Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)

[Vipers]

rayny said:

Vipers said:

Old Bessie is 80 and lives in a nursing home.

She ambles down to the TV room and holding her clenched fist out says "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight"

Elderly chap at the back shouts out "It's an elephant"

Bessie says "That's close enough, you win"

Eyup Vipers - Were you the elderly chao / chap at the back ?

I corrected that twice, bloody tipo, ha! Not me guv.

[GloverMart]

Vipers said:

rayny said:

Vipers said:

Old Bessie is 80 and lives in a nursing home.

She ambles down to the TV room and holding her clenched fist out says "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight"

Elderly chap at the back shouts out "It's an elephant"

Bessie says "That's close enough, you win"

Eyup Vipers - Were you the elderly chao / chap at the back ?

I corrected that twice, bloody tipo, ha! Not me guv.

• typo.

[Ultra Sound Guy]

Do you need a current licence to drive an electric car ?

[MartG]

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Do you need a current licence to drive an electric car ?

Depends if it is classified in group l or category B

https://www.gov.uk/driving-licence-categories

[Vipers]

GloverMart said:

Vipers said:

rayny said:

Vipers said:

Old Bessie is 80 and lives in a nursing home.

She ambles down to the TV room and holding her clenched fist out says "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight"

Elderly chap at the back shouts out "It's an elephant"

Bessie says "That's close enough, you win"

Eyup Vipers - Were you the elderly chao / chap at the back ?

I corrected that twice, bloody tipo, ha! Not me guv.

• typo.

That's wot I said diddly I

[Vipers]

MartG said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Do you need a current licence to drive an electric car ?

Depends if it is classified in group l or category B

https://www.gov.uk/driving-licence-categories

A licence for an electric car, that's shocking.

[paua]

Vipers said:

MartG said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Do you need a current licence to drive an electric car ?

Depends if it is classified in group l or category B

https://www.gov.uk/driving-licence-categories

A licence for an electric car, that's shocking.

Watt are you on about?

[Evangelion]

Trouble is, you're trying to compare amperes with apples.

[glenrobbo]

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Do you need a current licence to drive an electric car ?

Not if you just volt into the driving seat and drive it around on your own ohm ground.

[glenrobbo]

paua said:

. on earth
Watt ^ are you on about?

FTFY

[Ultra Sound Guy]

glenrobbo said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Do you need a current licence to drive an electric car ?

Not if you just volt into the driving seat and drive it around on your own ohm ground.

That’s futile!

[nonsequitur]

glenrobbo said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Do you need a current licence to drive an electric car ?

Not if you just volt into the driving seat and drive it around on your own ohm ground.

That joke needs recharging.

[Trophy Husband]

Filton-flyer said:

Spat my coffee!

[paua]

nonsequitur said:

glenrobbo said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Do you need a current licence to drive an electric car ?

Not if you just volt into the driving seat and drive it around on your own ohm ground.

That joke needs recharging.

Ohm, try this - https://www.ctek.com/uk/products/car/mxs-5-0-uk

[glenrobbo]

Ultra Sound Guy said:

That’s futile!

R you gonna charge me and put me in a cell, Poley?

[james-witton]

This year I won't be going to the Maldives because of covid19....

Normally I don't go to the Maldives because I can't afford it.

[nonsequitur]

Vipers said:

MartG said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Do you need a current licence to drive an electric car ?

Depends if it is classified in group l or category B

https://www.gov.uk/driving-licence-categories

A licence for an electric car, that's shocking.

AA

[anonymous-user]

I was waiting in line outside B&Q yesterday when a mate called and asked how big the queue was?

I said ‘the same size as the B’

[Doofus]

JPJPJP said:

I was waiting in line outside B&Q yesterday when a mate called and asked how big the queue was?

I said ‘the same size as the B’

My wife laughed, so you get a grin for that one.

[Trophy Husband]

Doofus said:

JPJPJP said:

I was waiting in line outside B&Q yesterday when a mate called and asked how big the queue was?

I said ‘the same size as the B’

My wife laughed, so you get a grin for that one.

Same here!