remind me of my lack of edumacation!).
If your child wants to escape a toxic home atmosphere or has an high level of self reliance then boarding school can be perfect. If they are clingy or you are taking them away from a powerful parental bond then it wont be. No school is the same and no boarding house is the same. It's not an easy decision but as a former boarder, I can confirm that I loved it. My school became my home and my family and the bonds are still there with many school friends some 39 years later. I am off to see my brother in law tonight. My old A-Level class mucker too!
Dulwich?If your child wants to escape a toxic home atmosphere or has an high level of self reliance then boarding school can be perfect. If they are clingy or you are taking them away from a powerful parental bond then it wont be. No school is the same and no boarding house is the same. It's not an easy decision but as a former boarder, I can confirm that I loved it. My school became my home and my family and the bonds are still there with many school friends some 39 years later. I am off to see my brother in law tonight. My old A-Level class mucker too!
The abolition of the Assisted Place scheme was an act of sheer dogma-driven spite on the part of the first Blair government and it should be measured to his enduring discredit as PM
Blib said:
Certainly, there's evidence that suggests that early years boarding can cause attachment issues in the form of perceived abandonment by the child's major care-givers. This can lead to a trauma response followed by severe social bonding and intimacy issues........
My ex girlfriend used to say pretty much exactly that to me all the timeJ4CKO said:
Have kids, then f
k them off at the first opportunity and miss out on loads of their formative years.
My wife and her brothers went, I make no comment on that.
Can the supposed benefits not be done with regular school trips and holidays ?
Its not always like that though - read my post k them off at the first opportunity and miss out on loads of their formative years.My wife and her brothers went, I make no comment on that.
Can the supposed benefits not be done with regular school trips and holidays ?
I didn't go until 13 and then because the local secondary was utter utter s
te and my parents were working 18 hours a day, 364.5 (I do make a point of the half day because we closed at 12 on Christmas day for the afternoon off, although my parents were asleep by 4pm) days a year so I had to make my own entertainment.There were no holidays and the local school offered nothing (they did 'continental' days - 8.30am - 1pm)
ClaphamGT3 said:
[
The abolition of the Assisted Place scheme was an act of sheer dogma-driven spite on the part of the first Blair government and it should be measured to his enduring discredit as PM
Without trying to drift a thread, you have got to be kidding. The abolition of the Assisted Place scheme was an act of sheer dogma-driven spite on the part of the first Blair government and it should be measured to his enduring discredit as PM
It's not as if kids brought up in the ghetto were getting free places.
LivingTheDream said:
ntiz said:
Was it Greshams?
Ha! No - couldn't afford that. Even though we lived minutes away.They were our rival school though!Went to Wymondham College
I'm an old Culfordian so we played both Greshams and Wymondham
Fittster said:
It's not as if kids brought up in the ghetto were getting free places.
The kids from the ghetto don't get much of a look in in the comprehensive system either...IIRC, there were a disproportionate number of 1st/2nd generation immigrant stock getting assisted places. It was one of the few areas the pushy middle classes failed to colonise completely.
Blib said:
popeyewhite said:
Blib said:
We receive a disproportionate amount of ex-boarders at our psychiatric hospital. Certainly enough to be noticed.
Abandonment issues leading to attachment problems, co-dependency and addiction, mostly.
Background factors? Might have little to do with boarding itself.Abandonment issues leading to attachment problems, co-dependency and addiction, mostly.
Australian research, over 5000 individuals involved:
"Boarding students were significantly higher on adaptive motivation, academic buoyancy, growth goal setting, sense of meaning and purpose, life satisfaction, parent–child relationships, and extracurricular activity; (not surprisingly) they were also significantly lower in school absenteeism. Thus, our findings suggested there was general parity between boarding and day students. Further, where differences emerged, effects tended to favour boarders."
However remember socio-economic and cultural context is obviously very different in Oz.
7 years old is very young to send a child away. Given the huge number that attend boarding school those with later issues is a tiny proportion.
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