'tight' jokes?

[Tyre Tread]

Tighter than a duck's arse on ice

[cazzer]

Son of a bh is so mean if you poured boiling water down his throat he'd piss ice cubes.


Edited cos I spell like a dick.

Edited by cazzer on Thursday 11th November 23:25

[Mobile Chicane]

There's an old gag which goes something like, 'X likes to sit around the fire on a cold winter's night. If it's really bad, he'll even light it'.

[nobodyknows]

you know when its cold, 'insert name' puts his hands in his own pockets

[AdeTuono]

TotalControl said:

Just tell him he can't take any of it away with him when he dies.

Brilliant!! Do you write for Jimmy Carr?

[GAjon]

So tight he had double glazing fitted so the kids couldn't hear the ice cream van.

[i remember]

So tight when he drops a penny it hits him the back of the head.

[Mobile Chicane]

Crude, but "He's so tight that if you shoved a lump of coal up his arse, within hours you'd have a diamond".

[NDA]

As tight as an otters pocket.

[Conian]

oldie but a goldie

I saw ??? stripping the wall paper the other day, I said 'Oh you're decorating' and he said 'no I'm moving house'

[pokethepope]

He's such a tight fisted wker his cock is blue.

[WorAl]

AdeTuono said:

TotalControl said:

Just tell him he can't take any of it away with him when he dies.

Brilliant!! Do you write for Jimmy Carr?

[obscene]

AdeTuono said:

TotalControl said:

Just tell him he can't take any of it away with him when he dies.

Brilliant!! Do you write for Jimmy Carr?

[mchammer89]

So cheap he can't even pay attention.

[dudleybloke]

the grand canyon was made when he dropped a penny down a rabbit hole.

[Google [bot]]

He's so mean he wouldn't even give you a reach-around while he fked your arse.

[Bing o]

alex b said:

Short arms & deep pockets ?

T-Rex?

[dase1ats]

Kangaroo?

[RupertTheFridge]

He's so tight that you need a spanner to get a 50p out of his hand

[Pints]

Mobile Chicane said:

Crude, but "He's so tight that if you shoved a lump of coal up his arse, within hours you'd have a diamond".

Similar quote in Ferris Bueller.

He's so tight, he needs dental floss to wipe his arse.