Apocryphal stories
Discussion
My uncle used to work as a porter in a large city hospital back in the 70's and I was never sure if some of the stories were true, or the stuff of Urban legend.
One was that all new porters were initiated in the morgue - they were told to lie on a slab, and be pushed into the fridge just before an undertaker was due to collect a body, and then when the were slid back out, jump up and run away, and everyone would have a good laugh etc,
Except that in this particular hospital, even though the fridges all had individual doors and trays to slide out, the inside was open plan racking. So new porter would lie on the tray, be slid in to the fridge, and suddenly realise that he was surrounded by genuine corpses. After a moment or two for the reality to settle in, another "corpse", or somebody who was in on the joke, would then say something like "It's bit a cold in here today"....
New porter would then scream and bang on the door, and everyone would have a good laugh etc....
One was that all new porters were initiated in the morgue - they were told to lie on a slab, and be pushed into the fridge just before an undertaker was due to collect a body, and then when the were slid back out, jump up and run away, and everyone would have a good laugh etc,
Except that in this particular hospital, even though the fridges all had individual doors and trays to slide out, the inside was open plan racking. So new porter would lie on the tray, be slid in to the fridge, and suddenly realise that he was surrounded by genuine corpses. After a moment or two for the reality to settle in, another "corpse", or somebody who was in on the joke, would then say something like "It's bit a cold in here today"....
New porter would then scream and bang on the door, and everyone would have a good laugh etc....
love this one
S11Steve said:
My uncle used to work as a porter in a large city hospital back in the 70's and I was never sure if some of the stories were true, or the stuff of Urban legend.
One was that all new porters were initiated in the morgue - they were told to lie on a slab, and be pushed into the fridge just before an undertaker was due to collect a body, and then when the were slid back out, jump up and run away, and everyone would have a good laugh etc,
Except that in this particular hospital, even though the fridges all had individual doors and trays to slide out, the inside was open plan racking. So new porter would lie on the tray, be slid in to the fridge, and suddenly realise that he was surrounded by genuine corpses. After a moment or two for the reality to settle in, another "corpse", or somebody who was in on the joke, would then say something like "It's bit a cold in here today"....
New porter would then scream and bang on the door, and everyone would have a good laugh etc....
One was that all new porters were initiated in the morgue - they were told to lie on a slab, and be pushed into the fridge just before an undertaker was due to collect a body, and then when the were slid back out, jump up and run away, and everyone would have a good laugh etc,
Except that in this particular hospital, even though the fridges all had individual doors and trays to slide out, the inside was open plan racking. So new porter would lie on the tray, be slid in to the fridge, and suddenly realise that he was surrounded by genuine corpses. After a moment or two for the reality to settle in, another "corpse", or somebody who was in on the joke, would then say something like "It's bit a cold in here today"....
New porter would then scream and bang on the door, and everyone would have a good laugh etc....
Couple go on holiday to Africa and the woman gets a bite on her forehead. This then swells up and on the flight home she decides to lance the swelling with her comb, remember the days when they had the long spike on one end?
On cutting the skin, hundreds of spiders fall to the floor as the woman screams in horror.
On cutting the skin, hundreds of spiders fall to the floor as the woman screams in horror.
Old boy sits in a hut manning a car park collecting the daily parking fee from motorists. Is there day in, day out for years and years without having a day off. All of a sudden he disappears. Turns out he was keeping the money for himself and everyone assumed he worked for the owner of the car park.
easytiger123 said:
toasty said:
Shakermaker said:
One that I heard when I was at uni and totally believed until I then heard it again a couple of years later from someone else, before there were too many internet sites to go on to confirm this was nonsense:
"A friend of a friend" worked at a local school for children with learning difficulties and other disabilities, and one day they took them all to the zoo for a day trip. Some of the older children were allowed to have a bit of independence/freedom on the understanding they had to meet back at a certain time and clearly they all knew what this meant. One of the boys who was about 13 was always very protective of his backpack and his belongings and so nobody thought anything of it when he got back on the minibus at the end of the day clutching it very tightly, putting it down to a very stimulating day hence why he wouldn't talk to himself.
He was then taken home but his mother was very surprised when as soon as he got home he ran upstairs and started running the bath - something he never used to do as he hated the bath, When she eventually got him to open the door, she found he had brought a penguin home with him from the zoo.
s"A friend of a friend" worked at a local school for children with learning difficulties and other disabilities, and one day they took them all to the zoo for a day trip. Some of the older children were allowed to have a bit of independence/freedom on the understanding they had to meet back at a certain time and clearly they all knew what this meant. One of the boys who was about 13 was always very protective of his backpack and his belongings and so nobody thought anything of it when he got back on the minibus at the end of the day clutching it very tightly, putting it down to a very stimulating day hence why he wouldn't talk to himself.
He was then taken home but his mother was very surprised when as soon as he got home he ran upstairs and started running the bath - something he never used to do as he hated the bath, When she eventually got him to open the door, she found he had brought a penguin home with him from the zoo.
t, I thought that was true. My mum claimed it was one of her friends. 
ETA, my dodgy memory was partly correct. It was Our Day Out, which did feature one of the kids nicking a penguin.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Day_Out
Edited by easytiger123 on Monday 26th November 17:20
Read the whole thread but haven’t had this one.
Old chap walks into a car dealership wearing manky old clothes/bin bags. Asks posh preened salesman about the most expensive car in the showroom, gets scoffed at and told he can’t possibly afford it.
Old man gets our carrier bag full of cash and dresses down salesman, then goes to another dealership, buys a car and then goes back to dealership 1 and demands salesman’s head on a platter/get him fired/does donuts on the forecourt etc etc.
There’s normally someone on PH who knows this story first/second/third hand.
Old chap walks into a car dealership wearing manky old clothes/bin bags. Asks posh preened salesman about the most expensive car in the showroom, gets scoffed at and told he can’t possibly afford it.
Old man gets our carrier bag full of cash and dresses down salesman, then goes to another dealership, buys a car and then goes back to dealership 1 and demands salesman’s head on a platter/get him fired/does donuts on the forecourt etc etc.
There’s normally someone on PH who knows this story first/second/third hand.
KungFuPanda said:
Old boy sits in a hut manning a car park collecting the daily parking fee from motorists. Is there day in, day out for years and years without having a day off. All of a sudden he disappears. Turns out he was keeping the money for himself and everyone assumed he worked for the owner of the car park.
I was on holiday in Portugal a few years back and I swear there was an old boy pulling this number.Our balcony overlooked a small public car park that served the beach. Early every morning he’d turn up and place parking charge signs around the carpark and spend his day collecting fees. Only €2 euro per day and nobody batted an eyelid at paying a paltry amount for all day parking. End of the day, down came the signs and off he went.
I think he’s been doing it for so bloody long that even the locals assume he’s legit (He even might be but it looks awfully strange especially as Portugal is not backwards when it comes to installing parking machines).
Good luck to him though!
The steel hawser gag was used in the opening of the truly risible film Ghost Ship.
Not being a metallurgist, but guitar strings are designed to stretch and not break,
steel ropes are designed not to stretch, they'd be useless for
towing or raising otherwise, they should go snap rather than twang.
I think we can agree the Wizard of Oz/Dark Side of the Moon thang is complete donkey doo doo.
Watch the film, but turn that awful album down to - 11.
Not being a metallurgist, but guitar strings are designed to stretch and not break,
steel ropes are designed not to stretch, they'd be useless for
towing or raising otherwise, they should go snap rather than twang.
I think we can agree the Wizard of Oz/Dark Side of the Moon thang is complete donkey doo doo.
Watch the film, but turn that awful album down to - 11.
KungFuPanda said:
Old boy sits in a hut manning a car park collecting the daily parking fee from motorists. Is there day in, day out for years and years without having a day off. All of a sudden he disappears. Turns out he was keeping the money for himself and everyone assumed he worked for the owner of the car park.
Bristol Zoo.Cantaloupe said:
The steel hawser gag was used in the opening of the truly risible film Ghost Ship.
Not being a metallurgist, but guitar strings are designed to stretch and not break,
steel ropes are designed not to stretch, they'd be useless for
towing or raising otherwise, they should go snap rather than twang.
I think we can agree the Wizard of Oz/Dark Side of the Moon thang is complete donkey doo doo.
Watch the film, but turn that awful album down to - 11.
Steel cables do indeed stretch and can be dangerous. A rather mild example (nobody injured) :Not being a metallurgist, but guitar strings are designed to stretch and not break,
steel ropes are designed not to stretch, they'd be useless for
towing or raising otherwise, they should go snap rather than twang.
I think we can agree the Wizard of Oz/Dark Side of the Moon thang is complete donkey doo doo.
Watch the film, but turn that awful album down to - 11.
https://youtu.be/m1NnL83UpuQ
My old boss in the 1980’s told me a steel cable yarn from when he did his apprenticeship working for a reinforced concrete company making pre stressed concrete beams presume in the 1950’s
The cables would be tensioned by hand winch in a large frame before the concrete was poured over and around the stressed strands.
Apparently on more than one occasion the steel cable had snapped during tensioning resulting in decapitations and other life ending slicings due to the flailing tendrils.
The job had to be done though so stiff upper lip and carry on regardless.
The cables would be tensioned by hand winch in a large frame before the concrete was poured over and around the stressed strands.
Apparently on more than one occasion the steel cable had snapped during tensioning resulting in decapitations and other life ending slicings due to the flailing tendrils.
The job had to be done though so stiff upper lip and carry on regardless.
Edited by Bright Halo on Tuesday 4th June 09:10
Edited by Bright Halo on Tuesday 4th June 09:11
Pretty sure everyone has heard the tale of the couple who broke down in the middle of nowhere, fella sets off to find help and an escaped nutter beheads him and bashes the head on the car roof. I've heard about that happening in Leicestershire, Oxfordshire, most of the South West, Cumbria and i'm sure i heard about it happening in Scotland too over the years.
SCEtoAUX said:
The Mall is equipped with landing systems and collapsible lamp posts etc. so that the Royal Family could escape on a plane.
There is a strange door on the side of the Institute of Contemporary Arts by the Duke of York steps. It doesn't connect with the ICA but leads down to a secret passage connected to Buckingham palace.Actually this is perfectly true except for the words 'secret' 'Buckingham' and 'palace'.
valiant said:
KungFuPanda said:
Old boy sits in a hut manning a car park collecting the daily parking fee from motorists. Is there day in, day out for years and years without having a day off. All of a sudden he disappears. Turns out he was keeping the money for himself and everyone assumed he worked for the owner of the car park.
I was on holiday in Portugal a few years back and I swear there was an old boy pulling this number.Our balcony overlooked a small public car park that served the beach. Early every morning he’d turn up and place parking charge signs around the carpark and spend his day collecting fees. Only €2 euro per day and nobody batted an eyelid at paying a paltry amount for all day parking. End of the day, down came the signs and off he went.
I think he’s been doing it for so bloody long that even the locals assume he’s legit (He even might be but it looks awfully strange especially as Portugal is not backwards when it comes to installing parking machines).
Good luck to him though!
SCEtoAUX said:
The Mall is equipped with landing systems and collapsible lamp posts etc. so that the Royal Family could escape on a plane.
I heard that one too.Apparently there's also a stretch of the M23 where they can "quickly remove all the barriers" in case an aircraft needs to make an emergency landing and somehow, can't land at Gatwick. Fairly sure that too is an old "test out the newbie" joke they tell when you work at the airport but I heard it from more than one person who couldn't see the flaw in the logic of this
Butter Face said:
Old chap walks into a car dealership wearing manky old clothes/bin bags....
At least it is possible that this could have happened unlike some tales that absolutely couldn't.A friend has told me this story about her uncle? great uncle? but the ending is the dealer asked if he wanted a full tank of fuel, he said no thanks and on the way home went to the original dealer and had it filled up there.
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