Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2
Discussion
Shakermaker said:
My mother-in-law was over yesterday to see my wife and daughter, and as she is helpful she brought over some dinner for us so that we didn't have to faff around doing much cooking whilst trying to look after the baby.
Me: "What did your mum bring over?"
Wife: "A pork beef casserole"
Me: "A pork and beef casserole, never had that before, sounds good"
Her "No, its a beef casserole, but she's used pork and apple instead of beef and mushroom"
Me: "What did your mum bring over?"
Wife: "A pork beef casserole"
Me: "A pork and beef casserole, never had that before, sounds good"
Her "No, its a beef casserole, but she's used pork and apple instead of beef and mushroom"
Above one of our garages we have an outside light. The only means of turning on/off said light is via a switch inside the garage (I've been too lazy to change it to a sensor one).
It's a bit of a pain to find the keyhole in the garage door in the dark obviously, but with the light switch in the garage the light isn't going to be a lot of use.
Doesn't stop her opening the garage in the morning, turning the light on, driving the car out, turning the light off (if she bloody remembers), then shutting and locking the door.
I have no idea why she insists on using the light, it doesn't help her problem in any way (seeing the key) but she does it every day.
It's a bit of a pain to find the keyhole in the garage door in the dark obviously, but with the light switch in the garage the light isn't going to be a lot of use.
Doesn't stop her opening the garage in the morning, turning the light on, driving the car out, turning the light off (if she bloody remembers), then shutting and locking the door.
I have no idea why she insists on using the light, it doesn't help her problem in any way (seeing the key) but she does it every day.
J4CKO said:
She then moves maybe four mugs (all wrapped up like women do, with twenty quids worth of kitchen roll) and goes "oh".
Usually the mugs are worth less than the kitchen roll!J4CKO said:
She had found the f
king pans, in the box she packed them in six weeks ago, the one she told me they categorically werent in and actively stopped me digging into.
Going to make her wear this one, she implied it was me that had lost them as obviously I am a cretin !
king pans, in the box she packed them in six weeks ago, the one she told me they categorically werent in and actively stopped me digging into.Going to make her wear this one, she implied it was me that had lost them as obviously I am a cretin !
Can't you see that it was her plan? The reason she got really mad is you made her tread in dog turd.Silver Smudger said:
J4CKO said:
Going to make her wear this one,
Stealing this phrase, thank you!I can string it out quite a while, like the time she rang me to tell me another Concorde had crashed in remarkably similar circumstances to the first one, less than a year later, she rang me at work and i had heard nothing, so I ask if she has a video on "No, of course not, oh, hang on...."
LIke also, the time I lashed a matress to a car roof and managed to lose it.... I havent been allowed to forget that.
Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah said:
Count yourself lucky. Sarah pays no attention to the cooker timer. She fks off to do some other BS and forgets about it, hence whenever she puts anything in the oven I paraphrase it being the blackenator.
My wife does it the other way, turns the oven on and bungs the food in straight away. ks off to do some other BS and forgets about it, hence whenever she puts anything in the oven I paraphrase it being the blackenator. It’s routine now in our house just to add 10 or so minutes to cooking instructions for things like pizzas etc.
TVR Moneypit said:
We were in the clothes shop Zara at the till waiting to pay. In front of us was this great big fat monstrosity with a Chinese character tattoo on her shoulder. This fat bird realised that my wife was looking inquisitively at her tattoo and told my wife that it was the name of her child in Chinese. My wife replied "You named your child fat pig?" 
Chap I used to work with, Aaron. He had his name tattooed on the back of his neck in Chinese characters (yes, quite council) or so he thought. One of our operators is Chinese and one day he asked somebody "Why does Aaron have Alan tattooed on the back of his neck? Is that his boyfriends name?" Much hilarity ensued.Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah said:
Count yourself lucky. Sarah pays no attention to the cooker timer. She fks off to do some other BS and forgets about it, hence whenever she puts anything in the oven I paraphrase it being the blackenator.
Same here. Wife uses the smoke alarm to indicate when food is ready.......to be put in the bin.ks off to do some other BS and forgets about it, hence whenever she puts anything in the oven I paraphrase it being the blackenator. Probably the reason I do 99% of the cooking.
TVR Moneypit said:
Oldandslow said:
TVR Moneypit said:
We were in the clothes shop Zara at the till waiting to pay. In front of us was this great big fat monstrosity with a Chinese character tattoo on her shoulder. This fat bird realised that my wife was looking inquisitively at her tattoo and told my wife that it was the name of her child in Chinese. My wife replied "You named your child fat pig?"
Chap I used to work with, Aaron. He had his name tattooed on the back of his neck in Chinese characters (yes, quite council) or so he thought. One of our operators is Chinese and one day he asked somebody "Why does Aaron have Alan tattooed on the back of his neck? Is that his boyfriends name?" Much hilarity ensued.I'm not sure if it would be funnier if Aaron was gay or straight?
Moonhawk said:
Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah said:
Count yourself lucky. Sarah pays no attention to the cooker timer. She fks off to do some other BS and forgets about it, hence whenever she puts anything in the oven I paraphrase it being the blackenator.
Same here. Wife uses the smoke alarm to indicate when food is ready.......to be put in the bin.ks off to do some other BS and forgets about it, hence whenever she puts anything in the oven I paraphrase it being the blackenator. Probably the reason I do 99% of the cooking.
J4CKO said:
We had a guy with Chinese tattoos and a Chines contractor, they said big brother and little brother respectively on him and his younger brother, we primed the Chinese chap about his tattoo and got him to say, "No, that doesnt say Big Brother, it says Half Rice, Half Chips", he was really deadpan but cracked under questioning.
Excellent HTP99 said:
Moonhawk said:
Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah said:
Count yourself lucky. Sarah pays no attention to the cooker timer. She fks off to do some other BS and forgets about it, hence whenever she puts anything in the oven I paraphrase it being the blackenator.
Same here. Wife uses the smoke alarm to indicate when food is ready.......to be put in the bin.ks off to do some other BS and forgets about it, hence whenever she puts anything in the oven I paraphrase it being the blackenator. Probably the reason I do 99% of the cooking.
Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah said:
Count yourself lucky. Sarah pays no attention to the cooker timer. She fks off to do some other BS and forgets about it, hence whenever she puts anything in the oven I paraphrase it being the blackenator.
When it's smoking it's cooking. When it's burnt, it's done.ks off to do some other BS and forgets about it, hence whenever she puts anything in the oven I paraphrase it being the blackenator. AppleJuice said:
TVR Moneypit said:
The wife and I were due to pop out yesterday to collect the little 'un from some Brownies shindig. The time was 15:10 and before we went out I was just quickly rolling myself a cigarette.
The wife says "Hurry up, it's nearly ten to (the hour?)"
Me; "Eh? What are you talking about? It's not even quarter past yet, and it only takes five minutes to drive there"
Wife; "I know, but it will be ten to (the hour?) before you're ready"
Me; "Darling, it only takes literally one minute to roll a fag, then all I've got to do is put my trainers on"
Wife; "Yes, I know, but it's nearly ten to now"
Me; "What the hell are you talking about? Ten to the hour is 35 minutes away"
Wife; "I meant ten to half past (IE; twenty past the hour)
Me;
Have two more! The wife says "Hurry up, it's nearly ten to (the hour?)"
Me; "Eh? What are you talking about? It's not even quarter past yet, and it only takes five minutes to drive there"
Wife; "I know, but it will be ten to (the hour?) before you're ready"
Me; "Darling, it only takes literally one minute to roll a fag, then all I've got to do is put my trainers on"
Wife; "Yes, I know, but it's nearly ten to now"
Me; "What the hell are you talking about? Ten to the hour is 35 minutes away"
Wife; "I meant ten to half past (IE; twenty past the hour)
Me;
HTP99 said:
she just can't concentrate for any reasonable period of time without getting involved in something else,
It's what women call "mutitasking".Taking three times as long to do two things to a lower level of quality than doing them individually would have achieved.
If it's not edible - it's kinda irrelevant what else you managed to get done whilst 'cooking'.
Moonhawk said:
HTP99 said:
she just can't concentrate for any reasonable period of time without getting involved in something else,
It's what women call "mutitasking".Taking three times as long to do two things to a lower level of quality than doing them individually would have achieved.
If it's not edible - it's kinda irrelevant what else you managed to get done whilst 'cooking'.
...and if I notice and start helping, I get told off for interfering...
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