What were you caught doing, or who did you catch?
Discussion
A few years ago I met up with a girl who I met in a club the week before, as the drinks were flowing she suggested that we go back to hers. After some heavy petting in the cab and some fun in the middle of her street we reached her house. After going up to her room and being requested to use all kinds of toys on her we finally got down to business. After about ten minutes there is a knock on the door. I quickly hide under the covers and her mum walks in, they have a chat for about five minutes, i'm sweating my b
ks off under the covers and her mum asks ''So is he a nice guy then?'', she answers ''Yes'' The mother then says ''That's good'' and preceeds to rip the covers off me, stark bk naked, and states ''I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, we'll talk about this in the morning''
Needless to say I didn't hang around for the showdown!
ks off under the covers and her mum asks ''So is he a nice guy then?'', she answers ''Yes'' The mother then says ''That's good'' and preceeds to rip the covers off me, stark bk naked, and states ''I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, we'll talk about this in the morning'' Needless to say I didn't hang around for the showdown!
I've posted this on PH before but it makes me laugh every time I think of it so here it cones again....
My mates childhood best friend was in his bedroom furiously cracking one off. His mum had recently treated him to a new coat and it was at the bottom of his bed.
Mid toss, his mum walked straight into his room, saw what was happening, and said "you'll ruin that coat". Turned round and walked out for it never to be mentioned again.
My mates childhood best friend was in his bedroom furiously cracking one off. His mum had recently treated him to a new coat and it was at the bottom of his bed.
Mid toss, his mum walked straight into his room, saw what was happening, and said "you'll ruin that coat". Turned round and walked out for it never to be mentioned again.
At a family and friend house party my rents threw a couple of years ago my mate brought this complete heffer with him and I walked into the garage to get grab some drinks and he had her trousers down with his face in her crotch.
Me and him just carried on as normal as it wasn't the first time I'd caught him doing something like that but as I was walking away from the garage I noticed his mum heading towards it. She didn't really like that girl after the party.
Me and him just carried on as normal as it wasn't the first time I'd caught him doing something like that but as I was walking away from the garage I noticed his mum heading towards it. She didn't really like that girl after the party.
Jw Vw said:
A few years ago I met up with a girl who I met in a club the week before, as the drinks were flowing she suggested that we go back to hers. After some heavy petting in the cab and some fun in the middle of her street we reached her house. After going up to her room and being requested to use all kinds of toys on her we finally got down to business. After about ten minutes there is a knock on the door. I quickly hide under the covers and her mum walks in, they have a chat for about five minutes, i'm sweating my bks off under the covers and her mum asks ''So is he a nice guy then?'', she answers ''Yes'' The mother then says ''That's good'' and preceeds to rip the covers off me, stark bk naked, and states ''I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, we'll talk about this in the morning''
Needless to say I didn't hang around for the showdown!
Trainspotting style moment. "You her flatmates then?"ks off under the covers and her mum asks ''So is he a nice guy then?'', she answers ''Yes'' The mother then says ''That's good'' and preceeds to rip the covers off me, stark bk naked, and states ''I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, we'll talk about this in the morning'' Needless to say I didn't hang around for the showdown!
On my stag do, one of my mates pulled a complete pig and bought her back to where we were camping for the weekend. He had brought a Transit down with him as he had to dissapear off to work on the Saturday, said Transit seemed like a perfectly good place for me to fall asleep at about 3a.m.
About 5 minutes into my slumber, I was awoken by the back door (of the van) opening and my mate and aforementioned pig coming in to indulge in the horizontal no pants dance. As it was dark, I went completely unnoticed as the back door was shut and clothes ripped off.
About 3 or 4 minutes into my mate groaning like a strangled walrus and me trying not to piss myself laughing, I suddently thought that, in a matter of time (a pretty short matter of time as it happens), they're either going to fall asleep or wipe off and want to get out of the door, which I was now in front of. I was either going to wake them up by exiting, or stand there like a discovered sex pest frantically trying to think of a reason I was watching them bunk up.
I then did something that, to this day, I have no idea why I did and still feel slightly wrong for doing. I grabbed the shining object in the corner of my mates van that turned out to be a breaker bar and used it as a suppository on little miss fksalot. She was under the impression that it was his finger and appeared to enjoy it. Until, that is, I started stroking his face and laughing my bks off whilst he screamed, not knowing where the third hand had come from.
Scared the crap out of him, she punched me in the eye and I have yet to experience something quite that strange, funny or random all at the same time.
About 5 minutes into my slumber, I was awoken by the back door (of the van) opening and my mate and aforementioned pig coming in to indulge in the horizontal no pants dance. As it was dark, I went completely unnoticed as the back door was shut and clothes ripped off.
About 3 or 4 minutes into my mate groaning like a strangled walrus and me trying not to piss myself laughing, I suddently thought that, in a matter of time (a pretty short matter of time as it happens), they're either going to fall asleep or wipe off and want to get out of the door, which I was now in front of. I was either going to wake them up by exiting, or stand there like a discovered sex pest frantically trying to think of a reason I was watching them bunk up.
I then did something that, to this day, I have no idea why I did and still feel slightly wrong for doing. I grabbed the shining object in the corner of my mates van that turned out to be a breaker bar and used it as a suppository on little miss f
ksalot. She was under the impression that it was his finger and appeared to enjoy it. Until, that is, I started stroking his face and laughing my bks off whilst he screamed, not knowing where the third hand had come from.Scared the crap out of him, she punched me in the eye and I have yet to experience something quite that strange, funny or random all at the same time.
Jonboy_t said:
On my stag do, one of my mates pulled a complete pig and bought her back to where we were camping for the weekend. He had brought a Transit down with him as he had to dissapear off to work on the Saturday, said Transit seemed like a perfectly good place for me to fall asleep at about 3a.m.
About 5 minutes into my slumber, I was awoken by the back door (of the van) opening and my mate and aforementioned pig coming in to indulge in the horizontal no pants dance. As it was dark, I went completely unnoticed as the back door was shut and clothes ripped off.
About 3 or 4 minutes into my mate groaning like a strangled walrus and me trying not to piss myself laughing, I suddently thought that, in a matter of time (a pretty short matter of time as it happens), they're either going to fall asleep or wipe off and want to get out of the door, which I was now in front of. I was either going to wake them up by exiting, or stand there like a discovered sex pest frantically trying to think of a reason I was watching them bunk up.
I then did something that, to this day, I have no idea why I did and still feel slightly wrong for doing. I grabbed the shining object in the corner of my mates van that turned out to be a breaker bar and used it as a suppository on little miss fksalot. She was under the impression that it was his finger and appeared to enjoy it. Until, that is, I started stroking his face and laughing my bks off whilst he screamed, not knowing where the third hand had come from.
Scared the crap out of him, she punched me in the eye and I have yet to experience something quite that strange, funny or random all at the same time.
Perfect 1000th post!About 5 minutes into my slumber, I was awoken by the back door (of the van) opening and my mate and aforementioned pig coming in to indulge in the horizontal no pants dance. As it was dark, I went completely unnoticed as the back door was shut and clothes ripped off.
About 3 or 4 minutes into my mate groaning like a strangled walrus and me trying not to piss myself laughing, I suddently thought that, in a matter of time (a pretty short matter of time as it happens), they're either going to fall asleep or wipe off and want to get out of the door, which I was now in front of. I was either going to wake them up by exiting, or stand there like a discovered sex pest frantically trying to think of a reason I was watching them bunk up.
I then did something that, to this day, I have no idea why I did and still feel slightly wrong for doing. I grabbed the shining object in the corner of my mates van that turned out to be a breaker bar and used it as a suppository on little miss f
ksalot. She was under the impression that it was his finger and appeared to enjoy it. Until, that is, I started stroking his face and laughing my bks off whilst he screamed, not knowing where the third hand had come from.Scared the crap out of him, she punched me in the eye and I have yet to experience something quite that strange, funny or random all at the same time.
James Dean said:
Jonboy_t said:
On my stag do, one of my mates pulled a complete pig and bought her back to where we were camping for the weekend. He had brought a Transit down with him as he had to dissapear off to work on the Saturday, said Transit seemed like a perfectly good place for me to fall asleep at about 3a.m.
About 5 minutes into my slumber, I was awoken by the back door (of the van) opening and my mate and aforementioned pig coming in to indulge in the horizontal no pants dance. As it was dark, I went completely unnoticed as the back door was shut and clothes ripped off.
About 3 or 4 minutes into my mate groaning like a strangled walrus and me trying not to piss myself laughing, I suddently thought that, in a matter of time (a pretty short matter of time as it happens), they're either going to fall asleep or wipe off and want to get out of the door, which I was now in front of. I was either going to wake them up by exiting, or stand there like a discovered sex pest frantically trying to think of a reason I was watching them bunk up.
I then did something that, to this day, I have no idea why I did and still feel slightly wrong for doing. I grabbed the shining object in the corner of my mates van that turned out to be a breaker bar and used it as a suppository on little miss fksalot. She was under the impression that it was his finger and appeared to enjoy it. Until, that is, I started stroking his face and laughing my bks off whilst he screamed, not knowing where the third hand had come from.
Scared the crap out of him, she punched me in the eye and I have yet to experience something quite that strange, funny or random all at the same time.
Perfect 1000th post!About 5 minutes into my slumber, I was awoken by the back door (of the van) opening and my mate and aforementioned pig coming in to indulge in the horizontal no pants dance. As it was dark, I went completely unnoticed as the back door was shut and clothes ripped off.
About 3 or 4 minutes into my mate groaning like a strangled walrus and me trying not to piss myself laughing, I suddently thought that, in a matter of time (a pretty short matter of time as it happens), they're either going to fall asleep or wipe off and want to get out of the door, which I was now in front of. I was either going to wake them up by exiting, or stand there like a discovered sex pest frantically trying to think of a reason I was watching them bunk up.
I then did something that, to this day, I have no idea why I did and still feel slightly wrong for doing. I grabbed the shining object in the corner of my mates van that turned out to be a breaker bar and used it as a suppository on little miss f
ksalot. She was under the impression that it was his finger and appeared to enjoy it. Until, that is, I started stroking his face and laughing my bks off whilst he screamed, not knowing where the third hand had come from.Scared the crap out of him, she punched me in the eye and I have yet to experience something quite that strange, funny or random all at the same time.
Gold!
Silverbullet767 said:
James Dean said:
Jonboy_t said:
On my stag do, one of my mates pulled a complete pig and bought her back to where we were camping for the weekend. He had brought a Transit down with him as he had to dissapear off to work on the Saturday, said Transit seemed like a perfectly good place for me to fall asleep at about 3a.m.
About 5 minutes into my slumber, I was awoken by the back door (of the van) opening and my mate and aforementioned pig coming in to indulge in the horizontal no pants dance. As it was dark, I went completely unnoticed as the back door was shut and clothes ripped off.
About 3 or 4 minutes into my mate groaning like a strangled walrus and me trying not to piss myself laughing, I suddently thought that, in a matter of time (a pretty short matter of time as it happens), they're either going to fall asleep or wipe off and want to get out of the door, which I was now in front of. I was either going to wake them up by exiting, or stand there like a discovered sex pest frantically trying to think of a reason I was watching them bunk up.
I then did something that, to this day, I have no idea why I did and still feel slightly wrong for doing. I grabbed the shining object in the corner of my mates van that turned out to be a breaker bar and used it as a suppository on little miss fksalot. She was under the impression that it was his finger and appeared to enjoy it. Until, that is, I started stroking his face and laughing my bks off whilst he screamed, not knowing where the third hand had come from.
Scared the crap out of him, she punched me in the eye and I have yet to experience something quite that strange, funny or random all at the same time.
Perfect 1000th post!About 5 minutes into my slumber, I was awoken by the back door (of the van) opening and my mate and aforementioned pig coming in to indulge in the horizontal no pants dance. As it was dark, I went completely unnoticed as the back door was shut and clothes ripped off.
About 3 or 4 minutes into my mate groaning like a strangled walrus and me trying not to piss myself laughing, I suddently thought that, in a matter of time (a pretty short matter of time as it happens), they're either going to fall asleep or wipe off and want to get out of the door, which I was now in front of. I was either going to wake them up by exiting, or stand there like a discovered sex pest frantically trying to think of a reason I was watching them bunk up.
I then did something that, to this day, I have no idea why I did and still feel slightly wrong for doing. I grabbed the shining object in the corner of my mates van that turned out to be a breaker bar and used it as a suppository on little miss f
ksalot. She was under the impression that it was his finger and appeared to enjoy it. Until, that is, I started stroking his face and laughing my bks off whilst he screamed, not knowing where the third hand had come from.Scared the crap out of him, she punched me in the eye and I have yet to experience something quite that strange, funny or random all at the same time.
Gold!
Mobsta said:
Silverbullet767 said:
James Dean said:
Jonboy_t said:
On my stag do, one of my mates pulled a complete pig and bought her back to where we were camping for the weekend. He had brought a Transit down with him as he had to dissapear off to work on the Saturday, said Transit seemed like a perfectly good place for me to fall asleep at about 3a.m.
About 5 minutes into my slumber, I was awoken by the back door (of the van) opening and my mate and aforementioned pig coming in to indulge in the horizontal no pants dance. As it was dark, I went completely unnoticed as the back door was shut and clothes ripped off.
About 3 or 4 minutes into my mate groaning like a strangled walrus and me trying not to piss myself laughing, I suddently thought that, in a matter of time (a pretty short matter of time as it happens), they're either going to fall asleep or wipe off and want to get out of the door, which I was now in front of. I was either going to wake them up by exiting, or stand there like a discovered sex pest frantically trying to think of a reason I was watching them bunk up.
I then did something that, to this day, I have no idea why I did and still feel slightly wrong for doing. I grabbed the shining object in the corner of my mates van that turned out to be a breaker bar and used it as a suppository on little miss fksalot. She was under the impression that it was his finger and appeared to enjoy it. Until, that is, I started stroking his face and laughing my bks off whilst he screamed, not knowing where the third hand had come from.
Scared the crap out of him, she punched me in the eye and I have yet to experience something quite that strange, funny or random all at the same time.
Perfect 1000th post!About 5 minutes into my slumber, I was awoken by the back door (of the van) opening and my mate and aforementioned pig coming in to indulge in the horizontal no pants dance. As it was dark, I went completely unnoticed as the back door was shut and clothes ripped off.
About 3 or 4 minutes into my mate groaning like a strangled walrus and me trying not to piss myself laughing, I suddently thought that, in a matter of time (a pretty short matter of time as it happens), they're either going to fall asleep or wipe off and want to get out of the door, which I was now in front of. I was either going to wake them up by exiting, or stand there like a discovered sex pest frantically trying to think of a reason I was watching them bunk up.
I then did something that, to this day, I have no idea why I did and still feel slightly wrong for doing. I grabbed the shining object in the corner of my mates van that turned out to be a breaker bar and used it as a suppository on little miss f
ksalot. She was under the impression that it was his finger and appeared to enjoy it. Until, that is, I started stroking his face and laughing my bks off whilst he screamed, not knowing where the third hand had come from.Scared the crap out of him, she punched me in the eye and I have yet to experience something quite that strange, funny or random all at the same time.
Gold!
1000 posts! WOOO!!
Mobsta said:
Silverbullet767 said:
James Dean said:
Jonboy_t said:
On my stag do, one of my mates pulled a complete pig and bought her back to where we were camping for the weekend. He had brought a Transit down with him as he had to dissapear off to work on the Saturday, said Transit seemed like a perfectly good place for me to fall asleep at about 3a.m.
About 5 minutes into my slumber, I was awoken by the back door (of the van) opening and my mate and aforementioned pig coming in to indulge in the horizontal no pants dance. As it was dark, I went completely unnoticed as the back door was shut and clothes ripped off.
About 3 or 4 minutes into my mate groaning like a strangled walrus and me trying not to piss myself laughing, I suddently thought that, in a matter of time (a pretty short matter of time as it happens), they're either going to fall asleep or wipe off and want to get out of the door, which I was now in front of. I was either going to wake them up by exiting, or stand there like a discovered sex pest frantically trying to think of a reason I was watching them bunk up.
I then did something that, to this day, I have no idea why I did and still feel slightly wrong for doing. I grabbed the shining object in the corner of my mates van that turned out to be a breaker bar and used it as a suppository on little miss fksalot. She was under the impression that it was his finger and appeared to enjoy it. Until, that is, I started stroking his face and laughing my bks off whilst he screamed, not knowing where the third hand had come from.
Scared the crap out of him, she punched me in the eye and I have yet to experience something quite that strange, funny or random all at the same time.
Perfect 1000th post!About 5 minutes into my slumber, I was awoken by the back door (of the van) opening and my mate and aforementioned pig coming in to indulge in the horizontal no pants dance. As it was dark, I went completely unnoticed as the back door was shut and clothes ripped off.
About 3 or 4 minutes into my mate groaning like a strangled walrus and me trying not to piss myself laughing, I suddently thought that, in a matter of time (a pretty short matter of time as it happens), they're either going to fall asleep or wipe off and want to get out of the door, which I was now in front of. I was either going to wake them up by exiting, or stand there like a discovered sex pest frantically trying to think of a reason I was watching them bunk up.
I then did something that, to this day, I have no idea why I did and still feel slightly wrong for doing. I grabbed the shining object in the corner of my mates van that turned out to be a breaker bar and used it as a suppository on little miss f
ksalot. She was under the impression that it was his finger and appeared to enjoy it. Until, that is, I started stroking his face and laughing my bks off whilst he screamed, not knowing where the third hand had come from.Scared the crap out of him, she punched me in the eye and I have yet to experience something quite that strange, funny or random all at the same time.
Gold!
Went to a party with my girlfriend & her family. There was a family friend who makes cocktails who offered to break my "cocktail virginity" after I confessed I'd never had one before. Queue the sort of drink that tastes perfectly normal but gets you monumentally hammered without realizing.
After a fun night I go to bed, and at some point it seems I got up to go to the toilet. But apparently, for some reason I still don't know, decided not to wear any clothes. On the way down, I apparently bumped into my girlfriends Dad (and the family friend), and for some reason I thought I could just play it cool, talk my way out of it and hope nobody would notice the fact I was bk naked.
I then tried getting back into her room, but managed to pass out on the landing instead. Where her Mum found me the next morning.
I don't remember a single thing (luckily?) but it's not a nice story to wake up to... luckily they very rarely bring it up :/
After a fun night I go to bed, and at some point it seems I got up to go to the toilet. But apparently, for some reason I still don't know, decided not to wear any clothes. On the way down, I apparently bumped into my girlfriends Dad (and the family friend), and for some reason I thought I could just play it cool, talk my way out of it and hope nobody would notice the fact I was b
k naked.I then tried getting back into her room, but managed to pass out on the landing instead. Where her Mum found me the next morning.
I don't remember a single thing (luckily?) but it's not a nice story to wake up to... luckily they very rarely bring it up :/
nobodyknows said:
Mobsta said:
Silverbullet767 said:
James Dean said:
Jonboy_t said:
On my stag do, one of my mates pulled a complete pig and bought her back to where we were camping for the weekend. He had brought a Transit down with him as he had to dissapear off to work on the Saturday, said Transit seemed like a perfectly good place for me to fall asleep at about 3a.m.
About 5 minutes into my slumber, I was awoken by the back door (of the van) opening and my mate and aforementioned pig coming in to indulge in the horizontal no pants dance. As it was dark, I went completely unnoticed as the back door was shut and clothes ripped off.
About 3 or 4 minutes into my mate groaning like a strangled walrus and me trying not to piss myself laughing, I suddently thought that, in a matter of time (a pretty short matter of time as it happens), they're either going to fall asleep or wipe off and want to get out of the door, which I was now in front of. I was either going to wake them up by exiting, or stand there like a discovered sex pest frantically trying to think of a reason I was watching them bunk up.
I then did something that, to this day, I have no idea why I did and still feel slightly wrong for doing. I grabbed the shining object in the corner of my mates van that turned out to be a breaker bar and used it as a suppository on little miss fksalot. She was under the impression that it was his finger and appeared to enjoy it. Until, that is, I started stroking his face and laughing my bks off whilst he screamed, not knowing where the third hand had come from.
Scared the crap out of him, she punched me in the eye and I have yet to experience something quite that strange, funny or random all at the same time.
Perfect 1000th post!About 5 minutes into my slumber, I was awoken by the back door (of the van) opening and my mate and aforementioned pig coming in to indulge in the horizontal no pants dance. As it was dark, I went completely unnoticed as the back door was shut and clothes ripped off.
About 3 or 4 minutes into my mate groaning like a strangled walrus and me trying not to piss myself laughing, I suddently thought that, in a matter of time (a pretty short matter of time as it happens), they're either going to fall asleep or wipe off and want to get out of the door, which I was now in front of. I was either going to wake them up by exiting, or stand there like a discovered sex pest frantically trying to think of a reason I was watching them bunk up.
I then did something that, to this day, I have no idea why I did and still feel slightly wrong for doing. I grabbed the shining object in the corner of my mates van that turned out to be a breaker bar and used it as a suppository on little miss f
ksalot. She was under the impression that it was his finger and appeared to enjoy it. Until, that is, I started stroking his face and laughing my bks off whilst he screamed, not knowing where the third hand had come from.Scared the crap out of him, she punched me in the eye and I have yet to experience something quite that strange, funny or random all at the same time.
Gold!
Jw Vw said:
A few years ago I met up with a girl who I met in a club the week before, as the drinks were flowing she suggested that we go back to hers. After some heavy petting in the cab and some fun in the middle of her street we reached her house. After going up to her room and being requested to use all kinds of toys on her we finally got down to business. After about ten minutes there is a knock on the door. I quickly hide under the covers and her mum walks in, they have a chat for about five minutes, i'm sweating my bks off under the covers and her mum asks ''So is he a nice guy then?'', she answers ''Yes'' The mother then says ''That's good'' and preceeds to rip the covers off me, stark bk naked, and states ''I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, we'll talk about this in the morning''
Needless to say I didn't hang around for the showdown!
ks off under the covers and her mum asks ''So is he a nice guy then?'', she answers ''Yes'' The mother then says ''That's good'' and preceeds to rip the covers off me, stark bk naked, and states ''I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, we'll talk about this in the morning'' Needless to say I didn't hang around for the showdown!
Fortunately, I've led a quiet, sheltered and uneventful existence...
..well I've yet to be caught doing otherwise anyway
Edited by Zwoelf on Sunday 12th June 19:00
Zwoelf said:
Jw Vw said:
A few years ago I met up with a girl who I met in a club the week before, as the drinks were flowing she suggested that we go back to hers. After some heavy petting in the cab and some fun in the middle of her street we reached her house. After going up to her room and being requested to use all kinds of toys on her we finally got down to business. After about ten minutes there is a knock on the door. I quickly hide under the covers and her mum walks in, they have a chat for about five minutes, i'm sweating my bks off under the covers and her mum asks ''So is he a nice guy then?'', she answers ''Yes'' The mother then says ''That's good'' and preceeds to rip the covers off me, stark bk naked, and states ''I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, we'll talk about this in the morning''
Needless to say I didn't hang around for the showdown!
ks off under the covers and her mum asks ''So is he a nice guy then?'', she answers ''Yes'' The mother then says ''That's good'' and preceeds to rip the covers off me, stark bk naked, and states ''I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, we'll talk about this in the morning'' Needless to say I didn't hang around for the showdown!
Fortunately, I've led a quiet, sheltered and uneventful existence...
[small]..well I've yet to be caught doing otherwise anyway[small]
Think I left around 5 before anyone woke up. Freezing my b
ks off in Richmond, waiting for a bus as there was no cabs around, took me about 2hrs to get home. Safe to say I never bothered seeing her again 
I got caught out with a fairly large young lady at a party once.
I was rather drunk at the time and she suggested that we could sneak off for some naked bedroom gymnastics. I was not inclined to argue with this as the beer goggles were by now in full operation. After a truly remarkable demonstration of a total lack of gag reflex she settled her ample form astride me. A couple of heart stopping moments spent contemplating hip replacement surgery were replaced by sheer horror as she promptly passed out on top of me.
Now when I say she was fairly large this could be considered an understatement of the highest order, she was massive! I just couldn't move, pins and needles were setting in. I could barely breathe as my face was enveloped by a bingo wing like an elephants ear. It must have been over an hour before someone heard my muffled cries for help. The sudden noise and activity of people flooding into the room, I heard giggling and mentions of cranes/fire brigade/greenpeace. It took 4 people to roll her off me and the joy of being able to breathe again was somewhat overwhelmed by the fact I was wearing nothing but a rubber in front of around 15 people, none of whom I could look in the eyes for quite a while afterwards.
I was rather drunk at the time and she suggested that we could sneak off for some naked bedroom gymnastics. I was not inclined to argue with this as the beer goggles were by now in full operation. After a truly remarkable demonstration of a total lack of gag reflex she settled her ample form astride me. A couple of heart stopping moments spent contemplating hip replacement surgery were replaced by sheer horror as she promptly passed out on top of me.
Now when I say she was fairly large this could be considered an understatement of the highest order, she was massive! I just couldn't move, pins and needles were setting in. I could barely breathe as my face was enveloped by a bingo wing like an elephants ear. It must have been over an hour before someone heard my muffled cries for help. The sudden noise and activity of people flooding into the room, I heard giggling and mentions of cranes/fire brigade/greenpeace. It took 4 people to roll her off me and the joy of being able to breathe again was somewhat overwhelmed by the fact I was wearing nothing but a rubber in front of around 15 people, none of whom I could look in the eyes for quite a while afterwards.
After an unhappy breakup I was drunk in a bar and met a girl who was clearly through much the same. She wanted to have sex in her doorway for reasons unknown, but we were finally caught by a group of equally drunken students in the nearby park. Probably the strangest night of my life.
Well, maybe.
Well, maybe.
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