Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2

Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2

Author
Discussion

Hangcheck

176 posts

124 months

Monday 28th March 2016
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I was in Key West on holiday with an ex, lying out by the pool when a lot of noise and commotion started the other side of the wall.
It turns out there was a boat with lifting gear and police divers who were searching for something in the water. After watching them work for a while the GF asked why they weren't using sniffer dogs to help the divers find what they were after.

Ambleton

6,699 posts

194 months

Monday 28th March 2016
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Brilliant one last night from the OH.

We have a giant African land snail as a pet (don't ask) called Gary. The other half decided to clean out the tank and change its soil. While she was at it she decided to get him out and hold him for a bit (yes I know technically all snails are females until they want to mate). He was sliding around and then she tipped him upside down and said....

"do you think snails feel gravity?...."

I stopped dead in my tracks and asked her what she meant and explain herself.

She realised she'd gone in to full retard mode, but carried on regardless.

"well, ya'know, they climb up walls and go on ceilings and things."

I left the room to compose myself.

Trevatanus

11,137 posts

152 months

Friday 1st April 2016
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Mrs has a two week temping contract which she started this week, so does not really know anyone in the office.
I warned her to be on her guard this morning due to it being April Fools Day, and not knowing what the culture is like in the office.
5 minutes later she is watching Breakfast TV, and they have an article about how one of the season (Winter I think) will be abolished from next year.
She then proceeded to tell me about how she thought it was a great idea.
I do worry about her being outside unsupervised sometimes.

Vaud

50,795 posts

157 months

Friday 1st April 2016
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Trevatanus said:
I do worry about her fundamental ability to exist in society
EFA.

Trevatanus

11,137 posts

152 months

Friday 1st April 2016
quotequote all
Vaud said:
Trevatanus said:
I do worry about her fundamental ability to exist in society
EFA.
Clearly you know her.

smile

callmedave

2,686 posts

147 months

Sunday 3rd April 2016
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Her: "There's madness to my method"

Me: "don't I know it!"

vx220

2,692 posts

236 months

Sunday 3rd April 2016
quotequote all
Hangcheck said:
I was in Key West on holiday with an ex, lying out by the pool when a lot of noise and commotion started the other side of the wall.
It turns out there was a boat with lifting gear and police divers who were searching for something in the water. After watching them work for a while the GF asked why they weren't using sniffer dogs to help the divers find what they were after.
Just read this one out to my lovely lady, who replied "well, dogs can swim?"

21TonyK

11,593 posts

211 months

Sunday 3rd April 2016
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Trevatanus said:
Mrs...Breakfast TV...season (Winter I think) will be abolished from next year.
Tell her to get a job in education... there is no Winter according to the LEA.

The times I try to explain to staff that in the "real world" there are 4 seasons.

Bullett

10,894 posts

186 months

Sunday 3rd April 2016
quotequote all
Hangcheck said:
I was in Key West on holiday with an ex, lying out by the pool when a lot of noise and commotion started the other side of the wall.
It turns out there was a boat with lifting gear and police divers who were searching for something in the water. After watching them work for a while the GF asked why they weren't using sniffer dogs to help the divers find what they were after.
So. it seems there are specially trained dogs who can work on water. I know this because some bloke has gone missing in Guildford after missing a bad weather warning and they specifically mentioned (and showed) the S&R guys putting a dog on a boat.

Tyre Tread

10,542 posts

218 months

Sunday 3rd April 2016
quotequote all
Bullett said:
Hangcheck said:
I was in Key West on holiday with an ex, lying out by the pool when a lot of noise and commotion started the other side of the wall.
It turns out there was a boat with lifting gear and police divers who were searching for something in the water. After watching them work for a while the GF asked why they weren't using sniffer dogs to help the divers find what they were after.
So. it seems there are specially trained dogs who can work on water. I know this because some bloke has gone missing in Guildford after missing a bad weather warning and they specifically mentioned (and showed) the S&R guys putting a dog on a boat.
Showed them on a programme the other day - air scenting dogs. But they can't scent anything under the water.

simoid

19,772 posts

160 months

Monday 4th April 2016
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One utterly stopped me in my tracks this week. Talking about a large mate who plays water polo, she asks:

"Would he even fit in a canoe?"

Moonhawk

10,730 posts

221 months

Monday 4th April 2016
quotequote all
simoid said:
One utterly stopped me in my tracks this week. Talking about a large mate who plays water polo, she asks:

"Would he even fit in a canoe?"


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPmxXt47XJU

gowmonster

2,471 posts

169 months

Monday 4th April 2016
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I always wondered how the horses managed to swim with the guys on their backs in water polo </not serious>

simoid

19,772 posts

160 months

Monday 4th April 2016
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Turns out she knew someone who played kayak/canoe polo. Didn't make it any less funny though smile

mark_m135

40 posts

112 months

Monday 4th April 2016
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whilst watching the final of the Twenty20 yesterday, just after the second wicket taken by England the gf told me I didn't need to explain why it was going well as she understood cricket etc. etc. and then the conversation went as follows:

gf: "I know they only have a limited number of balls, its 6 per over, how many overs is it, 15?"
me: "um...the clue is in the name"

The thing is she's usually so intelligent (more so than me) which made it all the better


Timmy40

12,915 posts

200 months

Monday 4th April 2016
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Missus T40 "Will you be home before me tonight?"

Me "Er what time are you home?"

Missus T40 "I don't know"

confused

Ari

19,356 posts

217 months

Monday 4th April 2016
quotequote all
Timmy40 said:
Missus T40 "Will you be home before me tonight?"

Me "Er what time are you home?"

Missus T40 "I don't know"

confused
Deserves a ROFL! Here you go. rofl

kowalski655

14,700 posts

145 months

Monday 4th April 2016
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In Frankie & Bennie's, where they play 50's/60's music, as 14 month old daughter is bopping away to the Beatles, OH says that she would rather she listen to Justin Bieber,who is better!!!!
She got a scathing look for such stupidity!

Blown2CV

29,073 posts

205 months

Monday 4th April 2016
quotequote all
mark_m135 said:
whilst watching the final of the Twenty20 yesterday, just after the second wicket taken by England the gf told me I didn't need to explain why it was going well as she understood cricket etc. etc. and then the conversation went as follows:

gf: "I know they only have a limited number of balls, its 6 per over, how many overs is it, 15?"
me: "um...the clue is in the name"

The thing is she's usually so intelligent (more so than me) which made it all the better
i think she also knows more than I do about cricket.

Nom de ploom

4,890 posts

176 months

Wednesday 6th April 2016
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I think there could be a sporting classic from the missus thread all of its own...

Npd: Ah the masters this week, fantastic, oh hang on we have weekend plans for saturday evening.
Mrs. NDP: oh no (she loves golf btw). we'll miss day three and that is the most important day...

NDP and why is that dear?

MNDP it's acceleration day.

NDP yes love. it is acceleration day. indeed.