'tight' jokes?
Author
Discussion

Tyre Tread

10,641 posts

236 months

Thursday 11th November 2010
quotequote all
Tighter than a duck's arse on ice

cazzer

8,883 posts

268 months

Thursday 11th November 2010
quotequote all
Son of a bh is so mean if you poured boiling water down his throat he'd piss ice cubes.


Edited cos I spell like a dick.



Edited by cazzer on Thursday 11th November 23:25

Mobile Chicane

21,716 posts

232 months

Thursday 11th November 2010
quotequote all
There's an old gag which goes something like, 'X likes to sit around the fire on a cold winter's night. If it's really bad, he'll even light it'.


nobodyknows

12,303 posts

189 months

Thursday 11th November 2010
quotequote all
you know when its cold, 'insert name' puts his hands in his own pockets

AdeTuono

7,590 posts

247 months

Thursday 11th November 2010
quotequote all
TotalControl said:
Just tell him he can't take any of it away with him when he dies.
Brilliant!! Do you write for Jimmy Carr?

GAjon

3,968 posts

233 months

Thursday 11th November 2010
quotequote all
So tight he had double glazing fitted so the kids couldn't hear the ice cream van.

i remember

3,296 posts

206 months

Friday 12th November 2010
quotequote all
So tight when he drops a penny it hits him the back of the head.

Mobile Chicane

21,716 posts

232 months

Friday 12th November 2010
quotequote all
Crude, but "He's so tight that if you shoved a lump of coal up his arse, within hours you'd have a diamond".

NDA

24,004 posts

245 months

Friday 12th November 2010
quotequote all
As tight as an otters pocket.

Conian

8,030 posts

221 months

Friday 12th November 2010
quotequote all
oldie but a goldie

I saw ??? stripping the wall paper the other day, I said 'Oh you're decorating' and he said 'no I'm moving house'

pokethepope

2,666 posts

208 months

Friday 12th November 2010
quotequote all
He's such a tight fisted wker his cock is blue.

WorAl

10,877 posts

208 months

Friday 12th November 2010
quotequote all
AdeTuono said:
TotalControl said:
Just tell him he can't take any of it away with him when he dies.
Brilliant!! Do you write for Jimmy Carr?
rofl

obscene

5,179 posts

205 months

Friday 12th November 2010
quotequote all
AdeTuono said:
TotalControl said:
Just tell him he can't take any of it away with him when he dies.
Brilliant!! Do you write for Jimmy Carr?
thumbup

mchammer89

3,127 posts

233 months

Friday 12th November 2010
quotequote all
So cheap he can't even pay attention.

dudleybloke

20,553 posts

206 months

Friday 12th November 2010
quotequote all
the grand canyon was made when he dropped a penny down a rabbit hole.

Google [bot]

6,828 posts

201 months

Friday 12th November 2010
quotequote all
He's so mean he wouldn't even give you a reach-around while he fked your arse.

Bing o

15,184 posts

239 months

Friday 12th November 2010
quotequote all
alex b said:
Short arms & deep pockets ?
T-Rex?

dase1ats

105 posts

189 months

Friday 12th November 2010
quotequote all
Kangaroo?

RupertTheFridge

899 posts

211 months

Friday 12th November 2010
quotequote all
He's so tight that you need a spanner to get a 50p out of his hand

Pints

18,448 posts

214 months

Friday 12th November 2010
quotequote all
Mobile Chicane said:
Crude, but "He's so tight that if you shoved a lump of coal up his arse, within hours you'd have a diamond".
Similar quote in Ferris Bueller. smile

He's so tight, he needs dental floss to wipe his arse.